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Allison Rose🌹

@captivatingbean_

1.9K

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2090

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05/16/17🪽
Take me to Bali 🏝️
Socal 💋 Tacoma grown 🔐 OR🌲
SOBER!

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One hour a day spent doing something good for your mind, body, and spirit is all it takes to start creating change. Everyone has bad days, weeks, and even years. But what matters is how we choose to spend the one life we’re given.

Right now, my focus is learning how to be okay when life isn’t chaotic. I’m giving myself permission to slow down, heal, and actually experience peace.
I’m a little over two months sober, and one thing I’ve realized is how quickly I look for chaos when things start getting quiet, peaceful and steady. My brain has been trained for more than half my life to believe that if I’m not in survival mode- chasing inconsistency, rejection, instability, adrenaline, emotional highs, pain, unstable relationships, or a substance— then something must be wrong.

Learning how to live different from that is extremely hard.
As much as I love peace & quiet, it doesn’t take very long for my subconscious to drag me right back where I truly don’t belong anymore.

Instead of focusing on my slip-up, I’m choosing to use the 2 1/2 years I spent sober as a guide for where I’m going today. My relapse does NOT mean those years were wasted. It doesn’t erase the growth, the memories, the lessons, or the person I became during that time.

And I think that’s something a lot of people need to challenge themselves on. Just because you fell back into an old pattern doesn’t mean all the progress suddenly didn’t count. That time still taught you something & changed you.

Now it’s about taking both the successes AND failures from that chapter and using them to build something better this time around — while continuing to find new ways to grow, heal, and improve myself along the way. 🤍
These are some memorable moments captured throughout my time sober. 🤍🫶🏼

Nothing brings me back to a moment quite like seeing a picture and thinking, “wow… I was genuinely so content and happy.”
Acupuncture, nature, a hot bath, community, being an auntie, fun activities, beautiful views, women’s sober retreat, meditation/ yoga, and exercise. So many things we can do that can regulate our nervous system. Yes I was uncomfortable doing most of these things lol nothing good comes easy. by @captivatingbean_

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12 days ago

🪻🌻🌷🌸🌞 by @captivatingbean_

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4 months ago

This photoshoot truly captures my innermost feelings—the feelings that only a few of my closest friends have been granted access to.
I have always wanted nothing more than to be her: sweet, loving, resilient, nurturing, soft-hearted, empathetic, and gentle toward both myself and those around me.
Since I was a young girl, I told myself I wouldn’t let anyone near such a sacred part of my identity. Of course, as the years went on, it became increasingly challenging to keep that promise to myself. Life experiences, relationships, certain environments, and trauma pushed me further away from this version of who I am.
I feel at peace when I look at these photos because they remind me that there is still potential to find my way back to her— (inner child) and to grow even closer to her than before.
@wildsagedreamscapephotography once again you killed it🤍 thank you for being such a sweetheart. taken in Olympia, Washington by @captivatingbean_

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4 months ago

Take me back to the place where my sobriety began, lowriders, and motivated people who made something out of nothing. 🤍
Cali will always have a special place in my heart. I’m ready to get back to it. taken in Long Beach, California by @captivatingbean_

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5 months ago

Mirror on the wall🪞here we are again by @captivatingbean_

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6 months ago

Don’t wanna walk outside and lose myself on the way…
#Elderemo #PopPunk #altmusic #newalternativerock #kaynedynell taken in Melrose Avenue, L.A. CA by @captivatingbean_

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8 months ago

Married to myself 💍💰
Photographer @ben_conscience_films
@la_modele_magazine by @captivatingbean_

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9 months ago

To everyone who is curious about what modeling is like or wants to become comfortable behind a camera. This post is for you. The video was not easy to show. I am showing my flaws or what we would consider “flaws” due to unrealistic expectation’s that we try so hard to live up to. I’m showing you 1 minute of a 4 hour long shoot. Shoots fill me with every emotion possible. Overwhelmed, joy, happy, relaxed, free, exhausted, nervous, & confident. You name it, I probably felt it prior to the shoot, during, and after. It’s okay to have extra skin, a double chin, a stomach, whatever it is that makes you feel insecure. I want you to ask yourself something @ what weight will you stop picking at yourself? Will you always have insecurities? Is it a natural human reaction? Do you think petite size or plus size makes you any less susceptible to societies expectations or comparisons? I bet I can guess what your answers are. NO MATTER WHAT WEIGHT YOU ARE, I can guarantee you will not look in the mirror everyday and see perfection. Perfection is non existent. You will see modeling for me is finding confidence & acceptance in myself. Photographers spend 30 minutes to hours of their day shooting with me and I can tell you it’s not always easy being behind the camera. But getting the results after a successful shoot is an indescribable feeling🤍🖤. It started with an instagram message & became much more. I promise you, whatever dream you are holding back from out of fear or insecurity will only grow bigger the more power you give it. You give things power when you don’t address them. Spend more time loving yourself and less on the rest. One thought could change your whole day or decision. I will show you guys the realness and rawness behind the scenes of anything I am stepping out of my comfort zone & doing. I’m doing this for me but also you!
Does this mean I don’t agree with body modification ? No babe; if that’ll help your confidence & keep you from picking at yourself a little less please do. I promise you, it won’t take away the insecurity completely. Body modifications can be risky to your health which is why I preach this & want to encourage confidence regardless. taken in Washington by @captivatingbean_

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9 months ago

Purity at its finest 🦋 taken in Santa Ana, California by @captivatingbean_

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a year ago

Extension of my last post! 🤍 life has been filled with a lot of love & new experiences lately by @captivatingbean_

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a year ago

You will love it over here 😘 taken in Los Angeles, California by @captivatingbean_

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a year ago

Just scroll🤍
I love you guys:) by @captivatingbean_

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a year ago