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Bea

@bee.coco

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1: As my birthday rolls around, I’ve reflected on my last 22 years, which have been nothing short of incredible. I found myself finally admitting something that took me years to even acknowledge: it is hard to be deaf. I was born profoundly deaf and started using cochlear implants at age 5. For context, being profoundly deaf is defined as little to no hearing at all. In my case, I have no hearing at all, and that has been my case for the last 22 years.

All this time, I’ve prided myself on being strong and “taking no shit.” I’ve acted like my deafness had no impact on my well-being. It was difficult to finally open that door and see the challenges I pushed far back in a moldy closet, untouched. As I welcome another year, I felt it was fitting to pay tribute to my younger self and to what I’ve become amongst my challenges.

I am constantly praised for speaking and looking completely “normal.” But beneath that is somebody who is constantly struggling. I’ve spent most of my days and energy masking my distress with smiles and silly, witty comments about being deaf. I finally found the courage to admit that being deaf is not easy, and I have days where I wish I could be truly “normal”.

Most people don’t think twice before meeting their friends at their favorite bar, attending a seminar, or ordering a Starbucks drink. It is those everyday challenges that most people overlook and misunderstand that have made this disability so strenuous. When I am in situations where the music is too loud, and my friend has repeated what they wanted to say far too many times, I resort to blaming myself, “Why can’t I just understand?” I spend most of my time feeling absolutely isolated from my friends when I can’t even engage in their conversations because I can’t hear them. by @bee.coco

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