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Bear & Hedgy

@bearhedge

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We are two Highly Sensitive (HSP) Middle Aged Women Of Colour who fancy each other. Bear is Canadian and Hedgy is Australian.

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There was a time when I didn't think there was an issue with using fear to motivate me. Hat Tip to Bear for flagging that it might not be the direction to go if I want to be healthy.

I'd say this section from 'Fearless Living' (Chapter 1) is a good reminder for me to keep on figuring out how to progress my tasks in a healthy way.

- H

Search: Healthy Coping Mechanisms / Fear Based Decisions / Emotional Healing / Trauma Bonds / How To Change The World / The Answer Is Love / I Am Enough / Personal Growth

#HowToLoveYourself #YouAreEnough by @bearhedge

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5 days ago

There's a part of me that hopes he gets to host the next Golden Globes. That he gets his chance to apologise. Maybe open it with...

"It was meditation. Thank You Meryl Streep."

(Maybe it might be a bit, maybe it'll be Gugu instead of Meryl)

...and continue with...

"I mean, I did that bit in one of my specials that was pretty mysoginistic: I basically sent a message to women that they keep going with something that doesn't feel right for them because the guy does it without complaint. And by 'it' I mean a particular form of affection, I'll say it like that because this is a family show. I want to respect parents who ant to wait until they feel it's time to explain what 'it' means to their kid."

- H

PS: I noticed Glennon still follows him! That counts for something, right?

Search Terms: Awards Season / Comedians / Apologies / How To Change The World / Rewire Your Brain / Mindfulness / How To Be Present / Jo Koy / Cringe /

#DoBetter #FeministAwakenings by @bearhedge

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11 days ago

Will this approach heal the world if every adult had been gifted this by their caregivers?

- H

PS: Quote is from 'Put Your Past in the Past'

Search Terms: Self Trust, How To Heal The World, Beverly Engel, Motivational Quotes, Inspirational Quotes

#WomenMade #BooksFromPhychotherapists by @bearhedge

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a month ago

7/10 -

Somehow, this is not the book I expected, based on the cover. It also might not have caught my eye if not for finding it via a Sapphic Book list.

Though neither Bear nor I lean towards wearing makeup, I think she and I both carry similar burdens as Priya and Juliette. I could see a version of us in our late teens having the kind of parents who didn't center men. How we could still be very moody (because that's inherent in adolescents).

It's interesting that I'm hit with the realisation (reminder?) that those Inner Children likely show up during ruptures. Maybe even the most recent one: where Bear couldn't acknowledge my experience and how her actions were hurtful towards me.

Then it spiralled to the struggle to mirror and her feeling like I expect her to hear me first when I'm the one attempting to mirror her, since her behaviour is pointing to that need. How I'm likely faced with one of her Inner Teenagers.

One of the concepts of Imago Matches is that healing is behind frustrations. That my Dream Person is also my Nightmare Person. Likely, because of the things I've put away in my basement. How Bear is the reflection of my Shadow Self. This is without her trying to be frustrating.

I can remind myself that every time Bear gets on my nerves, that there's an opportunity for me to switch sunnies (or non-tinted eyewear.) and I can see my opportunities for growth. Whether it's more patience or reducing my tendency to want to control outcomes.

- H

Search Terms: Enemies To Lovers, Infinite Bickering, Comedies, Internal Safety, Inner Children, Sapphic Romances, Therapy Prep, Therapeutic Exercises, Wish You Weren't Here, Erin Baldwin,

#FictionalSapphicCouples #BookRecs by @bearhedge

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a month ago

8/10 -

There are 6 people waiting for this ebook. I'm returning it (then reserving it) after reading a portion.

I appreciated the bit when Geneen was talking about an attendee of her retreat who shared that she has been hiding her strong self because of the kind of environment she knew.

Her books seem to be consistently focused on being mindful about what emotions come up when a reliable thing (like food) is held back.

If you're worried about the term 'God' being used. It feels closer to what the Japanese believe. Also? Geneen doesn't limit the deity's gender. I was a bit put off by that word in the title because of how there have been individuals who use that word and have limited my perception of myself and the world.

