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janellada

@janellada

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it’s me, janell! (she/her)
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this is 44. i’m the oldest i’ve ever been. i’m the softest i’ve ever been. i’m the most skillful i’ve ever been. i’m the most outdoorsy, and the most playful, and the most anxious, and the most accepted. the most integrated. and the most relaxed. the most stable. the most in a place and in a rhythm. i’m the most embodied and most earnest i’ve ever been. the most direct. the most boundaried. i’m the most human i’ve ever been. but not as human as i will be. xo #septemberlove by @janellada
i’ve been thinking about why i’m so drawn to familiarity. why exactly it is that i feel so lit up inside when i see something or someone that i recognize. it could be practical. that the familiar is simply an antidote to anxiety. or it could be metaphysical. that the familiar resonates with the parts of me that know i’ve BEEN here before. it could be something else entirely. that i can’t yet put my finger on. in any case, i was drawn to this statue last week, as i am every time i return to PV. i ask myself— what is the nature of their relationship? how familiar are these two shapes to each other? are they family? by blood? by marriage? and what qualities draw them to each other in this moment? this year, i imagined it was grief. this year i saw them as friends. xo #decemberlove #janellsheadedtomexico by @janellada
a sauna, a hot spring and a cityscape? these are a few of my favorite things. deeply grateful for any chance to get to be in the city. #janellsheadedeast #novemberlove by @janellada
moab: long time listener, first time caller. if we spend time together, you’ve probably heard me say that my favorite place to go is anywhere a second time. it’s soothing to my body/mind feel familiar. to return. to relax. to know where the bathrooms are, so to speak. but sometimes i am hungry for what’s new! what’s next! what’s around the river bend!! and this weekend in southern utah burst my heart wide open. every arch and natural bridge. every bushel of rubber rabbitbrush and monstrous red rock. every glittering star in the darkness of the desert sky sent me into a fit of delight. how wonderful to live in a world that can get bigger. how wonderful to live in a body/mind that can get bigger. how wonderful to expand the aperture on familiar and find new favorites. can’t wait to find myself in this double arch a second time. xo #janellsheadedwest #octoberlove by @janellada
delicate. origin: late middle english (in the sense ‘delightful, charming’): from french délicat or latin delicatus. #octoberlove #janellsheadedwest by @janellada
this is 43. putting myself on top of more mountains. putting myself under less pressure. putting myself in the center of my own story. taking more relational risks. taking my sweet ass time. taking in my surroundings for as long as it actually takes to arrive. giving myself permission to go as slow as i want. as soft as i want. as hard as i want. giving myself permission to want what i want. aging. gracefully. and gratefully. xo #septemberlove by @janellada
i may never tire of this : may i never tire of this xo #janellsheadedeast #septemberlove by @janellada
the autumnal equinox is finally here! catch me looking forward. catch me looking back. xo #septemberlove #janellsheadedoutside by @janellada
goals: to have a heart like a parachute that always opens in time. (@andreagibson) summer 2025 had my heart racing: hiking up to alpine lakes, holding friendship closer than ever, moving with rhythms of life that have lasted decades, and rhythms of life that have only just begun. from puerto vallarta to pike national forest, from new york to new mexico. these are a few of the people and places that have increased my heart’s capacity to hold more of what i want, and let go of the rest. xo by @janellada
“this is for the no becoming yes for scars becoming breath for saying i love you to people who will never say it to us for scraping away the rust and remembering how to shine for the dime you gave away when you didn’t have a penny for the many beautiful things we do for every song we’ve ever sung for refusing to believe in miracles because miracles are the impossible coming true and everything is possible.” ty andrea. ty river water and river walks. ty marshall and the 4runner. ty beevs. #andreagibson #septemberlove by @janellada
cage free camping with these chickies was a delight. the kind of trip where each twist and turn felt like the universe was in a conspiracy cahoots with us, to turn absolutely everything into a sweet treat. kind neighbors and carrot cake. river sits and riparian landscapes. stars. all the stars. and endless opportunities to drive with our hearts. ty em. ty ash. ty questa. may the enchantments continue. xo #janellsheadedsouthwest #augustlove by @janellada
twelve miles before lunch. and six reflections from the trek to blue lake: 1. it feels good to good 2. it also feels good to feel exhausted after exertion 3. beauty truly is all around us. mountain landscapes and alpine lakes make that statement seem so obvious. but there’s also beauty in the scattered flight plan of a butterfly. or the way a tree trunk is split from a lightning strike. the sounds of rustling leaves. the sounds of silence. the sounds of my struggling breath at various levels of altitude and elevation gain. it’s all so beautiful. and beauty is good for the brain. 4. pb and honey sandwiches f**k! (and pb and honey sandwiches washed down with a summit beer?! transcendent.) 5. moose are magic 6. so am i by @janellada

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