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Allie Feder Kramer

@alliefkramer

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🎶 Session singer ✨Psychotherapist
🎙️Host of @worstclubeverpodcast
🎗️Bereaved cancer mom, striving to build a good life after a terrible loss. ❤️‍🩹

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As a baby, Theo was always fascinated by circular motion. Wheels, ceiling fans, anything that went round and round. I don’t know what I believe spiritually, but the way he came into this world and the way he left it is so undeniably powerful - somehow, his life and death seemed to complete one giant circle. He was diagnosed with DIPG the first week of Feb ‘23, exactly 4 years after he was conceived in Feb ‘19. His illness lasted the exact amount of time he spent in the womb. 9 months to bring him into this world, 9 months to usher him out of it.

The morning he was born, Oct 30, 2019, we left too late for the hospital and got stuck in 6 am rush hour traffic - me laboring on my hands and knees in the backseat of the car while Mike drove, white-knuckled. This October 30 at 6 am, I again found myself in the backseat during rush hour traffic, this time heading home from The Disneyland Hotel, holding Theo as he lay dying in my arms. He had unexpectedly suffered a brain hemorrhage from his tumor and was vomiting throughout the night. By morning he was barely conscious.

For the rest of the day, we lay with him in our bed as he slept a deep, drugged sleep. We told stories, told him how fiercely we love him, sang him happy birthday, and the songs we’ve sung to him throughout his life. We said goodbye many times. But in his typical strong-willed fashion, he hung on until minutes after his birthday was over. Until the circle was complete.

We all want our children to lead BIG lives, to make a difference in the world. Theo’s life was not long, but it was WIDE. He led a wide life, somehow reaching people across the globe. Thank you. For opening your hearts and letting them be changed by him.

The day before his birthday, after a disastrous attempt to take him to Disneyland, we sat in the hotel watching YouTube instead. I started to cry, and when I told him I was feeling sad, he told me “You can’t be sad! You need to be happy.” A command, not an ask. Theo, without knowing exactly how, I promise you I will be. The lessons you’ve taught me are ENDLESS - I have so many more of them to share. Your beautiful circular life will continue to widen, my boy. I promise you. by @alliefkramer

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3 years ago

Happy 4th birthday to the queen of our household, our spunky, sparkly Remy. What a year this girl has had. Between her first year of preschool, ditching diapers, and sleeping in her own big kid canopy bed, age 3-4 was one transition after another. Each time, we were astounded by how quickly she adjusted. Astounded by this girl’s CONFIDENCE.

Remy can walk into a classroom, play date, or new camp where she doesn’t know any other kids, and dive in without so much as a backward glance. This never fails to shock me - I was not like this as a kid. I have no idea where she got this confidence, but it fills my heart. She is also thoughtful, brimming with questions about absolutely everything, and, because of how much we talk about Theo, she knows more about life and death than I did at twice her age. She’s constantly inventing games and constantly musing about being a teenager (lol), and I am so insanely grateful that I get to be her mom. ✨ by @alliefkramer

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a month ago

Four years ago exactly, on the evening of August 26th, 2022, I went into labor with my daughter Remy. I knew it was early in the process, that I had hours before things really started ramping up, and that she would likely be born in the morning. My family was in town - they came over for dinner, and then we all put Theo to bed together.

I remember the feeling so clearly - we were standing on the precipice. It was the last night that our little family unit would be just us three: me, Mike, and Theo. For him, this was a normal bedtime, but when Theo woke up in the morning, his parents would be at the hospital, he’d have a sibling, and his entire world would be different.

That night, we read him a board book of What A Wonderful World, all of us singing the lyrics. Whenever we read this book to him, I ALWAYS cried (especially at “I hear babies cry, I watch them grow, they’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know”) but that night, I was a MESS. Added to that, Theo was singing along in the most hilarious way, so everyone was laughing and crying, crying and laughing, as my belly contracted and Theo sat millimeters from his little sister on my giant lap.

Tomorrow, Remy turns 4. A sacred day. I am trying to revisit that beautiful evening, as I also allow the memories of Theo’s 4th birthday - the day he died - to wash over me too. Tomorrow will be about Remy, a girl so VERY worth celebrating. But tonight, I weep for Theo, the time he had and the time he didn’t, and what a wonderful world it was when he was here. by @alliefkramer

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a month ago

Truly an honor to sing on this innovative, haunting score by @ludwiggoransson (who, instead of orchestra, used ancient Greek instruments, bronze gongs, dissonant atmospheric vocals etc so the score would reflect the sounds of the time. How cool is that? 👏) Big, big thanks to @jodielandau, @hahn_kelci, @alexanderlblake, the amazing @serenajinju, & the whole team for steering this ship, and for having me on board. 🗡️🌊#theodyssey by @alliefkramer

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2 months ago

This job earns a spot on the grid for two reasons:
1. @johnj_powell’s score is bananas (sorry, had to 🫣), and I love love loved singing on it - thank you SO much @hollysedillos!! 🎶 🍌
And 2. My favorite text exchange of 2026 happened the afternoon of this recording session, as work wife and Minion dream girl @azomorod and I were discussing which yellow and blue clothes we were going to wear.
#minionsandmonsters #andvintageshopmiracles 💛💙 by @alliefkramer

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3 months ago

One year of Luna. Of coos, laughs and screeches, of crawls, cruising and (as of very recently) first steps, of heart-meltingly adorable moments with Remy and *setting each other off so they’re both melting down at the same time* moments. She brings all of us so much joy. We are crazy about her.

