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Calvin Yan

@accountablemind

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▶️I talk about accountability and mindfulness
▶️Empower #firstgen in a safe space
▶️Share my stories including #immigrantparent pressures here

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At 50, Should I Act My Age or Live a Little?

“You’re 50, not 5!”

My husband says it often. My response? “Fine, but 15 would be better than 5!”

I know my body is 50. I can’t do the splits like I did playing hockey, my reflexes aren’t what they used to be, and sometimes my brain takes a little longer to process a witty comeback. My CPU is now running at 386. At least it’s not a Commodore 64!

But I’ve realized something: getting older doesn’t mean giving up being youthful.

Of course, there are times to act my age. At work, in formal settings and when people are counting on me to lead. Being immature isn’t the same as being playful, curious or free spirited.

Earlier in my career, I resisted the rules, hierarchy and “this is how we’ve always done it” mentality. I wanted something different.

Then I spent more than a decade leading an internship program and learned from younger generations. They taught me new perspectives, new language and new ways of working. I learned that leadership isn’t just about being strict. It’s also about listening, empowering, collaborating and having empathy.

I’ve also learned to loosen up.

I used to think professionalism meant always looking serious and proper. Now I’m more comfortable laughing at myself, including my bald, oddly shaped head!

I think I tried to grow up too quickly. As a teenager, I refused pictures with Santa or Mickey because I thought I was too old.

Now, at 50, I’m giving myself permission to have fun.

I can be responsible and playful. Experienced and curious. A leader and still a little goofy.

Growing older doesn’t mean growing old.

I’m not trying to act younger.

I’m simply giving myself permission to keep being me.
And honestly?

I think I’ve earned it.

#PersonalGrowth #Mindset #LifeLessons #Leadership #KeepMoving by @accountablemind

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7 hours ago

No matter what, keep moving. Life changes, and so should we.

#KeepMoving #EmbraceChange #GrowthMindset #LifeLessons #MovingForward by @accountablemind

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a day ago

A different approach by unlearning my Asian teachings and applying my values.

#PersonalGrowth #Mindset #KeepMoving #Resilience #LifeLessons by @accountablemind

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6 days ago

You Can Say No. But Sometimes Saying Yes Means Saying “I Love You.”

My husband once asked, “Why can’t you just say no to your parents?”

Fair question.

My parents are 78 and 79. They call and ask if we want soup, bananas, kale, green beans, corn, bread or whatever else they’ve made.

Growing up Asian, food was never just food.

It was care. It was love. It was making sure your family was fed.

For a while, I deliberately said no. I wanted boundaries and didn’t want to fall back into the old Asian-parent dynamic of “whatever Mom and Dad say, goes.”

Then my thinking changed.

Recently, my mom called with another list of food. I looked at my husband. He shook his head.

I said, “Sure, Mom. Bring it over.”

Later, my husband asked why I never say no.

And I realized something.

Maybe this is a boundary I don’t need to hold.

My parents are still able to shop, grow vegetables, make soup, drive to our condo and carry everything to our door.

All I have to do is walk downstairs and pick it up.

There will come a time when they may not have the energy or ability to do these things.

I don’t want to look back and wish I had said yes more often.

I want to remember the soup, vegetables, banana bread, phone calls and effort.

The love behind it all.

Boundaries matter. But so do my values.

Sometimes protecting my values means saying no.

And sometimes it means saying yes.

They aren’t just bringing food.

They’re bringing love in the way they know how to give it.

So for now, I’ll make room in the fridge, walk downstairs, pick up the food and say yes.

Because one day, I may wish I still had the opportunity to.

#AsianUpbringing #Family #AgingParents #Love #PersonalGrowth by @accountablemind

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7 days ago

I’m learning to avoid less and say more.

Not because I want to be difficult.

Because I’m getting better at understanding what I need, what I feel and what matters to me.

I’m learning to be direct and kind.

To have the conversation instead of avoiding it.

To be honest, while also understanding that the other person may not like what I have to say.

Their reaction is theirs.

My responsibility is to communicate with honesty, kindness and respect.

Less avoidance.
Less excuses.
More clarity.
More courage.

Sometimes being kind to myself means being direct with others.

#SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth #Boundaries #Courage #Authenticity by @accountablemind

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8 days ago

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#SimpleJoys #Love #QualityTime #CozyNights #GratefulHeart by @accountablemind

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13 days ago

I used to read it once and remember it. Now I read it twice.

Three months into my new role, the honeymoon is over. More emails, more requests, more demands. And something else I’ve noticed: my brain doesn’t seem to work as quickly as it used to.

I reread reports. I check my notes. I forget numbers I just looked at. Sometimes I need more time to understand the specifics before responding.

