Instagram story viewer> @emmawalshwrites> Posts

Emma | writer✨gatherer of joy

@emmawalshwrites

737

followers

457

following

writes, reads & gathers
✨ redundancy, infertility, chronic illness
✨ joy, gathered anyway: magpie-like, piece by piece
long captions & overshares 👇🏼

POSTS STORIES REELS TAGGED

In another timeline, I'd be holding my babies. In this one, I'm learning to hold joy and grief together.

Probably the best place to start would be to introduce myself: Hello, I'm Emma! And maybe share a little bit about how I found myself living this version of life, the one that didn’t go to plan? (Spoiler, it might not be by choice but it’s still crammed full of joy).

I started leave for redundancy on almost the exact day that my maternity leave should have begun. Now, that time’s for piecing back together the parts of myself that a journey through endometriosis, infertility and miscarriage has broken.

I guess I'm thinking of it as a maternity leave of sorts, still, except I'm mothering myself. Nourishing myself. Growing myself.

How do you come to terms with a door forever shut to you in such a brutal way? When your carefully laid life plan is ripped to shreds in front of you? Well that's exactly what The No Kids Club is here to explore, if you'll come along for the ride? Because what I've found on the other side of this journey is healing and joy and discovery.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not linear and not everything is sparkly and light; it's important to keep that real. But I like to hold up the moments of light that do shine through, so I can bask in their warmth. They all add up to a truly joyful life and that's what I'm here to keep building.

Here’s what you can expect to find here:

joy, gathered ✨ collecting moments of joy, magpie-like, big or small - a window into a life rebuilt with intention after things didn't go to plan.

the reading list 📚 turning the unexpected into a reading sabbatical in an attempt to get through the TBR - with you as my reading hype buddy.

playtime 🛝 remembering the art of play in an adulthood that hasn't quite gone to plan - through travel, hobbies, or just very good food.

off-plan 💬 talking honestly through the moments in life we didn't see coming.

I hope that, by taking you with me on the journey, you can see that there is a path forward when life doesn’t go to plan, and that it can be a beautiful and joy filled one. by @emmawalshwrites

3

27

4 months ago

I’m dropping the c-bomb and I’m not even sorry. The Christmas one, obviously, not the other one.

And I get it, it might be a little (a lot) early for some. But this week has felt like a merry-go-round of seasons in one anyway. I’ve gazed up at skies so blue they could have been sent from a summer’s day, held my jacket tight against my body as the wind blustered autumn leaves around me, and gazed out the windows at hail teeming down, akin to a winter's day. There has been bloom spotting too, less prolific than spring perhaps but the colour-popping petals raised a smile all the same.

So, what’s another cameo from the months ahead between friends?

✨ Why so early with the festivities, you may be thinking? Well, we have a long-held tradition - every year we go to a local Christmas tree farm and pick our tree. The date of picking has crept forward over the last decade, as the farm’s popularity has exploded, hence finding myself in a field decked out in sequins and wellies as early as October. But it’s one of my favourite days of the year. Admittedly, it starts with a little stress, my dedication to picking ‘the best’ tree knows no bounds. But invariably we settle for one of the first we found (having painstakingly surveyed the rest of the crop) and then we (/I) skip off to the barn to pick a decoration each. The magpie in me loves the sparkle, the joy-hunter in me loves the memory making and the promise of more to come. The glitter from an undisclosed source stayed on my face all day, and if I can indulge in a small amount of cheesiness, it lingered in my heart all week too. The very definition of a glimmer but this one sure has staying power.

✨ The temperatures haven’t quite dropped enough to warrant turning the heating on yet BUT I did get a blanket out for writing the other day and it felt good to be all warm and snuggly while I let words tumble out on the page. Remind me of this in the depths of winter when the layers of blankets have increased and my fingers feel like they’re going to fall off as I type (fellow-old-house-occupants IYKYK).

