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@ffaundr

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A strange archive of nostalgia, creativity, recovery, live notes, analysis, and metaphysics/Berlin Stories.
Founder of the Edtech @kimdre.de

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I am grateful to Sarnt Utamatoche @sarntolstice for bringing this project to reality. 🌹

Director: After countless tragedies, I couldn't stand to see my loved ones just become memories. I threw myself and my team into two years of pitching and applying-and being rejected-for funding, determined to show that we wouldn't let our friends fade away.

We put in three years of dedication, mental labor, and hard work to make this film happen. Our film, "I Don't Want to be Just a Memory," will be screened at the prestigious Berlinale in 2024. We want to share our story, spread our message, and create connections with other queer communities in cities across the world.

It's time to remember and appreciate each other, while we still can. Our film represents that desire-to hold on to the memories that mean so much to us. We hope that our story will inspire others to preserve the legacy of those we've lost-to pay it forward and remember one another well.

I DONT WANT TO BE JUST A MEMORY (2024) #notjustamemoryfilm will officially start its screening life, premieres, distribution, and possible workshops amongst queer communities in other cities -

Produced by Nordic Media House

Directed by Sarnt Utamatoche

Synopsis:

Fellow Berlin queer community members mourn the substance abuse-related loss of their dead friends by sharing memories and rituals. Resembling glowing-in-the-dark fungi such as Panellus stipticus, they radiate the light together as a network of support and care.

Taking off at the place we Berliners dreamt to be: Berlinale 2024 Berlinale Forum / Forum Expanded Berlinale - Berlin International Film Festival

https://www.berlinale.de/en/2024/programme/202405881.html

so that it wont be too late, to remember and appreciate each other... a bit more

With cast/crew Julian Curico, Nicky Miller, Rey KM Domurat, Kei Watanabe, Bráulio Bandeira, Rob Talin, Pavao Smoljanović, Andre Fau, Tinka From, Viktor Kleimenov, Ceren Saner, Alex Rolfsen, Sally Shamas, Céline Rodrigues, Christine Paulus, Lecken Queer Mama and more...

Distributed by Raina films

#notjustamemory taken in Berlinale - Berlin International Film Festival by @ffaundr

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3 years ago

There are things a photograph leaves unspoken.

After 11 years in Berlin, Live Notes is my way of giving those experiences a place in our conversations.

♡ taken in Berlin, Germany by @ffaundr

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15 hours ago

The intensity can be real, even when staying connected afterwards is difficult. by @ffaundr

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7 days ago

We may live far apart, but our struggles are closer than we think. Let’s stand in solidarity. by @ffaundr

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8 days ago

It’s been a while since I last passed through here—so much has changed in such a short time. Life, nights, perceptions, and even deceptions. Reality feels like it’s running in full HD, but now I’m tuning into the best and happiest timeline, guided by love and discernment to evolve and navigate. taken in Berlin, Germany by @ffaundr

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2 years ago

Se tudo é energia, o que estamos alimentando?

Uma reflexão sobre mentira, consciência e por que escolho Lula. Apoiar também é acompanhar, questionar e cobrar.

Leia o carrossel, me conte o que você pensa nos comentários e compartilhe com quem gostaria de conversar sobre isso. ♡ taken in São Paulo, Brazil by @ffaundr

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5 days ago

I’ve been thinking about the closeness we find in certain spaces, and how we learn to recognise each other beyond them. by @ffaundr

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9 days ago

When I made Fade, I was exploring the feeling of losing interest without fully understanding why. Something that had felt good begins to feel distant, while the memory of that connection is still there.

I’ve been thinking about this again, and about the difference between remembering a feeling and still experiencing it.

We can remember the excitement, the affection, and what something made possible for us. That memory can remain very clear, even when our response in the present has changed.

And I think this is where it becomes difficult to understand what we are holding on to.

Sometimes we return because we still feel connected. Sometimes we return because we remember how connected we used to feel. The familiarity can make those experiences difficult to separate.

A place, an interest, or a project can have a meaningful role in our life, while our relationship with it continues to change. We may understand that change gradually, through what we feel when we return and what we find ourselves wanting now.

What something gave us can remain real, even when it no longer moves us in the same way. by @ffaundr

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13 days ago

I’ve been thinking about nostalgia as more than remembering.

Sometimes we are not really missing the person, the place or the moment itself. We are missing how we felt inside that reality, who we were, what was happening around us, and what we believed was possible at that time.

And I think this is where nostalgia can create resistance without us really noticing it.

We try to recreate a feeling that belonged to completely different circumstances, and when we can’t, it can feel painful or frustrating.

But maybe this feeling is not necessarily something going wrong.

Sometimes it is simply life asking us to let go of something that already had its time, so there is more room for what can exist now.

Nostalgia can still be beautiful.

Something to preserve, something to carry with us, without becoming the place we keep trying to return to. ♡

Thanks to @axkanksha for your beautiful music that brought me back this subject. I love how your music connected with the thoughts and feelings I've had at this moment in my life, and somehow gives me another a way to write about it.
Your music intertwined beautifully with something that had already been inhabiting my head for a long time, and eventually became this note. ♡

● Live notes are a process where I add content here to externalize mental thinking, intuition, perception, and analysis through images and text, and share it publicly. taken in Berlin, Germany by @ffaundr

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2 months ago

#1111 #2222 #66 #3333. Personal artwork taken in Berlin, Germany by @ffaundr

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5 years ago

live notes, 01, my analysis

I deeply enjoy Brat and the intensity it carries and beneath the club energy, the chemicals, the fun, and the performance, I always felt an attempt to temporarily dissolve insecurity through movement, sound, image, and excess.

To me, the club is not the whole subject. It is the space where confidence, vulnerability, pleasure, fear, escape, and collapse can exist at the same time.

Music carries the sensation. Fashion builds the public self. Film creates atmosphere, memory, and mythology. Together, they show how private feelings can become image, identity, and cultural language.

There is also a line of assimilation between the album and our own experiences. Some moments shape us, some stop defining us, but they rarely disappear completely.

This is not a final interpretation. It is simply a way of observing what was transformed, what became part of us, and what remains. 🩶 taken in Berlin, Deutschland by @ffaundr

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2 months ago

As the summer comes to a close,
I now can reflect on how time seems to pass by like a shark, swift and powerful, but the memories and experiences we gain are worth every moment.

For the past 8 years has allowed me to witness the change of seasons and local shift in the mood that comes with it. The city transforms from a vibrant and bustling metropolis to a more subdued and introspective environment. It's a beautiful transition that I always enjoyed to see.

From lazy days spent lounging in the park to spontaneous adventures with friends, each moment has been a gift.

So here's to the end of summer and the start of a new season. Let's embrace the changes that come our way and make the most of every moment.

SLAYYY to new beginnings!

#autumm #endofsummer #fall #berlin #queer taken in Berlin, Germany by @ffaundr

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3 years ago