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Kanishka Mohan 🌈

@backspaced.emotions

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Bright me @kanishcant
Scribbles|Journaling|Poetry
A page for all I do
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I turn overthinking into words ✨

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As I try
To walk again
While you seem
To fail
Us or me?
And I tiptoed
With broken knees
Till the time
Broke the dawn
Itself
New day
But you forced me to leave
And I leave you to
Your will
As this is the end
And it's your win
To live and let live
Or all those
same shallow words
Strung along;
To make some sense
But they don't. by @backspaced.emotions

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1

3 years ago

As a woman, I am disappointed, in myself, for trusting these men again, they think it will end or will get over but I think the trauma won't
The blade strikes again
The vein didn't survive
The psychoanalysis
And the reasons that
Still repent
I didn't hit
For reassurance that won't happen again
I can't tell
This to all
And can't say this to one
I trust
My heart aches
More my voices
They scream
We do accept that we repent
But I loved you
Even if I hit
You once
Not you
But the wall
I still can't tell
All these demons
Inside of you
Can't control
I have more
To see
And more to feel
I just want to heal
I want to
I try, I say
It may be how I cry everyday
But I don't feel like
I am using this
As an excuse I say
With what you say
You don't do it again by @backspaced.emotions

36

1

3 years ago

I walked down
The streets unknown
To meet one guy
To get one sigh
Though I didn't
know you through
But that lows and deeps
Within your cheeks
That smile of yours
Which made me a bit more weak
Impel me question why
Whom should I rely
That all of heartache you defy
That edge of motionless cliff
I hang
You wry me by the love of God
The waves of thick of skin
Of yours
Make me go motionless akin
While I drowse myself in your ail abyss
Seeking trembling in your reminisce
That ode
abode
My road
From you
Far away in solemn sunken land
But
Cyan skies with your pretty eyes
You hold me and my breath trembles
You muttering
sliding by my earlobe
My glasses shattered by your pelting stones
All windows were closed
To lit up the coffin nail
You so bright and me shy frail
copious the deeds
In love and needs
You sweet needle
while I shall bleed
With red so dark
igniting spark
Like Cyan skies and lark
I knew you somehow
Always and forever
That you are my rain
To the worst of the weather
That on my feet or below yours
I feel above the clouds
One believes
That everything has an end
Only when it starts
You were always here with me
So us will last
To live or to be lived
My sunken ship somehow survives
Riveting rosemary rhine of hope
Corpse of hope yet once again revives
To ask me what is love one so pure
I no longer look at me but you. by @backspaced.emotions

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2

3 years ago

2022 was kinder to me, held me in its lap, wrapped me around blanket of warmth and care. It was hard sometimes and I wanted to cut ties and drift away. I know giving up is not easy but it seemed easier for me, at least to say that after rolling the bolder up all the hill when this time it didn't roll back down. After a thousandth time, it might have been or might be that I lost the count of it but it wasn't enough to give up on easily.

I journaled my way through, found light in hardest of places, travelled the road less traveled and not traveled and moved placed. Going places, crying out loud, finding people who care about you, making home, conquering oneself.

I am a better person today than I was a year ago, maybe a bit weared out now but on a table with a paper and pen and that's enough and will always be. by @backspaced.emotions

44

2

4 years ago

by @backspaced.emotions

65

3

4 years ago

Darker the days
Lighter it seems
But the paths to walk
Built by you and me
So sure of you
To not leave me
So sure of me
To know
It's not meant to be.

To care or not to care
That's the question
That burdens thee
That I,
Indecisive child so clean
Had less than no intent
To hurt one please.

Distances distorted
Blood sinks in
Insensitive you
Unfathomable
By the distant me
You can't recognise
Is she the one
Cause you never looked
At her with peace.

