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Danni Tabor | Wellbeing Coach

@dannitabor

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Mum of 2 & trying to make parenting a bit less shite by sharing the real bits Co-Founder @liftstudioldn & nutrition coach

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I find so much about the world today, boring and irritating.

The very idea that breastfeeding in public is to be questioned.

That as a woman its just yet another thing we should do "right or wrong"

Let us bloody breathe guys.

I have never looked at a woman breastfeeding and thought "omg omg where do I look, shit, fuck, omg this is so embarrassing or cringe"

If someone whipped out their boobs and started twiddling their nipples whilst making eye contact, sure, maybe.

I can only imagine seeing boobs feels weird or awkward if you are to think they are just these "sexual" objects on a body. Only useful for being "sexy" (I can assure you, my boobs have been anything but sexy for the last 4 yrs 😅) They will return to sexy vibes one day, but if you see me breastfeeding in public.

Please dont sexualise me Sandra.

Im just feeding my kid.

And ya know what. I have and still sexulise my body in my life (butt shots for days for years) im not opposed to it.

But breastfeeding?

I dunno if Sidney Sweeny set us bk 100 years. Maybe I did breastfeeding on the Victoria line on a Sunday at 10am

#breastfeeding #sidneysweeny by @dannitabor

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9 days ago

The dress deserved a whole modelling spot on the feed @sikadesigns this is possibly the best dress I have ever worn.

The colour, the fit, the POCKETS, the quality. I dont think I will ever be able to wear anything else ever again.

Not an ad but a bloody ad because this designer is insane. Its a black owned company and the dresses are all made in Ghana 👌🏽❤️

If you followed me through all my dress deliberations for 6months lol, this is where we landed 🤩

Ill do another post on the best wedding of the decade in a bit. 💥🥰🤩

Xxx by @dannitabor

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17 days ago

@eweleazefarm Our second time and an absolute dream.

Last yr we went as a family of 4, Sully being 8months old. It was lovely. But 1) 8 months is shite and 2) something was missing.

If you have been here a while you will know I struggled with parenthood the 1st time around. Id thought "i have friends already so I dont need mum friends"
And then found myself isolated. Alone alot. Travelling across London to see friends who were just at very different stages of life. Friends with Teens. 4 yr olds. Or no kids at all.

The second time round I promised id "put myself out there" and meet other mums. It gave me the ick as I remember thinking "I" was cringe.

But... enter a mum whats app group for second time mums.

The group chat got me through mat leave. Lots of wine was had. Lots of exercise classes, random lunch dates. Lots of lovely women were met.

Of course i had severe social anxiety, absolute fear of being too much, not enough.

But I was so grateful to have these moments of connection at 4am when feeding. Other mums goin through the exact same thing.

I dint know if I would meet friends for life. Not everyone is your people. Or more to the point. Im not everyones person. A pill Ive choked on in most eras of my life😅but I was open, unlike mat leave one where I wouldnt mk eye contact in bongalong👀

And then. I met this bunch. The 1st afternoon we all ended up in the garden 6m into mat leave, with chicken wine & got sloshed & well the rest is history.

How lucky we are to have kids that get on, hubby's that dont jus do the awkward football chat & women that mk u laugh till u pee ❤️

I remember last yr, the only weekend we could go to Ewlease was the same weekend as the person who told me about it and I remember feeling extreme embarrassment that she thought we were following them there 🫠 She was super sweet and we had wine and our kids played a bit.
But deep down, I felt shame we werent there with friends.

To return & have such a wholesome trip with these women felt really bloody lovely.

So

Make eye contact. Join the group. Ask if people are free. Let go of the shame in making friends at 40. Buy the chicken wine. by @dannitabor

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a month ago

Caveat: im not against fat loss or someones personal choice.

Im against being force fed the msg "fat loss above..." anything else.

And im not mad at us wanting to lose fat. But im mad the affect the messaging has on us all. Expectations of us all.

Had glp1s been around 15 yrs ago the way they are now there is nothing, literally nothing that would have stopped me.

Im not dissing weight loss drugs. They are doing amazing things for many people. Alot unrelated to weight loss too.

But the wider effect of them, the mass fat loss that is seen around us "is" effecting my/our brain.

