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Tamar Z. Kahane

@drkahane

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Child Psychologist | Founder of POWERS
EF + SEL for kids, parents, educators & clinicians
Teaching the skills beneath behavior

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In over 20 years of practice, I have never once diagnosed a child with ODD. Not because the defiance isn't real — it is. But defiance is never the whole story.

#POWERSparenting
#PositiveParenting
#GentleParenting
#RespectfulParenting
#EmotionalDevelopment
#ChildPsychology
#EmotionCoaching
#EmotionalRegulation
#MentalHealthMatters
#AnxietyInKids taken in The Kahane Center by @drkahane

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6 months ago

“I hate you” can land hard, even when you know your child is upset.

Pause before responding to the words alone. They may be struggling with a limit or disappointment and lack the skill to say that clearly yet.

You can hold the limit, acknowledge the feeling, and return to the words later. That is how an upsetting moment becomes a chance to learn.

Which part is hardest in the moment: hearing the words, holding the limit, or coming back to teach afterward?

#POWERSProgram #DrKahane #ParentingTools #EmotionalRegulation #ChildDevelopment taken in The Kahane Center by @drkahane

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1

a day ago

Compliance and learning are not the same thing.

A threat may change a child’s behavior in the moment without teaching the executive-functioning or regulation skills they will need the next time.

At its best, discipline is a learning opportunity.

Save this for the next rushed morning—and share it with a parent who needs this reminder.

#ParentingTips #ChildDevelopment #ExecutiveFunctioning #PositiveDiscipline #POWERSParenting taken in The Kahane Center by @drkahane

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7 days ago

Our children are individual people with their own thoughts, feelings, and developmental capacities.

When their behavior doesn’t make sense to us, we often need to stop looking at it only from our planet—and try to land on theirs.

This does not mean changing the boundary. It means understanding our child’s experience before trying to teach something new.

The next time your child’s behavior makes no sense to you, pause and ask:

What might this look and feel like on their planet?

#POWERSParenting #ParentingTools #ChildDevelopment #EmotionalRegulation #ExecutiveFunction taken in The Kahane Center by @drkahane

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7

12 days ago

Awareness is the moment something that has been happening automatically becomes visible to us.

We notice that we are repeating ourselves, stepping in too quickly or reacting from our own triggers.

That awareness is not meant to shame us.

With awareness, curiosity and a kind inner voice, we can begin to change.

Because if we don’t know that something is hard for us, we can’t work at getting better at it.

Awareness is the key that unlocks change.

#ParentingWithPOWERS #POWERSParenting #ExecutiveFunctioning #ParentingTools #ChildPsychology #ParentingSupport #DrKahane taken in The Kahane Center by @drkahane

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14 days ago

“I tried that. It doesn’t work.”

Who hasn’t said this?

When we measure success by whether our child immediately stops screaming, listens, or complies, we move from one parenting strategy to the next.

But learning does not happen instantly.

Try redefining your success—not based on your child’s immediate response, but on whether you are consistently applying the skills you are learning.

If you stay regulated while your child is screaming, that can still be a very successful parenting moment.

It’s hard. And it does get easier.

Save this for the next time you feel like nothing is working.

#Parenting #ParentingSupport #ParentingTips #ChildPsychologist #EmotionalRegulation #ExecutiveFunctioning #ADHDParenting #POWERSParenting taken in The Kahane Center by @drkahane

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19 days ago

Validation is the enzyme that helps children digest their emotions.

Many parents know they are supposed to validate. But in difficult moments, we may say, “I know you’re upset,” and immediately move on to explaining, reassuring, problem-solving, or correcting.

Validation is not a sentence we check off. It is a process.

We are not finished simply because we said the words. We need to stay with the feeling long enough for our child to begin to feel understood.

Validation also does not mean agreement:

“I understand why you’re angry that I said no” can exist alongside “My answer is still no.”

Before you fix it, explain it, or teach the lesson, give your child time to digest the feeling.

Save this for the next emotionally charged moment—and share it with a parent who may be moving through validation too quickly.

Validate is part of the POWERS™ framework by Dr. Tamar Z. Kahane. © 2026.

#POWERSParenting #ParentingSkills #EmotionalRegulation #ChildPsychology #Validation taken in The Kahane Center by @drkahane

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7

a month ago

What if your child’s behavior could tell you which skills they need help building?

POWERS gives parents six skill toolboxes:

P — Prioritize
O — Organize
W — Work
E — Exercise
R — Regulate
S — Social Awareness

This does not mean excusing behavior or removing limits. It means learning to hold the limit AND build the skill.

Behavior is what we see. Skills are what we grow.

Follow @drkahane for practical tools to build each POWERS skill.

Save this for the next hard moment—and send it to a parent who may be seeing the behavior but missing the skill underneath it.

#POWERSParenting #ParentingSkills #ExecutiveFunctioning #EmotionalRegulation #ChildDevelopment taken in The Kahane Center by @drkahane

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a month ago

“I made a mistake” can quickly turn into “I am a mistake.”

One hard parenting moment—yelling, losing patience, reacting in a way we regret—can start to feel like it defines us.

Within the POWERS™ framework, Containment helps us do something powerful: keep the mistake small while seeing the whole person.

We don’t ignore it. We own it. We repair it. We just don’t let it become our identity—or our child’s.

Contain the moment. Repair what matters. Remember the whole person.

Save this for the next hard moment—and share it with a parent who needs this reminder today.

Containment is part of the POWERS™ framework by Dr. Tamar Z. Kahane. © 2026.

#POWERSParenting #ParentingSkills #EmotionalRegulation #GentleParenting #ParentingSupport taken in The Kahane Center by @drkahane

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a month ago

The parenting response that works in the moment may feed anxiety in the bigger picture.

When your child is crying, clinging to you, complaining of a stomachache, and pleading, “Please don’t make me,” their distress is real—and very difficult to watch.

Saying, “Okay. You don’t have to,” often brings immediate relief. The crying stops. Your child’s body relaxes. And you feel relieved too.

But anxiety may learn:

“That really was too much for me.”

“I couldn’t have handled it.”

“Avoiding it kept me safe.”

Within the POWERS™ framework, the AND Skill helps us validate the feeling without allowing anxiety to make the decision:

“You’re feeling scared. I understand. AND I’m going to help you take the next step.”

This is not about forcing children into situations that are unsafe or genuinely harmful. It is about recognizing when anxiety and avoidance are driving the refusal.

The goal is not to eliminate anxiety. It is to help children feel it, move through it with support, and discover:

“I can feel anxious AND still do something hard.”

Save this for the next time anxiety says, “I can’t”—and share it with a parent who may need the AND Skill.

The AND Skill is part of the POWERS™ framework by Dr. Tamar Z. Kahane.

#POWERSParenting #ChildAnxiety #AnxiousKids #ParentingSkills #EmotionalRegulation taken in The Kahane Center by @drkahane

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0

a month ago

Stop telling your child what to do, start teaching them how to manage themselves. #powersparenting #childdevelopment #executivefunction #parentingsupport by @drkahane

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a month ago

If the answer sometimes changes after enough asking, children learn to keep asking.

Befores & Afters™ replaces daily negotiations with a predictable sequence—and helps children practice managing themselves.

Save this for the next “five more minutes.”

#POWERSParenting #BeforesAndAfters #ScreenTimeStruggles #ExecutiveFunctionSkills #ADHDParenting #ParentingTools #PositiveParenting #RaisingIndependentKids taken in The Kahane Center by @drkahane

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a month ago