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Barbara

@barbaraxsimpson

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Twenty-six//🏳️‍🌈🇬🇧🇦🇺

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So this isn’t my usual content and it is the end of suicide awareness month but I’ve been deliberating posting this for the entire month so here goes:
1. Trying to pretend to be happy going out enjoying myself whilst I was falling apart on the inside.
2. I had gone back to uni but I was so depressed due to the mental abuse I was experiencing. I had lost all my appetite I couldn’t get out of bed and I couldn’t shower. Taking that shower drained me for the next two days bc I had eaten one meal in maybe a week.
3. I lost over a stone in weight within a month. I was exercising not eating and sleeping maybe 2 hours a night due to again the constant back and forth of being told I was and then wasn’t wanted. The name calling only further escalating. October 11th was the first time i attempted. I went to hospital but they told me I was safe to be discharged. I went home and my parents had no idea.
4. Again the back and forth, with physical abuse in Nottingham being shoved to the ground so many times I still have scars on my body. A date in November ended in a screaming match nearly being run over and a panic attack on the side of the A52.
5. November I took an over dose in Paris and was sent to hospital in an ambulance. I had everything taken off my shoes my clothes. Everything. I had had the fact I was raped at 18 used against me amongst other things.
6-9. Break down after breakdown wishing what had happened in November had worked drinking every weekend just so I didn’t have to feel so depressed anymore so I could forget everything. All whilst I was attempting every single day and no one had a clue.
10. Found out some things you really don’t want too and as a result had my bag thrown out a window, kicked in the ribs amongst other things.
11-14. Slowly after therapy and medication and some really beautiful people I have began to heal and feel better. Some days are still rough but I am so much happier.

You truly never know what someone is going through behind closed doors, it is so easy to pretend to the rest of the world you are okay and everything is fine whilst you are dying on the inside. by @barbaraxsimpson

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