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Jaq

@jaq

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Replicant: More human than human
—
To Live and Die in L.A.

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“This is the only time I really feel alive” - The Only Time by Nine Inch Nails

Everyone who knows me knows that though it’s impossible to prove that I am the biggest Nine Inch Nails fan in the world, I am 100% the biggest Nine Inch Nails fan they are ever going to meet.

I have been to every single Nine Inch Nails show in Los Angeles/the Southern California area/way more places outside of Southern California, since April 3, 2000. Somewhat Damaged was the very first song I saw performed live by my truest love of all, and 25 years later, I was in tears watching Trent perform that same song fully stripped down to just piano. I have lived a lot of great nights on this earth, but last night is easily my most favorite night of them all, and I feel so beyond blessed to have been able to attend both back-to back sold out nights at The Fabulous Forum.

I hope all of you love something, or someone, as much as I love Nine Inch Nails— that feeling is better than any drug could possibly produce, and what makes life worth living.

Thank you forever to @nineinchnails, the live band, and thank you to Trent especially— in my nothing, you meant everything to me 🖤

P.S. The Nine Inch Noize version of Closer is SO hot 🥵🤤

#NIN #nineinchnails #church #closertogod #boysnoize #nineinchnoize #peelitback #bae #truelove #thisistheonlytimeireallyfeelalive #adayinthelife #adventuretime #musicismyboyfriend #somewhatdamaged #rightwhereitbelings #wish #marchofthepigs #vessel #closer #theperfectdrug #imafraidofamericans #headlikeahole #allblackeverything #hairfordays #burnthewitch taken in Kia Forum by @jaq

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10 months ago

Hello from the Heavens— this is me on Monday, October 21st, 2024, at 2:45 pm PST, shortly after I summited my first 14er, and got to claim status as “King of the Mountain” as I stood at the tip of Mount Whitney, the tallest peak in the contiguous United States.

In the hike world, summiting Whitney is high up on everyone’s bucket list, and more so if you’re able to knock it out in a single day. This hike has always been on my list, but never as a stand alone hike. I thought I’d get to Whitney as part of the John Muir Trail hike, and I certainly didn’t think I was prepared to hit either trail anytime soon.

On 9/30, I was casually looking at what I needed to do to reserve a permit to summit Mount Whitney because it’s one of the hardest ones to get when they are released every year. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw an opening for 10/23. Though I didn’t think I was prepared to complete the hike, October 23rd is my nephew’s birthday, and he would be turning lucky number 7 this year, so I took it as a sign from God that I had to go for glory, and really see what my flesh prison is capable of doing when put to the test against high altitude.

I began my day hike at 8:00 am, and made it to summit at 2:37 pm. Though this hike is technically very difficult, I’m proud to say that it was not difficult for me, which in many ways was actually disappointing because I really believed all the hype about it being super hard. But last night, while I was trying to understand why I didn’t feel accomplished, I added up the total miles I’ve hiked since I began hitting trails again at the start of last year, to present day, and the total my Apple Fitness tracker gave me was 1,336.36 miles, which is actually far less than the real count because I don’t always track my hikes, or my watch just turns off on its own.

Long story long, this is my way of saying that there really isn’t anything you can’t do if you’re willing to put the work into it, and even when you think you can’t, you’ll be very surprised to find that you actually can.

caption continued in comments… taken in Mt Whitney Summit by @jaq

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2 years ago

On June 3rd - June 5th, I lived a bucket list dream of solo hiking and backpacking California’s remote Lost Coast Trail for my birthday. It is by far the single most difficult thing I’ve ever done both physically and mentally, mainly due to the fact that I am an idiot who didn’t really care about planning for weight because I like to learn things the hardest way possible, so I wound up carrying 35% of my own body weight on my back the whole time while I hiked 25.3 miles of mostly sand and rocks/boulders. Though I loved every second of my journey, the adventure I planned out quickly became a spiritual pilgrimage because of that goddamn heavy ass backpack. At no point did I want to quit the hike, but I did often fantasize about coming across a homeless person on that beach that I could just give all of my gear to, and continue moving swiftly through the trail without issue. When times got really tough, I channeled my inner mamba, and reminded myself that my personal Lord and Savior, Kobe Bean Bryant, would have completed that hike with two torn Achilles if he had to, so a little extreme shoulder and back pain on a severe calorie deficit would be nothing in comparison to two torn Achilles.

