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Chrrrrrrrrrris!

@holycrapitschris

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Old-school junglist in a top-40 world. (thee/thou) 🌹
Also 👉 @thechrismichael
Also 👉 @ubermudskipper
Also 👉 @thecrunchyurbanite

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Join me as I continue to figure out what the hell i’m even doing! 💕 by @holycrapitschris

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2 days ago

APPLE APPRECIATION POST. So my little tiny orchard is in full bounty mode, and I’ve been scrambling to keep up. Needless to say, I’ve not gone anywhere the last couple weeks without an apple in my hand (munch-munch), but also………

- I’ve made literal POUNDS of dehydrated apple chips which I’m vacuum-sealing in jars down in the basement.

- (speaking of basement, I literally bought a small chest refrigerator whose job is basically holding all the perfect apples (and other things) i don’t have to process immediately.)

- I’ve been juicing like a mad man and freezing the fresh cider, but I also started one gallon of hard cider, which’ll make about eight 16-ounce bottles. (I use a champagne yeast and it’s quite good, but i used to make HUGE batches and honestly, the methanol/blindness thing concerns me…… so now i do small batches every year for special occasions.)

- and then because I’m a big fat fatty-fat-fat, the other morning i made a FUCK OFF apple compote with cardamom for some pancakes (WITH homemade maple syrup) and two nights ago made a FUCK OFF galette with apples and rosemary where every bite literally made you angry it was so good.

- but maybe one of my favorite byproducts of apple season…… apple cider vinegar. It’s such an insanely cool way to use up the clean scraps before it all goes out to the compost.

Emotional moment of reflection: Back when I was a casual weekender upstate, I’d go raid a neighbor’s yard who had a bazillion apple trees…. and i always told myself SOME DAY I’d have an orchard of my own. And the other day, I was walking through my trees — the mature ones i rehabilitated and the young ones I planted — and I was like, “this is good. This is enough.” by @holycrapitschris

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15 days ago

Goldie came to NYC last night. 🖤

I know my music isn’t most people’s cup of tea, so I consider this more of a diary entry of sorts - but growing up in box-store America, I found Goldie almost 30 years ago through Napster bootlegs and early internet radio, piping in a UK sound that made me realize I was not alone out there….

Was last night the best set I’ve ever heard him play? No. Would I still carry my crippled child up to his DJ booth so he could lay his healing hands on it? In a heartbeat. taken in Paragon by @holycrapitschris

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a month ago

Pressure-canning maiden voyage. 🍅 (#PoppedMyCherryTomato) by @holycrapitschris

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a month ago

This is a tromboncino appreciation post.

“Oh, Chris, looks like summer’s winding down and the harvest is coming in nicely.” No, bitch - THIS mamma-jamma is from LAST year. She overwintered where others bit the dust. THEN! She survived both spring and summer neglect where I never got around to cooking her. And THEN because of the 1000-year rains we had last month (thanks, climate collapse!), I basically lost this year’s crop, so I’m roasting this beauty NOW to purée and freeze because (shhhh) these are my “pumpkins” in my annual Thanksgiving pumpkin pie. 🥧

That’s why tromboncino are now my absolute favorite squash to grow: all summer you eat the green babies like zucchini, then all the adults grow into these huuuuge beasts that’re butternuts on steroids and can stand in for pumpkin pie and pumpkin bread.

But most importantly, this incredible beast didn’t just keep through two calendar years to be roasted for pie. She’s also now THE seed source for summer 2027. Half because i don’t think I’ll have any decent 2026 squash reach winter-storage maturity (see above reference to unprecedented climate-related flooding, yaaaaay!) but also half because a gal with genes THIS strong needs to be selected for.

So hey, look at me, unwittingly running my own prize squash breeding program. #puttingtheYuminEugenics 😋 by @holycrapitschris

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a month ago

The cabbage content you didn’t know you needed.

I planted maybe 60 heads of green cabbage this year? I thought I’d have more time but they’re all ready “Now!!” and if I don’t harvest them asap, they start splitting and getting gross. Needless to say, it’s been on the menu a lot lately.

