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Download ![Carolyn’s Aunts is out now❣️I’m so excited to be sharing the long and winding story that led to my creation of this song. Thank you @alisonbechdel for Fun Home, and @aliceoseman for @heartstopper. I wouldn’t have this song without your art.
If you’d prefer to read it typed, here it is:
When I was 15, I fell in love with R. R was cooler than everyone I knew, and I was utterly and completely fascinated by them. After a few months of urging them to tag along to sushi dinners and pregames with the popular girls at our school, I invited them to a show at Le Poisson Rouge on a Thursday. After the show, we sat on a stoop on Thompson and Prince Street until I built up the courage to kiss them. The following months I spent as R’s girlfriend taught me a lot — but firstly (and most urgently) that I was queer.
But I had always known I was queer. I’d known since the day I met Carolyn’s Aunts. I was 9, maybe 10, when I visited a classmate’s family and met her married aunts. I remember asking my parents about Carolyn’s aunts on the car ride home and learning the word “lesbian.” I was immediately flooded with dread, thinking: “god, I NEVER want to be like that.” But driving the fear was understanding: “whatever that is, I am it. That is me.”
Years later, after I had loved and lost R, I read Fun Home by Alison Bechdel. There’s a scene in the book where a young Alison goes to a diner with her father and sees a visibly queer woman for the first time. “Like a traveler in a foreign country who runs into someone from home... I recognized her with a surge of joy,” she writes. Her father “recognizes” the woman as well, and asks Alison “is that what you want to look like?” The degree to which her account traces mine felt almost impossible. I had dismissed that moment of my childhood as something close to fantasy, but Fun Home concretized that recognition in a deeply affirming, familiar way.
[continued in comments] by @jackiemarchal](https://s11.imginn.com/487343987_18499378984055215_1173701473116735971_n.jpg?t51.75761-15/487343987_18499378984055215_1173701473116735971_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_e35_s828x828_tt6&_nc_cat=108&ig_cache_key=MzU5ODMwOTEyNjY3NzQzMDU2NA%3D%3D.3-ccb7-5&ccb=7-5&_nc_sid=58cdad&efg=eyJ2ZW5jb2RlX3RhZyI6IkNBUk9VU0VMX0lURU0ueHBpZHMuMTA3NC5zZHIucmVndWxhcl9waG90by5DMyJ9&_nc_ohc=jYzDr9AElFgQ7kNvwEicGRI&_nc_oc=Adrkay-LFQvKd2FsFi3d0PynjSYX26yMdfwJJolbIsOT6TWgbVENyzSP7pISIXDlW4sNWSL3AboNsVDgJPKfF6Vh&_nc_ad=z-m&_nc_cid=0&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-iad3-1.cdninstagram.com&_nc_gid=E63vU4M8WajG03c3wdrrGA&_nc_ss=7a22e&oh=00_AQPoGufk86f8A1gkxsfmuCseQM2bfP5yDaq1KNAaxdEGeQ&oe=6AD3216F)
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