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Seraphina Rain

@diaryruinsofseraphina

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✨ Sometimes there are no words. This photo encompasses everything I am feeling. It says nothing and everything all at once. I just don't know what to do anymore... What are you doing right now?? 🥀

#longing #missingyou #illloveyouforalways #pleasefindme #meloncollieandtheinfinitesadness 💔 by @diaryruinsofseraphina

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21 days ago

✨🌹🔥 Fully.

#quotes #rage #fury #women #writerscommunity 🥀 by @diaryruinsofseraphina

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23 days ago

You broke me first... I hate you. I hate that I think of you everyday & I know I'm nothing but a fleeting of thought of your subconscious - involuntary at best.

But I knew what I was getting into you told me yourself. I just never thought it would finally end and that all the promises all the no matter what come to me no matter how mad you think I am no matter if you don't talk anymore come to me don't listen to me when I'm angry still come over. Why did you say those things when you never meant them? It's so devastating I keep wondering when I'm going to move past this... I keep wondering if I ever will... 💔 by @diaryruinsofseraphina

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a month ago

💫 Trust no one. ❤️ Protect your heart... People are always going to fail you-- it is inevitable. And that whole you just need to find the ones worth the sacrifice, in other words, don't put your heart 🫀 on the line. I've tried everything to right wrongs & even failed at apologizing. I think some of us are just meant to be alone. An acquaintance or so, anything else is a living fucking nightmare.

And as I write this, I'm realizing over half my life is already over. What is the point of all of this???! I don't understand. It's like we're all puzzle pieces in some fucked up version of a masterpiece...

#randomthoughts #5am #nosleep #fuckit #tomorrowiscoming 🖤 by @diaryruinsofseraphina

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a month ago

🖤 by @diaryruinsofseraphina

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a month ago

One of my favorite poems... Please, no matter how bad things may get, do not lose yourself. Please remember how important, unique, valuable and loved you are. There is no other like you. I always think of the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life" where Jimmy Stewart wishes he was never born. And the angel grants him his wish for him to see that without his life, it would have been a chain reaction that affected an entire town.

I know personally how hard it can be at times to keep your head above water. I have struggled with deep depression and severe anxiety my whole life and went thru several times of just wanting to end it all, or even attempting to. You are needed. One life affects the next.

Remember what you love to do, and do it. Don't wrap all your time into trying to fix relationships that were never worth starting to begin with. Don't ever allow someone to chip away at your self worth and confidence. Hold your head up high and walk away from what no longer serves your best interest.

Live your life. We're here for such a short amount of time... Let's make it count...

#diaryentry #dowhatyoulove❤️ #rememberwhoyouare #giverespect #expectrespect 🕊️✨🤍💫 by @diaryruinsofseraphina

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2 months ago

Life goes on and so very sadly someone came in and out of my life so quickly and no one, just nobody is who they pretend to be. I feel so hopeless... I will miss you. Thank you for all you did to help me years ago. A part of my heart will always be yours. 💖

I guess there are some things that are inevitable and some people are never meant to stay... 💔

#godgavemeyou #4yearsago #ouralmostforever #illmissyouforever #illloveyouforalways 🥀🌹 by @diaryruinsofseraphina

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2 months ago

💫 It's true, I have -if I choose to look at it that way. Perception is everything. It's been well over a month since I have posted on my writing account 📖... It's been so long to me that I had to reread my last entry to see where I left off...

In deep contrast to this meloncoly post, I've changed. I'm not even exactly sure how yet, but I have. It's a good feeling... Feeling. Such an intense word and a broad array of things I could be referring to. Perhaps it's simply the warmth that has re-entered my body - my hands to my feet. It's an odd thing to say but I have noticed that I haven't been so cold and tense lately.

I haven't shed a single tear since my last entry. I've connected with a few people I adore and not so amazingly, they are quite fond of me in return. I've smiled & I laughed so hard that my cheeks hurt from it.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I just know that I feel like a force breathed into me the air I needed. I don't pretend to think I'm back to my old self because that version of me is dead and gone - there will be mourning period. I am grateful that version of me existed so I could grow into the new woman I am becoming. Slowly but confidently.

A new era begins...

