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Corey

@coreyyland

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dreaming loudly.
moving intentionally.
making art of the in-between.
becoming more myself as i go.
curious.
attached to very little.

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Wonder taken in Concord, New Hampshire by @coreyyland

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10 hours ago

Samantha @__browsandbeautyllc__ taken in The Foundry Restaurant by @coreyyland

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a day ago

Training Day With Liam taken in YMCA of Concord by @coreyyland

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2 days ago

Existing by @coreyyland

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3 days ago

A continuation of trying to be stronger. healthier. more successful. easier to understand. trying to become someone people would choose, someone people would stay for, someone who finally had the answer.

and somewhere along the way, i realized there was already someone here.

me.

not the future version. not the healed version. not the version with the perfect body, career, home, bank account, relationship, or plan.

this one.

i don’t think i’m becoming a new person anymore. i think i’m finally becoming inhabitable to myself.

learning that love doesn’t require disappearance. that i can care without constructing both sides of the bridge. that i can be useful without being used up. that rest can come before collapse. that someone else’s behavior can give me information without determining my worth.

i’m learning that growth isn’t always some massive fucking transformation. sometimes it’s keeping the promise. saying no. asking for help. staying teachable. laughing at myself. riding the mechanical bull. moving my body because it feels good. loving the people around me. sitting quietly with an animal. letting a tuesday just be a tuesday.

i’ve spent enough time being the phoenix.

i want to be the gardener now.

less fire. more soil.

i want to cultivate what is already here. water what is growing. prune what drains me. let what has ended become compost instead of a monument. and see what grows when i stop digging everything back up looking for answers.

inhabiting: i am here.

cultivating: i care for what is here.

embodying: i live what i know.

i still want love. adventure. touch. friendship. family. community. strange beautiful clothes. movement. travel. ridiculousness. all of it.

i just don’t want any of it at the price of leaving myself anymore.

maybe that’s what these 20 little pieces of my life are.

no single one explains me.

neither do all 20.

i am more than i am.

and for once, i don’t need to know exactly who i’m becoming.

i’m already here.

the light is on. by @coreyyland

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7 days ago

i’ve spent years asking, who am i? lately the question has changed: what am i going to do with who i am? because i actually know who the fuck i am. not completely, not permanently, and definitely not in one clean noun. i’m love and misunderstanding, mistakes and honor, fear and curiosity, confidence and insecurity, accountability and contradiction. i’m a kaleidoscope. i want artistry in my words, heart, soul, feeling and spirit, but i want the fingerprints left on the glass. i don’t want to polish myself so much that i stop recognizing who’s speaking.

i’ve spent a lot of my life hiding depression under happiness, carrying shame, disappearing, canceling, assuming people were judging me when sometimes the loudest judgment was coming from inside my own house. i know i’ll retreat again. i’ll get overwhelmed again. i’m not trying to become someone who never struggles. i just want the return to get shorter. three weeks. three days. three hours. come back.

sometimes my distance does not mean i stopped loving you. sometimes i’m trying to figure out how to love myself. and i’m learning something else too: i don’t really want “i know you.” i want “i want to know you.” ask me questions. discover me. let me change. but i owe you that same freedom. i cannot ask you to remain curious about me while deciding i’ve already figured you out.

i’m almost 12 years sober. sometimes i forget how fucking enormous that is. there was a version of me who could barely imagine tomorrow. now i’m imagining fatherhood, friendship, soccer, opera, new zealand, a vocation built around people and belonging, and a life that feels more inhabited than performed.

i still care what people think. of course i fucking do. but every time i speak this honestly, i strip a little power away from the imaginary versions of me living inside everybody else’s head.

maybe growth isn’t becoming somebody new.

maybe it’s becoming less afraid to occupy the entirety of the person already here.

hold the kaleidoscope still.

look.

remain curious. by @coreyyland

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2 months ago

Stars

A field guide to noticing the light that was already here.

This is my archive.

Not of achievements or perfection, but of everything that quietly reminded me I was already home.

For a long time, I thought I was searching for myself.

Looking back, I don’t think I ever lost him.

I just wasn’t looking with enough tenderness.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped asking my life to prove it was beautiful.

I started noticing that it already was.

Not because the moments changed.

Because I did.

I’ve realized I don’t photograph beautiful things.

I photograph the exact moment someone becomes a little more themselves.

I think that’s why I love coaching.

Why I love conversations.

Why I love photography.

Maybe that’s even why I want to become a dad.

Not because I have the answers.

Because I love witnessing people discover their own.

