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oscar

@eventually.oscar

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• because hope is more powerful than pain •
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26/08/24 - Another step forward 🏳️‍⚧️

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👋🏼 It’s been a wild, but overall euphoric month so far.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve really come to terms with how I feel and I’ve decided to take a step into this next chapter of my life as ~Oscar~ (they/he) 👤

I already feel so much lighter and the support I’ve received so far from the few family and friends I’ve told has been so wonderful…

Transitioning is such a journey, and I plan on sharing more about this as it comes along. It’s so sad to think that there’s still so much negativity aimed towards trans people, because seeing others’ experiences and looking forward onto my own, I think it’s really something very special that should be celebrated 🎉

It’s not an easy road, but it’s one that feels right, because I just couldn’t continue on the one I was on before…I’ve said a couple times now -

the decision isn’t to be trans, the decision is to be brave enough to come out 🫶🏼

~

🏳️‍🌈 From my last Pride as Liv >> a brighter life as Oscar

~

Julia and I have been watching One Tree Hill (aka my favourite show ever), so this song holds a special place in my heart, maybe now more than ever

#trans #joy by @eventually.oscar

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2 years ago

08/08/26 | Saturday | 🍚

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I’m proud to say that during these couple months off work, I’ve finally perfected my fried rice.

~

No, but really.

Life is so strange. And I don’t think that will ever change. There is no balance between chaos and beauty. Both flow constantly. So what do you do?

I had a few ideas of how I wanted to spend my sabbatical. Some played out better than others. But what I’ve taken away from it all is gratitude, joy, and peace…love.

~

Something that has changed so much for me is the relationship I have with myself. It’s not like a switch has been flicked - more like a blind has been opened. So that when the light is there, it can come in.

I still carry an anxiety around the uncertainly of the future. Fuelled by my own insecurities…what’s happening in the world. But a part of me feels like the best thing to do is just keep following the way forward.

~

The way that I’ve moved through things so far has led me to deeper relationships, softer connections, and silly moments pass like shooting stars.

I haven’t gotten it right every time. But I try to take these as opportunities to learn. When some things can only be truly resolved with a time machine, the only thing you can do is something different next time.

~

To my gorgeous friends who have made it to the end of this novel, thank you. Really x

the one where my sister becomes a doctor, so we spend a weekend in brighton with our dad and brother

Sorry Kirtna, I didn’t like how I looked in the group photos we took :)

They looked like this, but I couldn’t not share the night where I went on this silly gay bar crawl by @eventually.oscar

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2 months ago

Monday | 🐎

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I feel like I’ve been searching for something my whole life, and there have been so many times since starting my transition that I’ve thought

“okay, this is it, this is the path forward that will lead me to achieving the impact that I want to make.”

I thought that everything I’ve faced and learned and overcome so far was enough for the path ahead to be easier. But that mindset has only led me to feeling more lost than ever.

~

I noticed very recently with work that when I fear I’m doing a bad job - that other people critique my mistakes as harshly as I do - I lose the confidence that allows me to do a good job.

But since hearing from others that some of the work I’ve been doing is good, I’ve noticed that confidence come back and instead of leaving myself stuck in a place when I don’t feel knowledgeable, I put more effort into filling those knowledge gaps.

~

I’ve been impatient.

Instead of focusing on end goal, I’m learning how to shift my mindset into appreciating the small wins and positive impacts along the way, whatever that looks like. by @eventually.oscar

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5 months ago

Sunday | 🌈

~

I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t experience vulnerability hangovers. I definitely do. A wave of anxiety around feeling exposed…”oversharing”.

Why? I wonder if it’s the social conditioning that indirectly tells us to keep things to ourselves.

(I’ve tried that though…and it didn’t really do me much good…maybe I wasn’t doing it right, who knows)

I think ~this~ is a smaller price to pay, especially if it helps:
Myself - to reclaim being present in my life and process each day…week as it comes. Somebody else - to feel less alone in navigating the world as it is.

~

Attending the British Diversity Awards this year came at the perfect time.

Hearing the words of experienced advocates and change-makers, where they directly acknowledged the difficulty of impactful work, but emphasised the need for it perhaps now more than ever.