#dreamer #reality #writer #diary #selflove❤️ by @diaryruinsofseraphina

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2 months ago

I don't think this even needs a caption and honestly I feel like I haven't smiled in a year but I will fake horribly that everything is fine. That's why I appreciate this account in this community of writers- I can feel your hearts and we all carry s*** this so deep and so heavy and it's just nice to feel not so terribly alone-even just for a little while 🫶🏼

#despair #hopeless #defeated #heartache #relationships 💔🥀 by @diaryruinsofseraphina

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4 months ago

Part 2 of 2... My naive optimism as turned me into a fool, a joke if you had any idea what happened the other weekend I can't even believe the adults do stuff like that. When a couple is fighting, their friends jump in and take their cell phone all to add their own sentiment as to what a piece of s*** I am. I felt like the outcast of the school I dropped out of- the joke everybody got that I didn't. And the one person standing behind it never once got my back. As a matter of fact all the information came from him.

I have loved this man through impossible odds. I have sacrificed too much of myself for someone who never even wanted me. I feel so grateful for this account because I would never be brave enough to say any of this s*** out loud to other human beings.

But being innocent, being too good-willed, being too hopeful, living your life in quote "fantasy land" doesn't get you anywhere. The only place that got me was laughed at by the one person I would have done anything for.

In the first slide it read that I lost my lover my best friend. But did I? How many other times was was I made a fool of and I didn't even know- Everyone else did, but I didn't. That isn't love I know that. On the flip side I suppose I don't know what love is either. Love isn't allowing somebody to degrade you humiliate you tell you to go away, tell you to hang yourself, tell you to kill yourself- you would be doing us all a favor.

I know that isn't love I suppose with bothers me most is I know this man is capable of loving another- it just was never me.

And each night I look in the mirror, looking at myself to see what I could fix. What I need to do is fix myself. Get a backbone. Deal with the hurt. Deal with the embarrassment. Handle it like an adult. And I pray to God in a few months I will be writing much different pieces that could maybe even help someone else. Don't let anybody ever take you away from you. It leaves you lost, it leaves you lonely confused, and with an infinite sadness that is deafening. Don't ever lose you for anyone. Because anybody worth losing yourself for would Never allow you to do so.

#diaryentries #relationships #unflilteredfeelings #heartbreak by @diaryruinsofseraphina

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4 months ago

I hold onto hope like it's a branch that's going to break, yet I cling to it regardless. I guess it's because we all need something to believe in.

I don't know if I believe in anything anymore. And no I'm not just saying this because of my life circumstances, I'm saying it because it's true. I've always had this naive child like wonderment and innocence that it was so evident even through just looking in my eyes.

I've always said the opposite of love is not hate it's indifference. I can't even go into what happened tonight because all of my account is anonymous it's too embarrassing to write about right now.

To put it very briefly, I went to deliver a necklace to my ex and a couple little things I had got for him. I tried and tried and tried to get a hold of him but I was blocked. So much for unconditional love. So much for giving a s*** but becomes of me.

But when I went there he had made sure he left with his ex-wife. It was one of the loneliest moments of my life. I was under this delusion that no matter what we would always be there for each other. Well, I was partly right. I just said the wrong woman in mind. It wasn't me.

So instead of a f*** you goodbye instead of a awkward somewhat gentle goodbye, instead of any thought whatsoever I drove that 15 minutes to find no one waiting for me.

I really need to stop taking people their word because it has not served me well. When someone tells me something I believe it is a truth - why would I think anything different?

I waited a while pathetically, in the parking lot thinking maybe he got tied up. No. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

I keep feeling like I'm breaking. I know I need sleep, I'm sincerely not even looking forward to waking up. It isn't going to cry for help, it's just my genuine feelings right now.

I feel like I don't have the answer to anything at all. I feel so alone. There are a few of you that have been so kind to me on here, and I appreciate you so much. But I don't have anything left in me. A big part of me wishes that this will end and I could possibly meet the morning sun tomorrow in an entirely new way. Wrapped it warmth, and hope wouldn't matter anymore. My naive optimism- by @diaryruinsofseraphina

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4 months ago

Sadly, there will always be a part of me that wishes I were dead. And that sounds dramatic and I'm not going anywhere but it sounds like a very tempting option. I think that there is only so much heartache one person can take. I can't take it anymore. I am past my breaking point and I need a therapist ASAP f*** my life by @diaryruinsofseraphina

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4 months ago