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Ashmae Hoiland | Words & Art

@birdsofashmae

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“It’s almost over”. Oil on panel. 5x7

Also, because I make things like a maniac, I found another box of paintings for my studio sale. They are up in my stories today! by @birdsofashmae

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3 days ago

I had a teacher in grad school who would always say that each of us is simply writing the same story over and over. I believed him, but didn’t know what mine was, and still don’t really.

What I do know is that when I look back over my work for the past many years, there is often fire. Both in my writing and paintings.

To me, it speaks to some fascination, maybe obsession, about the things we can’t control. It’s about the relationship we have to land and space. I see it (I think) as the intersection between awe and grief.

To live in this world, it feels like that intersection confronts us everyday. I think it is a brave thing to be alive. I think it so wild that we showed up on the earth in a timeline and space that is so infinitely larger than us, and still, we get to attempt to untangle enough of that largeness and create a life we don’t want to leave.

So maybe these paintings are about bravery, about being in a space where we don’t control the narrative, but find the story anyway. by @birdsofashmae

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4 days ago

Sometimes you just have to keep going through, like physically wading through the questions and potential ideas, proving to them they are important enough to take up space in the world, before they start to show you a little bit of the answer. by @birdsofashmae

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7 days ago

Advocacy looks a lot of different ways. For me, lately, it is learning to take stances that are uncomfortable because they potentially mean I won’t be liked, or will be seen as not nice (which for so long was such a real fear).

But I’ve learned that more than being liked, my work as an adult is to work my hardest to create a safe space for all kids, particularly the ones on the margins.

This ultra local issue of a group wanting to take over the high school PTA has showed me how much I do care that I do show up.

You’ll see ballots in the mail next week, send them back in with a vote for the PTA. by @birdsofashmae

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23 days ago

I find that when I paint, it’s the same as working through a draft of a poem. I have to do a lot of iterations to start to understand what any of it is even about.

I want to hold the initial prompt or flash that led me to try and create anything in the first place.

In this series, which feels very much at the beginning, we had driven past one of the many wildfires I’d heard about all summer.

Seeing and living climate change in real time has a feeling of powerlessness and fear. It’s exacerbated when I wake up to smoky skies and ash on my windshield.

Driving past the fire, seeing the actual flames lapping up the mountain, and watching the helicopters flying above the smoke, I felt some human part of me feel both so sad, and also happy that I had something real to attach to in terms of all the feelings I’ve been feeling.

As with any poem, I don’t have an answer or a lesson I am trying to reach, more just a deep curiosity for how I am a part of all of this.

These paintings are just small, instinctual attempts in hopes to better ground myself in an ever-shifting world. by @birdsofashmae

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2 months ago

Start of another wildfire painting. I keep thinking about witnessing as I paint. About us being the ones who can sometimes witness the death of something right in front of us, and be totally powerless to do anything but see it. by @birdsofashmae

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2 months ago

Hey all!

Mostly a public PSA (this is all my own opinion and not an official stance of the local PTA). I feel pretty strongly about a local group who is attempting to change our high school PTA (parent teacher association and connected to the national and state organizations) to a PTO (a local organization that writes its own by-laws and makes decisions based on who is in leadership in any given year).

I care so much about kids, especially vulnerable ones and the ones who don’t fit the norm. I feel incredibly nervous about a group in charge that likely sees me and my kids and the kids they are friends with as immoral in some way.

I know and love the parents who currently run the PTA and they are not doing so as a political office, but rather as a service and advocate of all kids, teachers and parents.

Please read the following slides and share them with people who are wondering about the vote coming up. by @birdsofashmae

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2 months ago

Wild fire. Thinking about all the fire everywhere. We drove by some huge plumes in southern Utah, just outside of Beaver. There was nothing for us to do but watch the smoke rising for as long as we could. by @birdsofashmae

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2 months ago

I know I said I wasn’t going to make more still life paintings, but then I got a new set of brushes, a couple new tubes of color I hadn’t used before, and it was summer, and this is what happened in the sparse hours I am at my studio these days.

They are all available to purchase in my stories.

If you share this post, or any of my stories, you’ll be entered in a drawing to win a free miniature oil painting (swipe to see). I’ll draw two people.

Thanks for supporting me as an artist. I’m lucky. by @birdsofashmae

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2 months ago

by @birdsofashmae

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3 months ago

This past week has been a good reminder that in the end, activism is community. It is a fight for community, with community. There will never be a singular hero, or one right answer. There isn’t a correct age or way to be a part. It is for a love of community, inside the love of community. by @birdsofashmae

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8 months ago

Proud of these guys and the whole team at Zanskar. They had some big announcements today, which honestly feels pretty surreal to see.

It’s such a fascinating thing to read an article that announces an outcome that is successful, when, as the spouse and partner, I have a pretty first hand view of what that takes to get there.

Starting a business is not a linear path. It is an insane amount of hours putting in hard work by so many people. It is a lot of disappointment, restarting, putting out fires, alongside this deep awe and gratitude when a wild thesis proves to be working.

I can’t take credit, obviously, for what Carl and Joel are building, but I will take credit in my consistent belief in them. I will take credit for what I have given up in order to get to this point. I will say that most weekdays, we don’t see Carl because he gets home after we are in bed and leaves before we are awake. Being an observer to this latest fundraise is a wild ride. A lot of travel, a lot of tired days when it seems like things won’t work, and many surprises when it all comes together.

There were moments at the most recent work retreat where I looked around and these people—blue and white collar, young and older, racially and gender diverse—seemed to genuinely care for each other and the work. This belief that finding clean energy matters for the future and is worth working hard for. No company, or the culture is perfect, but in brief moments, it felt like an attempt at reimagining what is possible in corporate America. It felt like a lot of friends building something.

I can’t wait to see what the next year means as these guys push forward into their dreams of what is possible. This past year has taught me that while I may not be at the office, or in the field, I do have some part of what this is becoming.

I share because I think in the constant cycle of horrific news, we also need a reminder that there is an equal and opposite reaction of people trying to build a better future. There are so many cool companies in the green tech space who are actively already making a difference. I’m really grateful to have a up close view to one of them. by @birdsofashmae

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9 months ago