At first, I wondered, Am I failing? Am I not good enough?

Then a colleague reminded me, “It’s only been three months. Give yourself time. It can take a year to fully understand a new role.”

That hit me.

After 28 years in one workplace, I knew the systems, people, history and shortcuts. Now, everything is new.

Maybe I’m not slower. Maybe I’m learning differently.

And then there’s my Asian upbringing. Good was rarely good enough. Work harder. Do better. Be prepared. Don’t make mistakes. That mindset helped me succeed, but it also taught me to expect myself to figure things out quickly.

At 50, I’m learning to give myself the same patience and empathy I encourage others to have.

I’m taking more notes. Rereading when I need to. Asking questions. And accepting that perfection isn’t the goal.

Getting older doesn’t mean stopping. It means adapting.

I’m 50, not 25. I’m still learning, still growing and still capable. And sometimes, progress means reading it twice.

#Leadership #SelfAwareness #Aging #PersonalGrowth #Perfectionism by @accountablemind

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14 days ago

My partner reminds me of an old Asian saying: “When you don’t speak, no one will think you’re mute!”

I remember my Asian parents saying something similar. Backtalk and dissent weren’t exactly encouraged.

I learned to be quiet, listen, and accept what was asked of me.

But that doesn’t always work.

Sometimes silence is golden. Other times, you need to use your voice. Speaking up can show your value, your perspective, and your boundaries.

Being heard doesn’t mean being disrespectful. It means knowing your voice matters.

#AsianParents #AsianImmigrant #FirstGeneration #SpeakUp #KnowYourWorth by @accountablemind

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15 days ago

Sometimes, thanks, but no thanks!
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#SelfTrust #KnowYourself #LifeAt50 #PersonalGrowth #BeYourself by @accountablemind

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20 days ago

27 Years Together and Counting

Twenty-seven years. I still can’t believe it.

I was 23. My husband was 20. We were young, figuring out life and how to do it together. I remember our first date at Starbucks. That Starbucks is gone, but we’re still here!

We’ve had highs, lows, arguments, laughter and three breakups along the way.

After 27 years, I’ve learned that lasting love isn’t about being perfect. It’s about growing, adapting and choosing each other.

Don’t let anger have the last word
When I was younger, I had a temper and loved the silent treatment. I thought I was making a point. Instead, I was hurting myself and someone I loved. Disagreements happen. Holding onto anger isn’t worth it.

Laugh often
Humour has carried us through tough moments. A snarky comment or one of my husband’s unexpected one-liners can change the mood instantly. Sometimes, you need to laugh.

Small gestures matter
I wasn’t raised to express love through surprises. My Asian upbringing taught me that love often meant working hard and providing. I’ve learned that a favourite snack, a little note or even flowers, despite my allergies, can say, “I was thinking about you.”

Enjoy the simple moments
I’m an extrovert who loves being out. My husband is more of a homebody. As we’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to appreciate sitting on the couch together, having dinner and simply enjoying each other’s company. No plans. No pressure. Just us.

Let it go
I used to want everything done my way. Some of that came from criticism and perfectionism. Now I ask, “Does this matter?” Usually, it doesn’t.

Twenty-seven years later, we’re still learning.

Maybe that’s the secret. You don’t stay together by staying the same. You grow, forgive, laugh, compromise, let go and choose each other again and again.

#Relationships #Marriage #LoveAndLife #PersonalGrowth #AsianHeritage by @accountablemind

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21 days ago

Getting older isn’t about caring less. It’s about caring less about what others think.

At 50, I’m learning to trust myself more, overthink less, and give myself permission to just do what feels right for me.

Maybe that’s one of the best parts of getting older.

#AgeWithConfidence #LifeAt50 #SelfTrust #PersonalGrowth #BeYourself by @accountablemind

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22 days ago

If someone else made the same ask,

Someone you admire, respect, look up to,

Would your answer be different?

I’ve dealt with plenty of unreasonable people:
• demanding bosses
• difficult coworkers
• nosy neighbours
• opinionated friends
• traditional Asian parents

Sky-high expectations.

Unrealistic deadlines.

Inconvenient and outrageous asks.

But sometimes… it’s not the request.

It’s the relationship.

When it’s someone you trust, you’ll try to make it work.

You’ll explain limitations.

Find workarounds.

Collaborate.

So ask yourself,

Is it truly unreasonable?

Or are you letting past frustration cloud your response?

Do they deserve your resistance?

Or are you being unfair?

It’s not always about the ask.

Sometimes, it’s about what we’ve attached to the asker.

#EmotionalAwareness #BiasCheck #RelationshipsMatter #RespectGoesBothWays #GrowthMindset by @accountablemind

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a month ago