What’s been lighting you up this week? by @emmawalshwrites

3

1

2 days ago

We’re all meant to be building a life we don’t need a holiday from, right? Except I think that sort of misses the point.

I’m a homebody. I love my house. I love my people. And I love my life.

But travelling does something to my brain.

It resets it. Rewires it. Reignites it.

Needing a holiday doesn’t have to mean getting away from life; it can just mean that life needs a moment to exist elsewhere. Somewhere different to the rooms (literal and figurative) that I move through every day.

I always come back carrying a piece of the places I’ve travelled within me; they make me inhabit those more familiar places in a different way.

Hiking amongst the luscious greenery of Slovenia, getting lost in the cobbled streets of Montenegro, and standing mesmerised by the light dancing on the sea in Croatia are moments that flutter around in my mind. They take me back to warmer days when I need them and open my eyes to the shades of blue and green that make up my home life. Some more muted, some just as vibrant.

So, I might not have a job, but when my camera roll looks like this, how can I not consider myself rich?

And I’m already planning the places to go to recharge my brain next year.

Any recommendations? I’d love to visit somewhere that’s worked wonders in resetting your brain. by @emmawalshwrites

3

0

3 days ago

Class is in session, and for the book nerds among us it’s going to be fun 📚

My monthly reading list round-ups are changing, because let’s face it… job or no job, I’m never going to make it through my TBR when my reading rate is no match for my book buying rate. And who actually wants it to be, anyway? Certainly not me.

But I still want to chat books with you. So, instead I’m going to be bringing you regular book reports from the reading list. My favourite reads from the month only. The ones you need to read.

First up I’m talking about this wonderful debut novel from Croatian writer Lidija Hilje, Slanting Towards the Sea.

It tells the story of Ivona and Vlaho, who met and fell in love as students. Their connection is magnetic and passionate and deep. But when the story joins them a decade later Ivona and Vlaho are divorced, she is caring for her ailing father in her childhood home and he is married to one of her friends and raising a young family.

It’s a love story full to the brim with longing and thwarted love. My favourite kind (Normal People, One Day, Broken Country fans: IYKYK).

What’s your favourite debut novel? 📚 by @emmawalshwrites

3

12

4 days ago

There was a time when I very firmly sat in the childfree-by-choice camp. Yet now I consider myself childless-not-by-choice.

And the switch-up is something I've shied away from talking about.

Because of the shame and self-blame, yes. When you've professed to not wanting children for years and then you try to have them and fail, there's a devil on your shoulder that tells you it serves you right.

But also because I don't want to become the poster girl for someone that inevitably 'changed her mind.'

The thing is, I don't think I changed my mind at all. And there was always going to come a time when I over-shared about why on my Substack.

It looks like today's the day, if you want to have a nosy 👀 The link's in my bio as always 🔗 by @emmawalshwrites

39

3

6 days ago

Taking the C word out of stories and onto the grid. Because who doesn't love Christmas in October?!

The Christmas tree farm = my happy place ❤️

@welfordchristmastreefarm ✨🎄✨ taken in Welford Christmas Tree Farm by @emmawalshwrites

3

6

8 days ago

When I catch a cold I hoard it in my throat; I’ve spent this week sounding like I have a 20-a-day smoking habit. As soon as Autumn hits, so too does the lurgy, it seems. Without children to incubate the swirling germs a new term brings, we sometimes avoid this unwelcome back-to-school gift. Not this time! But that hasn’t stopped me gathering joy:

✨ Bottomless brunch: two words that can simultaneously spark fear AND excitement. This week the Book Club emerged from between the pages and headed out for cocktails, prosecco, yummy food and yapping. I’m someone whose negative self-talk is often amplified after a few glasses, and sometimes I leave occasions like this wondering if I’ve said anything silly, talked too much or not enough, not been entertaining enough (though I don’t think my friends expect a one-woman show). And as I walked back from the train station, after the most lovely time, the internal chatter nearly started. But I decided to give it no time. Instead, I looked up and saw the golden sun in the blue, blue sky. Felt the fresh air in my face. And smiled. Reminding myself how lucky I was to have spent a few hours having fun with friends.

