Instagram story viewer> @iambernadean> Posts

Bernadean | Personal Coach

@iambernadean

7.3K

followers

444

following

Coach for Divorced Women 50+
Helping you reconnect with yourself after a long emotionally unhealthy marriage

POSTS STORIES REELS TAGGED

I thought it was time to introduce myself again, especially to those of you who are new here.

Three years ago, I walked away from a marriage of nearly 30 years.

I knew leaving was the right decision, but what I didn’t know was just how much healing, learning, and rebuilding would come afterward.

I was exhausted, angry, I struggled with anxiety, indecisiveness, and I was completely overwhelmed trying to figure out what life was supposed to look like for me.

So I began doing the work.

I went to therapy. I read books. I hired a coach. I took long walks. Spent many hours sitting with my thoughts. I prayed. I spent time reflecting on my life, my choices, and what I wanted moving forward.

I created steadiness, emotional safety, routines. And little by little, things began to change.

Today, my life is quieter, slower, and simpler. And I absolutely love it.

I enjoy the ordinary things. My morning walks, sitting outside, a peaceful home, good conversations, and having the freedom to make decisions that feels right for me.

I’m still learning and growing, but I’m no longer trying to live a life that doesn’t feel like mine.

Along the way, I became a coach because I wanted to support other women navigating that often overwhelming season after leaving a long-term emotionally unhealthy marriage.

And that’s why I’m here.

I share my experiences, the lessons I’ve learned, the things that have helped me, and what it looks like to create a meaningful life after divorce.

But you’ll also see me sharing the everyday moments that bring me joy. Because my life is about so much more than what I went through.

If you’re new here, welcome. I’m glad you found me! 😍

And whether you’re recently divorced, rebuilding your life, or simply learning to enjoy this chapter, I’d love to get to know you.

And if you could use a little support finding your way back to yourself after a long emotionally unhealthy marriage, my DMs are open. I’d love to hear from you and I’d love to support you. 🩶
#simplybernadean #lifeafterdivorce
#meetingyourself by @iambernadean

38

6

2 days ago

When I left the marriage, I was so angry. I felt like I had wasted over three decades of my life.

My body was full of anxiety. I didn’t trust my own thoughts or my own decisions anymore. I was mentally exhausted, physically exhausted, and my mind raced constantly trying to make sense of everything that had happened.

Deep down, I knew the road ahead wasn’t going to be easy. But I was 100% committed to making sure this next chapter would be the best chapter of my life!

And honestly… it wasn’t easy, because I was trying to move forward without giving myself what I needed. I was trying to rush things along which only made life more confusing and I felt even more pressure to be “ok”.

I am so grateful that I “finally” slowed my life ALL the way down instead of rushing to “figure everything out.” I gave myself time to settle. Time to breathe. Time to reconnect with myself. I created predictable rhythms that allowed me to see me!

And little by little… the woman I had always been underneath all that mess( it was alot of mess ) started to appear again.

Today, I’m comfortable in my own skin. I trust myself. I have peace. At 59, I am more connected to me than ever!

And I am deeply grateful to God for walking with me every step of the way.

That’s why I’m so committed to the work I do now.

Because I want every woman who has survived a long-term emotionally unhealthy marriage to know that healing is possible. Peace is possible. And you can build a life that finally feels like your own!
If this resonates, DM “READY” and I’ll send you the link to book a free call with me. 🩶#divorceafter50 #peaceafterchaos #divorcehealing #iambernadean
#simplybernadean by @iambernadean

1k

164

5 months ago

If you’ve never gone through a long emotionally unhealthy marriage, you probably won’t fully understand this… it’s a really complicated answer.
But I’ll do the best I can.

The number one reason I stayed so long and tried so hard was because I truly believed God was going to turn it around.

I believed if I prayed enough, loved enough, stayed patient enough… eventually things would change… for good!

And absolutely nobody could’ve convinced me otherwise. I was 10 toes down!

I had a fantasy of him giving this powerful testimony in church! I know it sounds crazy but I believed it. 😂😩

And I also had an image (perfect image) in my mind of the family and marriage I wanted sooooo bad.

That image became more real to me than the reality I was actually living in.

I just kept believing one day everything would finally click into place… and life would finally feel peaceful.

After much research, therapy and the grace of God. Ive been delivered. 🙌🏾

If you can relate, don’t leave me out here by myself!
Meet me in the comments and share your thoughts.
#bernadeanspeaks #simplybernadean #divorceafter50 by @iambernadean

971

249

5 months ago

There was a time when I felt like I had to hurry through everything. Hurry to get things done. Hurry to respond. Hurry to make decisions. Hurry to figure out what’s what. 🤷🏽‍♀️

And even when I had nowhere to be, I still felt like I needed to be doing something.

These days, I live differently.

I enjoy slow mornings, quiet weekends, long walks, and having absolutely nothing on my calendar.

I’ve learned that I don’t have to fill every hour of my day to feel like I’ve accomplished something.

And I don’t have to rush through this season of my life trying to get to the next one.

I spent enough years feeling hurried, overwhelmed, and anxious.

Now, Im present in the life I’m living. And it’s beautiful here! Nothing fancy!
Just doing less and enjoying the ordinary moments.

What is one thing you’ve stopped rushing in your life? I’d love to hear it in the comments.

#intentionalliving #slowliving #lifeafterdivorce #simplybernadean by @iambernadean

18

2

11 hours ago

Sometimes it takes years of life experience to realize that there are certain things we should never have compromised on.

