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john romaniello

@johnromaniello

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NYT Bestselling Author. Irascible rhetorician. World’s most controversial marketing consultant. Last of the Gentleman Douchebags.
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For over three decades, my immediate response to ANY problem was to start solving it. ⠀ When presented an issue, my mind instantly began thinking of solutions. ⠀ Certainly, I wanted to help—but, raised in a culture of achievement, solving someone’s problem validated me, allowing me to “prove” my “worth.” ⠀ As a coach and consultant, this pattern deepened: as I was literally being paid to offer solutions to problems, “fix it” was my default setting. ⠀ While this makes me quite effective at my job, it’s a less than desirable approach to life and relationships. ⠀ At best, it’s annoying; at worst, it manifests as dickery. Inadvertent and well-intentioned, but dickery nonetheless. ⠀ Here’s the thing: sometimes people want solutions—other times, they just want to be heard. ⠀ Turns out, instead of offering unsolicited advice and trying to fix shit, I could just ASK what people needed. ⠀ Literally. Just. Ask. ⠀ To guide the conversation in a supportive, productive way, I always ask the SAME 3️⃣ questions in the SAME order. ⠀ Here’s why they’re so effective: ⠀ HOW CAN I SHOW UP FOR YOU? Outside of showing them they’re heard and supported, it also prompts them to examine things in a new way; before they can answer you, they have to ask themselves, what DO I need? That alone is invaluable. ⠀ ARE YOU OPEN TO SOME FEEDBACK? Super simple rule: before you offer “helpful” commentary, ask if they’re open to hearing it. They may not want it. This saves you both a lot of time and energy. If they’re not open to feedback, just hear them and support them. ⠀ WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXPLORE POTENTIAL SOLUTIONS? The most important thing here is this: you’re not asking to solve their problem, you’re asking to help set a frame for exploration. Even if they say YES, you’re not there to FIX anything for them; you’re part of an outcome-focused conversation during which they’re open to hearing advice and developing or considering solutions. ⠀ — ⠀ Outside perspective is helpful—just make sure it’s welcome. ⠀ 👇🏽Drop your #1️⃣ "guiding question" below so I can keep not being a dick. Please and thank you :) taken in Hudson Yards New York by @johnromaniello
162
7 years ago
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Several years ago, I wrote an article detailing my rules for a successful life. The final rule read, “End every conversation by asking, ‘So, tell me: how can I help you?’” ⠀ Looking back with wiser eyes, I realized: that question, while well-intentioned, was stupid. It’s too broad to have an actionable answer. ⠀ I was making a sincere offer to help, but the phrasing limited my ability to do so. In conversations about more personal issues, it may have seemed like I was trying to fix the problem for someone rather than support them through it. ⠀ Over time, I began ending conversations with increasingly refined questions. Eventually it led me to: ⠀ “How can I make your day 1% better?” ⠀ And this question has drastically changed my life, as I know it’ll change yours. ⠀ The conscious phrasing offers emotional support and willingness to help, but it’s TACTICAL, coming across as more realistic and sincere. It accomplishes more with less. ⠀ Here’s the thing: loathe to feel burdensome, people have a hard time asking for help. ⠀ Funneling it down to a 1% improvement takes the pressure off of the blocking emotions like guilt and shame. ⠀ “How can I help?” encompasses the totality of actions that could hypothetically be taken to benefit this person, whether that’s to help their business, enhance their emotional state, or otherwise improve circumstances. ⠀ That is a VAST spectrum of consideration. When mental and emotional bandwidth are occupied by the experience of sitting with distress, trying to appropriately determine what you need is just more work. ⠀ Paring it down to 1% narrows the field of possibility, thereby reducing the decision fatigue in determining what to ask for. ⠀ The “limitation” imposed by the smallness of the improvement paradoxically creates freedom, guiding the person to see what small thing might help them, and which they’d feel comfortable receiving. ⠀ This, along with drastically lessening the feeling of being burdensome, makes it far more likely you’ll get an actual answer. ⠀ Where else in life are good intentions being lost in translation? What offers of support can we make more accessible with more specific language? by @johnromaniello
58
7 years ago
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This. This. This. ⠀ One of my favorite quotes comes from my friend @timferriss: “A person's success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.” ⠀ When I look back over the landscape of my life, nearly every [intra]personal problem I’ve experienced has stemmed, at least in part, from my aversion to difficult conversations. ⠀ Many of us struggle with this. For some people, it’s conflict avoidance. For others, it’s people-pleasing. We’re so loathe to sit in the discomfort of the conversation, we convince ourselves we’re afraid of the consequences of having it. ⠀ But outcomes of these conversations—which, admittedly, can be life-changing—are almost always irrelevant compared to our terror of them. ⠀ We fear causing people pain, but protecting them from the truth doesn’t hurt them less; just delays the pain for the future, often with compounded interest. ⠀ On the other hand… ⠀ We all know people who take honesty to the next level. And this is just as big a problem. ⠀ There are those who use candor to disguise cruelty. ⠀ Just because the truth hurts doesn’t justify intentionally hurting someone with the truth. ⠀ There’s a difference between directness and being a dick. Between authenticity and being an asshole. ⠀ Certainly, intention