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Lisa Haydon-Bennett MSc

@groundednotperfect

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Psychotherapeutic consultation for deeply curious folks
Founder | @groundednotperfect
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therapy is an exploration of who you were, who you are and who you are becoming.

that emerging sense of you.

we look at all the parts of you, including the parts that have been left behind and the parts you don’t like too much.

no unnecessary excavating, but necessary depth.

grounded, not perfect is a philosophy for women who are tired of not being themselves, not feeling like themselves. who want to be more ‘them’, a little more cohesive, a little more pulled together, but at the same time not so tightly pulled together.

they want to feel free, or at least freer.

#groundednotperfect by @groundednotperfect

It’s wild how disconnected people are feeling; to some degree or another.

It’s wild how much people project onto others;
their fears, their feelings, their insecurities.

It’s wild how much information is out there;
and yet it can feel like we’re no further forward
trying to work ourselves out.

It’s wild to see how much we grow each year;
yet how easily we underestimate this growth
and how far we’ve come.

the single biggest theme in my work is how fragmented, disconnected, unmoored people feel when they arrive
and how curious they are to find out more about themselves.

not the instagram perfect them, more the honest them, the real-est them. Not others version of them but their version, in all its awkward, weird, funny, sad, disorganised glory.

__ grounded, not perfect.

[ images via Pinterest ] by @groundednotperfect

these flat lays have become a small but meaningful, mindful, creative practice for me over the years.

[ that was a mouth full ]

I call them mini mood / vision / inspo boards.

a mini vision for the week ahead, a setting of the mood, a weekly dose of inspiration.

not sure if you know that my very first job was in design, and I miss having that creative outlet. I also find I need something to anchor me at the start of the week.

the process is as important as the end result.

gathering small objects, articles, prints, words of wisdom, little tokens that mean something (maybe someone gave it to me, or I bought it from someone I really like).

a grounding practice. not perfect.

〰️ by @groundednotperfect

It’s 2O years this year that I stepped into this work.

2O years since I gingerly entered the profession of mental health and psychological wellbeing. That I ventured into what is, at times a weird sort of third realm.

(This profession, like most, definitely has its weird components — that’s for another day and another post. I’ve got a lot to say on it).

I had no idea 2O years ago (in my understandably, complete naivety) of all the people inside of me. Not just an over simplistic idea of a ‘past me’ or ‘little me’ but the sophisticated fragments of me burrowed, deep from within each stage of my life.

A delicate web of me’s not known to me.

People come to therapy with a sense of hope, hope for change and hope to understand themselves better. Unaware of these fragments of themselves and very often feeling undone.

But still hopeful.

Hopeful of a more harmonious, cohesive sense of self. A more ‘together them’.

Getting to know yourself deeply is fascinating. Yes, you’ll grow in ways you never imagined, yes you’ll leave some people behind in that process and yes, you’ll change.

(And yes, I do get how confronting that is).

My philosophy of grounded, not perfect is not ground breaking, nor perfect. I don’t market my approach as ‘the best’ or ‘the only’ way.

I just hope that more people get to know themselves better, and get to live their life feeling more like them.

〰️ by @groundednotperfect

I work with deeply interesting and intelligent folks who essentially find themselves at a point in their lives questioning who they really are, wondering what’s expected of them and wanting to understand how those expectations have got them here, feeling bruised and frankly more than a little bit tired.

This summer I did not turn pretty [book ref so hope you get it].

But I did turn towards myself and asked myself (that well worn question) what do I actually want. What’s changed about me. Which parts of me need to catch up.

I’ve been noticing how people are around each other. How people are around me. How people impact me (positively and otherwise), and how what they say and do matters. And how I respond to that also matters.

I loved this quote [thanks Georgia O’Keeffe and Pinterest]. Curious to know if the summer has revealed anything to you too?

〰️ by @groundednotperfect

I’m deeply invested in understanding the concept of ‘being seen’. Psychologically speaking in particular of course, but also on here, on social media.

Like, when I look at accounts and don’t see the person. No images of them at all and I wonder where they are. Who they are. How they are.

No judgment,
more curiosity,
and care.

*coughs awkwardly* as I see I’ve dropped off the grid too.

I’ve also followed people on here who share their exquisite homes (and receive hundreds maybe thousands of likes) but when they share their face, the likes drastically dwindle away. What is this phenomenon. I can’t fathom this. I personally love to see the person behind the scenes.

Have people become commodities to other people.

Deeply accomplished mental health advocates post meaningful words and beautiful images of inspiring places, yet when they post pictures of themselves the engagement is so low. Or they are criticised. Fascinating! I find it fascinating and to be honest worrying.

I loved my photographs when I had them done yet sharing them here, a whole other thing. And on a different but connected note, they’re two years old now
and I’m no longer this person.

*well not entirely*

Yes, my incredible photographer did encourage me to use them and no, I didn’t. I’m a work in progress on being seen too so it seems.

Being seen as who you are, and who you are becoming is huge for so many of us. Being seen as who you no longer are is too.

Curious to know your thoughts.

