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@irepeatthesameproblems

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Piano sesh from Sunday, Oct 4, 2026 by @irepeatthesameproblems

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6 days ago

I’m feeling insecure right now but that’s ok, I’ll figure something out by @irepeatthesameproblems

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12 days ago

“Homage to life”
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Entry:
I spent a few days out with 2 friends of mine.
One is a shy individual, polite and caring. His room has all sorts of nicknacks and nerdy collectibles. And his mom is a DELIGHT to be around. Super sunshiney and sweet.
The other is spontaneous and energetic with boundless compliments; I like to say she “collects friends like Pokémon!”

The first day, I slept until 4pm and woke up in time for a ride over to the first friend’s house. After photographing the cat and getting some pizza and coffee, I had to get an assignment done, but it was tedious… my excerpt ended up being way longer than it needed to be. Plus I struggled to format citations, trailed into tangents, and got too verbose, so it sticks out embarrassingly, but I can’t do anything about that now.
I was nauseous by sundown because I’d barely eaten, so I got some toast and my friends and I went on a walk long after dark. We went to a local playground and hit the swings, and we played some pretend… it was so fun and pretty, it felt like a movie. We also imagined a short film— what if 2 of us played aliens? And on the walk, we saw an armadillo!

After staying the night at the mom’s apartment (I woke up at 3pm 😭), our trio watched TV and hung out. I paced around for like 40 minutes listening to a jubilant piano riff and ✨imagined stuff✨ until we left.

Then my eclectic friend and I went to an autumn festival; I liked being out, but there were SO many people. I was super drained and kept my headphones on, and at one point I realized it was funny that my friend was dancing to speaker music while I listened to gloomy stuff, since the contrast was comedic; I decided to make a humorous cinematic mini-vid joking about it lol.
During the event, my friend went bonkers to compliment everyone while we looked to select a food option. She saw a few old friends of hers, too!

We saw a cluster of furries, sunbeams pulling an ol’ Tyndall Effect, a pastel Lolita girl, dogs, a sharply-close flock of birds, a petting zoo, some crystals and an old friend of mine.

When we left, the first friend’s mom picked us up and bought us food; I got TWO (2!!) burgers. Heck yeah!! by @irepeatthesameproblems

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19 days ago

Such a combination of vibes! by @irepeatthesameproblems

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24 days ago

by @irepeatthesameproblems

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a month ago

Tactile communication by @irepeatthesameproblems

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a month ago

Just a series of texts regarding The Thingy I’ve Been Writing by @irepeatthesameproblems

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a month ago

Humming, birds, a creek, and the fruits of a movie theater and its brother buildings by @irepeatthesameproblems

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a month ago

Hello KY! Very welcoming.

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Entry:

It’s been ok. Over the past few weeks I’ve finally tried to plot and advance my life. I thought I figured it out at 11, but I stagnated from about 17/18-21/22. Even if my health got even more horrid during that time, I’m unsure how much of my character it explains.
I’m still glad for the progress. My mom says she’s glad I “stepped out of my comfort zone.” My comfort zone actually just expanded, but, hey, that’s a plus too!

I can be sad for 19 year old me’s developmental flatline, but my grief for the life I could’ve had and who I could’ve been is useless pain. “If only” is an unimportant thought. I said horrible things when I was in that deterioration phase; that actually *matters.* Both centering myself to beat myself up *and* moving on seem selfish. Everything does.

Getting worse was nightmarish. I often despaired over the world’s welfare— wow, so caring! I CARED. But I still began saying really messed up stuff and progressively got more horrid and less comprehensive of it in front of everybody.
The perv from 2024 was the last straw. He’s in jail now, but I remember my brain just ripping to shreds around him. I started to wail online about things that were so weird or bad that I realized I could never do enough to explain it. The experiences underlying that part of my spiral would never seem meaningful to anyone. I remember how hard I sobbed after I nuked myself offline but I did that myself. And after I got well enough to stop bothering people with my depraved public scream-cry-seshes, I was mean IRL for about 4-6 months of 2025. Mean-girl mean. Maybe I punished myself for it in advance, but maybe deleting my art made me worse because art anchored me to a more sane past.

It’s been almost 2 years and I still wake up panicking about my meanness. Some people from back then have forgiven me, or even forgotten, but that isn’t as good as’d be if I’d actually been good. Every time a psych worker has ever asked me about my “ideal self,” all I could think was that I wanted to be consistently compassionate. Being healthy and cleanly were in the cards but weren’t important to me. I had such low standards and I still failed by @irepeatthesameproblems

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2 months ago

I wonder what a career is. I wonder what a major is. I wonder a lot of dumb things. by @irepeatthesameproblems

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2 months ago

I was really upset about something when I showed up to church today, but I just tried to force all those feelings into the piano after a dose of caffeine and… huzzah, or something.

Then my heart tried not to explode for the next hour and a half

THAT FIRST ONE THOUGH?! GYAAH by @irepeatthesameproblems

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2 months ago

Repost from TikTok but this is why Superman is my favorite superhero… alongside Supergirl, but probably the CBS version by @irepeatthesameproblems

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3 months ago