For years I thought I was aiming for the moon.

Only to realize we’d been standing among the stars the whole time.

We aren’t searching for light.

We are the light, quietly reflected back through one another.

One star is beautiful.

A sky full of them becomes a story.

Maybe that’s why I keep taking pictures.

Not to remember what happened.

To remember how it felt.

I photograph almost everything in black and white because color tells me what something looked like.

Black and white reminds me what it felt like.

So this time there’s one photograph in color.

Not because color is better.

Because sometimes awakening arrives quietly.

My life doesn’t have to make sense to be beautiful.

As long as I see it.

As long as I know it’s beautiful.

The world has never asked me to become someone worth loving.

It has been loving me all along.

So today I’ll leave you with the same question I’ve been asking myself:

Which version of yourself are you most proud of meeting today?

I think seven-year-old Corey would’ve looked at this life with wonder.

And for the first time…

I think I’m beginning to see what he always saw. by @coreyyland

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3 months ago

There’s been the closing of many doors. Some gently. Some painfully. Some by choice. Some completely out of my hands.

For a long time, I tried turning every heartbreak into a lesson, every loss into gratitude, every difficult thing into growth so I could carry it easier. But sometimes pain is just pain. Sometimes being human is enough. Surviving a moment without losing your softness is enough.

I know who I am. I’m not searching for myself anymore. I’m learning how to love myself without abandoning pieces of me to make other people comfortable.

My life will unfold on the path I choose for myself, not the one chosen for me by fear, expectation, history, or projection.

I’m learning boundaries. Real ones. The kind that hurt. The kind that reveal who sees me for who I am now versus who only loves the memory of who I used to be.

And still, my love remains.

Through disappointment, distance, endings, uncertainty, and grief, I still believe in people. I still believe in tenderness. I still believe in connection that feels honest, mutual, and safe. I still believe in fairy tales, just not the kind where you disappear to keep them alive.

So this is me returning to myself.
Art. Community. Friendship. Stillness. Weirdness. Laughter. Leadership. Softness. Home. Healing. My cat curled beside me while rain taps against the window. The people who never punish me for being human.

I love getting older. The grays. The wisdom earned through living. Choosing myself without apology. Knowing the people meant for me will not disappear because I needed honesty, rest, space, or time.

I’m stubborn. Emotional. Intense. A fucking lot sometimes. But when I love, I love wholeheartedly.

Maybe this is what all of this has been about. Not becoming someone else. Not learning how to be less. But learning how to exist fully without shame.

Softness and chaos.
Community and solitude.
Movement and stillness.
Grief and joy.
The breaking and the becoming.

And somehow, despite everything, I still love this life. taken in Concord, New Hampshire by @coreyyland

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4 months ago

Still riding the wave from Saturday and our community campaign. We raised so much for the YMCA, and that means more kids in camp, more support for youth, more strength for our active agers, and more opportunities for this community to thrive.

Hearts of Strength was something special. The energy, the love, the people who showed up and gave in so many ways… it meant everything. From donations to raffle baskets to simply being there, you made it unforgettable. I wish I could tag everyone, but please know this gratitude is for all of you. Bean and Bakery, Gondwana, Brothers Cortado, you are incredible.

We don’t do this work for money. We do it because we believe in people, in community, in showing up for one another with respect, love, and care, and I can honestly say I’ve never been more proud to be part of the YMCA.

I’m so excited for what’s to come this year with Concord and how I can be a part of as much of it as possible. Growing up here since 2015 and thriving over the last 11 years has been something really special. I’ve made incredible friendships. I may not see everyone as much as I’d like, but that’s because I’m a busy hummingbird, moving, connecting, introducing people, building relationships, and creating spaces filled with love, happiness, and energy. Yeah, it’s exhausting, and yeah, we don’t get paid much, but the reward is real. It’s love, it’s connection, and at the end of the day, I’m happy.

There have been so many beautiful things this month. My baby brother and my sister-in-law welcomed a new little pumpkin pie into the world. Some of my best friends welcomed a new baby. We have new and exciting things happening at our Y. Two Home Fitness is thriving. Paula is kicking ass with the rest of the crew. My clients are doing amazing. Mina is just perfect in every way.

To everyone who supports me and accepts me through my highs, my lows, and everything in between, thank you. Thank you for seeing who I was, who I am, and who I’m still becoming. And to anyone still holding onto an old version of me, fuck you, with love. I hope this year keeps getting better and better for all of us. I love you all. @intownconcord thank you for making Concord THRIVE. by @coreyyland

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6 months ago

Sometimes I think of Instagram as the modern version of a live journal. A tiny window into someone’s life. The truth is, what you see here is maybe 10% of mine.

