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Grey Rock Consulting | Mia Madafferi

@greyrockconsulting

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✍️ Guidance navigating communications with narcissistic or high-conflict personalities
👩🏼‍🎓Lawyer & Certified Master High Conflict Negotiation Coach

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A new year has a way of clarifying things.
What you will tolerate. What you won’t.
And what you’re finally ready to take back control of.

So if you’re new here, welcome.
And if you’ve been here for a while, thank you for trusting me with this space.

I’m Mia Madafferi, founder of Grey Rock Consulting.
I’m a lawyer and Master High Conflict Negotiation Coach based in Sydney, and I work with people who are navigating separation, Family Court, co-parenting and life generally with narcissistic or high-conflict personalities.

Grey Rock Consulting exists because understanding narcissistic behaviour isn’t optional, it’s the difference between staying stuck in cycles of control and reclaiming your autonomy.

I help clients:
• make sense of confusing and destabilising behaviour
• communicate strategically (especially when emotions are running high)
• navigate co-parenting and legal dynamics with clarity and confidence
• stop reacting, and start responding from a place of strength

If this year is the year you stop explaining, defending, and spiralling, and start protecting your peace, I’d love to support you.

You don’t have to do this alone.

📩 hello@greyrockconsulting.com.au
🌐 greyrockconsulting.com.au
⬇️ Sign up to receive my free checklist on communicating like a pro
☎️ Book a 1:1 session via the link in bio

#highconflictcommunications #greyrock #highconflictpersonality #covertnarcissist #coparentingwithanarcissist by @greyrockconsulting

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9 months ago

Do you want off the rollercoaster that is communicating with a narcissist? Are you done with the relentless battles over things that should be simple???

Well then run, don't walk, to www.greyrockconsulting.com.au and enter your email to receive my free Ultimate Checklist to communicate with them like a pro!

We know first-hand how overwhelming, unrelenting and time consuming the communications from controlling, narcissistic or high-conflict personalities can be. When communicating with a narcissist, it's essential to understand that they thrive on attention and validation, they starve without it! So guess what the key is to taking control of the conversation? Stop feeding the beast!

You hold the power, if you focus on YOU and not them.

So, what better than your perfect toolkit to assist, aid and support you on how best to decode and communicate with a narcissist… like an absolute PRO!

You spoke, I listened. This is why I’ve created the ultimate resource for you.
Better yet, it is free!

In this info-packed guide, I share how to communicate with a narc, the steps to check before hitting send, the techniques on how to become a ‘Grey Rock’, plus so much more!

So, what are you waiting for?
Simply head to my website directly, or through the link in bio, and sign-up to my newsletter to receive your checklist.

A warning to narcissists, we see you! And we don’t like what we see, so now we reclaim our precious power.

#highconflictcommunications #greyrockmethod #greyrock #communicatingwithanarcissist #highconflictpersonality #highconflictdivorce #postseparationabuse #setboundaries #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissists #emotionalabuse #separationanddivorce #breakupcommunication #narcissisticabuse #covertnarcissist #coparentingwithanarcissist #parallelparenting #coparentingstruggles #divorcesupport #narcissisticbehaviour #survivorsofnarcissisticabuse #relationshipboundaries #familycourt #familycourtaustralia by @greyrockconsulting

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2 years ago

I am so excited to be wrapping up this year with some amazing news! As a lawyer, I negotiate daily but it’s an entirely different ball game negotiating with a narcissist. Through Grey Rock Consulting and my amazing community, it is clear that what I do is so needed, so why not be taught and certified by the absolute master @rebeccazung ?

That’s right, I am now the 1st in Australia to be certified as a Master High Conflict Negotiation Coach by @rebeccazung herself!

Rebecca is one of the most inspirational people I know. She is a globally sought after expert in the art of negotiating with a narcissist, a Top 1% Attorney in America and bestselling author of several books including SLAY the Bully: How to Negotiate with a Narcissist and Win. She’s also a YouTube superstar with more than 40 million views in just 3 years!

Rebecca has created programs that have transformed thousands of lives in more than 100 countries, including “SLAY® Your Negotiation With A Narcissist”.

I have done the SLAY® course myself and I cannot recommend it more if you are negotiating with a narcissist. If you want to know more, you can check it out here: https://slay.rebeccazung.com/slay-it-now?am_id=mia972.

I cannot wait to be your coach throughout it all! Let’s hit the ground running in 2024!

#highconflictcommunications #greyrockmethod #greyrock #communicatingwithanarcissist #highconflictpersonality #highconflictdivorce #postseparationabuse #setboundaries #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissists #domesticabuse #emotionalabuse #traumabond #separationanddivorce #breakupcommunication #abuse #narcissisticabuse #covertnarcissist #coparentingwithanarcissist #parallelparenting
#coparentingstruggles #divorcesupport #toxicrelationships #narcissisticawareness #narcissisticbehavior #survivorsofnarcissisticabuse #coparentingtips by @greyrockconsulting

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3 years ago

Many people ask how to spot a narcissist, and I understand why.

