Instagram story viewer> @dreaded.eclipse> Posts

astro in space

@dreaded.eclipse

67

followers

710

following

lost in space, trapped in time, just an alien controlling my human ship.
this is a parting gift. 🤍

POSTS STORIES REELS TAGGED

i often forget just how lonely it is at night. i'm always awake during the late hours into early morning with nobody to talk to / accompany me. i love how quiet it is, yet hate the absolute silence and loneliness that comes with it. i miss having my friends to talk to and sleep on call with, or stream stuff to / watch streams of. i miss how life used to be when it was simpler and i wasn't as sad and tired. i miss it so badly. my heart aches for companionship like that again, but i know I'm an adult now and need to grow up from my childish past. people have lives now, responsibilities beyond homework and classes. it's just so disheartening and honestly very disappointing that i no longer get to enjoy those small moments with the people i love. i miss being a kid. by @dreaded.eclipse

30

1

4 months ago

i can't love the way i was programmed to, i am the shell of what once was and could never be again. i am a path of chaos and destruction, both of the explosive and self detonative kind. there is no way out for someone like me, and it's all a matter of time before i can't take anymore. i will never have a future, and when i look back at my actions i am ashamed of who i was, and what i turned into. i thought my denial could turn my delusions into truth, but the real truth hurts more than any lie can. maybe this lie will set you free, and i hope you realize that you were a better person than i ever could be. i'm sorry for my actions, but i wouldn't redo this moment and change my mind, just word it more gently. forevermore, gray. by @dreaded.eclipse

7

1

6 months ago

getting tired of music again, i know what's coming for me at this point. i've accepted my feelings and desires, my decisions are mine to make and i've been making them without regret or remorse of how it'll affect others. maybe it'll be okay, maybe not. by @dreaded.eclipse

9

0

7 months ago

you know, the one thing about grief that i never see anyone talking about is the part where the emotions are still raw and aching, but the memories feel so far- like a dream. it's getting harder to picture your beautiful face in my mind, and when i see pictures of you something never feels right, like that's not the version of you i remember seeing every weekend, every summer, or just random days we would drop by to say hi and spend some time together with your family. i still deeply regret never going up to your casket, never saying goodbye or giving you one last kiss to cherish your presence. i cried so violently that day, because the day you were gone, i blamed myself. i always carried the guilt that somehow i was the one who killed you. i know it was a freak accident, pure nature taking its course but... that day you left us, i was supposed to stay over for a doctors visit. i begged to not stay because i was so scared that it would be another night where i would be hurt sexually by your nephew. so i begged to leave, i didn't want to stay even though my appointment was closer to your apartment anyways. i lived with the guilt that if i had stayed, i would've woken you up in time to say goodbye, or at least get you up for the day so if something happened, someone would've helped you sooner. but it was a wednesday, there was no school that day- i remember it clearly; the weather was gloomy and you always complained about your bad back in the shit weather, so nobody woke you up. no school, bad weather, nobody bothering you because they knew you'd be cranky if you had been woken up. if i had stayed though, i would've said i'll see you later, like i always did before leaving any other time... but i left. the hardest part about grief is forgetting- not the pain, it's always lurking, but forgetting the smile, the laugh, the voice you shared with the world. your beauty now transcends this earth and i hope some day i can relive the moments i shared with you. you were my safety, you were a mother to me when i needed it most. i love you always, and i miss you every single day. it's been 2,241 days and counting. another holiday spent without you. by @dreaded.eclipse

7

1

a year ago

being able to see d4vd again this year and give him that note telling and expressing everything i've ever felt. how he saved me during a very hard time in my life, and because of him im still pushing. he's honestly one of the most laid back and kind people i've ever met, and i'm glad i can look up to him. thank you d4vd for saving me during my worst moments these past few years, im grateful to have found your music. by @dreaded.eclipse

6

0

a year ago

things are kind of looking up for me the last few days- maybe i just needed to be surrounded by my kind of people and just relax from my own thoughts. i'm very grateful for those around me, they're so kind and loving. i also did something good by food shopping, now i can start eating normally again for a while :). by @dreaded.eclipse

9

3

a year ago

i got really close to relapsing and i don't really know why. i have this nagging feeling in my stomach that just lingers when i least expect it. it hit me like a freight train, the thought of it all being a facade. i don't know what's real and what's fake anymore- the anxiety won't die down. i just want to feel normal, feel okay. maybe i'll get there one day? by @dreaded.eclipse

10

2

a year ago

i've been drawing a lot again lately, very nice to have something to occupy my mind. i'm also proud of my work, it has been pretty good honestly. improving the mind and soul, while also improving my art! 🤍 my art account is @felinzy if you're interested in checking out my stuff :) by @dreaded.eclipse

6

0

a year ago

kicked down, brushed it off and got back up. beaten, broken, bleeding heart. why me? i wish i could answer that question still, but it's over now. i've been healing for months, almost a year of pure healing and self love. it's a journey, a hard one at that. fire, burning down those bridges i once had- the ones i held closest to my heart. i've died inside, and still found light to continue going. for a long time i loved you, i cherished you, i held you closest to my heart and it took a long time to move on. but i'm healing now. with someone who appreciates me, who cherishes me. someone who makes me understand how important i am to not only him but to others as well. healed, fixed, scarred. that's what i am now, or at least accomplishing. i love being alive, and i'm grateful for all the opportunities I've had in my life. thank you for not loving me as much as i loved you. because it showed me how much more i deserved in this lifetime; how much you couldn't provide for me because you were off showing it to every other girl who wasn't me. thank you for giving me the opportunity to meet the person who will do anything for me. i spent my best years loving you, all in vein. and now? i will be cherished and forever loved, all thanks to your selfishness. thank you for showing me that i was only important once i started slipping from your fingers. and for showing that my love was replaceable, your facade will slip one day and everyone else will see that too. i was never your "one who got away", i was your safety choice. i was someone you thought you'd have a chance with no matter what, but it isn't that way. i learned my worth, and i learned how to love better than i ever did before. i can communicate, i can express myself, and i can overcome anything now. thank you for making me who i am now, i wish you well, but not with me. by @dreaded.eclipse

9

1

a year ago

Happy birthday Gloria, I love you so much and thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I want to be able to let go and let you rest easy without looking over me because this is your freedom now. Wherever you are, I hope it’s perfect for you and that you’re no longer suffering. I love you so much, and thank you for the 13.5 years you were here... they were pretty great because of you. by @dreaded.eclipse

7

0

5 years ago

happy birthday Gloria, I miss you more and more as each day passes and every day it gets harder to believe you’re gone. I love you like a mother and I hope heaven is treating you well... I know you’re protecting me, my family as well as your own and I want to thank you for everything you did for me, my mom and my brother while you were still here. I love you so much and nothing has been the same since you left... I love you and happy birthday, don’t forget to drink it up in heaven but don’t let the angels catch you! by @dreaded.eclipse

7

0

5 years ago