Birthdays will always be sacred (and loaded) occasions in our family. Just like the way Mike and I cried when Luna was born, (with every emotion simultaneously), our love for our kids lives right beside our grief. So this post is going to contain both.

The first week of Luna’s life, I was an anxious mess, terrified by how fragile and vulnerable she was. And in the weeks that followed, my Theo grief felt especially sharp. I was taken back to the first weeks of his life, the preciousness of his newborn days. There’s nothing that feels more primal than childbirth, and, still very much in that primal state, the urge to be near my children - all of my children - felt especially imperative. “You need all of your babies,” my brain would constantly remind me. “Where are all of your babies? One of your babies is missing.”

We’ve all heard the phrase “Two things are true”, but I’ve come to understand this in a deeper way than ever before. Most likely, Theo and Luna would not have existed alive in the same timeline. I hate hate hate that he died, and I always will. I love that she was born, and I always will. Both of these are true. Her presence has not lessened the pain of his absence. His absence has not dimmed the joy of her presence.

Happy first birthday, littlest one. You’re loved to the moon and back 🌙 by @alliefkramer

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4 months ago

Hi friends and club members! 👋 This week, I had the honor of being featured on @drmayashankar’s podcast, A Slight Change of Plans. It felt so meaningful to talk to her about Theo, the moment our lives changed forever, and the way my identity continues to evolve.

Find the episode, “When Grief Remakes You,” on @pushkinpods A Slight Change of Plans, or on the @worstclubeverpodcast feed (along with a brief intro update from me!)

——
#childloss #aslightchangeofplans #grief by @alliefkramer

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4 months ago

In 2023, Allie Kramer’s life changed in a way no parent ever imagines when her three-year-old son, Theo, was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. On this week’s episode of A Slight Change of Plans, @alliefkramer joins me to reflect on what it means to live through a kind of loss that doesn’t allow you to return to who you were before. by @alliefkramer

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4 months ago

Today was the last day of my 30s, a realization that’s only hitting me now, in the last hours before midnight. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around the magnitude of this decade of my life; a decade of massive transformation, massive joy, massive loss. In my 30s, I became a mother, brought three humans into this world, and watched one of them leave it. I have cried exponentially more tears this decade than the previous three combined (and that includes me being a baby, during which I assume I cried a lot?). I’ve shed so many skins since I turned 30 ten years ago in Joshua Tree that it’s hard for me to believe I’m the same person.

Recently, I had the incredible opportunity to visit @selah_carefarm (where this photo was taken), just outside of Sedona, AZ. I had a profound experience during a sound bowl session; I was lying there with my eyes closed, listening to the tones of the bowls ringing out, and suddenly, I started imagining a bunch of my former selves surrounding me, popping up one after another. Each one was me, and each one was equally important. The past few years have been so intense that sometimes I have to remind myself that I did exist before, that this has been a pivotal period of my life but it has not been the ONLY period of my life. That the me of those other years matters too.

Tonight, I’m walking into a new decade with Theo’s favorite expression on my mind: “Who can you be?” I’m not sure yet. But I’m ready, 40. by @alliefkramer

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5 months ago

I thought my best friend and I had done nearly everything together in the last four decades but it turns out “sauna party on a dock overlooking the bay” was a new one. ✔️ Happy 40th, @danahopfercohen! (Also, @fjordfeel you are a dream) taken in Fjord, Sausalito by @alliefkramer

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6 months ago

This baby - we’re obsessed with her. She’s 9 months old today. Fascinated by her sister, whose hair she cannot stop grabbing, and loves spinning fans and things in motion, just like her brother. Her favorite game is crawling away from us as fast as she can, cackling, while we try to change her diaper on the floor. Goes by Luna Baguna (Remy said it once and the nickname stuck.) Our lives are 1000x brighter because of her.✨ by @alliefkramer

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7 months ago

The Ambies. 👏 What an absolute blast!! So many incredible storytellers and creators in one room, celebrating one another’s work. Here’s something I learned about the podcast crowd: it’s a REALLY nice group of people. Unpretentious. Supportive. Curious. Passionate. My voice is absolutely trashed from having so many great conversations.

Hugest congrats to all of the nominees and winners, (especially the winners in my categories, @wisecrackpodcast, @debtheadspodcast, and @ourancestorsweremessy - you are all amazing!!) and thank you to @thepodcastacademy and @onairfest for hosting such a beautiful night!! #theambies2026 by @alliefkramer

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7 months ago