Being surrounded by people feeling the same pain, but who have done so much to support communities beyond themselves was truly inspiring.

I think it’s important to acknowledge that these missions aren’t aimed towards taking space away from anybody else. Not at all. It’s about not letting space be further taken away by people who don’t know when to stop. It’s about love and peace and an equal playing field.

~

I guess I’m just doing my best to enjoy what I can right now, and position my own mission amongst theirs. by @eventually.oscar

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6 months ago

Saturday | 🕊️

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It’s been a week since I made the decision to properly distance myself from my “mother”.

We’ve always had an up and down relationship…to put it nicely, and have gone long periods of time without talking before, but recently, old wounds were reopened and it was also made clear that she doesn’t see me for who I am. I think anybody who has experience with a narcissistic parent would understand…it’s difficult.

I ended up writing a letter, which I shared via voice message on Tuesday, to explain why I decided it was best for me to step away from our relationship. I’m quite proud of how I communicated myself, and it was surprisingly easy to write. When it was done, I really noticed how much this dynamic was affecting me - I can’t even really describe it. But, once I’d written what I was going to say, it was like a weight had lifted and I was able to think clearly again.

The weight of her way and her words, as the woman who raised me, is unfortunately undeniable. I asked myself why I couldn’t be strong enough to not let her affect me, but I realised that my strength was in not letting her erase me and invalidate the stress that she’s caused me.

This wasn’t a decision made out of anger and it wasn’t an opportunity for an argument. I do think it’s a shame. It is just what feels necessary for my well-being right now and for the foreseeable.

~

Of course Mothers’ Day was on Sunday. I didn’t reach out to her. I took my dog for walk and sat in the park…

I actually thought of my birth mother properly for the first time. I was adopted at 9 months old, so I don’t remember her. But, I wondered how we might be similar, and imagined that she would be proud of the person I’ve become…am becoming. And yeah…I wrote a poem. by @eventually.oscar

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7 months ago

A friend of mine shared a poem they wrote on social media a little while ago and it’s inspired me to do the same.

I wrote this poem on the 24th September 2025. I’ve not written a poem since leaving school to be honest, and even then, I would write songs that I would sing to myself alongside a bit of guitar. Back then, this would be how I processed the feelings that I couldn’t do so any other way.

Since starting testosterone, I haven’t really been able to sing. It’s very different and my voice is still settling, so I thought I’d write a poem instead.

~

I quite like poetry - the way you can express ideas and share perspectives with the addition of a bit of rhyme. I’ve got a couple more written, and some lone verses that may evolve at some point. I’m enjoying the process.

#poem #trans #hope by @eventually.oscar

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7 months ago

13/03/26 | 🌫️

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I’ve had this song on repeat all week….sometimes even in the shower, where I can convince myself that time is frozen.

It speaks to the experience I’ve been having with my relationship, not to God, but to the Universe. This past month, I’ve found myself questioning it more than ever, as it seems that behind every big challenge is a bigger one…and my brain is sooooo…tired.

At the same time, I recognise that I’m not
~searching~ for my next step. I think I have it. It’s just going to take everything I have, and more I haven’t even found yet.

But if I can pull it off…the impact would be so beautiful.

So, okay Universe…let’s do this…

…I also have to remind myself that progress here is going to be ~very~ slow and I am ~okay~ with that.

…I also have to keep the details to myself otherwise the dopamine will drain away, and I’ll become overwhelmed by expectations that don’t have to be there.

🙂🙃 by @eventually.oscar

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7 months ago

01/03/26 | 🐾

The last few months have held some of the toughest moments, all the while, undoubtedly necessary for the path I feel I need to follow.

I’m so grateful for the love that I got to experience for 6 years. It forever changed me for the better; taught me what love is, how to love people and how to love myself. I can truly say, I had no idea beforehand.

The last few months have also catapulted me into a place where I’m experiencing deep platonic friendship for the first time. Growing up, I’d learned that keeping things to yourself, kept you safe. But being open and honest, I’ve never felt safer.

