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Doc Surrell

@docsurrell

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|Head Route Setter @climbnulu|
|Fair play to those who dare to dream|
|Wind&Rain Adventure Collaborative|

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-TWELVE-

Over the years… I’ve grown to love how many different shapes and sizes this annual post presents itself. It’s always been a moment for me to reflect, deeply. A moment for me to say thank you, from the depths of my soul… to my family, friends and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. A moment to find gratitude. A moment of reassurance, to move forward with evidence that EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

The last few years I’ve grown so fond of spending a chunk of intentional time with Louie to reflect and write this… so, why change that now? Recovery gave me the GIFT of a spiritual presence to spend time with loved ones, both seen and unseen. Day in and day out. With that in mind, this year looks and feels far different than any other. It’s hard to find gratitude in grief BUT maybe that’s just it… in the shadows lies all the work in recovery because without it and my current relationships there’s a zero percent chance I survive losing my best friend in this 12th year. So for that, I THANK YOU and the program of AA.

It’s in this 12th year I’ve been challenged in ways that brings hope for the future, not despair. This year proved to me that taking each moment one step at a time is imperative, critical even. In this 12th year I’ve been reminded that with each moonset comes a sunrise and with each sunset comes a moonrise, moments to cherish. This year allowed me to revisit concepts of old and with appropriate action, “MAYBE” new beginnings are possible and that the past can be horrifically beautiful (on that note, welcome Moon and Francis to this big beautiful world and thank you Louie for bringing them to momma and I).

12th played the tape back and showed me all the love and support that I get to, not only receive, but also share and give back. It’s symbolic I suppose… “Step 12 (year 12): Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

So, just for today (a daily reprieve)… I love you and I thank you.

-XI.I.MMXIV-

#ODAAT #breakthestigma #recovery #neverstopexploring #inspirationiseverywhere by @docsurrell

Lou bear, as this week has passed without you, it’s been full of sadness, doubt, anger, but mostly confusion. My thoughts have all been jumbled but the one that has come up the most is, what do we do now?

My sweet boy, I have looked for you everywhere I go. I see you looking out the window when we get home and see your silly happy dance. I look for you in the backyard laying in your favorite spot or chasing squirrels. My hands search for you on the couch to gently lay your head on my lap while watching a movie. My ears search to hear your collar jingling while walking or the sound of your paws going up and down the steps.
I couldn’t ever imagine you not being in between doc and I on our walks, on the couch, in the car, in our bed, in our life. Since you have had us, we have been together.

I’m so thankful and have cherished the car rides to new places, bike rides, parks, beaches, grassy fields, crags, and homes we got to go to together. You were stubborn but sweet. Silly but serious about the people you were with and the time you spent with them. Quiet but so loud with the thoughts behind your eyes.

We could read you like you read us.
We were all a team. We were a little family and I couldn’t think of anyone else to start it with than you. You were meant to be with us. You were meant to be ours.
You taught us more about patience, kindness, compassion, being silly, and more strength and love we knew how to accept.
We knew what love was but with you, we felt it. We understood.
We love and miss you deeply and we’ll see you soon.
don’t worry, we’ll be right back🧡 by @docsurrell

Dear Mary,
Full transparency, as I write this… it’s difficult to stay composed. In all the best ways. Your love brings out everything in me that had been dormant for far too long. Your love allows me to be free… from my demons, my ego, my resentment, my mania, my sadness, my fears, and most of all… it allows me to love, entirely. I am beyond grateful to not only call you my best friend but also my wife. If you asked me just a handful of years ago where I’d be today, the answer would’ve been morbid. But here we are, something at large intervened…. I found you. With that came this unimaginably beautiful life. I spent years trying to find what you’ve brought to my table. I looked in every nook and cranny, under every rock and above every shelf… all the wrong places. Who would’ve thought that all I needed to do was get out of the way to make room for, hands down, the prettiest part of my life. You filled a dark, inescapable room with light and guidance. Now, it’s a room I hope I never have to leave. I like it here and you know better than most… I’ve hated damn near everywhere I’ve been. You are my home and I’ll have you know, it’s the one that only presented itself in my dreams. It’s a home full of passion, adventure, and the purest love. Do we have our ups and downs? Yep. Would I trade them for the world? Nope. You are my one and only. Your heart is the only one I want to see walk in the door… pull into the driveway, across the table, lying next to me… fuck it, everywhere. You make staying here worth it. Thank you. I love you Mare Bear, to the damn moon and back.
Happy anniversary, 3 down and forever to go… by @docsurrell