Roses burned alive
That day
Bells rang many a times
All in vain,
So sure of him
To let this time pass
So sure of me
To make him leave. by @backspaced.emotions

66

19

5 years ago

I could barely breathe
Buried under the floorboard
The casket would have been
My freedom through the
Doors of life
But burial under a dying light
Without you by my side
Would have been the last thing
I wanted
But are you there?
Or were you ever
Now I question myself
With epiphanies
Of answers unanswered
Distances uncharted
Love unrequited
Life unlived
Or is it too late
Because I am no more
To ask you things
And to love
And to live by @backspaced.emotions

71

19

5 years ago

Books you say
To talk to self
And annotate it through
And gasp at twists
The urge of
One more page
To turn the page
To make it through
The end of it
The thoughts of it
To live it through
To live again

Books you ask
To gift it to them
The love so pure
The thoughts unthought
Feelings unsaid
The sorrow
It cease
The glee
At it's peak
Distance covered
From meadows far
To get that petals
Between the leaves

Books you love
Coffee black hot
Turned cold
Turned pages
One by one
The howls away
The sun at the bay
Run down
Turned down
Put it away
To get another one
For the next day by @backspaced.emotions

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22

5 years ago

I am so deprived of love that even if someone tries to talk to me, the more the dailogues are exchanged, the more it makes me fall in love with them. The way one listen to me without judging when I have been self sabotaging myself all way through and calling myself pathetic over and over again. They comfort me that they are there for me. Even if they are just the words, these mere words are nothing less than a warm cozy hand to hold in a middle of a shipwreck with cold waters around you. The term shit I have done and the trauma I have been through, the relief of not carrying my pain alone. How one cannot fall for people who just loves you and not try to put you down for a single second because all your childhood you have been told that you aren't enough. by @backspaced.emotions

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16

5 years ago

Via @flowersanddecayinggraves by @backspaced.emotions

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4

5 years ago

The photo glare at the hair of brush amusingly. the way they glide, the way they strike, every stroke did magic to the photo. They thought to themselves, " I wished to be painted and reminded of the brush if I had the fortune of meeting this lovely paint brush. " They tried to talk to the brush several times but never got a chance. Alas! It was a photograph up on the wall with chimed metal frame and elegant little brush belonged down in the pencil case inside the drawer. Little did the photo knew what was happening inside the pencil case. the brush has always admired the beauty of the photo because of which their friends paints and canvas were really disappointed in them. They explained how they do not belong to each other in this world and never will in some other. The next day after finishing one painting the brush talked to the photo up on the wall in how they admired the photo so much. They explained maybe they don't belong to each other in this world and shall not think about being together. The photograph smiled and said, " You maybe right my dear, you might be painting different perspectives and portrait everyday, making this artist happy about his ideas and memory. He loves to look at canvas and embrace it memories and hence loves you for making it possible for him to paint. You make him relive all those memories that he has lived through. The brush smiled. " I get your point what you are trying to say, my fellow friend. I also know how every night, the painter remove you from the wall and hold in those fingers that hold me in the morning. You make him reminisce the old memories that has past through." They both smile at each other and realized the fact that they may have different lives today but the purpose is the same. by @backspaced.emotions

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10

5 years ago

It rained and I rushed towards my roof for the simplistic stroll in a chilled winter night. The cool breeze and drizzle accompanied me as well. The streetlight acts as my moon while I listened to retros of Asha Bhosle as sending the message to clouds that rain again because abhi na jaao chrdkar, ki dil abhi bhara nahi.

No socks and soaked in water my slippers and nose all blowy, hair unkempted that Little smile that won't stop. Only one bud of my earphones' works but the dedication is real. The other only work when I hold it at a very specific angle. It's like someone is singing melodies directly in my ears.

For once I don't feel alone. I enjoyed and jumped and danced on rain which appears a muted ransom for a stranger walking by. The shouts of my mum from the shed nearby are successfully ignored while she worries that I might get a cold.

A cold from some rain that didn't last and a night having nothing special bout it. Yes, I absolutely would be honoured to have some.
For once I don't have to worry bout me getting cold feet when I have a rooftop date with myself with no candles and no food whatsoever, still one of the best dates I have ever been on. by @backspaced.emotions

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25

5 years ago