- H

Search Terms: How To Be Open To Love, Geneen Roth, Women Food and God, Healthy Living, Healthy Eating, Memoirs By Women, How To Be Present, Healing Journeys,

#Healing by @bearhedge

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2 months ago

I initially wanted to know the best person in @RottenTomatoes to contact about a review by Joanne Soh about 'Once We Were Us'. The error was that Joanne's review somehow was put with the film that Brendan Fraser did.

I get if an AI was running to check errors....that it accidentally put Joanne's review with 2025's 'Rental Family' because the review published at The Straits Times has the header with that phrase.

There's a 'Flag Critic Review' option which worried me that I won't get a chance to make a note why I'm flagging Joanne's miscategorised review. Turns out there's three fields I can fill in.

Search Terms: Doing That Small Thing / Making A Difference /

#FilmReviews #RentalFamily #MovieRecs by @bearhedge

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2 months ago

The lead up towards the punchline isn't as developed yet, and I'm taking that step countless writers do: starting with something. That something is based on me coming across a piece by Caroline Siede about '27 Dresses' that made me consider rewatching it. I wonder if I was influenced by reviews or maybe even a poster.

Would someone obsessed with weddings do the same thing Jane did? Agree to be a bridesmaid and also be the Wedding Planner for weddings happening on the same day?

It's easier to identify Core Wounds in any story and why two people were drawn to each other.

- Hedgy

PS: This is more just doing that exercise of doing a Joke A Day (even if said punchline needs development) as I read 'The New Comedy Bible' from Judy Carter.

Search Terms: Women Write Jokes, Tell Me Something Funny, Tell Me A Joke, LOL, Injecting Humour, How To Be Funny, A Joke A Day, Comedy Writing, Open Mic, Writing Tips, Laughter Is The Best Medicine, Creative Writing, Wholesome Humour , The New Comedy Bible, Judy Carter, Potential Punchlines, One Woman Show, Made With Canva, Adulting, Women Made, Katherine Heigl, Malin Ackerman, Straight Passing, Aline Brosh McKenna, Judy Greer, James Marsden,

#CreativeExercises #OneWomanShow #27Dresses #WritingExercises by @bearhedge

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2 months ago

7/10 -

It seems like I have a soft spot for Time Loops!!

(Spoilers Below!!!)

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I wish I can tell you what kept me reading. Was it the hope that there would be a Sapphic Couple? Could it be the humour?

The biggest possibility is that knowing that this book is unique. I appreciated the difference compared to other Time Loop Stories: The Protagonist Jumps 6 months forward in time. No way to get it back.

What!? Yes! Though this is more leaning towards Magical Realism because there isn't really any Sci Fi connections.

If you're a woman wanting to end up with a guy, then this could offer consent. If you're a parent deciding if this might be something you're open for your 12-year-old daughter to read, there's a part of me that would like to vote that she wait 10 years. But then, that might not be possible if her friends have already read it.

- H

Search Terms: Jackie Lau /
Time Loops & Meet Cutes / Straight Passing Couples / Fantastical Realism

#TimeLoopsAndMeetCutes by @bearhedge

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2 months ago

The struggles Black Blob has been going through ended up being a cancerous tumor. I didn't expect to have emotions come up from Strawberry Cat passing, and thankfully was able to remind myself that it's how grief works.

Bear mentioned that she's hoping that Black Blob might let her know when she (Black Blob) is ready to go. I wasn't sure if Bear was hoping for permission to give the go ahead. Thankfully the specialist who found the tumour mentioned that there is no right or wrong way.

What made me take note is Bear returning to wanting to make sure Black Blob isn't suffering. My perspective is different, because I will no longer wait if I knew that Quality Of Life of a furry friend is no longer there. Because it doesn't mean that Black Blob has passed, it's not possible to say goodbye to her.

