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May Camille

@camilleisonthego

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šŸ„€ iā€™ve bared my soul & it has too many feelings
šŸŒŠ Philippines
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see you soon, babe šŸŒŠ by @camilleisonthego
Itā€™s Okay Not To Be Okay In 1955, American Psychologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham presented the framework ā€œJoharis Windowā€ at the University of California. Itā€™s a psychological model used to improve self-awareness and understanding in interpersonal relationship. By theory, it uses a four-quadrant grid, or ā€œwindowā€ to represent different aspects of a personā€™s self. The four quadrant are: Open ( known to self and others), Hidden (known to self, unknown to others), Blind Spot (unknown to self, known to others) and Unknown ( unknown to self and others). *ponder* If am being honest with myself, Iā€™d rather watch Bailey Sarianā€™s yapping about true crime documentaries whilst cuddling BJ ( our ginger cat ) and eating pizza on the side rather than attending a party and all I could think of, ā€œCan I just disappear?ā€œ but I usually give in to pressure to attend. Who am I to blame? Me, Myself and I. Ah, the YES man. The people pleaser. When you prioritize the needs, feelings and opinions of others over your own to gain approval. This behavior can be a learned coping mechanism, a response to trauma, or a manifestation of insecurity and self-esteem. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Choose the best answer or is it all of the above? Darling, youā€™re a ticking time bomb of having a mental breakdown. Growing up in an environment (collectivist culture and colonialism) wherein you were taught to apologize even when itā€™s not necessary and to be considerate of other peopleā€™s feelings before yours is the normal standard. Itā€™s our human desire and part of our social nature to crave for approval and validation, but too much consideration is not beneficial to ones self either. Balance is the key to longevity says all the self help books you can find. The Yin and The Yang. Itā€™s easy to write or even think about it, but doing the work can be brutal. Changing oneā€™s self for the betterment is a tough work, but perhaps small steps can change something within and no matter how small or big it is ~ a win is a win! By theory, Johari Window can be a baseline in understanding personā€™s psyche, but humans are complex creatures. Do you think a four quadrant grid window is enough? by @camilleisonthego
story of a boy iā€™ve painted my life with this boy it was high keys at first sunrise, rainbows all over i thought he would be a writer ā€˜cause he write words in an articulate manner then, i learnt heā€™s a graphic designer always surprise, surprise me my boy! i admire his passion for music he plays drums and bass then switched to turntable i said, iā€™ll be on your show, front row screaminā€™, screaminā€™ thy name, my boy! my boy likes fishinā€™ and flies every time i guess jet fighter is just a small dime he flies the big guns, not like Behind Enemy Lines i was hard, hard crushinā€™ but he always ask, ā€œu up?ā€ like what does it even mean? my boy loves adrenaline rush plays skateboardinā€™, tennis, and football impressinā€™ my boy, search, search on Wiki God, it got me nothing my boy is chill, always chill good at saying sorry as well but keeps repeating the same mistake not sure now what he said meant anything one day my boy went to London then came back and hearinā€™ nothing i panicked and thinkinā€™, is my boy dead? heā€™s not, heā€™s not said he was just busy so i sketched my life with this boy no more tint colors instead i used charcoal without a spreader i realized he ainā€™t no sunshine blinded with my emotions now i understand Midsommar i was countless times like Dani compromising a lot of bullshits little voices that whisper, ā€œmaybe heā€™s not the oneā€ fuck up actions that iā€™ve neglected ā€˜cause am afraid of losing, losing my boy i always say to him, ā€œyour friends first then me.ā€ it stings, it sings but i endured because heā€™s my boy i asked him once, are you scared? he said yes and i said am scared too but you see, i was willing, willing! i thought he was, he was too so i wore a new dress for that night thinkinā€™ my boy would notice instead i saw myself crying at the stairs stars looked down on me if ghosts were present, theyā€™d feel sorry too they asked, asked, what happened? i said, my boy isnā€™t my boy he only speaks Dutch refused to learn other language we were on a different path i just cried, cried myself that night until i forgot his name he has so many faces he lives in different places he was once my boy but now a stranger to my past image from the movie, The Call (2020) by @camilleisonthego
On the 3rd floor of National Museum of Korea, you will be introduced to World Art. One of the key features is South Asia, a southern subregion of Asia that is defined in both geographical and ethnic-cultural term. South Asia which often dubbed as an Indian subcontinent which offers great fusion of diverse culture since the ancient times. To be exact, South Asia includes Republic of India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, Bhutan, and Sri Lanka. The first picture is ā€œBodhisattvaā€, a Buddhist deity who has achieved the highest enlightenment, but delays to enter Paradise in order to help mankind. The second picture, ā€œDevi or Shaktiā€ known as Mother Goddess. In Hinduism, she portrays her both protector deity and a nurturing mother. Lastly, ā€œShiva and Parvatiā€. In Hindu mythology, their marriage represents the ideal of marital bliss, devotion, and partnership. by @camilleisonthego