And sometimes we don’t recognize those things until we’ve lived through them.

I think it’s important to take the time to ask ourselves what we’re no longer willing to accept in our relationships.

Not just romantic relationships, but friendships and family relationships, too.

Because knowing your non-negotiables is one thing. Being willing to honor them is another.

I’m curious, what’s one relationship non-negotiable you have today that you didn’t have 10 or 20 years ago?

Let’s talk about it in the comments.
#relationshipboundaries
#simplybernadean #bernadeanspeaks
#lifeafterdivorce by @iambernadean

18

5

a day ago

272

64

4 days ago

Yesterday, October 10 was World Mental Health Day, but I believe conversations about our mental and emotional well-being deserve to happen every day.

One of the greatest gifts I gave myself was going to therapy.

For so many years, I had gotten used to managing situations, and carrying things I didn’t always have the words to explain.

Therapy gave me a place where I could finally tell the truth and hear myself.
To recognize patterns I wasn’t even aware of. Therapy helped me to understand why I had accepted certain things, why I responded the way I did, and how disconnected I had become from myself.

And some of those realizations were uncomfortable. But they were necessary.

I share this because I know there are women coming out of long, unhealthy marriages who are still trying to make sense of everything they’ve experienced.

You don’t have to figure it all out on your own.

Sometimes, having a safe place to tell your story is where the healing begins. 🩶

If therapy has been part of your healing journey, I’d love to hear what it helped you discover about yourself. And if you’re comfortable sharing, let’s talk in the comments.
#mentalhealthmatters #healingafterdivorce #bernadeanspeaks by @iambernadean

54

7

5 days ago

I knew I wanted a different kind of life. I didn’t know what that would look like but I knew I needed to take an honest look at what I no longer wanted.

So I started with the people, things, and even some habits that had been draining me for years.

It wasn’t about trying to erase my past.
I just wanted a life that looked and felt like my own.

Three years later, I’m still learning myself and I’m enjoying every minute of it! I’m so grateful I gave myself permission to slow down and begin making those changes. My life is quiet and slow and so very peaceful.

I’m curious, for those of you who have left a long unhealthy marriage, did you find yourself immediately wanting to clear things out of your life, too?

I’d really love to hear what that looked like for you. 🩶
#startingoverafter50 #findingpeace #divorcehealing #simplybernadean by @iambernadean

87

30

6 days ago

It’s easy to judge a woman for leaving her marriage when you have no idea what she endured while she was in it.

You don’t know how many nights she cried, how many times she forgave, how much betrayal she endured, or how many times she convinced herself to give it one more chance.

You don’t know how long she prayed, how hard she tried, or how many years she spent hoping things would finally change.

And sometimes the very people who question why she left never once asked what it was costing her to stay.

I believe in marriage. I believe in commitment. But I also believe there comes a point when a woman has to consider her own emotional well-being, safety, and peace.

Before you judge a woman for walking away, remember that you may know about her divorce, but you don’t know the full story of her marriage.

And sometimes leaving is one of the hardest decisions she’ll ever make.
A little more compassion and a lot less judgment would go a long way. #marriage #divorce #bernadeanspeaks by @iambernadean

254

58

9 days ago

After divorce, there can be so much pressure to figure out what’s next. I remember asking myself:

Should I leave the area?
Where should I live?
What should I be doing?
Am I healing fast enough?

And trying to answer those questions after coming out of a long unhealthy marriage only created pressure and made things more confusing.
I’ve learned that you don’t have to figure it all out and rebuild your entire life all at once.

Sometimes the next step is simply slowing things down enough to hear yourself again. So slow down, leave some room in your days. Create a few simple routines and stop treating every decision like it needs an answer today.

Give yourself permission to say, “Not right now.” Or “ I’ll get back to you’

A slower life can still be a life that’s moving forward. And for me slowing down was exactly how I began to find my way back to myself.

What about you? What’s one area of your life you’re giving yourself permission to slow down in?
#lifeafterdivorce #slowlifestyle #startingoverafter50 by @iambernadean

39

3

11 days ago

It’s easy to lose touch with the little things you enjoy when you spend years in a marriage surviving and putting yourself at the bottom of the list. You may not even notice you’ve stopped doing them.

And when the divorce is final, it takes a lot of intentionality to find your way back to those things. And I mean a lot.

It’s taken me quite some time to get back to this—just me singing loud in the car yeah sometimes off key 😂

It’s such a small thing, but it means so much because I’m back doing what I love. What feels good. Things that make me feel like myself again.

And yes, sometimes I wish I’d gotten back sooner, but I’m here now and I’m so grateful I got my ordinary moments back! 🙌🏾

If you’re coming out of a long unhealthy marriage and want to find your way back to the ordinary moments you used to love, DM me I’d love to help you begin. #startingoverafter50
#divorceafter50 by @iambernadean

49

10

13 days ago

Waiting for my car to be detailed, I’m sitting here thinking just how much my life has changed since divorce.
I thought I was supposed to build this big, exciting new life. But my life actually got smaller and quiet. I became more careful about who and what I gave my time to and I stopped filling my days just to say I was busy.

I love my quiet life. I like having room to breathe and my ordinary days that don’t require me to have to be somewhere, talk to somebody or do something.
Turns out, I didn’t need more. Didn’t need a big new nothing.
I only needed a life that finally felt like mine.
Anybody else discovering that less can actually feel like more? #divorceafter50 #quietlife #healingafterdivorce by @iambernadean

174

34

17 days ago