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Ashley Ann

@averrando

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💁🏼‍♀️ Department Head of the Creators | Coparent Coaching by @jayskibbens
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by @averrando

7

0

6 days ago

We often don't even realize we're [still] in survival mode. Even when the 'threat' is no longer in our presence.

And it is possible to take your years or decades long patterns and break them apart.

Having the first recognition of 'Oh wait, I'm safe' is major. It is such an incredible moment of clarity. It is beautiful and sad and such an amalgamation of so many emotions.

And. It is the step BEFORE the first step of intention. It is a passing thought. It's important, of course- and still just a passing thought. It arrives and departs. It's here and then it's not. An important passing thought.

Without intention, action, or practice coming up next to bat, that's all it can ever hope to be.

Because patterns don't break like the flip of a switch.

So you'll 'know' you're safe, and still remain hyperaware to a shift in someone's mood. You'll 'know' you're safe, and still do everything for everyone else first. You'll 'know' you're safe, and still worry the whole time your kids are at your coparents for the weekend.

Your important passing thoughts have the power to become impactful, tangible steps. You deserve to not just know you're safe, but to FEEL safe. With yourself. By yourself.

For yourself. And also, for your kids.

#selftrust #coparenting #innersafety #coparentcoaching #selftrustembodimentcoach by @averrando

5

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9 days ago

Especially from your parents.
😅

#selftrust #innersafety #unsolicitedadvice #unsolicitedopinions #coparenting by @averrando

8

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17 days ago

Your kids know when you’re angry.

They know when there’s tension, and they certainly know when everything isn’t okay.

So, when they feel one thing, and you keep telling them something different… that's not creating safety.

That's creating doubt. It's teaching them to question their intuition. To question their trust in themselves and in you.

I know it feels like you're protecting them. I get it.

The real goal is to show them:

✅ Anger without aggression
✅ How to process your emotions
(Cook your Raw Hamburger)
✅ Conflict without cruelty
✅ Boundaries with natural consequences
✅ Accountability for what we say and do
✅ And how to repair with love

Because our kids ARE and WILL experience conflict, and they'll learn how to handle it from you.

So what are you teaching them?

#coparenting #selftrustcoach #innersafetycoach #narcissist #kidsandconfidence by @averrando

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24 days ago

It's not what you tell your kids to do, it's what they see you do. 👀

#selftrust #innersafety by @averrando

4

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a month ago

'Have to' is a prison, and girl you have the key.

#coparenting #selftrust #innersafety #decentermen #coparentcoaching by @averrando

15

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a month ago

Even if you're a stay at home mom.
Even if you're a working mom.
Even if you're not a mom.
And even if you feel guilty when you do.

It's okay to feel guilty about resting, and still do it anyway. And, it's okay if other people are bothered by your resting. Let them be bothered without defending or explaining yourself.

Your mind, body, and soul need and deserve real down time. If you're only letting your battery barely recharge while still go go going, you'll require more and more energy just to maintain the bare minimum. Being a martyr is a choice. Choosing yourself is also a choice. And nobody else can choose you for you- that's only something you can do.

Resting is not lazy.

Resting is neutral.

#coparenting #coparentcoaching #selftrust #innersafety thecreators by @averrando

6

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2 months ago

In the last 72 hours, I've seen or heard at least 4 different women say things like 'I must be getting ready to start my period' (while visibly starting to tear up) or 'I can't believe I'm getting so emotional; I can tell I'm on my period'.

I've done this too. I've had big emotions come up and then let myself feel them in front of or around someone, and then *immediately* interjected about pms or being on my period.

Because at some point, it became shameful or a sign of weakness to outwardly feel any 'heavier' emotions. So to make myself feel less uncomfortable and embarrassed, and to ease the discomfort of others- I'd give the reason that made my feeling 'acceptable'.

This isn't me saying our monthly cycle and the hormonal changes that come along with it don't affect our emotions and how we feel. Of course it does.

This is me saying: no matter where you are in your cycle, you're allowed to feel whatever it is you're feeling at whatever intensity you need to feel it at. No matter where you're at or who you're with.
Trust that not only can they handle your emotions, but that you can candle them too.

Because every time we dismiss our feelings to our cycle, we're self-abandoning by dismissing our emotions, ourselves, and our experiences.

Emotions are there to be felt.
So take up space. A lot of it.

💜

#selftrust #innersafety #coparenting #emotionalsafety #pms by @averrando

4

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2 months ago

Make sure your voice is the loudest

#selftrust #innersafety #decentermen by @averrando

5

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2 months ago

If you're tired of trying to do this alone, I've got you.

Pour into your life

You deserve it.

#coparenting #coparentcoaching #selftrust #innersafety #thecreators by @averrando

15

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2 months ago

Your coparent is a big boy. And you creating schedules and making sure he knows or reminding him that Johnny needs to be picked up from practice at 4:30pm tonight isn't doing what you think it's doing.

'But what if he forgets?'

Then how embarrassing for HIM.

'So if the coach calls me and says they're waiting for our child to be picked up- then what?'

Well, I know your first instinct will be to rush right over there and get him. You could instead say 'oh man, that's a bummer. It's actually his dad's night tonight. Do you have his number? Okay cool. Well, if you can't get ahold of him, let me know and we'll go from there.'

That's it. Don't call your coparent 'WHERE ARE YOU?!?! The coach just called me and you forgot to pick up Johnny?!?'

No.

Of course, you get to be upset or feel whatever emotions come up for you. Those are your emotions to process tho. Your Raw Hamburger. So scream. Punch the couch. Let it out. Then whip out your journal and get to cooking that Raw Hamburger and letting that 'we' and 'us' die.

If you're 'just wanting him to take responsibility' then stop taking it for him every single time you get a chance. Let. Him. Figure. It. Out.

#coparenting #coparentcoach #selftrust #selfsafety #decentermen by @averrando

13

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2 months ago

Awareness is still an incredibly important part of the process.

In fact, it's part of Step 2 (of 5) in The Skibbens Method 'Awareness & Accountability' @jayskibbens

It's also the easiest place to revert back to when taking action is the way through.

But you can't 'insight' your way through processing your emotions. Your Raw Hamburger is dying to be cooked.

So if you're waiting to be someone who trusts themselves and feels 'ready' before being someone who does the things that build the trust, you're keeping yourself... exactly where you are.

It will be scary. You will question if you can do it. Those feelings are allowed to exist without them driving the car- they get to sit in backseat.

When you start acting like the person you want to be ➡️ you ARE the person you want to be.

If you're open and willing to try a different way of coparenting, comment OPEN ⬇️ and I'll send you my guide on learning how to Strengthen Your Self-Trust and Self-Safety ✨

You can both do it AND be scared while doing it. The courage doesn't come *after* the battle.

#coparenting #coparentcoaching #thecreators #selftrust #selfsafety by @averrando

12

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2 months ago