-ELEVEN-

Hey Stevie Doc, you’re about 8 years old in most of these photos so let me start with this… buckle up kid, you’re about to embark on one hell of a ride.
This won’t make much sense, but take it for what it’s worth… you’re celebrating 11 years of sobriety today. So, that fear of death you have, set it aside for a while and enjoy some of the genuinely incredible moments you’re about to experience.
Something you’ll hear along the way is this… “fair play to those who dare to dream.” Embrace that. Embody it. The dreams you have of being a professional athlete, a journalist, an artist, a world traveler, a husband, a good son, a decent brother, or whatever else that rapid little mind of yours can think of… pursue them. I won’t tell you if you achieve those goals but have fun and be passionate about following your heart. Stay low and keep your feet moving kid, it’s worth your time.
In a few years you’ll have some choices to make… take the drink or don’t. Take the pills or don’t. Fall in love or don’t. End it all or don’t. The choice is yours and only yours. Either way, you’re going to feel scared, alone and confused but REMEMBER, you will find peace and belonging soon enough.
Without too many spoilers… you’ll unironically lose that fear of death. Some moments will scare you into some pretty dark places BUT rest assured, as stubborn as you may be… so many people on this journey will love you when you can’t seem to love yourself. Some of them will move on. THATS OKAY. You won’t immediately understand why, but please be patient with them and don’t forget to sincerely thank them before they part ways. Buddy, I’m sorry, but you’ll owe them at least that.
…
(Continued in the caption) by @docsurrell

-5.13.23-
While we have the rest of our lives to explore this big unknown… these last two years have been a dream I wouldn’t mind having for the rest of time. You are my best friend, my whole heart and my love. You are my home. I hope you’ll let me stay a little while longer. I can’t, nor would I want to, imagine a life without you. Thank you, mi amor.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, I love you MareBear.

📸 @keelyelenaphotography by @docsurrell

-Ten-
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As each year comes and goes… I consistently find myself surrounded by people, places, and things that remind me life is worth living. It’s been a decade now (November 1st 2014) since my last drink, my last drug, my last suXcXde attempt. I’m on borrowed time, statistically speaking. Year one was hard as fuck. Everything was so fresh… the heartbreak, the pain, the fear. All of which I brought upon myself. The heartache, the wounds, and the terror were choices I made, routinely. Year one, you intervened and altered those choices… you loved me when I couldn’t love myself. Thank you. Ten years later… there’s still a small, terrified, young boy in the shadowy depths of my soul, searching for illogical answers to illogical questions. That child lives in chaos. But, ten years later… that same version of my soul finally has a guiding hand to hold. Sometimes it’s the hands of family. Sometimes the hands of friends. Sometimes the hands of community. Nonetheless… it’s not alone anymore. Thank you. Recovery has given me everything I have, for it… I’m grateful. While this is my story, I can assure you… it’s not about me. A promise I will continue to make with each passing year is this… alone, we can’t, together, we can.
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I love you.
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-XI.I.MMXIV-
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📷: @marypritchett_
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#ODAAT #breakthestigma #adventurephotography #neverstopexploring #optoutside #getoutside #getoutdoors #inspired #inspirationiseverywhere #louisville #louisvilleky #kentucky #adventure #explore #wander by @docsurrell

-year one-

I love you more than life itself Mare bear. The woman I’m privileged to have married is a woman I admire, adore, and cherish. Your love is one of a kind and I’m so deeply grateful to have it. You inspire and impress me far beyond any rational explanation and your heart is something I’ll never let slip away. Life with you is a life worth living, and for making it so, I thank you. I don’t know how to put into words the feeling of getting to explore this big unknown with my best friend… but I do know it’s a feeling I’ll never let go as long as you’ll have me. One down… forever to go. I love you.

📸 @keelyelenaphotography by @docsurrell

-Nine-
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Nine years ago, if you told me that one day I’d be happy, much less… alive, I’d be genuinely confused and disturbed by your statement.
.
But here we are, happy and alive.
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IM GRATEFUL FOR YOU…
For loving me when I couldn’t myself. For offering a better way of life. For teaching me about me. For showing me how to be vulnerable and open. For guiding me down an otherwise terrifying path… only to find some breathtaking views along the way. For making lofty promises that did, in fact, come true. For allowing me to be human and make some mistakes, big and small. For always being there to help pick up the pieces when I deemed them too defective to put back together. For keeping me grounded when I started to fly. For lifting me when I started to dive. But most of all… thank you for holding my heart when giving it up felt justifiable… I owe you all the world.
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Thank you.
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-XI.I.MMXIV-
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📷: @marypritchett_
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#ODAAT #breakthestigma #adventurephotography #neverstopexploring #optoutside #getoutside #getoutdoors #inspired #inspirationiseverywhere #louisville #louisvilleky #kentucky #adventure #explore #wander by @docsurrell

