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Dan Dore

@dannyd_comedy

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Studied/Performed at iO Chicago, The Annoyance, The Second City, The Pack (LA), UCB, CSZ and more. Creativity, MS. / Currently: LA

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I won ‘Set of The Night’ at The Comedy Store! 😮

(It’s Canada Day 🇨🇦 & my parent’s wedding anniversary too.)

#comedystore taken in The Comedy Store by @dannyd_comedy

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4 months ago

My finger on the pulse of all television news.
#cbs #cbsnews #satire #comedy #humor #standup #standup #60minutes by @dannyd_comedy

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5 months ago

Full Article (on Medium - @DanDore & Substack):

I helped storm the Capitol and kill a police officer, but I need cash now! Call Donald Trump’s JG Wentworth Slush Fund for your settlement!

Traitors getting money from inside-traders and inside-invaders.

Antifa is finally getting their big pay day. Or are they? The ‘totally innocent’ January 6th visitors who smashed the windows to enter the Capitol building, may get a payout from the new Donald Trump $1.7 Billion fund.

While most of the January 6th Capitol enthusiasts were pardoned, most have been arrested again, and could use a bail out for their 2nd bail. Some people will always get bailed out in one way ir the other, and thankfully they always vote for Donald Trump.

If you were in Washington DC on January 6th, and constantly watch Fox News, NewsMax and stare at the local Hooters waitress too long, you may be getting some Reparations. Reparations are always scoffed at in the United States, but the Republican Party is staring to turn the corner on that outdated thinking.

The paid actors are finally getting paid. They’ll need the new Trump Fund to pay for their acting classes, headshots, SAG dues and weapons. The weapons they brought to The Capitol on January 6th were never reimbursed. That may finally change.

The fiscal non-conservatives are always cash-strapped, usually from buying Trump Gold Coins, Trump phones and Trump NFTs, so an injection of cash would help as soon as possible.

Some may call these attendees to The Capitol, traitors, but whatever you call them, the taxpayers will soon give money to these rabid-voyeurs some extra money for taking a Sunday stroll in Washington DC.

Everyone who has a Trump bumper sticker on the car or fridge, never reads a newspaper or is lost custody of their children due to their life choices, are encouraged to apply.

#Satire #Humor #Writing #Medium #McSweeneys #TheOnion #Comedy by @dannyd_comedy

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5 months ago

Trying my first 3-tier picture.
#comedy #standup #mcdonalds taken in Los Angeles, California by @dannyd_comedy

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5 months ago

Got up again…. So that’s good. (The odds are not on your favor to get picked every week. It’s a 1/6-1/7 chance, with so many signing up.) I’m pleased with my set….

I’m learning how to make those 3-tier pictures, with jokes on them… so stay tuned for hilarity. taken in The Comedy Store by @dannyd_comedy

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6 months ago

My latest humor article:

"I hope this email finds you well, o good ol’ Epstein Island this Christmas!"

A shameless, guilt-free wishlist for the holidays.
Elon Musk, the evil Billionaire that took over Twitter, stripped it of its dignity and called it X, was looking to have some real fun with one of the world’s most notorious pedophiles. The new document dump of the Epstein Files unearthed Musk’s intentions to get down and dirty with the world’s biggest sleezeball.

One file uncovers an Elon email to Jeffrey Epstein, sent on 12/25/2012. Christmas Day:

“Do you have any parties planned? I’ve been working to the edge of sanity this year and so, once my kids head home after Christmas, I really want to hit the party scene in St Barts or elsewhere and let loose.”

A real family man.

Every Christmas, men all over the globe can’t wait for Christmas to be over so they can get to the coolest, most taboo party. Don’t they? Or just Elon?That’s the reality of the situation, confirmed in these emails.

Were there more Christmas messages from Elon to Epstein? There sure was.

12/25/2012. 9:02am.

“Can underagers drink our egg nog? Ha ha.”

12/25/2012. 9:13am.

“Will there be a yulelog I can throw into a young firebush? Get it? Ha!”

12/25/2012. 9:25am.

“Just let my kids open presents? What delicate present do you have for me, waiting in the guest room? I hope it’s wild. Wink, wink.”

12/25/2012. 9:33am.

“Will people at the party know my name? Or should I wear a name tag? Or should I just wear a Tesla t-shirt? I need to impress them.”

12/25/2012. 9:44am.

“My wife (girlfriend, really, but it’s Christmas) wants us to take a group picture in front of the tree. Ugh! Email more soon. This sucks!”

12/25/2012. 9:55am.

“I can’t wait to unwind and get a happy ending to my Christmas Story! Happy Ending. Get it?”

