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Samantha Starting Over

@cardhousecastle

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Samantha Starting Over | TT: 13k
Millennial Content Creator San Diego 🇵🇷 East Coast Transplant 🦅 Single life + Gym Motivation • Former Cult Wife ✝️

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Sudden discard, again 💔 Healing is not linear. Sometimes my heart still feels the absence of the deep connection we had. Sometimes it’s tolerable. Other times the heartache is unbearable. I’m losing my voice from crying so much.
Coming to terms with things that just may never be in the cards for me. I can say it wasn’t all his fault. I was ready to sign up to depend too much on a man again, without receiving anything but love in return. Imagine, a woman who only wants YOU, and nothing else from you, nothing else but you….
The truth is, I didn’t need anything else. I had the realization with my ex-husband. We had it all. The house, the cars, the jobs, the friends, the status, celebrity status even… and we were never happy. We were missing the most important thing… love.
To not only find it, but experience it in ways you always dreamed of. I had long heard love after divorce is the greatest heartbreak of your life, I just never thought I’d have the pleasure of enduring such pain. and that’s all I’ve ever done. Endure. What men put me through. And for that reason I didn’t even want a relationship anymore, but he unlocked something in me that I was convinced didn’t exist anymore. I fell hard.
The crushing reality of things almost, but never come to pass. The yearning for something that can never exist again. I’m still learning to let that go. The healing journey continues. Trying to give myself all the self love before giving anything to anyone else. Trying ✨
He’s a part of who I am and it feels different this time. After getting so close, and spending so much time, I thought we were getting somewhere. To experience sudden discard is absolute devastation. There’s a part of my heart that will always hurt when I think of him. I don’t know what i would say to him, but I think if he wanted to say anything to me, I would at least listen.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 35 years, it’s this: the heart wants what it wants. by @cardhousecastle

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6 days ago

Crazy how fast life changes ✨ life is suddenly moving faster than I expected, and I cannot wait for what is next. Starting over is hard, I promise it’s worth burning every bridge anchoring you to a life that not longer suits you. This is your sign. We are just one small adjustment from making our lives work.
Go for it 💋 by @cardhousecastle

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2 months ago

Imagine that 💋 by @cardhousecastle

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3 months ago

I’m this far away because you pushed me 💋
Imagine, asking someone to be good to you. Realizing, I’m just asking the wrong person, again. Love is not a fair game. The heart wants what it wants. I will tell you, start over hurts, but I promise it’s always worth it.
This is your sign to stop letting those who don’t treat you well take up so much room in your life, and your heart.
Imagine a woman who wants nothing from you but your time. A woman who asks for everything she needs, communicates, plans in advance, and only WANTS you. Let me be clear, I don’t need a man. Everything I need I can provide to myself, and I want my own Empire. Whether a king sits besides me or not is of no consequence to me. That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be nice. But love without peace is just another form of loneliness. There are worse places to be than alone 💋 by @cardhousecastle

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3 months ago

His body weight for reps just to remind myself I can throw him if I wanted to… and it’s not even my max 🤭
Dating in San Diego is not for the faint of heart. I just read an article about how this is the worst place to be single in your 30s 🙃 can confirm.
Constantly reminding myself this is my life, and catching feelings was not on my 2026 bingo card… because heartbreak and sudden discard were already called for this year, and the risk of going through that again…
Recovery is something I don’t want to go through again. My heart is beyond hard, I sometimes wonder if damage goods can ever be repaired. The Romantic in me will never die (big R for the literary folks) jam yesterday, jam tomorrow, never jam today. The hollow yearning for things that will never be.
“make no mistake, we all die alone.” (“Up in the Air”, film, 2009). I think of this line often when I think just maybe I won’t be alone forever… working on accepting some things just may never be in the cards for me at this age. Being ok with that fact? Baha. You will rise from the ashes, but the burning comes first. I am grateful to have had the healing journey finally give way to healing. After months of heartache (see my TT for my sad girl era 🥲) I decided to go experience life again. Can’t meet anyone staying inside the house 🤭 so out I went into the world in solo dates. I’m constantly meeting people 10 years younger than me, and I hear the same thing “I thought you were my age” 😍 well thanks 😂 God made me look young to give me back all the years I lost. Talking about the last decade of my life with someone new is jarring. I don’t want to remember it, but someone wants to know me, and I always over share 😂
I did not realize how empty my cup was before I started spending time with him, but so quickly it’s empty again and I arrive at the same place. Maybe it’s me. I’m the common denominator after all. Maybe this life is just meant for me to do alone. Alone isn’t the worst place to be✨ by @cardhousecastle