People want to -need to- have these conversations. About themselves, what they’re afraid of, what they’re struggling with. Not even to solve a problem, but to validate the experiences and the feelings behind them, so that you can move through them. Unburdened.

All it takes is somebody to start the conversation with their own vulnerability.

Doors are closing, doors are opening. I know what feels good and what doesn’t. I only want to share what I can to help be a part of change for the better.

Sharing what?

I guess we’ll see x by @eventually.oscar

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7 months ago

30/10/25 💖 Life feels weird at the moment ⬇️

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So much has been positive, like friends, opportunities, experiences…looking back at these moments over the past few months, I couldn’t be more grateful to have the opportunity to share these times with such wonderful people.

The spaces in between these times is very different though. It’s difficult to articulate the amount of energy it feels is needed to do anything. I know a part of this is due to recently increasing my testosterone levels and letting this settle, but another part is simply feeling stuck and easily overwhelmed.

It comes and goes in cycles.

~

My passport expires in March and I’ve been thinking about changing my name for it. But I’ve been stuck on what to do for a middle name. So I haven’t done it.

I love going to different places, but I’m also very conscious of single sex public spaces, like the restroom. There are often times I just won’t go.

I have dreams about being misgendered, and the reality of being so acutely aware and needing to accept (for my own peace) uncomfortable micro-situations around my gender sits like a pit in my soul.

I struggle to dedicate focused attention to my job, because I want to do something more meaningful for the communities struggling themselves. But where to start, right?

~

#2025 by @eventually.oscar

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a year ago

01/05/25 - 10/05/25 | 🇹🇷

📝 I wrote about the whole experience in Substack, so if you’re interested, there’s a link in my bio 📝

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The reality of having a flat chest with no more bxxbs is still pretty surreal.

I didn’t realise how much dysphoria I truly had around my chest area until I saw that they were gone, and now I can’t wait until I can get back into the gym, where I can start shaping them into a chest that I can feel proud of.

#trans #transitioning #topsurgery

( . )( . ) by @eventually.oscar

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a year ago

🏳️‍⚧️ BOOKED A DATE - 2nd May 🏳️‍⚧️

-

A little while ago I put my name down for a surgery date in May and over the last few weeks I’ve gone back and forth around if I should push this back.

But I really don’t want to! It would mean so much to me to look down at my chest and not see these little boobies anymore.

~

Thank you everybody who has donated so far, I’ve also been saving a bunch in the background and now we’ve got £4,500 left to raise.

If there’s any way you can support, even just a share and to remind people that I’ll be donating the money I raise to other gender affirming surgery fundraisers. So the more I raise, the more I can donate forward afterwards.

I’m determined to make this date, so will be looking at other ways to finance as well, but this will likely mean less to forward on which is something I’d love to be able to do as well.

All the love, Oscar x
(donate link in bio) by @eventually.oscar

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2 years ago

Monday | 17/02/25 ♥️

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💻 I decided that last week was the right time to extend my transition to work. With a small presentation to give to my team, something about giving it as Oscar felt more comfortable than standing up there as Liv.

💭 There are so many things that went on in my head that I wanted to express. Would I share this news in person? How very main character of me to think that would even be something I’d be brave enough to do.

📝 I opted for something more me, more comfortable, and I wrote a message in our team channel the night before.

✨ I’ll be honest, not being accepted didn’t hold space in my anxiety around this decision. The anxiety I had was around the vulnerability of the situation - in declaring, in a professional environment, that I am not who they might see me to be. Whoever that may be.

🚀 But I did it. And it went better than I could have asked. Some people already noticed how I was more comfortable, some people shared that they liked my message, and some things didn’t chance apart from that they called me Oscar.

~

💕 For Valentine’s Day, I took Julia to her first Transkaters event and followed it with some phô…safe to say we might make this a monthly date night.

🛹 Despite not stepping on the board since November, once I got past the initial nerves, I’m glad to say that progress was made. I’ve now successfully landed a kick turn on a ramp (x2) although the evidence of that will just have to stay in my and @jpulias memories for now

#lgbt #journey #nonbinary #trans #journal by @eventually.oscar

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2 years ago