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caisafhager

@caisafhager

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"Some people feel the rain - others just get wet." Bob Marley

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I turned 40 yesterday. Yeah. Still stuck in my twenties, but my soul is probably close to a hundred. I love being me and who I’ve become. It rained in my head for decades, but now look at all the flowers. by @caisafhager

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8 months ago

October. Specks of frozen grass, cold nose tips and a longing to go inward. I need the forest, the fires, the long hugs, the resting heartbeats. ”Mama, I need to lay down over there, just look at it!” he said as he laid down in the white moss. October, please stay golden. by @caisafhager

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a year ago

New shag. About damn time. by @caisafhager

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a year ago

Thirty nine times I have been celebrated on this day. I still feel like twenty and yet I also feel like one hundred and two. I have lived lifetimes within this lifetime and still I feel young. The sense of humor got darker and miserably depraved, much obliged. See you at the ancient trees, you silly flesh bags. by @caisafhager

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2 years ago

My friends throw the best parties. 🥳🎈I have munched my weight in cherries and cake, hugged lovely humans til my batteries were full, snuggled baby neck (my own and others), blown raspberries on their baby tummies til their laughter made me laugh too and changed shoes with a toddler but also blown on a boo-boo on her finger. Alice was really here and IT IS a Wonderland, this place. Thank you @beatricelehtila and @myableways for an amazing party and Saturday. We sleep with full hearts today💖 #aliceinwonderland #madhatterteaparty #themeparty #weareallmaddownhere by @caisafhager

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2 years ago

To all Mothers who were not celebrated today; Happy Mother’s day. I see you.🌸 by @caisafhager

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2 years ago

by @caisafhager

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2 years ago

Wait, who even is this?😅🫣Last day as 37. Wasn’t going to regret that💁🏼‍♀️ by @caisafhager

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3 years ago

This is how happy you feel when you ace your last LAST oral chemistry test. The last test for a while. I am so awesome. I am SO SO SO proud of me. I did so many things last year that I thought I couldn’t do (and I did them very well.) Gosh, thank you brain - you are awesome too. Now excuse me while I celebrate and then submerge myself in hot water for the weekend. Dang people, life is good. Year of the dragon started well 🐉 by @caisafhager

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3 years ago

The fall equinox was spent inside baking, while the first day of autumn was spent outside, enjoying the elder harvesting season. The kids were happy about the mud and I soaked as much sun as I possibly could. Thank you, @tjamickiz for a wonderful Sunday🫶🏼☀️🍂🌾 by @caisafhager

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3 years ago

To all versions of me; Thank you. I forgive you. I love you.

The world taught me I needed to fear getting older. That it would love me less when I stopped looking like 22. I do not fear the future of me. She is already rooted, already resilient, already loving herself. I am no longer trying to look like another flower, trying to grow like another tree, trying to change to be liked by you. I am a tree, reaching high towards the sun, growing just for me. I am more than just this face. I dare you to feel it. by @caisafhager

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3 years ago

A pounding headache, squeezing my skull with immense power and leaving me nauseous, have been residing in my head lately. The weather has joined me, like Mother was sympathizing, with heavy rain and thunder rattling in the windows.

As I looked at my son for the last time in weeks, waving at him through the school window, trying to fill my cup of him, my skull exploded with electricity. The same level of pain, but different. Every drop of rain felt electrical and in my head was an orchestra of drums, every drop a different beat. I parked the car in the garage, closed my eyes and breathed. I didn’t have time for this, I had a train to catch and not a single item was packed. I left the car and journeyed through the huge garage.

As I followed my steps with my eyes, suddenly someone looked back at me. A rainbow gaze appeared out of nowhere and pulled me into a full halt. On the cemented floor was a big peacock butterfly, showing all it’s beautiful colors to me. “How did you end up down here?” I whispered to it while I held out the back of my phone to offer a way out. It hesitated and closed it wings, touched the case in front of it and then climbed onto the case of my phone. It was so tired it fell of one time, but we made it out into free air.

The rain had stopped but the clouds looked heavy. My headache still buzzed in my head but was pushed back by my connection with the butterfly. “We gotta find you a pretty flower” I said as I looked around for colors. Just cement and trees, everywhere. I sighed. We took a few steps around, the big butterfly still resting on my phone. In the distance I saw tiny specks of purple and headed over there, feeling a sense of graditude for something growing in this grey jungle. I held out my phone to let the butterfly climb onto a bunch of flowers and it’s little legs stretched out fast, like it had longed for this moment. I opened my camera and my new friend showed me all his pride, stretching his wings out far. My camera was too slow but I got a pretty memory anyway. Now I was really in a hurry.

Continued in comments… by @caisafhager

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3 years ago