ā€œI vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness, and to have the patience that love demands. To speak when words are needed, and to share the silence when theyā€™re not. To agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home. ā€œ Paige, The Vow Gown by Jose ā€œPitoyā€ Moreno by @camilleisonthego
I once wrote to someone that life is always strange. The moment you feel like everything is seamless, life throws you lemons. The day when you agree that when it rain, it does pour but a rainbow suddenly appears. Isnā€™t it strange? People romanticizing everything to feel like things do matter so we can feel like existing means something rather than a soulless body just trying to get its week done. Isnā€™t it true? Itā€™s another boring Tuesday for someone. A special weekend for some Ben out there. A grieving month of a friend. Life just tick and tock. My Literature professor once said that not all story need to have a lesson but what is the purpose of writing it anyway? Itā€™s like wasting your hours looking at a piece of an abstract art. You convince yourself there must be something like an artistic value because this couldnā€™t be worth of millions just to be drawn by an insomniac toddler. That would be a laughing stock. Then you go home, put your keys at the side table and realized, ā€œWhatā€™s the point of that shit anyway?ā€ They say in order to live you need to have a purpose, but is it just what people ask themselves so they could matter? That you and I exist. That you matter. We love, we hurt, we argue, we settle because if not, everything is senseless. People search for the profound meaning of life, but at what cost? The quest of existentialism must be tough. Itā€™s a hard business, yā€™all especially when you know deep inside, itā€™s just a continuous cycle of ups and downs and it never ends. Oh, it does stop when your clock stops ticking. (tick tock) The moment youā€™re reading this, a life has been taken away. At this very second, a lucky sperm and an egg meet. Isnā€™t it strange? An oxymoron. Life is. by @camilleisonthego
visual art series exhibit A by @camilleisonthego
by @camilleisonthego
5 DONā€™T LESSONS šŸŒ¼ Hereā€™s my annual lessons for the past year, 2020. I feel like Iā€™m doing a PEP or TED talk(šŸ˜…) everytime when I write something in here, but things just needed to be said. Iā€™m a work in progress. šŸŖ“These are just my realizations, thoughts and opinion. Feel free to dive in šŸŒŠ 1. DONā€™T FRET. I think this one Iā€™ve learnt it over the years. Iā€™m a natural worrier. If there such a thing. I used to worry little things thatā€™s not even a big deal. Over the years especially last year, Iā€™ve realized that some things donā€™t even worth worrying for. What I do now is I asked myself first and itā€™s a brutal question, ā€œAm I gonna die with this?ā€ If not in which most cases not, then I donā€™t think about it anymore. I think more on the solutions. šŸ‘Œ 2. DONā€™T JUST SAY IT, ACT ON IT no matter how small the change is. I used to think that I needed to make drastic change in my life and when I felt like the change is too small, it doesnā€™t count. Now Iā€™ve realized that no matter how small the change is and as long as it is consistent, then darling youā€™re doing great! šŸ’‹ 3. DONā€™T WAIT, MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST asap. When COVID19 happened, one thing for sure is Iā€™ve made great improvement when it comes to relationship especially to people I valued most and yā€™know what? It made me feel better and happier. Hate is such a strong word and as such, heavy to bear. šŸ«€ 4. DONā€™T GIVE UP! AJA! FIGHTING! I always say this donā€™t give up when everything seems to be crumbling down. Just recently, a colleague and good friend of mine Kath got promoted to the job that she always wanted. She just try and try until she succeeded. So no matter how sh*tty to look for a new place now (šŸ„“), I just need to try harder. šŸ’Ŗ 5. DONā€™T JUST FORGIVE YOURSELF, LOVE YOURSELF as well. I wanna elaborate more on this on my next writing, but for now I just wanna leave it with this ~ loving ones self is the greatest achievement you could ever give to yourself. It may not even an easy journey. It may take a lot of courage and self-reflection, but it is worth it because you are worth it. šŸŒˆ by @camilleisonthego
Be kind. Be grateful. Love thyself & others. ā™„ļø by @camilleisonthego
One day, the world stopped Without any warning Spring didnā€™t know to wait Showed up not even a minute late Street erased of footprints I lie here, fallen to the ground Time goes by on its own Without a single apology It looks like rain again today Iā€™m soaked to the bone Still wonā€™t stop Running faster than that cloud of rain Thought thatā€™d be enough Guess Iā€™m only human after all Iā€™m in a world of pain This cold that the world gave me Prompts me to press the dust covered-rewind Dancing off-beat lying on the ground Once winter comes, letā€™s exhale a warmer breathe Let me tell you this song People say the world has changed But thankfully between you and me Nothing has changed With the hello that we start and finish the day with Let us thread tomorrow and today Stopped for now, but donā€™t hide in the shadow Only again, daylight will glow Thereā€™s no end in sight Is there a way out? My feet refuses to move Close your eyes for a moment Hold my hand To the future, letā€™s run away Like an echo in the forest The day will come back around As if nothing happened Yeah, life goes on Like an arrow in the blue sky Another day flying by On my pillow, on my table Yeah life goes on Like this again I remember, I remember ~ Life Goes On, BTS šŸŒˆ by @camilleisonthego
ā€œThere is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out of fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. ā€œ ~ John 4:18 šŸ„€ by @camilleisonthego

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