I brought up a moment Bear experienced, where Black Blob didn't want to get up. She seemed to be enjoying the grass. Somehow, Bear was able to take a photo of that moment. Initially, she (Bear) saw it as the dog being rebellious, but I decided to highlight it and note that it might be th message she's (Bear) been waiting for. That Black Blob is ready to move onto the next life. Maybe hang out in the Waiting Room.

Search Terms: Border Collie / German Shepherd / Tuxedo Cats / Saying Goodbye To A Dog / How To Express Your Love / Found Family

#Grieving #BlackDogs by @bearhedge

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2 months ago

7/10 -

This is an example of a book where it took awhile for me to feel like I'm no longer making an effort. I remind myself that it's a bit like sitting with parts of myself that I would prefer not exist.

There's the part that holds that experience that made me not want to go to the doctor ever again. That if I need treatment, I will decline it.

Another part is very impatient. She just wants things to be sorted. Bear to have had the conversations that can help her move on and it might not keep coming up and causing ruptures. She is very driven. I'm guessing that part of me also carries regret. The leaning that if something presents itself, that it's best not to let the opportunity slip by. Because then, it's done.

I wish I can heal those parts. That they can relax. What I can do is sit with the. Like maybe my 15-year-old self who has yet to understand how much she has walled herself off. But I remind myself that she has contributed to my survival. She only deserves love and acceptance, like the rest of me.

Then I can relish the whole of me, just like I do the whole of this book. Grace takes awhile finding her person. There isn't much mention of Comp Het, but it's there, looming.

What I am thankful for is the parts I was able to read to Bear. If she could have me re-read a section of Chapter 29 over and over again, she would. It's amusing when she declares that she is averse to Rom Coms. That it's my thing.

I think about the moments in our future where she'd go...

"Ahhh....let's watch that again!!!"

....and I replay it. Smiling. Holding back the words....

"Ah....and you're the one who isn't a fan of Rom Coms?"

....and accept the inevitable: I am the overt romantic. I think I can live with that. She can hide behind me if she wants. Though it can be true: Bear is averse to Rom Coms just because there are still few that she would want to watch while sharing a bowl of popcorn with me.

Search Terms: Sapphic Love / How To Find Your Person / How To Love Your Person / Sapphic Awakening / Christina Li / True Love And Other Impossible Odds

#WLWRomance #FictionalSapphicCouples by @bearhedge

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2 months ago

As I was grieving from Bear not being able to accept my analytical side at the moment I needed her to, I found myself looking up Love Addiction videos on YouTube. One I ended up staying with something Sheena Lashey did on 19 July 2023

It seems like if I have a leaning, it would be Love Avoidance. Which makes sense because with Bear I do lean more towards my avoidant side. There's a part of me that is constantly looking for reasons to leave. That when I'm in an Emotional Storm, there are times when I wonder if Bear is better off with someone else. Thankfully, I am able to return back from that unhelpful narrative and remind myself this is that growth that happens when two human beings decide to build a life together. That they are each other's Happily Ever After.

As for projections, I'm still trying to Level Up my skill in identifying when it is happening either with Bear or me.

- H

Search Terms: The Pain Of Grief / Healing Moments / Sitting With Discomfort / Healthy Love / How To Love

#QuotesFromWomen by @bearhedge

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2 months ago

The lead up towards the punchline isn't as developed yet, and I'm taking that step countless writers do: starting with something. That something is based on that section in one of Sandra's Akashik Records books about how what we judge night be what we experience in the next life.

- Hedgy

PS: This is more just doing that exercise of doing a Joke A Day (even if said punchline needs development) as I read 'The New Comedy Bible' from Judy Carter.

Search Terms: Women Write Jokes, Tell Me Something Funny, Tell Me A Joke, LOL, Injecting Humour, How To Be Funny, A Joke A Day, Comedy Writing, Open Mic, Writing Tips, Laughter Is The Best Medicine, Creative Writing, Wholesome Humour , The New Comedy Bible, Judy Carter, Potential Punchlines, One Woman Show, Made With Canva, Karma, Adulting, Women Made, Sandra Taylor,

#CreativeExercises #OneWomanShow #AkashikRecords #WritingExercises by @bearhedge

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2 months ago