〰️ by @groundednotperfect

i’m always looking for thoughtful spaces that feel grounding but alive.

deep chats included but not limited to:- making sense of the old and the new. talking about the idea of emerging, about wisdom at all ages, learning from new generations, our peers, our elders and ourselves.

nourishment provided by:-
@smallfoodbakery
@beam.art.books.coffee
@looby.lou.x

if you’re Nottingham way and looking for a place to go and just sit and stare or chat and eat or all of that. go here. google for details first.

〰️ by @groundednotperfect

I’m not on here ‘selling therapy’ but I do wish that more people knew how enlightening, strengthening and kind of life changing it can be.

Having *good therapy* that is.

I think we all have a hard time understanding ourselves. Why we think the things we do, feel the way we do, and sometimes do the things we do. I know I do and I’ve been ‘doing this’ for years now.

Therapy isn’t a cup of tea and a chat. It’s the deepest most interesting conversation you’ll have about what’s important, what’s getting in the way, and what lights you up.

It’s like a big clear out of your loft. Finding things at the back you’d forgotten about (a lovely memory) and getting rid of the stuff that’s getting in the way (old patterns).

It’s soul searching with a purpose. Sharing insider secrets, like a private mini club. It’s cathartic, affirming and encouraging.

I’m not on here selling therapy. I just wish more people felt okay about themselves.

〰️ by @groundednotperfect

I know there’s a lot of conversation around whether looking backwards is healthy. I get why people might question therapy and its intentions.

“They just want to keep us stuck!”

(spoiler alert I think some therapy approaches do veer towards doing this)

It’s just, if you don’t work out why something is triggering those strong and what can feel to you like unreasonable reactions those patterns are absolutely going to keep you in a loop, feeling bad about yourself (you’re a cool person btw).

So many people come to therapy thinking their stuff is not that bad. They believe someone has it worse or is more deserving. They believe they’re being ‘dramatic’ for thinking that they need therapy. Or that they’re being self centred (all inherited messages by the way).

The process of therapy is strengthening, revealing (yes, this can feel scary), enlightening, refreshing, funny, interesting, deep in a good way. The processing can be painful of course, but it can be enriching, affirming and validating.

You’ll find parts of yourself you never knew where there and you’ll grow in ways you never imagined, and to be honest it’s so fascinating and cool.

I’m not on Instagram selling therapy with me. More just wanting to lessen the mystery, normalise peoples genuine need and share bits of my knowledge with others.

I suppose for people to feel less alone, less weird, more seen and more ‘them’.

It’s what most people are seeking these days. That feeling of returning to themselves.

What do you think? I’d love to hear what you have to say.

〰️ by @groundednotperfect

“It only has to make sense to you” a gentle reminder.

Each week (ish), I make a small mood board at my kitchen table.

A tiny vision for the days ahead. No pressure, no rules and nothing complicated. Just noticing what I’m drawn to and letting that be enough.

It’s a small practice that keeps me grounded, curious and resourced — and that matters in the work I do.

I share these because some of you have said you enjoy them, and a few of you have even started creating your own.

What gentle practices help you feel resourced
in your work or life?

〰️ by @groundednotperfect

I wish I knew this years ago, long before my psychotherapy training.

That there are parts of me that like change, and parts that don’t. And that between us, we could work it out.

I wish I understood my story more deeply. How my lived experiences shaped me in ways that sometimes made me feel different, somehow distant.

I wish I knew the parts of me that kept me small (and safe). Because I know now that deeply understanding and acknowledging these different parts of ourselves is a profound game changer.

This is so much of the work we do in therapy. People coming to know themselves better, more fully.

What’s something you wish you knew sooner?

Also, I don’t subscribe to New Year’s resolutions but I do love directions, and having a sense of direction. Goals of course will always have their place. They just don’t have to be nailed down day one (or five).

〰️ by @groundednotperfect

New Year. New Word (s) of the Year.

I had a nudge towards a combo this year, will let you know how that goes (wink).

_ P O R O S I T Y + R E A C H

The more I read about porosity the more I knew it was my word. When I think about it, it’s been shown to me for a few years now. By a few new people that have come into my life. And if I’m honest with myself, I have definitely resisted parts of it.

Softening the edge between self & other,
work & life, thinking & feeling.

Letting ideas, people, and experiences affect you
without losing yourself.

Allowing yourself to be moved, changed and informed.

I know POROSITY will help anchor me in a movement towards the loosening of old rules and old ways. This is something that’s really been coming up for me in my work in particular. More on this to come.

It also resonates deeply because as a therapist (or any person providing a service) it’s sometimes hard to know where the ‘server’ you begins and you you end. And which other parts of you are at play too. I have much more to say on this. It’s not obvious and there’s no definitive answer (way too much nuance). But acknowledging that relationships are forever in a state of flow. Ours with ourselves and ours with others, is a radical act of self freedom.

REACH because it’s symbolic as well as literal. It speaks to concepts of connection, visibility, influence and creative extension. And an underlying quality of curiosity. I added reach because I know without this I won’t move.

I am committed to the movement of my thoughts and ideas. They can’t live in my head any longer.

(she says quietly, but with conviction) ..

Do you have a word of the year. Have you heard of this practice. I’d love to know your thoughts 〰️ by @groundednotperfect