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Reioku / 冷憶

@cold.stress

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"tell me how you hate me xd"...............
i miss you so much.

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i had a vibe and you were the one who came up to my mind first, m.. .

i dont know what to say here. all i do is keep circling in my chaotic mind.

people say there are good things but the things i see are more like just a reflection, or something too far.

im tired of this
im always up to talk

though, it'll probably not help

maybe even hurt more...
but try. im used to pain, almost every day, maybe every day.

maybe the thing you are afraid to give me, even if its pain, i'd appreciate it. by @cold.stress

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9 hours ago

the nonstop rain,
soft kisses of cold,
crowded but empty roads of the street
reminds me of you.

i want to catch the droplets
and build you back

my eyes gazing the distant landscape
i dont see you but i feel you.

can you please take me beside you?

now im not the one crying but the weather
hope you can see unsent letters
maybe then you could choose my fate
rather than how the world gets elaborate

im the one who is running away each day
i hope i am not getting hates by you
but if its not convining enough
then, please, take a look at everything occurs at night
i put your name one by one every of them till they fly
until the next day comes again. by @cold.stress

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3 days ago

liar. by @cold.stress

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7 days ago

by @cold.stress

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7 days ago

im doing anything, anything might sound fun to try to keep my state positive. knowing it will always end up not working at all. who am i more than just a insane person who yaps, having frequent and constant mood changes; sometimes looking idiot then to so called smart talks, from looking funny to a person who looks like lowest person they have ever seen?

im, tired of my mood swings. i dont know who to be, i dont know what to think about. i dont know which path to choose. im thinking about if im expecting you only because i had lack of the things you gave me. but in reality, what if even us is a lie my dear friend? do you see me as a lie? am i a lie? considering my potential nihilistic mind, are we also nothing? im missing you, then i feel light-minded; i feel like laughing, then i am drowning in my tears. i feel like im finding a straight mental path then i lose myself once again. i feel like an insane person who thinks they could be normal, breaking down and going calm, watching the landscape.

i am tired of the fact that, im not even considering "love", i am not even able to have a close friend for myself. so called smart-minded is maybe random jerk who is running away from their only cure, the death. then causing struggling past to anyone im trying to be close to. i can not feel normal somehow. even if im fooling myself so much that i feel like im happy even though nothing in my life, my mind changes.

feeling tired but cannot go to sleep.
feeling like sleeping but i am afraid of tomorrow.
could you call me my name once again?
saying "you are helpful to me"
then im going, "thats what i always hear" once again?
none of em feeling true after some point.

dont compliment me, curse me. i dont wanna turn into someone egoistic. i dont wanna feel like i accomplished something even though only thing i do is type brainlessly. without realising i might regret it later.
usually, every time i get that breeze in my body, im asking "am i going to see you again after im dead? or at least something good?" by @cold.stress

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9 days ago

by @cold.stress

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12 days ago

Maybe too far away, maybe we both look like totally different people. But far from here, i feel my heart belongs to somewhere in that life. Having only plenty of people i talk in my personal life, walking alone in the street, taking the excellent breath inside my chest. Running around together, climbing the walls that we should not be able to. Even get to a place that is closer to The Moon, covering it with our hands. Even if i know that i may die sooner there, my heart sometimes keep telling that i could have a different life here. At least having a walk to different places, instead of walking from the same place to same place back and again and again... by @cold.stress

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23 days ago

i wish i could get you back from the snows that are falling down. by @cold.stress

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a month ago

by @cold.stress

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a month ago

im so sorry. i didnt mean to do those things behind you. i dont know what am i doing. i am just so lost and delusional. i didnt mean to do any mistake behind you. even i feel disgusted from myself sometimes. i just wanted to reach you. hear your voice, see your face, listen to your excellent laugh; though, i knew i never deserved none before anything happened even before you. i am no one to long about this. my brain slowly disables things in itself. do you enjoy seeing me regreting that i woke up every day? why did you have to make me feel regret of you? i wanted to love you. but apparently i am too bad that i can even feel trust issues with the last person i could... i am so tired. i am even tired of planning it. i am tired of choosing wrong answers every time. i just wanted to fix things. were everything you said was mistake or is that another time that i am sabotaging myself? by @cold.stress

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2 months ago

by @cold.stress

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2 months ago

I just miss you so much. Every time I go there, every moment I remember the past which you made the special most, on every time i have those brain sparks, i see the times you were alive. and I see how bastard I was. I cant believe i have been like this. yet, im keep fucking everything up. i cant believe i have done all that or havent done them. it was nobody, it was me that disbanded all the people. intentionally and unintentionally. maybe you could've stayed longer if i wasnt there at all, or if we/i hadnt caused attention. everything keeps making me say i wish i never existed. no, i dont fucking want anybody to make me think the opposite. i know what i have done. and i will going to live with this, or not. i wished thousand times to see you again, meet you again somehow. i dont even know if you'd like to meet me after death. on every day, i just wish you. rest well, i hope you are doing well, cuz im not usually. im sorry. i should've vanised already. by @cold.stress

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2 months ago