There was a moment where maybe we weren't really in full "body positive" mode. But it felt like there was some push bk.

Maybe we weren't all "happy with how we looked" (i do not think this is the goal)
but we thought we would try to sit with it maybe even to be neutral (my fav) Like a little "fuck you" to the patriarchy.

If the messaging was a strong river current (leading to a deathly waterfall) I felt there was a lot of people swimming against the current trying to get out. At least in my echo chamber.

Now it feels like, we got tired and have started to grab rubber pink flamingos, a cocktail & flow with the current again.

I feel like theres a massive, "fuck that, I didnt believe my stretch marks were Tiger stripes anyway"
Which they arent. & that msg was patronising. It was the wrong msg.

Of course we all have autonomy. But its harder to know why we choose what we choose when the noise is so loud.

I dont have a conclusion or resolution. Just to reiterate what my msg has always been.

Our "idealised" body very rarely matches our ideal lifestyle.
I spent 15yrs wondering why my ideal body wouldnt stick, only to realise it was a lifestyle that was impossible cos I dint want it.

If the lifestyle we choose is too costly to maintain said body its not something that works. Its something that imprisons us. If we feel shit but "look great" (like we fit into the beauty standard) I dunno how we reconcile that.

How long does that last?

It doesnt. Which is why the marketing will never ever stop 😭 & as women we will always be fucking trapped.

How u lot feeling? by @dannitabor

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2 months ago

Getting a 4 yr old to do something that needs doing often feels like witch craft.

Teeth brushing. Getting dressed in a timely manner.

Trying a food.

Currently I am taking him in whispers.

So far so good.

Till it doesnt work 😬

Im no expert but thought id share incase it gains you minutes back of your life.

Boy mum. Parenting. Mum life. by @dannitabor

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2 months ago

18 months yesterday.

I know often people talk about the second kid being a healing experience 😅

I have to agree that becoming a parent for the 1st time had scarred me slightly. So this 2nd time round felt better for sure.

Which is hilarious cos Ori was a way more "chill" "easier" kid.

I guess the universe knew i wouldnt handle a Sully 1st time around 🤣

It wasnt the kid.

It was parenting. The pressures. Societies expectations. The unsupport you get as a mum.

Dont offer me a seat on the tube pregnant.

Help me down the dam stairs with the pram once the kid is here.

Dont treat me like a delicate flower whilst im carrying.

Know that im struggling on 1 hrs sleep post them being born 😒

Anyhoot...

6m to 1yr is the hardest part of parenting for me both times round.

And this kid is BUSY. Both at night and in the day 😅

But this time around things were a bit different

*Me and J had pre planned therapy to have in the early stages
*I knew what to expect from the world
*I had mum friends & Sully got baby friends
*I went to classes for me, over Sully
*I drank Chicken wine

But also... I reminded myself, life returns. I returned. Albeit changed.

And getting to know this kid has been an absolute pleasure.

This next 6m might be my favourite.

His 1st words have been

Barry
Ball
Mama
Daddy
Ori
Out
Ow
Stinky (Sht kee)
No

"Barry no" being his favourite 🫢

#boymum by @dannitabor

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3 months ago

Happy fathers day to the man with no social media.

Thanks for teaching the kids farting and all things marvel.

And how to be a kind, funny human.

We love you

Xxx by @dannitabor

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3 months ago

One piece era i was talking about

@tuclothing from this yr
@marksandspencer last yr
@nextofficial couple yrs ago
@tocoswim couple yrs bk the only bikini I took
No idea where this black ones from. May have been my mums and likely then, from primark lol

Comment BELLY BUTTON and I will DM you link to my life savings

#over40sfashion
#mumabroad by @dannitabor

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4 months ago

Day 6 holidaying with the kids.

And a day I wore a bikini. Which felt wild as im in my one piece era.

Not being "brave" showing my untoned belly. Just sharing the reality and someone said "thanks" in stories because insta can be rude with 2d pics that dont show a reality. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE a pose. 2016 me could pose for days. Im warming up out here. But also. Its nice to remember that bodies look different at different angles in different light pre or post kids or lunch or whatever that day brings.

A "good" body image is not liking/loving the way my body looks all the time.

