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Dr. Jen Douglas

@drjenofficial

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I teach perfectionists to let go and build lives they love. This is IG not therapy. Retired Stanford Professor
Newsletter and course waitlist below 😘

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Announcing something that I am incredibly proud of: I've taken a step back.

A step back from academia.

A step back from participating in something because I "should."

A step back from prioritizing the name and clout of an institution over the day-to-day experience.

I've loved my time at Stanford and will forever consider myself lucky to have had the opportunity to learn and work there.

I'm forever grateful to my patients, teachers, mentors, students, and colleagues.

And....it's time to go.

It's time to focus on a life that is
- slower
- less focused on external validation
- the right fit for who I am at this point in life

Was it scary? Yes!

Did I need to calm my nervous system to put in my notice and then stick to it? Absolutely.

Was it the right thing to do for me and my family? Beyond a doubt.

So what about you - have you ever taken a step back? Made an intimidating change in your career? Or maybe one is on the horizon.

LMK if you have any questions for me in the comments - I'll be answering them all week!

#begentlewithyourself #empoweryourself #embracechange #taketheleap #showupforyourself #youareenough #beyourtrueself #bebravebeyou #supportyourself #personalgrowthjourney #careforothers #youtime #affirmationoftheday #selfgrowthjourney #speakyourtruth #vulnerabilityisstrength #youarepowerful #giveyourselfgrace #heathymind #gracenotperfection #createthelifeyouwant #createthelifeyoulove #encourageyourself #lifteachotherup #courageovercomfort #nopressure #yougotthis #perfectionism #selfempowerment #perfectionismrecovery by @drjenofficial

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3 years ago

When we are used to unstable situations - when we are used to constantly putting out fires - when we are used to walking on eggshells - our brain gets used to being in fight/flight/freeze mode.

When we are fortunate enough to get out of these situations, we can start to experience calm environments, periods of rest, and relationships where we don't have to worry about the person criticizing us at every turn.

But sometimes we can't enjoy those times.

We get stuck in survival mode and struggle to turn it off.

For those of us who have survived invalidating environments, we need to learn to relax and embrace having periods of rest.

So for any of the perfectionists out there, is this hard for you? If you'd like further insight check out the link in my bio.

#takeabreak #lookafteryourself #treatyourselfright #hustleneverstops #overachiever #grinddontstop #toxicproductivity #selfcarechallenge #selfcarethreadsdaily #selfcareposts #youtime #makeyourselfapriority #taketimeforyou #selfcareishealthcare #selfcareisnotselfish #putyourselffirst #selfcareisntselfish #bekindtoyourself #selfrespect #selfgrowth #youareenough #selfawareness #authenticliving #liveinthenow #livewithintention #purposefulliving #bestill #chooseyou #takecareofyourself #treatyourselfwell by @drjenofficial

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4 years ago

A note on perfectionism and avoidance.

Want to learn more? Check my bio for a link to my course!

#avoidance #distraction #negativeemotions #worrying #copingskill #unhealthycopingskills #copingwithanxiety #copingmechanisms #copingmechanism #intrusivethoughts #mentalhealthhelp #uncertainty #itsoktonotbeok #copingskills #coping #mentalhealthstruggles #mentalhealthcheck #mentalhealthissues #mentalhealthisreal #emotionalwellness #mentalhealtheducation #selfacceptancejourney #emotionalregulation #mentalhealthtips #perfectionism #perfectionistproblems #overcominganxiety #anxietyfighter #anxietyisreal #anxietytips by @drjenofficial

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4 years ago

Raise your hand if you’ve ever reached the end of your day totally burn out? ⁣
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Do you ever hit 5pm, or 9pm, and realize you are starving, dehydrated, or didn’t get 10 minutes to yourself all day?⁣
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This happens a lot to perfectionists!⁣
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We put our needs last - all the way down to the most fundamental needs.⁣
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And what’s the long-term effect of eating granola bars at our desk for lunch? Or serving up our kids 17 meals a day but never getting a water or bathroom break?

- Headaches⁣
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- Overeating when we finally get the chance⁣
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- Low mood/snapping⁣
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- Resentment ⁣
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- Fatigue⁣
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Does this ever happen to you? ⁣
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What is it hard to make time for in your day?⁣

#burnout #burnoutprevention #burnoutrecovery #burnedout #clearyourmind perfectionist end of day shift sat down needs fundamental neglect self care by @drjenofficial

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3 days ago

How do you do with making decisions?

Do big decisions keep you up at night?

What about small ones?

Do you find your mind problem-solving its way into the future?

Is it hard to say in the moment and appreciate now?

These are hallmark characteristics of perfectionism and anxiety - and there is a different way.

What if we gave ourselves permission to not have it all figured out?

What if we didn't hold so tightly to our plans and instead embraced flexibility with what the future looks like?

What if we gave ourselves grace and allowed ourselves to change our minds when something didn't feel right?

The pressure to make all the right decisions is born out of an intolerance of flexibility and willingness to change our minds later.

So here is your permission slip.

You can decide things are not working for you and change them, now and in the future.

Feel free to use this freedom on:

- Your major

- Work projects

- Whether a relationship is serving you or needs to change

- Which friends bring out the best in you

- What rug to buy/coffee to order/apartment to rent/meal plan/etc

What about you?

Do you put pressure on yourself to make all the "right" decisions?

Do you hold flexibility and let yourself change your mind later?