But in co-parenting situations, that’s not always the most helpful place to focus. The reality is, if they are not diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, calling them a narcissist in Court, to your lawyer, to a mediator, or to friends and family who don’t see it, can be unhelpful for you.

What matters more is recognising patterns of high-conflict behaviour, and adjusting how you respond and react. Because once you see the tactics and behaviours, you can shift the way you communicate and start to reduce escalation and bring the focus back to what actually matters.

Clear, calm and structured communication won’t change the other person, but it can change the dynamic and protect your well-being. And for many people, that shift makes a meaningful difference over time.

If you are asking me how to spot a narcissist so you never become entangled with one again, I get it, but I would turn the focus back to you and your boundaries. When you are clear on what is or is not for you, that’s how you protect yourself moving forward.

What has been the most challenging part of spotting the behaviours for you?

#coparenting #highconflict #narcissists #divorcehelp #greyrock narcissisticabuseawareness by @greyrockconsulting

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7 months ago

In high-conflict co-parenting, the goal isn’t to win the argument, it’s to remain child-focused, reduce escalation and protect yourself. That can be difficult, especially when communication includes accusations, criticism or attempts to draw you into a broader conflict.

But how can you do this in high-conflict exchanges?

Shifting the focus back to the practical issue and reducing the surrounding noise is key.

That might look like:
• keeping your focus on the children, even when your co-parent is not
• keeping responses brief and factual
• avoiding the urge to defend or explain
• focusing only on what needs to be resolved
• maintaining a calm, consistent tone

Over time, this can help create clearer communication and reduce the intensity of ongoing exchanges.

This week I’m sharing practical strategies to support more manageable co-parenting communication.

What’s one part of co-parenting communication you find most challenging?

#coparenting #coparentingcommunication #highconflict #divorcecommunication #greyrock by @greyrockconsulting

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7 months ago

Grey Rock is a widely used approach in high-conflict situations, particularly where communication is designed to provoke a reaction.

At its core, Grey Rock means keeping communication:
• brief
• factual
• neutral, and
• in some situations, not responding at all where unnecessary

The purpose is to remove emotional engagement so the narcissistic or high-conflict personality has less to feed off, or react to. For many people, this can be an effective way to reduce conflict, and reduce contact and communication over time.

However, in co-parenting situations, especially where there are Family Court proceedings or ongoing expectations around communication, how you apply Grey Rock matters.

If communication becomes too minimal or appears unresponsive, it can sometimes be interpreted as being uncooperative and not child-centred.

So the focus shifts slightly. You’re still calm and neutral but you’re also ensuring your communication remains clear, appropriate and responsive to the practical issue.

This is where the Yellow Rock comes in, coined by Tina Swithin. You are still a Grey Rock at your core, but you add a layer of courtesy, like how you would communicate in a professional setting.

What has your experience been with grey rocking in co-parenting communication?

#coparenting #coparentingcommunication #highconflict #divorcecommunication #greyrock by @greyrockconsulting

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7 months ago

In high-conflict co-parenting, communication often follows predictable patterns.

Some messages are designed to provoke a reaction from you, rather than resolve the issue.

You might see things like:
- rage bait to get you to react
- sudden urgency or pressure
- sarcasm or humour used to undermine you
- accusing you of the things they have done
- blame or criticism replacing the original topic
- attempts to draw you into an argument

All of a sudden, the actual issue has been forgotten and instead, you are trying to fight fires that you didn’t start.

When you recognise these patterns and see what they are trying to do, it becomes much easier to stay calm and keep your responses focused on the practical issue at hand.

Have you noticed any of these patterns in your co-parenting communication?

#coparenting #highconflict #coparentingcommunication #divorcecommunication #highconflictcommunication by @greyrockconsulting

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7 months ago

If you have ever opened a message from your co-parent and thought “how did this turn into an argument?”...you’re not alone.

One of the biggest challenges in high-conflict co-parenting is that communication often shifts away from the practical issue and into blame, accusations or emotional reactions.

When that happens, it can feel confusing and exhausting, and many parents find themselves spending a lot of time trying to explain, defend or correct the situation. But sometimes the most helpful shift is recognising the pattern behind the message and bringing the conversation back to the practical issue that actually needs to be resolved.

This week I’m so excited to be the expert guest for @talkingparentsapp , sharing practical insights on communicating in high-conflict co-parenting situations.

What’s one communication challenge you’ve experienced when co-parenting?

#coparenting #highconflict #coparentingcommunication #divorcecommunication #highconflictcommunication by @greyrockconsulting

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7 months ago

Be on the lookout for our Expert Week with Mia Madafferi starting Monday, March 23! Mia is a lawyer, high-conflict negotiation coach, and founder of @greyrockconsulting, with nearly 20 years of litigation experience helping individuals navigate complex co-parenting dynamics. As the first person in Australia certified by negotiation expert @rebeccazung as a Master High Conflict Negotiation Coach, Mia brings a unique, strategic approach to communication with narcissistic and high-conflict personalities.

