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Jaded

@jadewj.official

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“One day you’re not going to be here and the Earth will keep turning” But it doesn’t feel right. It’ll NEVER feel right. Everything should have stopped for you, yet my world kept turning for over a year after your death. Finding out was painful. Learning that it happened weeks after I last spoke to you? Crippling.

I never would’ve thought me pondering on our “remember when”s and last moments would be a year after it was official. Even with time passing, it all still feels like the other day. Us first meeting. You being one of the few people with a black name tag (to me, it was one of the many reasons you were the coolest fucking person). Medieval Times. Me crying on the brick stairs of MMA while you held me. Your color changing irises. You playing “Daddy’s Home” by Usher on the piano and me singing. Band class together. Our backs hurting from holding those xylophones in parades. Sending me your music. Us goofing around your house for hours when I visited you. We were only kids, but so what? Memories that young should be indelible.

The last conversation we had. I wish I would’ve never gotten upset and deleted the literal last conversation we’d ever have… I still get upset that I didn’t just call you, so I could’ve at least heard your voice one last time.

The worst part of all of this? Society doesn’t allow us the time to afford our feelings. Bills need to be paid. Mourn for a few days, “sorry for your loss”, then back to “reality” because people have to prioritize other things. It’s not normal. I’ll forever grieve you Jarrell. It’s cathartic really. One of the only emotions nowadays that reminds me that it’s still okay to be human. Singing Happy Birthday to you, King Pops💚 by @jadewj.official

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6 months ago

Impermanence (n.)- the state of not lasting forever or not lasting for a long time

29 clinks🥂to being here for a good time, not a long time

Happy hoa hoa hoa hoa hoa szn, spooks 🎃🌑 by @jadewj.official

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11 days ago

♾️ by @jadewj.official

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9 months ago

🔊🔊🔊 by @jadewj.official

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a year ago

Forever grateful to FEEL. Cheers to my next lap 🥂It’s officially spooky szn by @jadewj.official

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a year ago

Feelin’ like Itadori… taken in Prima DC by @jadewj.official

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a year ago

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Did ya hear me butterfly?
Miles to go before you sleep. by @jadewj.official

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a year ago

Jackie Brown Fine 🪞 by @jadewj.official

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2 years ago

AUGUST:

Was truly an emotional rollercoaster for me. Towards the end of it I was asked “What’s the best gift you can give yourself in this chapter of your life?” After some deep thought I said “Reassurance” & that is truly what the end of my August embodied:

Reassurance in knowing that I am blessed; Reassurance in knowing it’s okay to be me in every form & still acknowledge that I have more self improvement to achieve; Reassurance in knowing it’s okay to let people in AND fully let people go that serve no purpose in my life other than to drain; Reassurance in knowing that I can & deserve to pour into myself as much as I pour into others. Reassurance in knowing that the grass is always greener when I tend to my own garden; Reassurance in knowing that I deserve EVERY genuine thing I give to others. So, instead of trying to overpay others to under-deliver, I choose to give it to myself for free. I get excited imagining being everything that I anxiously try to be to others to myself & wonder how much different I would look, how much more gracefully I’d carry myself, and how many more doors I’d build for myself. In the next couple weeks leading up to the 26th chapter of my life I want to challenge myself to work on being frugal with my energy.

Now answer that question for yourself 🤍
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#explorepage #selflove #reelsinstagram #model #blacklove by @jadewj.official

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3 years ago