Let me know in the comments!

#perfectionist #perfectionism #recoveringpeoplepleaser #perfectionistproblems #therapistsofinstagram perfectionist master solvee by @drjenofficial

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7 days ago

Let me tell you a little bit about writing a book....there is no finish line.

It could always be better. I could always add more research. i could always share more of my personal experience. I could always finesse the case examples further.

So many of our work obligations are like this. Whether our work involves writing, design, strategy, or management. There is so much beyond a simple checklist.

So how does a perfectionist define what is "enough" at work? When do we know how to stop?

We have to define what success means for us. We have to solidify our boundaries for when we close our laptop at night. We have to know what "enough" looks like for us.

So what about you? When does work end for you?

#workboundaries #healthyboundaries #selfawarenessjourney #sethealthyboundaries #chooseyou good stopping point boundaries work overachiever overwork work life balance perfectionist by @drjenofficial

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10 days ago

What if self-care isn’t about doing less—but trying something new? ✨

We often hear self-care described in familiar ways: take a bath, book the spa day, slow down. And while those things can absolutely feel good, they aren’t the only ways we can care for ourselves.

For SeekHer’s Advisor, Dr. Jen Douglas (@drjenofficial), self-care lately has looked a little different: weightlifting with a friend, stepping outside of her usual routine, and making space for something that feels entirely her own.

Sometimes filling our cup means asking ourselves what might make us feel curious, energized, or a little more alive.

Maybe it’s something you’ve always wanted to try. Maybe it’s something you loved years ago and haven’t made time for since.

💭 What’s something different you could try this week that might fill your cup?
Share with us below. 👇

—
#womensmentalhealth #mentalhealthnonprofit #SeekHer #SeekHerFoundation women’s mental health, mental health support, mental health nonprofit, mental health awareness, women’s wellness community, self-care awareness month by @drjenofficial

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10 days ago

We, perfectionists, are naturally hard on ourselves.

Not because we choose to be - but because we are so concerned with getting things right all of the time.

Perfectionists and high achievers have learned to strive as a means of protection.

There are often subconscious thoughts like, "If I make myself useful to everyone around me, they can't ever get mad at me."

Or "Even if I am not confident in myself and my intelligence, I can beat that low self-esteem by working twice as hard as everyone else, all of the time."

These subconscious (and sometimes conscious) thoughts can add up over time and result in beliefs such as "If I don't 'do it all' for everyone in my life, then they will not like me," or "If I am not constantly giving 110%, I am worthless."

We are our best selves when we feel secure, and we are happiest when we are relaxed, and we are most authentic when we can show up exactly as we are feeling, even if that isn't at 110%.

If you've been there and experienced the anxiety and pressure of being "perfect" across the board, this account is just for you!

Follow @drjenofficial for more tips on how to break free from perfectionism.

#perfectionist #perfectionism #recoveringpeoplepleaser #perfectionistproblems #mentalhealthhelp tension shoulders perfectionism by @drjenofficial

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14 days ago

No one should blame themselves for developing perfectionism.⁣
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We don’t have to look far for all the ways that perfectionism seeps into our exposure to the world.⁣
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From unrealistic, non-inclusive, and photoshopped images of what we should look like...⁣
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To equating someone’s values based on their achievement in academics and work...⁣
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To expectations of home and family life based on Pinterest and not the real work.⁣
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Expectations are everywhere.⁣
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As humans, our brains use comparisons to others to see if we are doing the right thing.⁣
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Perfectionism takes this instinct and supercharges it to the point where it harms our life rather than helps.⁣
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Where have you noticed societal pressures to be perfect? Let's discuss below!

#breakthecycle #perfectionistproblems #livingonpurpose #perfectionism #getunstuck perfectionism anxiety overachievers perfectionist by @drjenofficial

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17 days ago

Perfectionism keeps us constantly attuned to the opinion of others:

- Is my partner upset with me?

- Does my boss think I'm doing a good job?

- Are the other moms judging my parenting?

- Do my friends think I'm awkward?

This all comes from a good place - we want to belong, and so we look to cues from the outside world over whether we "fit in."

However, what happens when perfectionism and valuing the opinions of others go too far?

We can actually become out of touch with our true wants and needs.

This is when we end up overthinking our choices and being more focused on outside opinions of our life than what we really want.

Have you ever noticed outside opinions affecting how you thought about:

- How you dress?

- Where you live?

- What activities you do?

- What topics of conversation you bring up?

- What to study or the type of job you want?

Are they the same?

Or does anything change?

Wishing you love and rest for the week!

Follow for more tips on perfectionism!

#perfectionist #perfectionism #recoveringpeoplepleaser #perfectionistproblems #therapistsofinstagram perfectionist high achiever people pleaser by @drjenofficial

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21 days ago

This is my whole energy for the coming years <3

#powerthoughts #courageovercomfort #showupforyourself #mindsetreset #empoweryourself only three things matter how much you loved how gently you lived and how gracefully you let things go peace living life healing by @drjenofficial

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24 days ago

Welcome to me swimming upstream in the social media space. Clearly I believe social media can be used for good! For connection, for education, etc. However, we know it can be especially hard on young brains. Make sure your young people (and you yourself), get time connecting in real life, not just online.

Are you struggling helping your kid navigate SM?

#socialmediause #parenting #parentinghacks #mindfulparenting #parentinghelp by @drjenofficial

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a month ago