Yesterday, i made about 3 gallons of sauerkraut and another 3/4 gallon of kimchi. I’ve also been juicing (and freezing) — yes, green cabbage juices surprisingly well and surprisingly nutritive — with apple and ginger.

I even ran to Lowe’s this week and got a small chest refrigerator to hold larger heads and all my half-gallon jars of ferments for the next year… which heretofore have cluttered up the kitchen fridge.

Red cabbages all appear to be holding on (they fucking better!), so that buys me time to harvest them alongside my beets and make rotkraut with ginger.

Are you still reading? Amazing. Because I was just gonna live my life and call it a day when I realized I should post more candid shit on here and help restore what instagram is all about. So please enjoy this cabbage journey through Summer 2026 by @holycrapitschris

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2 months ago

by @holycrapitschris

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2 months ago

A very Barbault’s Belt Birthday. Photos from the week ramping up and the week tapering off, in which:

✨ …a red-tailed hawk visited my garden and watched me pick the last of my blackcurrants in the rain, which I have to assume was a good omen.

✨…i picked up a copy of “braiding sweetgrass” because I’d heard good things but also because I’m tasking myself with no more screens in bed to stave off the slow creep of brain-rot.

✨…i also picked up a pair of my very first readers (1X), which seems fitting for now being in my forties… and suddenly the printed page isn’t as antagonistic.

✨…work had me continue to work over the weekend and into my birthday PTO, asking me to come into the city/office to present work to clients, which was a success…..but driving to the train I hit a deer. My first. The damage was minimal but insurance says it’s totalled. (I suspect the deer was not a good omen)

✨ …i got my new driver’s license, where I’m clearly older and more tired, but so happy to retire my inadvertent Gomez Addams moustachioed ID.

✨…I started another bouquet of peonies I’d had on ice, having learned I can keep them wrapped in the fridge for safe keeping all summer

✨…I saw Branford Marsalis play in a quartet in which two of the members had never played with him before and Branford told the audience the concert was the audition.

✨ …i had my birthday dinner at Stissing house, where the house martini was gin, vermouth, and *fir — and tasted not dissimilar to my homemade spruce tip liqueur.

✨…i harvested my first cabbage of the season

✨… i made essential oil from artemisia

✨ …i made nocino

✨…I made a wild lettuce tincture

✨…i made wild-fermented ginger beer

✨…i made fig-leaf syrup which tastes of coconut, vanilla, and almond (and yes, I also went and made a small liqueur batch)

✨…a thousand-year flood came through over 2 days and my interior walls wept from the upstairs all the way into the basement

✨…my old roommate whom I’d not seen in 20 years flew up from Miami to attend a bougie party upstate that happened to be 40 minutes from me, so we had a reunion.

✨…i got one year older

🎂 by @holycrapitschris

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2 months ago

Am I working the weekend? Yes. Am I also having to forfeit half my birthday PTO this week because my agency expects me to present to clients? Also yes. But did I at least this morning bright and early take advantage of the last possible moment this season to harvest black walnuts to start my first-ever batch nocino? You’re goddamn right I did.
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RECIPE:
▫️Small bushel of young black walnuts, quartered
▫️Cloves
▫️Cinnamon stick
▫️Dried orange peel
▫️Dash of ground coffee
Then topped with just enough everclear to cover (a little over 1L) and I’ll let this percolate for about 40 days or until September when I’ll dilute 1:1 simple syrup. (Though i hear using maple is outstanding.)
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Some people bottle and toss in the freezer to enjoy that very night. Others say you gotta leave to mellow another 6 months. I’ll probably do both. **Slaps fat gut**
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Ciao 🇮🇹🤌 by @holycrapitschris

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2 months ago

Siri, zoom out. #updatesfromeden by @holycrapitschris

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3 months ago

Squoze in a quick pride parade (with a disturbing lack of drag queens) (recession indicator?) 🐳 taken in Hudson, New York by @holycrapitschris

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3 months ago

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3 months ago