✨ Shall we chat Glasto tickets? We didn’t get any. So it might seem strange that the attempt to obtain them has made it onto the joy list. The reason? Just a few years ago I wouldn’t have entertained going. At its peak, my endometriosis made my world small. It threatened to extinguish it. But on Sunday morning I was in that virtual ticket queue confident that I would be able to revel in festival life. That right there felt like joy.

✨ Someone in my writing group this week said that we’re in ‘the spring of autumn’, that all seasons have an element of the other seasons within them. Where they bloom, and shine, and wilt, and rest. And I loved that, the feeling that something can still hold an element of renewal even when it appears to be decaying. It made me notice the bright birth of colours in the leaves and the berries and the bark: shades of orange and red flaming through my morning walks.

What's blooming for you in these early days of autumn? I hope at least a rogue bloom made its way by @emmawalshwrites

3

5

9 days ago

Ok, I admit it. We tend to get a little greedy when we’re holiday planning. Cramming in as much as possible, knowing that when we’re in-the-moment living the itinerary we’re probably going to feel so full we get a little sleepy and uncomfortable. But satisfied, nonetheless.

The thing is, we’re not really a ‘stay put’ kind of duo on holiday. We move around a lot; make sure we've uncovered every hidden corner. And I guess, as we don’t have little ones in tow, it can be easier to make that happen (based on how we would likely have approached holidays with kids, rather than how other people do or could).

Perhaps that’s why we ended up cramming two countries, three destinations and a handful of day trips for good measure, into our latest holiday stint. Two fingers up at the situation we found ourselves in, and a wonderful road trip as the reward.

10 days spanning Montenegro and Dubrovnik might sound like we didn’t give ourselves room to breathe, but actually it felt like the opposite. We explored a new country (Montenegro), revisited an old favourite (Croatia) but still didn’t feel rushed.

Our three nights in Dubrovnik was a definite highlight though. 10 years ago we were lucky enough to spend time in Croatia, island and shore hopping, courtesy of our very clever friends who can sail (and their patience at allowing us to be very poor deck hands).

We already knew the edges of Croatia were beautiful but Dubrovnik showed us that the awe it offers goes deeper than that. I’m not a Game of Thrones fan at all, so I couldn’t geek out to the renowned shooting locations, but I could appreciate exactly why they were chosen. The city hosts so many breathtaking sites.

It’s also packed full of incredible places to eat; we only managed to scratch the surface.

We made so many memories there: cliffside drinks as the sun went down, feeling on top of the world as we glided over the city walls, floating through the turquoise sea with the sun on our faces.

What memories will you keep coming back to from your summer holidays this year, as the cosy nights keep drawing in?

_______

Dubrovnik travel tips, Things to do in Dubrovnik, where to eat in Dubrovnik, childfree travel taken in Dubrovnik, Croatia by @emmawalshwrites

3

7

11 days ago

Some things in life change the shape of us.

Not just our edges, the bits you can see on the outside.

They can change the stuff on the inside too, perhaps even more significantly. Because that’s where the thoughts, the feelings, the beliefs are.

It’s not just difficult things, of course. Good things can change us too; they can morph the shape of us into something we’re more comfortable with, something more reflective of who we are or who we want to be.

But the shapeshifting experiences that have marked my life over the last few years have all revolved around pain and grief and disappointment.

Some people may think that we chose to stop IVF, that ultimately it is now our choice not to have children. That if we’d carried on, or tried different routes, we would be parents by now.

There are lots of different reasons I don’t believe that would be the case (medical and otherwise) but I also believe, very strongly, that if we’d carried on I would have been irrevocably changed into someone I didn't want to be.

Because for me, IVF was a constant dance with the threat of endometriosis recurrence. It was a form of torture layered on top of years of physically and mentally painful procedures, surgery and treatments.