I can’t explain the renewed sense of self that I have, but I now truly know what I’m made of, and I’m very proud of what I accomplished out on that gorgeous black sand beach.
I sure wouldn’t fuck with me if I weren’t me…🙂

The Lost Coast can be as brutal as it is beautiful, given the fact that I did nearly die crossing the final point of the last impassable zone, and though I went alone, I was never alone on the trail. Special shoutout to all of the awesome and super sick people that I met out there— you all are what really made this trip so special to me, and I am forever grateful for you. I hope we meet again on a trail someday 🖤

P.S. I was finally baptized and given a trail name— I’m Birthday Girl 🥰

#thelostcoast #hikeclub #truegrit #tinybutmighty #mambamentality #reallife #solotraveler #lonewolf #adventuretime #adayinthelife #funinthesun #thegreatoutdoors #natureismetal #darksonthebeach #imamermaid #allblackeverything #burnthewitch taken in The Lost Coast Trail by @jaq

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2 years ago

In reality, I am eternal, but I turned 41 in human Earth years yesterday. Here I am with my birthday sunset ✨

I was originally planning to knock Cactus-to-Clouds off my hike list (again). As of this past weekend, however, temperatures on the trail were expected to peak at 110°F on June 4th, which proved to be my literal sign from the universe to treat myself to a zero-stress day.

In the past, I’ve put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself to do something I haven’t done before on my birthday. This time around, I remembered that every day is my birthday, and I can just do that shit some other time when it actually makes sense 😎

Shoutout to the best brother-in-law in all the land, @thebrownwizard, for the last slide/birthday card. I don’t think he realizes how funny and thoughtful he is.

#birthdaygirl #goldenhour #mountainmermaid #hikeclub #burnthewitch taken in Griffith Observatory by @jaq

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2 months ago

The Prodigy has been one of my favorite groups ever since I first heard “Voodoo People” in Hackers back in 1995. The Fat of the Land is one of my top 10 favorite albums of all time, and their music has been the soundtrack to so much of my life.

Unlike most of my other favorite artists, The Prodigy never tours through the U.S., so I have spent 31 years fantasizing about how incredible it would be to experience them live in person. I’m happy to report that I finally got to live that dream on May 14, 2026 🤠

I kept wondering how they would handle Keith-led songs, or whether they would perform them at all. The second “Firestarter” began, I got so excited, but it quickly became bittersweet when I realized the rest of the group wasn’t going to sing his parts or dub them in over a backing track. His absence was honored beautifully, and you could absolutely feel it in the crowd.

I had the time of my life on Thursday, and while it would’ve been so cool to have Keith onstage, I’m grateful The Prodigy is still out there going strong. None of these videos do them justice, and the setup at The Novo is awkward as hell, but they fuckin’ killed it. I really hope they make a habit of playing L.A.

P.S. Suicide sucks. Think about it if you must, but please never follow through 🖤

P.P.S. Peep Gary Numan being just like the rest of us in the last video. It was super cute seeing him there fanning out with his wife and daughter.

#TheProdigy #adayinthelife #church #adventuretime #musicismyboyfriend taken in The Novo DTLA by @jaq

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2 months ago

I have been waiting my entire life for my friends to start having kids, and I am overjoyed to have that dream fulfilled twofold with back-to-back baby girls dropping this spring 💐

Thank you so much to Carolyn and Ray for having me at little Lita’s baby shower. I’m so excited for you guys, and I’m even more excited for Lita and the life of nonstop adventures she’s going to be living with you two as her parents. If you’re ever looking to adopt, I’m open.

#itsagirl #puropinchepari #lovewins #godisgood #adventuretime taken in Los Angeles, California by @jaq

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3 months ago

I had two intense, back-to-back red light therapy sessions in San Diego and Anaheim this past Monday and Tuesday. Physical aging is a choice, and so is not having fun—I don’t believe in either, and here’s the proof.

In case you’re wondering, I did not edit the first video. I texted it to myself as a reminder to post it, and the weird glitching is the result of having saved it back on my phone. I don’t understand it, but I’m glad that David Lynch is editing my videos for me.

The state of the world is incredibly scary at the moment, and we might not have a future because the satanic cannibal p*d0phil3z who run everything are for reals doing WWIII to us, but I feel incredibly blessed to have experienced my beloved @nineinchnails live two more times before the human population is culled to fulfill a religious prophecy 🙂

P.S. Shoutout to all of the lovely people I met at both shows, especially the folks in the pit who made sure I had a perfect view of both stages while I went insane, bouncing around and basically running in place, for a collective total of 9 miles between both shows according to my Apple Watch fitness tracker.

#NIN #church #adayinthelife #truelove #burnthewitch taken in Heaven by @jaq

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4 months ago

Got my girl pregnant—my parents are gonna be so pissed, what do I do??

Jkjkjk but this is what it looks like when I’ve slept maybe three hours to drive up north another three hours to baby shower with my beautiful friends, and celebrate the upcoming arrival of our sweet baby niece, Tatyana.