-OF MY DREAMS-
It’s this pups birthday this coming weekend… he’s my best friend, my little adventure buddy, and he has hold of a good amount of my heart. Love ya Lou Bear, here’s to three years.
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-OUTRO, M83-
I'm the king of my own land.
Facing tempests of dust, I'll fight until the end.
Creatures of my dreams, raise up and dance with me.
Now and forever.
I'm your king.
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Fuji 400 film, Minolta X-370
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#35mmfilm #filmphotography #filmisnotdead #adventurephotography #neverstopexploring #optoutside #getoutside #getoutdoors #inspired #inspirationiseverywhere #louisville #louisvilleky #kentucky #upmichigan #planetearth #otherlandexplore #campingcollective #ourcamplife #stayandwander #hikingculture #puppy #dogsofinstagram #puppybday by @docsurrell

Eight.
Thank you.
.
I shouldn’t be here, but because of you I’m able to be… this day is not about me. This day I owe to you. My loved ones. Friends, family, and the unseen. The ones who witnessed, endured and sat alongside the carnage of my own self. In both my past and my present. I owe you the world. I often fall incredibly short, but please know… from the depths of my being, I’m thankful for you.
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I love you all.
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“Oh, I'm screaming out because I'm lost in a city on the west side, and when I dream I see my mother's eyes because she raised me, and in my father's steps I go, to a goal that's unknown, and these roads they seem to curve for miles, and know not what lies around the bend, and I have been known to crash at times and I rely on the love from my friends”
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The Mighty Oaks, When I Dream I See
📷: @marypritchett_
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#ODAAT #breakthestigma #adventurephotography #neverstopexploring #optoutside #getoutside #getoutdoors #inspired #inspirationiseverywhere #lousivlle #louisvilleky #kentucky #adventure #explore #wander by @docsurrell

-HARVEST LOVE-
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Three years, mi amor.
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“Harvest your love. Harvest your love, for me. I'll lay it down. I'll lay it down, slowly. Put your hands on my face. At an orderly pace, I see. Put your love in the sand. As it makes no demands. I believe, I believe. But you keep on rolling. Like a rolling stone. And you fight until the finish line carries you home. I had a plan. You see. It was based on the rules that my mother, father taught me. Press the iron when it's hot. You jump right in. Because the unfed mind devours itself. What are you guarding? But you keep on rolling. Like a rolling stone. And you fight until the finish line carries you home. Home, carries you home.
Carry me home”
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Harvest Love - Tash Sultana
I suggest a full listen of the song, it’s very powerful.
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Fuji 400 film, Minolta X-370
Photo concept inspired by @k.e.wells
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#35mmfilm #filmphotography #filmisnotdead #adventurephotography #neverstopexploring #optoutside #getoutside #getoutdoors #inspired #inspirationiseverywhere #louisville #louisvilleky #kentucky #upmichigan #otherlandexplore #campingcollective #ourcamplife #stayandwander #hikingculture #anniversary by @docsurrell

-Happy Birthday, Love-

Be my mind. Don't like to think for myself. Follow the diamond. Be my soul. Look into these eyes. I know 'em before. Be my light. Sunrise laughing 'cause we stayed up all night. Be my mind. Only with other treasures we can grab, oh. Be my lake. Summer sail down the strawberry milkshake. Be my pride. Stay under my skin. Don't let me take what is not mine. Be my house. Strong and sturdy. Far from town, oh. Be my home. Just think of all the places we'll go. Be my blood. Why shoot the moon when it wouldn't be enough. Be my books. Head on your shoulder with damn good looks. Be my hands. And I'll paint your picture darling the best I can. Be my heart. And I've got you in the end, I wish I had you from the start.
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STRAWBERRIES - CAAMP
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(Fuji 400 + Minolta X-370)
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#photography #birthday #happybirthday #adventurephotography #neverstopexploring #optoutside #getoutside #getoutdoors #inspired #inspirationiseverywhere #louisville #louisvilleky #kentucky #adventure #explore #wander #otherlandexplore #campingcollective #ourcamplife #stayandwander #hikingculture by @docsurrell