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drewe

@asterdrewe

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fork and knife dining
🐟🌸🪰🦈💥🪲✨🇵🇸
digital princess
radically pro transgender

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i used to kneel in a domed roof wood made cathedral
the light poured in through stained glass
and splotched color over the hung marble statue of the savior

a top his brow a crown
through his feet a nail

in the pews i never found god
instead i became the queen of my dreams
during the homily of a self made prophet.

this was the house god lived in
here was the tabernacle i prayed in.

and the prayers uttered from my lips grew to be the stories of long days passed
formed in the hushed tone of a whisper
given at the ear of my lover

and the way he listened was his kindness
the part of him i loved best.

on the kneeler my secrets spilled plainly in breath made words
before the eyes of the men that bade me i opened
inside the mind of my love i came into focus.
but my still open wounds kept me controlled by my master

for you see, my god was my grief
it consumed me
my dreams warped my reality
punishment in the form of visions
the ghosts whispered to me memories
and i spent my whole day hidden
if i were a spider
and i chose my habitat some killers home
a suburban thing decorated with linoleum and flat screen
i could only hope that if the owner were to spot me
and squash me with his shoe
that i would not wake from the squashing
reliving it again
redo taken in Heidelberg, Germany by @asterdrewe

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6 days ago

:)

(thanks @iiibelli for this picture :)) by @asterdrewe

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23

a month ago

summer :) by @asterdrewe

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8

a month ago

☆ by @asterdrewe

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2 months ago

The overstimulation of everything around me has me forgetting the day to day
of being, imagining, creating, and resting.

I see
And I see
And I see again and again
burned images follow me around from screens and I miss the thing around me

when was the last time

when was the last time
where was the last place
I went to and let myself truly lose myself there

turn off anything else.

Where was the last place I let myself be truly bored
and what did I see
and what did I create?

I can’t remember where
the last place where I was truly bored.

When was the last time for you?

have you in a while
let yourself be?

or do you move yourself on
fast travel
stimulus to stimulus with no break between?

its so easy.
to convince yourself you should.
see, touch, have, hold, it all.

while you have able body and ample time you might as well

see, touch, have, hold, it all.

you should have it all

you’re young
and your beautiful
why not

see, touch, have, hold, it all.

this to this
that to that

how long did you touch it before it slipped through your simply open fingers?

probably not that long.
When was the last time you let yourself be bored?

And what did you find there?

And then how many times did you let yourself return to the land of your boredom
and what could you create there?

listen

did you hear?
stay longer this time.

you could touch everything

see, touch, have, hold, it all.

not let yourself get used to a single thing

but I want to let myself get bored
I want to get bored of a tree and see it as the world
I want to lose track of the ocean and see it as paradise
Misplace fruit and call it god’s nectar
Tire of my day and create a meadow in my mind

creativity for new creation comes to me when I am gentle.

i need not
see, touch, have, hold, at all
because another will hold this
and a few can see that

and in the rest i give myself and my mind,
i will get to know what I am privileged to
see, touch, have, hold.

oh no, my human greed almost killed my godly creativity. by @asterdrewe

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2 months ago

When i died three days ago
holding the hand of my mother
guided by the light of my sister.
And jesus
yes seriously, jesus
big guy and big beard
robes
tangled mess of robes
jesus!
came to me
in a cloud burst of smoke and flamingos
trumpeted by a chorus of naked man angels
being touched sensually by the hands of green sea mermaids
falatiated by an old crone hidden beneath his fabrics
jesus came to me
to tell me of his heaven
a place of endless wonder and good wine

elysian fields he called it

and told me of the turf soccer pitch and plastic wiffle balls.
loud children smoke pot,
and angry women with short blonde haircuts freely yell at baristas

i told him how weird
this is exactly how I imagined heaven for someone of his breeding- flamingos, and turf, and blonde haircuts

he told me it was destination manifestation
i asked how that could be possible.