As time went on, with no hope of resolution, it was making me shorter, sharper, distant, bitter. It came close to those feelings settling in, bending me out of shape. But, when we stopped, there was still enough malleability in the shape of me to bend them back out. To avoid them taking up permanent residence.

Have you been through an experience - good or bad - that feels like it has changed the shape of you? I’d love to hear about it ✨ by @emmawalshwrites

3

6

13 days ago

I present for your delectation a collection of things that brought me joy this week:

✨ Last weekend I spent an afternoon crafting with friends. I’m someone who dreams of being crafty, has big ideas of projects or new skills to launch into, and then the reality doesn’t tend to meet my high expectations. But crafting with friends shifted the focus to fun rather than the outcome; or maybe it was just the prosecco quieting my perfectionism. Either way, I’m actually quite pleased with the embroidered felt Christmas tree decoration I produced. Oh wait, is it too early for the ‘c’ word?

✨ I’m over 40. Heading out on a windy autumn weeknight never seems like something I want to do. Until I’m sitting in a theatre belly laughing at perfectly pitched witty lines. I love a comedy evening and I’m forever thankful that my husband books tickets knowing midweek laughter is always needed, even with an ageing, grumpy homebody for a wife! Maisie Adams certainly made a grey Tuesday much brighter.

✨ I read before bed every night, and it brings me joy. And calm. Reading the Guinness World Records book to my niece and nephew (their choice) brought only one of those things, and given it made it onto this list I’m pretty sure you can guess which one it was. Their laughter and their awe at some of the weird and wonderful feats definitely provided a lighter way to enjoy a bedtime story (/factual record of achievements). The special moments that I’m lucky enough to get with the little people in my life will always be an important part of the joy I gather.

✨ Our garden is a jungle, suffering from the effects of years of neglect in the wake of a big renovation project, and our lack of green fingers to restore it. It’s a project for another time. But this week I spotted one lone rose, its pink petals catching my eye as it swayed in the wind. My very own rogue bloom popping up despite its inhospitable surroundings.

What unexpected joy has brightened your week? I hope some made its way to you. by @emmawalshwrites

3

1

16 days ago

Whilst (nearly) everyone we know was ushering in back to school vibes, sharing first day uniform pictures and (perhaps somewhat reluctantly) accepting the opening notes of Autumn, me and my husband were chasing down an endless summer and boarding a plane to explore the Balkans.

Our mid-September holiday often masquerades as an opportunity to miss the summer holiday chaos but really the subtext is a 10-day-long celebration of my birthday; my only stipulation being that it’s somewhere sunny and beautiful.

That didn’t go to plan last year; sunshine and beauty were ticked off the list, but our time away was spent healing from the abrupt end to our infertility journey, which leaves a little less room to notice such things.

We planned for this year to be lighter. More open to joy. More time to let the places we see seep into our minds and our bones and our hearts.

Seven nights in Montenegro was, it turned out, the perfect location to deliver on all fronts.

Its coastline is breathtaking, with crystal blue waters and a dry heat that felt glorious in comparison to the UK’s humid summer heatwaves. We visited Budva, Kotor and Perast, all home to pretty old town buildings and cobbled streets. There was plenty to see, without it being too much - giving us space to breathe and relax amidst the exploring.

Outside of the old towns, there are slightly rougher edges; often my favourite pockets of a new place, where you see how people really live. And there’s lots of construction work happening across roads and towns (though it doesn't get in the way of the beautiful spectacle). We'd love to visit again in 10 years and what's changed.

Of course, no summer is actually endless (more’s the pity) and we’re back in the UK now embracing Autumn too (after indulging in part two of this trip in Dubrovnik, which I'll share soon).

But we’re already plotting travel plans for next year, where’s a must visit place we absolutely have to get on the list? by @emmawalshwrites

3

3

18 days ago

Don't mind me. I'm just over here trying to soak up all of the moments. Big and small. How about you? by @emmawalshwrites

3

1

20 days ago