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Erica Mulford

@ericamulf

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Without even being consciously aware of it, we have blocks to intimacy. Intimacy with ourselves, intimacy with others, people in our lives we have a tremendous capacity to experience a deep, fulfilling relationship with.

Really our whole world is one of relation. Without intimacy we aren’t able to relate to others from our depth but rather as a self-image. We relate as who or how we think we should be, even satisfying what we perceive the other is wanting us to be.

But where have we gone? Where has the enjoyment gone?

It’s under the surface; not much below where you think it is. it’s not actually buried under decades of trauma, of addiction, of habit energy.

It doesn’t take hard work, effort, years of trying to heal, exploring every modality that’s different, new, and offers you “the” solution.

No.

The depth of you requires listening and following what you hear.

When you meet the depths of you, you will gravitate towards meeting the depths of others – it’s inevitable. It’s like meeting a brilliant child that has the stillness of a wise elder and getting reacquainted over and over again.

You see it in yourself and then see it everywhere you look. Even if others try to make you see something else in them, you experience the depth of who they are because the façade your own system put in place no longer fools you – so how could theirs?

This intimacy is utterly indescribable, especially when it starts to happen with others. It’s sweet, playful, silent, joyful, childlike, and completely unpredictable. There’s a quality of utter beauty with a hint of tragedy for being able to feel so deeply in the shared company of others.

Relationships you didn’t imagine were possible are now appearing in your life with increasing speed. Gratitude for those people and a natural affection that saturates your cells outward to them becomes your baseline. There’s pure ease in the company of these strong soulful relationships.

The best part is, no effort is required for this to be a reality.

No need to try to love them, to force yourself to appreciate them or communicate effectively with them. It simply happens. by @ericamulf

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5 years ago

Inhabit your Body

I had a conversation with a friend who told me from a very early age of 14 she had to leave her childhood home quite suddenly and it left a psychological scar on her. Since then, she's struggled to feel the safety of being at home, even decades after the event happened - she never got to say goodbye, and she never felt able to "nest". Nothing felt quite right, no home felt like a true home to her.

She told me of her struggles and misaligned relationship to food and to her body. When I suggested perhaps the two were connected - not feeling at home in her physical environment and not feeling at home in her own body, she was surprised by the relationship between the two, that they in fact both resulted in the same feeling of a lack of safety.

I explained that often what's happening "in here" within ourselves, is nearly always also happening "out there" in the world. Our inner world is a reflection of our outer world, and our outer world from our inner world. The two stop seeming like distinct realities "me" and "the world", but instead they're completely interdependent.

We may even seek excessive safety in circumstances, hoping something external to us can fulfill our desire to feel at ease, comfortable, calm and at peace with ourselves and others.

Perhaps when we feel these uncomfortable feelings, we can begin to soften, to consciously relax and melt into fully inhabiting our truest most intimate home...our bodies.

Tapping into the depths of our bodies reveals the body itself to be the harbor of inner safety and contentment. Any painful emotion or sensation you feel is calling you towards a total intimacy with yourself, to finally feel* it all with a soft mind and an open heart.

While external safety is necessary, it alone isn't enough for us to feel the safety we seek. Our bodies are where our safety lies, a deep place of intimacy, of realness, of fearlessly being all that we are - which requires *feeling* again. Feeling our pain, or emotions, desires, the joys of life and the sorrows, the pull to create, to communicate, to relate, to love, to argue, it's all there. This to me is the most fearless thing we can do... by @ericamulf

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5 years ago

The Storms that Deepen You.

Something I notice increasingly as I speak to others and even work through my own inner obstacles as they arise, is an assumption that there's something wrong with us because of what's coming up. Because the emotions we're feeling, the thoughts we're having, the unideal ways we may respond or react to others.

One of the biggest areas of change within myself has been seeing these things within myself not only as not "bad" but seeing them as helpful, even wise.

I started reading a book called "Difficult Conversations" and it's shaped the way I view communication.

The basic premise is to instead of assuming you know someone's intention (ex. "He must not care that much", "she's being selfish"), you simply share how you feel and how their action affected you (ex. "When you don't call me for a few days at a time, I feel embarrassed, like maybe I'm more committed to this relationship than you. Where are you coming from?")