Throughout the week, she will share practical insights to help you understand these behaviors, set boundaries, and communicate more effectively in high-conflict situations.

We are excited to have Mia join us for this Expert Week! Feel free to follow along and leave questions throughout the week for her to answer. by @greyrockconsulting

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7 months ago

Awareness of narcissistic behaviour is growing. But so are the myths.

The word “narcissist” is everywhere right now. And while greater awareness has helped many people finally understand what they’ve been experiencing, it has also brought a wave of myths, oversimplifications and half-truths.

Two things can be true at the same time:
The term can be misused.
And narcissistic dynamics are still very real.

In fact, when the conversation becomes diluted with myths, it can make it harder for people to recognise what’s actually happening to them.

So in this post I’m clearing up some of the most common misconceptions I hear.

Things like:
• “They can’t help it, that’s just who they are.”
• “They feel no remorse.”
• “They love themselves.”
• “If you love them enough, they’ll change.”
• “All narcissists are men.”

Understanding the reality behind these patterns is powerful. Because once you see it clearly, you stop blaming yourself for dynamics you were never meant to fix.

Which myth surprised you the most? Let me know in the comments.

#highconflict #narcissisticabuse #greyrock #boundaries #coercivecontrol by @greyrockconsulting

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7 months ago

Word salads are not poor communication. They’re a tactic.

They’re long, circular, confusing messages where words get twisted, they play victim, blame shifts and you end up more confused than ever.

Why do they do it? Because it exhausts you until agreeing feels easier than holding your boundary.

Here’s a simplified example of what word salad with a narcissist can look like 👇

Him: Hi, can we swap weekends so I can attend a friend’s 40th weekend away? If not that’s fine, I’ll make arrangements.

Her: I can take the kids but I don’t agree to swapping weekends, it’s too disruptive for them.

Him: I’m confused. If it’s disruptive, why are you happy to have them? That doesn’t make sense. I’ve told everyone that I’m waiting on you, it’s urgent I let them know. If you won’t swap, I will just take them with me.

Her: As I said, I can take the kids that weekend, I just don’t agree to swap.

Him: If you won’t swap, the kids could stay with my partner’s parents that night. That avoids the issue.

Her: I’m not comfortable with them staying overnight with people they don’t know.

Him: It’s not an overnight stay. I’ll be nearby. There’s really no need to be confused.

Her: You’ve said I should take them, that you can take them, then that someone else will and that it is not overnight? What is actually happening with our kids?

Him: Why are you making this so difficult? Everyone thinks swapping makes sense and you’re holding up things from being booked. Refusing to swap doesn’t look good and may affect things in the future. I am just trying to do the right thing by the kids. I’ll just have to leave them with my partner’s parents then.

⬆️

Lots of words.
No clarity.
Pressure disguised as reason.
Threats framed as concern.

That’s a word salad.

If you’re getting these messages and feeling confused, drained, or doubting yourself, that’s not accidental. That’s the point.

Holding your boundary doesn’t require you to explain it ten different ways. Once you’ve answered, you’re allowed to stop.

#greyrockmethod #highconflictcoparenting #narcissisticpatterns #wordsalad #boundarieswork by @greyrockconsulting

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8 months ago

You’ve got to give it to them, vulnerable narcissists are very good at dressing up their victimhood, sullenness, irritability and resentful traits as them being sensitive, wounded, misunderstood, or hard done by.

Their ego is fragile.

Their image is everything.

And their behaviour is often covert rather than loud.

Underneath the victim stories and the carefully managed persona is someone who has never learned how to sit with themselves.

So what are some traits of a vulnerable narcissist?

1// Criticism is a hard no
Even reasonable feedback can feel like an attack. Instead of reflecting, they defend, withdraw, or flip into victim mode. Accountability feels intolerable.

2// Addicted to compliments
They rely heavily on external validation to feel okay. Praise soothes them. Silence unsettles them. When the attention dries up, insecurity, resentment or rage can quickly take its place.

3// No clear sense of self
There’s a mask. A false persona built for protection. When everything is organised around avoiding self-reflection, there’s no solid sense of who they are underneath it all.

4// The lonely loners
Relationships tend to be one-sided and draining. Over time, people pull away. Instead of self-reflection, that loss gets folded into the victim narrative.

5// It’s always someone else’s fault
When things don’t go their way, blame gets outsourced. Shame, guilt-tripping and finger-pointing are far easier than looking inward.

So if you’ve ever found yourself doubting your reality while a narcissist presents as fragile, wounded or misunderstood, pause.

What looks like vulnerability is often avoidance of accountability.
Understanding that isn’t about excusing the behaviour.
It’s about stopping you from gaslighting yourself.

#greyrock #highconflictcoparenting #narcissisticabuse #youarenotalone #covertnarcissist by @greyrockconsulting

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