He told me his heaven is the place that the
deserters
killers
and rapers go.
because they saw this earth as a plaything and took hold of it

while the rest of us reside idiots, creating culture convention, standard practice, and decency.
Jesus told me that.
He told me heaven is a place a man goes
because he spreads his legs to take up two seats on the subway
-more comfortable.
Heaven is the place the picky and choosy go
because all they knew was their own joy and chose it.

i asked him well where do I go?
i who am not picky
i who gave up my seat to shivering grandmas
i who wished happy birthday even when the other had pissed me off.
Where do I go?
Where do you go he repeated.
Yes, jesus. Please - where do I go?
He said to me
for the lovers and the dreamers
heaven existed as the times you loved and dreamed
it was the same sensation your heart made when you saw those eyes
made those vases
held tinier skin.

And now you sit in the in between because you can’t remember that time
you overlooked it with the stress and the hardship and the pain.
you allowed yourself to forget that heaven is the green grass and the blue sky
That’s where heaven is
And I think until you find it you will be dwelling in the past memories that conceal it. by @asterdrewe

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2 months ago

kill again and again what they cannot let lie.
in the dirt
where the worms grow
and the seed blooms
in the dirt
what they cannot let lie
the dirt where my heart goes
to decay amongst the worms
the holy place of vegetation
where the worms go
and the prayer is sung
a hymn
a holy place
a hung cross cathedral
where i played and prayed
in the dirt
bench of brothers
sat in gods house
and i?
atop the dirt
where i ate consecrated holy bodies
of all those i didn’t let lie
prayed to the god
who stole my mother
led her to the darkness where
she cannot lie
the dirt above her turned
and disturbed
where i prostrated
to the god above.
killer.
who kills again again.
he who
cannot let lie
i cannot lie
not even under the safe holy place
heavenly catacomb
where stone covers and hardens
no decay
no dirt
where the hung cross
casts shadow of mortality image atop

no where like
mothers
dirt
where she lays and lies
disturbed
by the unholy act of the father
during the most holy art of
mud and clay
making me
atop the dirt
where i wish i’d
just lie still
forever and ever
Amen. by @asterdrewe

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3 months ago

same ˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚ by @asterdrewe

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3 months ago

hello from the globe of green and blue with yellow desert and white puffed cloud. i am still here.
do you see me waving from all the way up there?

if you do you will see i am still here. and you may be gone but here i still am. and the kids may be missing but i have gone nowhere. my mother has died one hundred times over in the body of victim after victim, and daughter after mother, and grandma after grandpa, and child after elder. but i still stand. here. do you see me?

wearing and traveling the land my love is from through speeding train. the track blurs together in the great many shade of natural green and human vibrance, reminding me that it’s all still living.

and you might be gone
and we all might be soon

but here i stand now.

a fish in a thousand
a star in a trillion.
and i think there are things i can change
and i think i can leave here and taste bitter cherry wine
feel the celebration of wind through the grass

and take myself from day to day making and wanting and changing and learning.

i think there is much to do

before it all happens
before i myself must fall.

my anger has been misplaced. i know we must want the same safety.
and i’m so sorry none of us has ever known it.

yours who is found but soon to be lost, by @asterdrewe

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4 months ago

🏵️ by @asterdrewe

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2 months ago

sooo many amazing things happening :))

6/8-6/11 @jacclaytonn is presenting Perennials in my Small Intestines @erf.nyc a gallery show where I will have a piece featured all week

6/9 Tuesday night @erf.nyc I will be doing a reading of my play Sucking on Hard Candy (doors at 7) with the amazing cast of @shannonstowe @inoaplace @mikael.gb @magdi_hazaa @wheelie_yum and @granddadsac with his stunning sound design

6/11 @felix.ambach and I will be doing a duo set @erf.nyc

6/14 I am joining Enid Brain for a reading of her amazing new play

6/17 (my birthday come celebrate ;;)) I will be @interalia.pdf with the amazing @lotaerinne reading a monologue from my newest play

6/29 I’m back @herbalsupplementsnyc with the best ever @jules__rivera

So grateful to be spending pride month doing what I love with people I love and admire. Nothing could be more special :))) I have some time tho let me know if you wanna make stuff together !! yayy!!! I hope to see everyone this month!!! 🐸🏵️🕊️🐧🐁❤️😛🦆 by @asterdrewe

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4 months ago

the mirror
and the self sooth speak
are the easiest
in reach
low hanging
coping mechanisms

for my selfobsessed
overstimulated
mind.

i wish i could see more
i wish i could see more by @asterdrewe

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6 months ago