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4 months ago

an oldie but a goodie ✨
“Are you the jealous type?” Not even a little bit. If someone can take you from me, I don’t want you. If you want someone else? Go on ahead, just don’t come back… and they ALL try to come back 🤭
Just over here having the time of my life remembering all that I have survived already, and how @devonleighi reminded me how I very much DESERVE THIS.
Obsessed with this era and channeling so much new energy into my hustle ✨ what a time to be alive. The mindset: who is going to give me everything I want? ME. No one is getting in my way 💅🏽 by @cardhousecastle

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5 months ago

Confidence is key ✨ “don’t you get embarrassed dancing around like that in the gym?”
Not at all. This is for me 🤭
People will always look, might as well give them something to look at. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED 😂
But fr, I get my skullcandy Anc2 headphones on and let’s freaking go.
I have been having the time of my life again. You are one brave year away from the life you want. Be brave.
Last night I went out and tried to make friends. I think it worked 😂 it has been incredibly lonely moving back to Oceanside, thinking I’d have a good friend finally here, only to be met with the same dysfunction we had before. The universe keeps crossing our paths, and I wish I understood why.
But something won’t ever make sense, so stop trying to make sense of it.
The healing journey has finally given way to immense healing. The fibers of my soul violently ripped apart. So I could put myself back together in a new way.
My heart is hard, but I’m ok with that. I don’t expect anyone will put me back into my feminine energy any time soon. And that’s ok too. I am content to be me and have my time.
My biggest goal right now? Living alone. Currently working on how to make that sustainable here in California, San Diego nonetheless.
But I remember one thing, I worry too much for someone who has always figured it out ✨ by @cardhousecastle

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5 months ago

I started this move with 20lbs, now I can press 65lbs. Everyone has to start somewhere. It’s that behind the head press at 65lbs that I’ve been chasing for a LONG TIME. And for it to be SO CLEAN, I was absolutely ecstatic as you can tell 🤭
I went to the sauna after this and a new friend I made mentioned they saw me doing this outside haha
I told them this is my favorite combo move. To be doing this less than a year later at is just proof I am capable of hard things. I’m stronger than I ever thought I’d be, and definitely cannot be pushed around anymore 🤭 the last few days have been a whirlwind to say the very least. I had a jam packed fun filled weekend and did SO many things. The way I didn’t know I needed them ✨ and I’m finally free.
On top of that, a friend recently told me I was out of my ex’s league and it was everything I didn’t know I needed to hear. I hadn’t thought about him for a lil bit. Not even how proud of me he would be of all the progress I made. I actually realized, he was holding me back. At the end of the conversation something left my lips that I never thought I would say, and I didn’t even feel bad about it: he wasn’t a man, he just looked like one 🤭
Double yikes, dodged a bullet even if it did rip right through me. I’m grateful to be on the other side of the healing journey. Learning to give myself love before giving it to anyone else.
and that’s true for anyone. Put yourself on the list of things to take care of today. You’re the most important one ✨ by @cardhousecastle

