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Ronda Haywood

@corejas43

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So yesterday I was scrolling on here and I was listening to woman talk about grieving her son who had passed away. She wanted to remind everyone that one day the trauma from losing your loved one will heal. The trauma of the lost would not feel all consuming one day. One of my biggest fears as a child was losing my Grandma Mary. Like I used have nightly nightmares about losing her starting at the age of 8 and then I wake up to see her lying next to me in bed, so relived that it was always a bad dream. So fast forward to actually losing her this year, I personally feel my brain has had a weird sense of calm the whole year but not in a good way its a very numb feeling that lingers no matter what I do...thats the trauma of grief still consuming. I have so many amazing memories with my grandma but my heart, my brain can't give past how quickly life changed in two hours. I literally replay the last conversation with her, the last hour with her in my brain and I know it's part of healing but its time for me to actively try to heal as well.

To semi quote, Mike Shinoda the year Chester passed away:

"As tempting as it is to post (#Fuck2025) and leave it at that, I realized what a cop-out that would be for me. It’s weird to think back and say: “yep, that was unquestionably the worst year of my life. (.......)
Looking past the obvious tragedies in my own life, this year wasn’t without things to be grateful for. "

So with that the remainder of the year Im going to remind myself through photo memories of the moments I lived, the moments Im grateful for and mostly havent posted about. Ive truly just been floating through life this year but I did alot of cool things and shared life with alot of amazing people. So these photo dumps may annoy some but I do hope some enjoy the pictures as well and if you dont, in the end these dumps will be for me ultimately....Time for me to slowly try to heal my trauma brain....So yeah, tomorrow I will literally start dumping all the good moments because even though I lost a big part of my heart in 2025.

2025 was also filled with so much love and experiences with my friends, family and the savior of live music as per usual. ❤ by @corejas43

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9 months ago

Memories that make me smile:

Halloween with Fred Durst, Deputy Doofy, Sam, Clown, Count Dracula and his Vampire mommy! ❤️ by @corejas43

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3 days ago

@stephahay88 & I with our Grandma Jean the day before her birthday last week! We love you! ❤️❤️❤️ by @corejas43

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14 days ago

Mommy + Daughter date to see @mychemicalromance!❤️🖤❤️🖤 taken in Alamodome by @corejas43

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17 days ago

Happy Beautiful @irmaggeddon! Love you!❤️ by @corejas43

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24 days ago

Happy birthday @ernin646! I love you very much & Im so very thankful for you! Lune you por vida! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ by @corejas43

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2 months ago

Grr!! Stacy(Mick's wife) and now Jim posting cryptic post, 🤔 by @corejas43

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2 months ago

Thanks AEW production team! I need to know these things 😆 🤣 by @corejas43

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3 months ago

by @corejas43

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3 months ago

Happy birthday to my beautiful my mom! Love you very much! 😘❤️😘 by @corejas43

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3 months ago

I'm a very lucky to have some of the most beautiful chosen family/soul sisters & you are one of them!

Happy birthday my Janiepoo! Love you! 😘❤️😘 by @corejas43

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3 months ago

❤️🧡💛💚💙🩵💜 taken in Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club San Antonio by @corejas43

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3 months ago