12/25/2012. 10:04am.

“Is Christmas Over yet? God! I just want to party!”

12/25/2012. 10:07am.

“You didn’t answer any of my emails yet. Just making sure we’re gonna party.”

12/25/2012. 10:11am.

“Totes don’t blackmail me if we have a good time. Ha! Just kidding.”

--

Full article on Substack and Medium.
(DanDore) by @dannyd_comedy

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8 months ago

Got in a 2-minute set at The Comedy Store last night.
It went well!

What’s tougher getting picked to go up for that mic, or finding parking on Sunset? by @dannyd_comedy

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9 months ago

Got to do my 1st set at The Comedy Store.
(Open mic set, but it’s a start…) taken in The Comedy Store by @dannyd_comedy

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10 months ago

Jollibee - Super Cut. 2 performances. #jollibee #standup #LA #filipino #spaghetti #humor #comedy #standupcomedy taken in Los Angeles, California by @dannyd_comedy

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a year ago

On Medium: @DanDore

Most of the article here:

Right-Wing media has a major obstacle aligning their values with Christianity, and that obstacle is — Jesus Christ. They’re doing everything they can do to refute the words and acts of Jesus, while professing their blind faith to him. Fox News is hoping their viewers are blind, so they can’t read the Bible for themselves.

In the Gospel of John, he writes of the crowds following Jesus from the Sea of Galilee (or the Sea of Tiberius), after he healed the sick. Jesus was showing them about free healthcare. Jesus never asked for a co-pay or proof of insurance. Conservatives don’t want anyone to get any of those Socialist-Communist-Marxist thoughts (whatever that means) into their heads.

With the story of The Feeding of the 5,000, Jesus saw the crowd coming, and he said to Philip, ‘Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?’ Modern-day, right wing conservative Philip would respond, ‘Let them starve. We don’t do handouts.’

Fortunately that’s not what happened. Jesus was merely testing Philip. Jesus knew he would feed everyone for free, because it was the right thing to do. It’s what his new religion, Christianity, was trying to push — kindness to others and their needs. And that sort of action is frowned upon with your current Newsmax crowd, even though most of them need it.

Philip wondered how to fund this time-before-SNAP event, stating, ‘It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!’ Maybe at Panera, but not for the Jesus-discount of bread-making.

Disciple Andrew pointed out, ‘Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?’ That’s all the blessed ammunition Jesus would need. He’d take that small amount of food, flip it, and start churning out the loaves and seafood buffet.

Conservative-Capitalist Philip on Fox Business TV may have said, ‘Let’s charge everyone an arm and a leg.’ Classic upper class bourgeoisie stuff. Marxists know what I’m talking about. But Jesus wouldn’t take a dime from the poor. by @dannyd_comedy

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a year ago

Getting yout titles stripped away... and Anne is back.#StandUpComedy #StandUp #Comedy #LAComedy #StandUpLA #PrinceAndrew #DukeofYork #royalfamily by @dannyd_comedy

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a year ago

On Medium (DanDore).

Full Story:

Another executive order was signed by Donald Trump today, to pardon all Romans involved with the crucifying of Jesus Christ, in another effort to stop the wokeness.

‘Frankly, he wasn’t so great,” said Trump at the signing ceremony, revealing his thoughts on the savior.

Trump’s true feelings started to come to light this week when he refused to put his hand on the Bible at his inauguration. The thought of someone being better than him seemed impossible. The thought of Jesus actually sickened him, more than a late-night McDonald’s binge.

Then Trump being told to show mercy while at church was the straw that broke the poor camel’s back, but not a rich camel.

The thought of all this Jesus Christ stuff disgusted Trump so much, he did what only a vain, shallow person with power can do. He pardoned all of the Romans who took part in the original Christian coming-out party.

Trump figures, since he pardons the Romans, he’ll get credit for all of the sins Jesus died for. Or at least invalidate that course of action. Trump thinks his pardon also covers the sins before the crucifixion. Trump tried to invalidate everything Obama & Biden did by Executive Order, and he figured he can do the same thing with Jesus’s accomplishment.

Since Trump now feels he gets credit for pardoning everyone’s sins, people should pray to him, like the current Republican Party and Right Wing media.

The Trump worship will hopefully pass in the coming years, and hopefully the people that voted for him, especially the Evangelicals, will see Jesus is the who they should pray to for eternal salvation.

You have the freedom to pray to whomever you’d like. Trump wants you to pray to him, but you have the free will to ignore that and reflect on your spirituality.

Trump knows the rich man will have a hard time entering the kingdom of God, so why not make it Hell for others here now? by @dannyd_comedy

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2 years ago