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codiwithaneye

@codiwithaneye

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just being real & having fun ❁
probably outside ✺
@elusivecowgirl irl ◡̈

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I love to be silly and playful and post fun stuff on here, the highlights, and the self love but something I’ll never stop doing is sticking up for women. Sharing our stories matters. Finding connection in grief is monumental, life changing & I’ll never stop striving towards being the friend that other females feel safe around, protected by. I’ll never stop pushing for a better tomorrow, better care, better communication. We all deserve to feel safe.

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So I weep for the women who have to beg to be seen,
have to beg to feel safe, for the little girls who see everything on the news & learn how to be smaller, learn how to be less seen so they won’t be ‘asking for it’. I weep for the past versions of myself who felt so beat down, so bruised, so violated, she learned to not speak up. I weep & I weep & I weep & I pray & I share & I witness & I stand tall & I speak up & I pray that safety will be given with respect, with care, with love because women are everything & if you don’t see that, you need to wake the heck up cause our voices are only getting louder.

#protectwomen #ptsd #dvawareness by @codiwithaneye

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10 days ago

i love the berrrrr months……(i love all the months. i love all the seasons. i love appreciating all the moments that make up the whole. goooood grief. we got some dope places to indulge in around these parts. yiiiiippeeeeeee.) p.s. adding in some of that coco lore on that last slide cause iykyk gotta love starting off October getting your head bashed with a beer bottle circa 2011 god bless hope it made her feel ALIVE hope it brought some sort of growth & healing to all involved 🫡

photo descripts ~ opening up to twin lakes cause HOME 🤎
goofin’ around on film
embracing mountain drives, always
1st solo backpack journey to the sweetest destination hot springs
dead hammerhead energy, what a beaut / what a tragedy
a silly lil send that surprised me to get so quick yewwww I can still climb???
post stitches, pre sleep after a long night @ the hospital….the beer bottle story….well, that’s for another time….

xx by @codiwithaneye

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a month ago

i may not have a ton of money
…but i sure am rich 🤍

it’s been a rough year of grieving what i once had, what’s lost, realizing how long it takes to build back up after such detrimental loss, coping with where I came up short to take care of myself. It’s all a long, delicate process but it’s also a constant reminder of all these ways I’m still so full even without the material, investing in experiences, finding out I really don’t need much to be grateful because really, really I have so much of what I’ve always wanted. Not everything’s perfect and the reality of mourning community along with grief & reconcile for loss hits hard on the daily. The internet definitely shines on our most exciting, most beautiful moments but don’t be fooled that it’s all just bliss. My smile is followed by tears. My tears are followed by anger. My anger is followed by frustration. Frustration followed by stress. Stress followed by resentment. Resentment fading into debilitation. Debilitation into burn out. The cycle continues…until some point when maybe it doesn’t all burn so bad. That’s what I can count on. It’s all changing, shifting, moving, growing, becoming. Again and again. Even in the mourning, even in the grief, even in the sorrow, I get to witness some pretty incredible beauty in places that who knows how long will still be there…I get to eat tasty treats, I get to be seen as my most authentic self by people who want to understand me. I get to have fresh drinking water straight from the source. I get to grow nourishment. I get to see beautiful pools of water and peaks being kissed by the sun. I get to feel the sun!!! I get to smell pretty flowers! I get to do this! So, really, how lucky am I? To have this moment right here. To have the strength to keep pushing when I’ve been knocked down. To heal myself & the people around me by simply showing up & giving a heck. So….yeah, I guess you could say, I am pretty rich. 💕 #gratitude by @codiwithaneye

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a month ago

I spent a long time in life chasing love. Asking for it from all the wrong people. Finding some sort of worthiness from having assholes give me the slightest bit of affection. I got to this point after so many flops and absolute absurdities + lots of unlearning & therapy + lots of loneliness & aloneness where I was just genuinely more happy when I was by myself. There wasn’t opportunity for disappointment or rejection or let downs. I know what I need to feel my best, to do my best & I felt better alone. It’s wild (& slightly annoying!) that it really is true, when you stop searching, stop forcing, stop being where you don’t belong, the stars align. No, I don’t believe that jumping into a relationship just fixes everything or that other people are going to be what heals you because it’s not that simple and healing definitely isn’t linear or finite but what I’ve learned from a year of feeling this ones adoration, and from stepping back from relationships that didn’t feel sustainable or uplifting, I started to feel a sense of security that was quite frankly pretty foreign to me. It was one of those “wtf have I been doing this whole time?” moments cause I didn’t have to beg to be seen, I didn’t have to question it, I didn’t have to walk on eggshells, I didn’t have to hide parts of myself. I could just simply be and it was enough. To be with someone that welcomes all the parts of me, encourages my outrageous ideas, & supports me in whatever ways I want to express myself!! *mind blown* Also being friends first & then developing into more is so cool cause you get to laugh & play & dance & KISS while being silly then dive into existential conversations & have someone there to walk u to the bathroom when u can’t get out of bed like woah, who woulda thunk? Anyways, please learn from my fumbles & don’t waste your energy on people who are mean or don’t let you be yourself or make you question things! That’s not how love should feel!!! Rather I’m in a relationship or not, I’ll always be a lover & always be a (hopeful!) romantic but holy wow am I happy to be your lover !!! can’t wait for even more corny romance w/ u baby boyyyyy :* MWAH #healing #onthecob #hotsprings by @codiwithaneye