Its not jumping to extreme neg action/shit talk or believing it means things about my worth as a human, if I dont like what I see. Its not thinking (im) good or bad, when (my reaction) to my body might be challenging or unhelpful.

Would I rather see a "toned" lean, not stretched belly? Of course. Cos its not like society OKs the reality of all bodies are different shapes and sizes rhetoric. But also. I cant pretend im not in a very "accepted" midsize, straight, cis, able bodied body & nothing about this pose is brave.

But it is radical to have a good body image in life as a woman. Cos the world makes it fucking hard to think neutral thoughts about our body and worth.

Anyways. This was me living my life on holiday in a body.

Sully loves blowing raspberries on my belly and when Ori told me I had a big belly I said, is it? If it is, its cos its full of love. 🤗

#holidaywithkids
#bodyimage
#postpartumbody by @dannitabor

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4 months ago

I 100% thought #fitcheck meant "lets see how fit you look"

It does not.

It means. Outfit check 🤓

41 yr old size 12 mum of 2 boys here whos been tryin to find her style for (30 yrs) but this last yr, something feels right for the 1st time ever.

Colours I love, shapes I love, comfort I love.

In my early 20s I was obsessed with "vintage" pieces. Id shop on brick Lane or those cool markets in Thailand.

Then my late 20s came (masking was an all time high) and black Zara was the definition of everything I waned to be, thought I could be, but wasnt. The black morfed into neutrals, and the skinny jeans mored into wider leg...

But post partum the 2nd time around and being a size id not been before meant my wardrobe needed a rejig.

Ive got "walthamstow mum at the weekend" look down.

And now I think "mOm on holiday" sorted.

Its still the smart casual dinner, chic, but still me, look I wanna nail.

We are getting there.

I think 14 yr old me would be happy we got past the dull Zara fitted uncomfortable era...

Ps soz if anyone got dizzy. I swirl a lot 🤓

Links are NOT in my stories 😆

#fashion
-Pinterest
#mumof2boys by @dannitabor

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4 months ago

Day 5 (i think) holidaying with kids.

Dont forget to wear ya suncream...

We spent our days mostly between the pool and the beach with a break at lunch from the sun.

By this point both boys were liking the pool as well as lounging around.

The days actually went super fast. I thought we would do

Brekki together. Some dad time, some mum time, lunch, nap, alone time again and then family time.

But truthfully most mornings we all spent together having a laugh. I dint feel the same sense of resentment ive felt on holidays with just us and 1 kid, cos we both has equal children on our hands. Cant tell you whether thats right or wrong. Its just the way ive felt v how it felt this time 😄

#familyholiday
#holidaywithkids by @dannitabor

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4 months ago

I couldnt believe it when J sent me the left pic...

(Not cos it looks widely different, and not cos one is good or bad) btw

But cos it looked so different to what I see in my head.

Id taken right pic earlier in the day & had chosen to believe thats my body currently. Its not where its been. But its my ideal body that matches my current life choices. It feels aligned... but

ive caught myself. 7 yrs of body "image" work, intention & practise, being infiltrated lately.

The way people are "reclaiming" wanting to be skinny like its a "fuck you" "gotchya" "I can do what I want with my body" against the patriarchy, & its nearly fooled me into the "need" to be smaller. The "need" to look one size over the other. Its not winning but its just another round in the ring for sure.

I was 8kg heavier for my last sunshine family holiday. Did losing 8kg mk any difference to how I holidayed this time? Not one iota.

Sure its easy to think i "feel" better 8kg lighter. But its a false economy.

Also a decent amount of that 8kg was actually muscle, so my body composition isnt widly different. So the illusion of "weight loss is better" is really dependent why you think losing weight is better.

Anyways. Just thinking outloud In a world thats making it impossible not to think about our bodies, our size, more n more due to the rise in "bringing skinny back" Which I am under no illusion is not a power play bk. Its not reclamation. Its just another way of a system making us think we have won but what bombs are we missing being thrown, whilst we are preoccupied again with "being skinny" (at all costs)

Im just trying to not lose anymore muscle 😪tbh but caveat reminder. This isnt about you if you are lising weight or wanting to lose weight.

Its about them convincing us again, its the most important thing about us, iver joy, and health, and well, most things

#bodyimage
#ramble by @dannitabor

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4 months ago