I’m not the type of person who gives any consideration to time moving slower or faster, but I have been dying to meet this baby since our dearest @adina_gold announced that she is expecting. I cannot wait to share the wonders of the nighttime sky and natural world with Tatyana, and I especially can’t wait to see if she’s into metal (🤞🏽)

Thank you so much to Mama @ludmillayaya for organizing such a lovely shower, and thank you especially to @adina_gold and Theo, for literally making this all possible 🥹

Bonus shoutout to the snow capped Sierra Nevadas that I totally forgot I was going to be able to see today, but man oh man, what a treat.

#chosensisters #itsagirl #adayinthelife #adventuretime #girlsjustwanttohavefun taken in Visalia, California by @jaq

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5 months ago

When I hear people who aren’t from L.A. talk shit about my home, and how much it sucks, I recall moments like this one, and think, “Yeah, L.A. sucks. Definitely don’t come here and cause more traffic.”

This was yesterday/another day in the life of being the real Snow White, but with better hair, and not having to rely on a full-sized man, or seven codependent dwarves, to save me. I felt terrible about accidentally interrupting the cute little deer family’s dinner time, but they proved to be very understanding, and had better trail etiquette than most humans I encounter on a hike.

#laallday #adayinthelife #adventuretime #hikeclub #goldenhour taken in Los Angeles, California by @jaq

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5 months ago

I took this picture on Thursday to document and share that I had my sister, @karinavegahair, cut off all of my hair the last week of 2025. Since this picture was such a hit as an IG story, it earned main-page status.

I’m every hairstylist’s worst nightmare in that I never cut my hair, I wash and style it with high heat every single night, and I box-dye it once a month. According to hair-health logic, I shouldn’t really have any hair at all—but here I am, with all the hair, just shorter than usual.

Typically, my hair is between 2½ and 3 feet long, but it’s currently a little over a foot long at the longest point, which is crazy short for me—and I love it.

It’s too bad black hair doesn’t translate well on camera, because you can’t really see how cute and mid-’90s it looks 💁🏻‍♀️

If you made it this far and you’re wondering why I created an entire post to talk about my hair, it’s cuz hoes always be asking what my secret is—the secret is that I’m just blessed with really strong, good hair genes ✨ taken in Los Angeles, California by @jaq

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6 months ago

This picture looks a lot more interesting than it is—it’s just a candid of the homie @andrewjavidi and me getting ready to be photographed at our little @gottiassbitch’s wedding rehearsal dinner in Vegas, August 2022.

When I first shared this as an IG story, my caption was: “When you’re dying, but have to be in a picture.” The night before, I’d gotten the shittiest I’d ever gotten—which is saying a lot, because by the time this picture was taken, I was drinking at least two bottles of wine a night, every night, for two years straight. I made myself so unbelievably sick, it is honestly a miracle that I didn’t end up in the hospital—or a morgue.

Like many people with a substance abuse problem, that one rock-bottom episode didn’t stop me from drinking right away. The second I didn’t feel sick anymore, I went right back to it and kept going hard… until I woke up at 3:30 PM on New Year’s Day 2023 with a massive hangover.

What made that morning different from all the others was that I was finally completely done hating myself—and I vowed to never feel that way again.

I got up and forced myself to hike eight miles because I also wasn’t going to allow myself to miss my traditional New Year’s Day Sunset Hike. I felt like absolute shit, but I knew life was going to be so much better from that point on.

I’m not going to get preachy, but I am making this post to say: if you know you have a problem with something, and you can’t currently fathom living your life without it—but you want to change—just know that you can. Limits only exist if you allow them to.

Cheers to three whole years of alcohol-free days, and to loving myself the way I always wanted to be loved 🥰

P.S. Shoutout to the weather for giving us a break in the rain yesterday, allowing me to continue my cherished New Year’s Day Sunset Hike tradition. And while I’m talking about the rain, my hair looked incredible before the Las Vegas rain ruined it, and you’re seeing the result of that in this picture. by @jaq

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7 months ago

Proving that voting does matter, this picture of my face successfully avoiding the violent downpour of rain at Dia de Los Deftones 2024 now has a permanent home on my main page.

Unrelated, sometimes I want to be a social media influencer just to be the only one who chooses good music to play over my posts. I envy the deaf every time I hear that one Kali Uchis song, or that other soft dog shit song about making it easy to fall in love, for example.

I firmly believe the world would be a much better place if we could go back to a time when having a real personality was a thing.

But anyway, Happy Winter Solstice ❄️ taken in Petco Park Stadium- San Diego, CA by @jaq

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7 months ago