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Candace Couch Counseling

@candacecouchcounseling

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Licensed Counselor | Counselor Supervisor
Author • Speaker • Educator
Relationships • Parenting • Family Systems • Genograms
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😊 by @candacecouchcounseling

We all see the world through a lens. Often that lens, the ways we learned to organize relationships, conflict, expectations, and belonging, was formed in our family of origin. Most of the time we don’t even realize it’s there. Part of the work in counseling is helping people step back and look at that lens more clearly. Some parts may still serve you well. Other parts may need to be reconsidered. The question becomes: Is it working in your life today?

A short clip from a recent conversation with @living_transformed_podcast @carolineharrisward

The full episode is available now: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/living-transformed/id1740186154?i=1000754602956

#FamilySystems #FamilySystemsTherapy #HealthyRelationships #PersonalGrowth #MentalHealthConversations by @candacecouchcounseling

I wasn’t expecting a football documentary to echo the work I do each day, but here we are. Nick Saban’s secret weapon wasn’t a play, a recruit, or a game plan. It was a mental health professional who taught him that focusing on the process is what really matters. Watch till the end for why that mattered so much to me. What mindset shift has helped you succeed?

#candacecouchcounseling #calmcuriousconnected #familytherapy #TheProcess #Saban by @candacecouchcounseling

A mental health professional getting real credit for a championship dynasty? Dr. Rosen is the hidden treasure of the Saban documentary. I had to pause the show and make everyone listen while I processed it. My family was thrilled, as you can imagine. What would you say actually counts as success in your house this week?

#candacecouchcounseling #calmcuriousconnected #saban #familytherapy #theprocess by @candacecouchcounseling

Control is fast until it isn’t. The moment someone feels told instead of heard, the conversation stops moving. Curiosity takes longer to start but gets further in the end.

Which one do you default to under stress? Save this as a reminder for your next hard conversation.

#candacecouchcounseling #calmcuriousconnected #familycommunication #relationshipadvice #parentingsupport by @candacecouchcounseling

Try this before your next disagreement. Swap one direction for some curiosity and see what happens. It won’t feel efficient. Give it a few minutes anyway. What question are you going to try?

#candacecouchcounseling #calmcuriousconnected #familycommunication #parentingtips #relationshipadvice by @candacecouchcounseling

Notice how the more you push a point, the more someone digs in? That’s not them being difficult. That’s a common response to control. What’s one direction you’ve caught yourself giving lately that might work better as a question?

#candacecouchcounseling #calmcuriousconnected #familycommunication #relationshipadvice #mindfulparenting by @candacecouchcounseling

Keeping the peace and making it are not the same thing. One is fearful. It hides problems, manages information, and settles for a calm that breaks the moment someone tells the truth. The other is brave. It tells the truth, tolerates the tension that’s actually necessary, and trusts the people in the relationship to rise to it. If you grew up keeping the peace, it makes sense that making it feels unfamiliar. It’s not too late to learn.

#candacecouchcounseling #familysystems #peacemaker #familytherapy #familyroles by @candacecouchcounseling

Peacekeepers and peacemakers are very different. Both want peace, but they go about it in opposite ways. One manages, hides, and settles for relief right now. The other tells the truth, tolerates necessary tension, and keeps the long run in mind. One is created as a way to manage tension in a family when it feels too uncomfortable or causes too much hurt. The other is developed through insight, patience and courage.

Swipe through the difference, and notice which one feels more familiar to you.

If you identify more with a peacekeeper, you are not alone. It was necessary at some point. But maybe it’s taken too much of a toll, and it’s time to try something different.

#candacecouchcounseling #familysystems #familyroles #peacemaker #familytherapy by @candacecouchcounseling

Were you the one who could read the room before anyone else could? The one who’d jump in with a joke, a fix, or a change of subject right before things got tense?

That might have been your role growing up. Swipe through for what it actually costs to carry it.

If this is you: did you know there is a difference between peacekeeping and peacemaking?

#candacecouchcounseling #familysystems #familyroles #peacekeeper #familytherapy by @candacecouchcounseling

This is the other side of developing understanding: what happens when understanding isn’t an option, no matter how much intention or effort you bring. What if my energy was better spent developing confidence in myself, instead of chasing being understood by someone else? My to-do list used to be exhausting, more evidence, more explaining, saying it again, saying it better. The new one is simpler, and strangely more peaceful: be okay with being misunderstood, and spend that energy getting steadier in who I am instead.

#candacecouchcounseling #beingmisunderstood #familysystems #selfacceptance #relationshiptherapist by @candacecouchcounseling