Within myself I see the same thing. If I assume where I'm coming from without investigating my perspective as valid, I may see what's going on as "wrong".

It's a mistake I see a lot of coaches make. Telling their clients to operate from "love" instead of "fear" sets up a dichotomy where we see anything we label as "fear" as bad, defective, wrong, something to be transcended. Rather than exploring the wisdom in this fear, uncovering the truth behind it, it's written off as "fear" - a known thing.

But when we slow down and get curious about what we're going through, in my experience wisdom is soon to come blowing through the doors leading straight to our heart.

- This mind we fight, is only ever trying to help.

- These emotions we avoid, are only ever trying to be felt and deepen our connection with life.

- These relationships we feel misunderstood in or avoidant/unemotional in, are only trying to guide us towards authentic expression.

This is the art of the hard work of soft work. The art of feeling our emotions with radical compassion, giving ourselves the grace of patient exploration and understanding, and finally letting the storm blow through you to reveal its utter depth and beauty to you 💙 by @ericamulf

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5 years ago

Human Being.

Initially feeling separate from ourselves and the world at large, we set out on a quest with an energetic charge. We read, we seek, we pray, yet the forces of life seem to lead us astray.

Until one day when it strikes with all of its might, we discover we are what we've been seeking and begin to recede from that fight.

Swimming in the great expanse of yourself which you have just found, it feels as if you're floating above the ground. But the heaven on earth you believe you've found, is still a weight keeping you bound.

Accidentally stuck - getting drunk on the greatest avoidance of pain, an idea of no ideas - a self of totally no self, separation still remains.

Lost in a pool of contentment may seem appealing but its hardly ever so. The 'human' and the 'being' are meant to be a tandem flow.

Forgetting the joy of the pain of caring and trying, crying and surviving. Missing the small creatures all around trying with determination and grit to mightfully conquer their firsts.

The fish won't limit itself to the expanse of the ocean, instead it will swim. The baby won't be with all that is, it will fight to speak, to express, to crawl and climb.

There are no limitations here in this playground.

We come back to life as it is without trying to avoid. Without needing to hide. Without needing to be one thing rather than another. We are ourselves big and small, human and being, and continue to make sound ❤ taken in Del Ray, Alexandria by @ericamulf

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6 years ago

The empowerment of honesty.

When I used to hear the word "responsibility" I associated it with a very negative and punishing connotation. Now when I hear the word I realize it is freedom. Taking responsibility for my own life, mindset, emotional regulation, prioritizing things I value, taking time to have fun* to stay mentally light, honoring the work I do in this world.

Taking responsibility means that my happiness and emotional stability lies in my own hands, or more accurately in the hands of life, rather than falsely imagining it belongs in the hands of another.

It's being able to enjoy the company of another without the demand or expectation that they somehow give me all the things I need to be fulfilled. We don't need to be saved from ourselves anymore.

Honesty is at the heart of responsibility. And when we're honest, there's never manipulation. Likewise whenever we're dishonest, manipulation is always present. When we contort ourselves to keep others, there's always pain in that manipulative effort.

We're insanely free to be our beautiful wholehearted selves 💕 have the courage to just be you and see who stays and loves you as you are. taken in Severna Park, Maryland by @ericamulf

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6 years ago

Love doesn't discriminate, it sees equality everywhere it looks. #blackandwhite, #blackouttuesday taken in Alexandria, Virginia by @ericamulf

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6 years ago

Establishing a Baseline. One of the most basic principles I've learned in energy modeling is the importance of establishing a baseline. When we create a baseline, we've created a "normal", this allows us to compare other scenarios against this model so we can effectively contrast the two, while holding several variables constant and and keeping track of the variables we change between the two, we can explain the difference in model outputs based on the inputs that are within our control. This is how our brains understand projections, or attempt to future forecast - it's in comparison to a normal, to a perceived equilibrium.

Our bodies and minds do this everyday, constantly updating this information and establishing an ever-updating internal equilibrium. However; when multiple variables are affected in our lives, the bodily feeling of "normal" may change radically. With exposure to a vast difference in an endless number of substantial changes in our external environment, the internal environment is soon to follow - we can never find the barrier between the two in reality.