I’m proud of who I’ve become. I’ve done a lot of digging, healing, falling down, getting back up, and learning how to stand in who I am. Little Corey would never have imagined the person I’m growing into.

I believe deeply in people. In equality. In meeting humans where they are. I’ve learned how to do that by learning to see myself clearly too.

But I’m still human.

I make plans and sometimes I cancel them. Deb, Ashlynn, Erin, Bruce… you’ve all experienced that side of me. Sometimes I’m exhausted. Sometimes I should probably just get up and go because the people in my life bring me so much joy.

My friends Rahkiya and Eric have their beautiful baby Ryland and I haven’t even met her yet. Life gets messy. Imperfect. CC is going through a hard time and I dropped the ball on seeing her. My girlfriends Lisette and Michelle, I don’t call as much as I should. Courtney went through a horrible accident and I kind of disappeared. Then the shame creeps in and I bury it instead of facing it.

This is my heart. This is my vulnerability.

If you watch my stories but we never actually talk when we see each other… do you really think you know my life from 20 slides?

Connection takes effort on both sides.

Many of the people who love me have shown up for me again and again, and I’m learning that the next chapter of my life is making them the same priority they’ve made me.

I love humans. I love the possibility of strangers becoming friends, even if only for a moment, because being seen and loved matters.

The work I do building community fills my heart even when it doesn’t always fill my bank account. I’m grateful for people like my best friend Robin who help me in real, humbling ways.

I’m building my life step by step.

When you see the workouts, the smiles, the sunshine version of Corey on Instagram… just know that’s one piece of the kaleidoscope.

I have many shades. And I never want to be just one.

If any of this resonates with you, just know you’re not alone in being human. by @coreyyland

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7 months ago

I’ve been full of grief and growth. Exhausted but inspired. Breaking and rebuilding all at once. Learning to see the writing on the walls without the blinders of trauma or codependency. Learning to see what’s real. I’ve faced heartbreak and change and still found the strength to show up. My family reminded me I’m still here not through words but through thoughtfulness through unconditional through love. I’ve missed moments but I’ve grown because of them. I’ve learned to speak up, to forgive myself, and to stay soft even when it’s hard. Work has tested me in ways I never expected but it’s also been my greatest triumph. I handled what I could with grace and still believed in what I do. I’ve thrived through challenges that should have broken me. I love my job, my people, my community, and the purpose I get to live. I’m tired from the unexpected freedom I found and the mountains I still have to climb but I’m grateful. I’m healing. I’m growing. I’m still here. I love me. I love you.

#GriefAndGrowth #Healing #Family #Career #Grace #Resilience #SelfLove #Community #Purpose #StillHere #Gratitude #Love by @coreyyland

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a year ago

Balance is tricky. You want to make plans, be with your tribe, meet career deadlines, spend time with family, and take care of yourself. But the most important part of life is refilling our cup and soul, finding the light within to get through darker times. The darker times are lessons wrapped in pain, but they teach us balance. Then comes the exhaustion that sneaks in when you least expect it—because you’re in the sauce of life, of enjoyment, of Earth’s gifts. But it’s about balance, right? Solidarity. Community. The biggest zest for life I can find is gratitude. Gratitude is my saving grace. When I think about the world, it breaks my heart, but it also gives me hope. That fuels me—to find my balance, my center, and pour my gift of love. To smile at strangers, wave on the sidewalk, let people know they are loved without needing to know them. To teach my classes and hold up a mirror for myself too. They show up, I show up. For each other, we find this link—a thread of being seen, of not feeling alone. I’m grateful for my career, my tribe, my city, the slow, the fast. Balance is something I struggle with, because I want to give—but I refuse to give from an empty vessel. So sometimes I pull back. Sometimes you’ll see me every day, and it’s fabulous. Sometimes I hibernate. That’s not personal—it’s me pouring back into myself so I can pour into others again. The world is my muse. I love to lift people, but some days I need to go back into the mirror and see that myself. I celebrate my life right now. I celebrate my successes, my lessons. Because failures? I don’t believe in them. Just lessons. Just points on the journey of balance. It’s okay to tip the scales now and then. What matters is finding your pace again. Finding the balance of light and dark. Survival. Life. A blurred kaleidoscope—but still a kaleidoscope.
#Balance #Gratitude #Reflection #LifeInBalance #Healing by @coreyyland

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a year ago