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5 months ago

6 weeks til Summer. Lock in ✨ All the water, all the protein, all the creatine. Someone send help cause I’m tried of washing these every day 🫠 I just barely started taking creatine again; so I am in the loading period. I’m about to be done loading with 20g per day and go down to 10g per day.
Protein will still stay SO incredibly high.i am building lean muscle, and it’s finally working. Progressive overload, dropsets, supersets, and pushing myself to go heavier. It’s allll working and I’m having the time of my life again when I’m at the gym. A new gym certainly helped me get back to me. Ya girl is curling 20s, super SLOW and controlled. No point if you can’t control it 🤷🏻‍♀️ don’t come for me, I’m 5ft tall and I weigh 107lbs.
My Roman Empire used to be: if my life, and my children’s lives, depended on how fast and how far I could carry them, would we survive? I started training so the answer would be yes, without a doubt, we would survive.
Now that I’m set on being child-free for life, this is for me. The fact that someone else gets to enjoy it is a bonus 🤭 they won’t remember what you do for a living, but they will remember it you have a hot wife 💋 by @cardhousecastle

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5 months ago

JUST ONE 👏🏽 Who is going to give me everything I want? Me.No one is getting between me and my dreams again.I’ve decided ‘m only one brave year away from the life I want. Just be brave, for yourself.
Too many times in my life I have moved, changed, shrank, to accommodate a man. Never again.
I spent 8 years of my life in a cult. Not every church is a cult, and I’ll never tell someone not to go. I am weary of the control. There’s a difference between leading people to the Lord lovingly, and leading them there so you can use the word to control how they live their lives. If you feel on the outside, you probably are. Hate to say it. They don’t want me out here talking about my experience cause I was behind closed doors with them 🤭 imagine that. Some people think they are good people just cause they are in church, or lead one… Double YIKES.
I moved twice in my life for a man and his “work/dreams”. And all it did was make me realize what I was willing to accept JUST TO BE LOVED.
Ladies; we need to stop giving these men the benefit of the doubt and start doubting the benefit of these men 🤣
“Don’t you get embarrassed dancing around like that?”
Not at all. THIS IS FOR ME. Not a single person has to understand what I do; this is my life. Elder emo forever 🖤 let’s skank 🤭 (it’s a mosh guys don’t come for me. Make mosh pits mosh again). by @cardhousecastle

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5 months ago

Three reps of he’s just not that into you ✨ life cooked you so hard, how’s your 2-a-day going? I buried the heartache in my back 🤭 I’m finally able to do so many pull ups I need to start adding weight 🫠dating in your mid30s, especially in San Diego, is not for the faint for heart. I find more and more at this age we are all damaged. We’ve all been crushed by love in some way at this point, that taking the risk again just doesn’t seem worth it. On top of that, “I know what I like, and what I don’t I cannot abide.” -Hercule Pirot (Fictional Character, Kenneth Branagh’s “Murder on the Orient Express” 2017). I always think of this line, because at this age, who is bending?
We all have our likes, dislikes. Our time that we have dedicated. Our hobbies. The things we find fun. Not only that, but work. We are somehow all trying to make it, and taking another person is an investment. Especially a gym girlie, we just get hotter 🤭
At a certain point, you just don’t care if anyone gets along with you anymore. They are all competing with the peace I have created for myself. And the minute you disturb it, 86.
I find a great connection starts with someone who adds to your life, not someone who requires you to change it just to get to know them.
But there’s a difference, between asking someone to change their life, and asking someone for time.
I have not asked anyone to take me seriously in a long time, and I don’t plan to. Why? Because who is going to give me everything I want? Me. No one is getting in the way of what I want again. I’m not changing my life around ever again to accommodate someone else’s dreams or goals. You either grow alongside me or fold. And at this point I don’t care if I’m alone in the healing journey. I was grateful for the period I thought I wouldn’t have to be, because the lovergirl in me will never die, and I thought I was over it.
I don’t miss him. I miss deep connection. I miss being in love. I don’t miss who I become in love, and that’s why I am SO single.
I am a giver by nature, and I’ll give every last bit of me, until there is nothing left. I did that for the last time 5 months ago. by @cardhousecastle

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5 months ago

RIP the lovergirl in me ✨ Samantha Jones mindset forever 💋🍸 by @cardhousecastle

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8 months ago