We may feel anxious given all the change and uncertainty playing out. This could be experienced as uneasiness in our skin, an uncomfortable feeling in our bodies. We may even find ourselves acting in ways that make us physically uncomfortable, such as over-eating, binge watching TV, diving into excessive activities to busy ourselves, even wondering why we're acting out in painful ways. It's okay...the system is trying to re-establish its baseline, this is adaptation; the ability to adjust to one's environment. Our internal systems start to adjust to meet the changes in the external systems.

This process can be uncomfortable, painful as hell, the tendency to reach for comfort or even to numb/zone out could be quite strong. There are times we will all be out of our comfort zones, wishing it could be different, wishing it was already over. But hang in there....life is always a balancing act on a tight rope. Swaying from side to side, learning how to establish our balance, how to subtly correct our posture. Our systems will adjust, they will re-establish their baseline 💕 by @ericamulf

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7 years ago

Frostbite Life
To live in the land of icy hands,
Whose fingers cannot touch.
The places that are frozen solid,
That feel locked inside of us.

To step outside of attempts to remove
That which we would rather not see,
We may suddenly find ourselves entering a space,
An incredible capacity to be.

What was once rigid and cold
Is suddenly met with warmth.
It melts and flows and then it goes,
No longer an object that is warped.

Nothing has changed and yet it has,
As the warmth begins to percolate down.
It infuses our being, thawing numb hands,
We notice there's movement all around.

Finally alive, here and now, as we always are.
One thing has changed forever though,
Knowing the sunlight is who we are. by @ericamulf

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7 years ago

Coming to our senses...out of the dreamers disease.

How did I fail to hear, to hear all of the sounds stand in their boldness as they so loudly, even when faint, occupy the room in varying harmonies.

How did I fail to see, to see how massive everything in sight is - too massive to be merely be held or contained by the eyes, too obvious to avoid accidentally not seeing.

How did I fail to feel, to feel that which is most close...that which tingles, that which breathes, that which pulses, that which moves, that which feels warmth and chilled, that which smiles, that which cries.

Drowned out by loud noises of historic weeps and future longings, I missed the sounds of the water dripping, the birds chirping, the squabbles all around of conflict in the streets. I missed the sounds by prioritizing memories.

Blinded by urgency and propelled into rush, I missed seeing the bee in the flowers, appreciating the brown trees of winter, the simpleness of a kitchen counter, the beauty of a grey sky, those considered less worthy of attention, less worthy of praise. I missed the sights by living in fantasies.

Numbed by excess and sensitized by stimulation, I missed feeling the heart beating - pumping blood and life, the melting feeling when being hugged, the honesty in feeling pain, the innocence in feeling joy. I missed the sensations by excessively stimulating.

How much did I miss by always wanting and dreaming of having more?

#alive #nature #meditation taken in Gallaudet University by @ericamulf

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7 years ago

Acceptance is silent. There's a tendency to try to "do" acceptance, this may even include telling & talking ourselves into the opposite of a statement in the hope that we stop believing, thinking, or feeling the way we are in the moment. Efforting ourselves to accept anything or anyone isn't yet true acceptance, but rather a forceful means of temporarily feeling better.
True acceptance, however, needs no words to convince itself. It's silent, we can feel it... it's the absence of the fight. Acceptance is a natural reconsiliation, a relaxation out of an opposition against. It's something the heart understands intimately but the mind knows not of ❤️ "love knows no opposites" the heart operates from this understanding...for opposites live only in the mental realm. taken in Severna Park, Maryland by @ericamulf

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7 years ago

As natural as one tree hugging another tree.
Take a moment to sweep attention across the landscape of your experience. To gently relax into the beating of the heart, into the shallowness or fullness of the breath, into the vitality of the pulse living through the veins. The vast landscape of simultaneously experiencing it all.
This is to be with or without any particular experience, like 'special' or 'boring', rather it's the simplicity of the experience exactly as it is, ourselves exactly as we are. This is where our vitality lies. It's much easier and more natural being ourselves than we've been taught to believe 💙
#natural #ease by @ericamulf

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7 years ago

We can live fully, taste and deeply feel various aspects of each moment when we relax into the context* of our experience, rather than always fixating on changing and bettering the content. We move from judgmental exclusion, wanting only the good, to receptive inclusion of whatever comes to pass. taken in Cape Saint Claire, Maryland by @ericamulf

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7 years ago