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a month ago

…..so they say…& really, I’m not one for getting ‘bored’ (always a new craft to indulge in, place to explore, food to try) but life has felt slow lately, quiet, calm. Part of that is cause I’m not…fighting for my life? Out of one obstacle just to be met with another trauma? Not letting buttheads infiltrate my entire life? No, I’ve just been soaking in not being in constant fight or flight, in constant chaos, on guard. It’s nice to just be for a moment. For as long as I can remember, being in the present moment has been an intentional practice for me. That doesn’t always come easy when so many people I love are so far but if I’m constantly worrying about what’s next and obsessing about what’s passed, I’m going to miss it all. I’m going to miss the sunsets. I’m going to miss the quiet. I’m going to miss finding the peace in the middle of the chaos. It’s so easy for us to stay distracted, to stay down because of the brutalities of the world and it’s something quite remarkable these days to be able to take a step back from the constant influx of info & tragedy & tend to your heart, your body, your present. It’s what we do have control of out of all this madness. How we interact with the world. How we hold ourselves & the people we love through it. So, I’ll take the slow stretches in the garden with the sweetest little loaf. I’ll take the pause. I’ll honor the privilege to be able to take a moment. Really is a gift to have this moment, right here. To feel a little more healed than yesterday. To just be. #healyourheart #eatyourgreens #petyourcat #chasethesun by @codiwithaneye

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3 months ago

worst case scenario, they whack u in the badusssy, best case scenario u get to have endless giggles till the sun goes down p.s. both end up somehow always happening :-) hehe OH & not one person I’ve taught this sacred art to has ever been upset about learning it :’) have fun go outside & get off that dang phone ! ! ! by @codiwithaneye

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3 months ago

the love/disdain relationship for hometowns is so very real but as I get older, I feel so lucky I get to experience my lil dirt bag mountain wranglin’ lifestyle & then come back to this space where so many growing pains occurred and feel so much love. grateful for the growth & the ability to soak it all in. by @codiwithaneye

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3 months ago

& nicer & stronger & tougher & hotter….sometimes i forget, for a moment, about the absolute sh*t life has thrown at me & how I still manage to have empathy & decency for the person next to me, bare minimum —-> the ones who choose to let me know them closer, like holy dang ofc im going to cherish that w/ my soft tender heart no matter how it ends up but dang, being out of survival mode for what feels like the first time in…a long heckin’ time (bless therapy & a safe home space & kind humans in my life) has made me really reconcile w/ myself on ever letting lame o’s take advantage of that softness, for having hope & such a strong ache for connection that I’d let dirt get between my toes far too easily, I’d let people hurt me because they’d apologize later, lies & cheats & abuse added up & took a huge toll on me, for a long time - even still, at times. really, truly wish em the best (& to never get near me again, yuck) but fr fr sometimes we can’t stop how people cheat us or leave us or hurt us but we can choose how we let them love us & how close we let them to be able to hurt us, it’s all a delicate dance but if I’ve learned 1 thing (I’ve learned many many) it’s that I wish I didn’t waste sooo much time being so heartachy over it that I let myself not enjoy* life….imm all here for healing & feeling like duh it’s me cmon now but forget that loser & go have fun cause life is too short to let phonies cheat you of joy ok ok enough of my rants love u & ur beautiful tender genuine heart, okaaaay byeee oh! & ps! using nature as a gym as much as I can for as long as I can cause it’s fun duhhh & uh the news is scary & us humans sure are doing a lot to destroy our only home ok (I still believe somehow it’s all gonna work out cause there are a lot of rad humans out there doing a lot of rad things) ok bye fr now <3 by @codiwithaneye

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4 months ago

PENNY ! ! ! petunia Penelope sweet pea loaf dog i love you so :’) by @codiwithaneye

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5 months ago

some recents from the road ~ it’s been awhile since I’ve been to so many new places so quickly, not my normal style…as nomadic as I am, I genuinely do prefer to be grounded in a place for a moment to fully experience it & sometimes that’s just not what life allows so I get what I can when I can & do the best to make it the best it can be (I can’t even really wrap my head around losing my truck & all my art & creative outlets & still heckin’ making it happen :’)) I’m not sure the aches of feeling homesick will ever go away when you’re constantly saying goodbye, when you’re constantly leaving what you love but somehow, you cope with it & learn to not hold on too tight, appreciating things for what they are in the moments you have them. Sometimes, I don’t want to let go. I don’t want it to be over. I don’t want the constant movement & change. I just want to breathe and exist and appreciate. The older I get, the faster life goes. I think capturing the moments of joy & bliss is the only way to keep them alive when reality hits again, when loneliness strikes, when things aren’t so fun. I wish I knew what would stick around but I think the best I got, is finding some sort of home, some sort of ground to rely on, internally. Knowing it’ll all change but knowing I’ll figure it out as it comes & appreciating the absolute sh*t out of the moments that aren’t so sh*t. So cheers to that??? I’m boinkin’ pumped for what’s in store ((I have no idea what it is but I’m going to trust I got something brewing in the dome that’s worth my while))…..yeeeehaw just riding the waaaaaveeee n giving a heck abt the earth & loving hard & smelling the flowers & romanticizing the absolute heck out of all of it cause sometimes it’s all we got & I’d rather be a lover in this cruel world than add to that dark sh*t f that be a light y’all n give a heck cause it’s cool & hot even if ur a big softy at least ur a big softy <3 <3 <3 xx by @codiwithaneye

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5 months ago

just a tiny little speck on the pale blue dot :’) p.s. probably in my top 5 fav hot springs i’ve ever come across <3 by @codiwithaneye

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5 months ago

hot spring sommelier reporting for duty ! ! ! ((i take my job vvv seriously)) (; #imSPRUNG by @codiwithaneye

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6 months ago