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Fi Pheeva

@djpheeva

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DJ Pheeva •N Wales• OG 90's hardcore raver • @redrebelfm host • Vinyl Vagabonds • Dopamine chaser • Star gazer • Forest school • Witch

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Things grief has taught me since my Dad died

My body is always trying to protect me. The numbness, exhaustion, brain fog, and emotional shutdown aren’t weakness — they’re survival. My nervous system is doing its best to carry something that feels unbearable.

Social anxiety can come from grief. Being around people feels different now. Small talk feels heavier. Crowds can feel overwhelming, and explaining “how I’m doing” often feels impossible when the answer isn’t simple.

Life quickly rearranges your priorities. Things I used to stress about don’t carry the same weight anymore. What does matter — love, time, presence — now feels deeper, quieter, and more meaningful.

Grief isn’t linear, predictable, or polite. It shows up uninvited — in the supermarket, in laughter, in silence, on days when I thought I was doing better.

I’m not the same person I was before. Losing a parent changes your identity. I’m learning who I am in a world where my Dad no longer exists physically.

People mean well, but grief can still feel lonely. Even surrounded by love, there’s a part of this journey only I can walk — and that loneliness can be one of the hardest parts.

Joy and sorrow can exist at the same time. I can laugh and still be heartbroken. I can smile and still miss him with everything I have. Both can be true at once.

I’ve learned how fragile and precious time really is. Nothing is guaranteed. Love people fully. Say the things. Don’t wait.

Strength looks different now. Some days it’s getting out of bed. Other days it’s allowing myself to fall apart. Both are strength.

Love doesn’t end when life does. Grief exists because love exists. My Dad is still with me — in my voice, my values, my memories, and the way I see the world now. by @djpheeva

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6 months ago

When you find a photo... and then discover a message on the back. ❤️

"Always look on the bright side of life."
Thanks for the reminder, Dad.

I miss you every single day. Thank you for raising me with a glass-half-full outlook and teaching me to always find the light, even on the darkest days. You really were the eternal optimist.

I'm thinking of having your handwriting tattooed, so I'll always carry a little piece of you with me. ❤️
#daddysgirl #digglersdaughter #greifjourney #missyousomuch❤️ by @djpheeva

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3 months ago

Life moves in cycles.
Endings.
Beginnings.
Loss.
Rebirth.

After losing my Dad in January, I’ve been learning how to exist with a heart that feels both broken and wide open.
Grief has its own rhythm.
Its own frequency.

My Dad was the one who taught me to trust my path, to follow the pull of music, to honour the things that make my soul feel alive.

Music has always been my medicine.
Creativity has always been my grounding.
So from this space of loss, I’m choosing creation ✨

Frequency Coven 🔊🌙
Launching March

A circle for women to gather, learn & play
Vinyl + Digital
Jungle • Breakbeat • Reggae • Rave

A space for expression, confidence & connection
Bring your headphones
Bring your art
Bring whatever you are creating

No pressure. No ego. Just energy.

For the love of music
For the love of community
For the love of the frequency that connects us all ❤️

✨ Donations welcome
✨ DM to reserve your space

#FrequencyCoven #WomenBehindTheDecks #SacredSound #WomenInMusic #wellbeing by @djpheeva

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8 months ago

Im live now till 10pm www.redrebelfm.com by @djpheeva

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21 hours ago

www.redrebelfm.com by @djpheeva

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a day ago

🖤🔊 TONIGHT ON RED REBEL FM | 8–10PM 🔊🖤

Love doing this show! ❤️ Two hours of digging for fresh tunes, finding underground gems and piecing together a proper musical journey every month. 🌑🎶

Jungle, breaks, bass and whatever else catches my ears along the way. Always something new to discover. 🔥

Tune in and get lost in the music with me! 🖤
www.redrebelfm.com

📻 Red Rebel FM | 8–10pm #hardcore #underground #femaledj #jungle #footwork by @djpheeva

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a day ago

// UPCOMING SHOWS THIS WEEK //
ㅤ
FRIDAY 9th OCT💘

@carysmattana
@tully__rose
@_kayakayakaya
@djpheeva

Keep it locked with our live shows every Friday
ㅤ
Showcasing emerging underground female, nb & trans DJs and producers plus the occasional ally. We are also the world’s first period positive radio station raising awareness of PMDD and promoting pride in being hormonal AF 💪💪💪

#femaleradio #womensradio #inclusivemusic #newproducer #femaledjs #transdjs #nonbinarydjs #queerdjs #pmddawareness #pmddcommunity #menstrualactivists by @djpheeva

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3 days ago

@olliella Scully the Skeleton by Littlest Artist Forest, age 6 💀🖤

#DinkumDrawingCompetition by @djpheeva

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11 days ago

@olliella ☠️💀Scully the Skeleton 💀☠️ by Aurora age 8 #dinkumdrawingcompetition by @djpheeva

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11 days ago

by @djpheeva

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12 days ago

Big love to everybody who dances to me , listens to my mixes and books me to play 😘
https://www.mixcloud.com/twinkle81/ by @djpheeva

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12 days ago

@olliella 🧙Winnie the Witch 🧙by Aurora aged 8 #dinkumdrawingcompetition by @djpheeva

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12 days ago