matters: "I'm not TRYING to hurt you" isn't the same as, "I'm trying NOT to hurt you." ⠀ But I'm not talking about sugar-coating. I'm not talking about dishonesty in the form of white lies or half-truths. ⠀ I'm talking about taking the extra step to express yourself carefully and honestly without trying to cut someone down. Because the real difference is in the delivery. ⠀ Whether you struggle with being honest enough or too honest, the fact is, navigating conversations is a challenge, especially when there are emotions involved. ⠀ A good rule is to consistently remind yourself: there's ALWAYS a kind way to tell a hard truth. ⠀ When you bring candor + compassion into the conversation in equal measure, the default is conscious communication (which is ALWAYS the goal). ⠀ Which do YOU most struggle with? ⠀ 👇🏽Give me a 🙈 if you’re avoidant, or a🙊 if you a bit TOO honest👇🏽 taken in Hell's Kitchen by @johnromaniello
122
7 years ago
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Apropos of little, my first feed post in some time is bereft of standard philosophical musing, attempts to add value, or what was, for a time, a penchant for poetical paeans to those I love. Today, if only for today, this is firstly an ode to myself and the fact that I am alive. I lost two years of my life, more or less, but they did not kill me. They—perhaps you—tried. I tried, more than once, at the encouragement of so many hateful words spilling forth from the more balefully cunty of mouths. But it seems even John Romaniello cannot kill John Romaniello, and therefore no one can. We can only conclude, therefore, that I am, in fact, unkillable. More’s the pity. As we all must, evidently, deal with the fact that I’m here until the heat death of the universe, I must do something to pass the time, and apart from my Inigo Montoya-esque devotion to retribution, it seems that now is the time to embrace all manner of delightful clichés. Shock, gasp! A newly divorced 44-year-old man gets in shape. No points for originality. (It’s all peptides and exogenous hormones and genetics, anyway.) While I have yet to master posing (it’s deceptively hard to flex all the itty bitty flexibles and look in the mirror without making a face that screams “I may shit myself”) I have gotten somewhat better at photo editing, and, in fact being interested in being on camera. Especially considering my perfectly manicured facial hair. So in between tattoos and benders, I invite you to partake of the next step in my very predictable journey and listen to my soon to be launched podcast, 𝙎𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙛𝙪𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙄𝙜𝙣𝙤𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙩— because while it’s true that what the world needs less than ever is another irascible middle aged white man bleating into a microphone, it is probably also true that it is more productive for me personally than bleating into my camera on IG stories. Skillfully Ignorant aims to address the following: -only morons think they know everything -you can’t always be right but you can always be less wrong, or at least wrong in a less idiotic way. -interrogate your bias, prosecute your motives. Always. SkillfullyIgnorant.com by @johnromaniello
58
2 months ago
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Here’s what it means to REALLY know your client avatar. It means knowing the right way to talk to them. Knowing what to say AND what not to say. So even if you have a product you think benefits “everyone,” you'll need different approaches based on belief systems. For instance, let’s let look at the curious case of energy efficient lightbulbs. The technical benefits of the product are simple: energy efficient bulbs last longer and need to be changed less frequently. You purchase fewer lightbulbs, so in aggregate spend less money. Less energy from the grid, fewer bulbs in the landfill. The customer saves money and the world benefits. An over-eager marketer would place equal value on those benefits, spending equal time + attention on them in the packaging and copy. But a savvy marketer knows how these things are looked at by different groups, and approach them differently. In 2013, a study led by Dena Gromet at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania revealed that while conservatives will buy energy efficient light bulbs based on the money saved, a significant number will change their mind if there is a “protect the environment" sticker on the package. Here’s what this tells us. Firstly, they’re only interested in saving money, not the world. Certainly, frugality is a facet here. Secondly, emotion outweighs logic. When outlining characteristics for your avatar, consider the deeper beliefs a person might have based on group association. In this case, that data bears out that making decisions based on the environmental effects is seen as Libtard nonsense. …and that for some people, the aversion to associating with that philosophy is strong enough to outweigh the financial benefit. And you need to know that. The job isn’t to make judgements about this. And it’s certainly not to try to convince conservatives to care about the environment. It’s to understand that if you want to sell energy efficient lightbulbs in red states, you take the environmental sticker off the package and focus on the financial benefit to the customer. And if you happen to make the world a better place…well, don’t tell anyone. They hate that. taken in Austin, Texas by @johnromaniello
20
5 years ago
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Hard conversations are difficult in the short-term, but free up so much energy in the long term (when you know how to have them in an authentic, respectful way that leads to resolution). Want to learn how to drastically decrease the length, intensity, or frequency of those hard conversations? @johnromaneillo and I are hosting a FREE TRAINING this sunday called… WE NEED TO TALK 🗣 👉🏽6 Essential Principles to Optimize Any Hard Conversation for the Most Positive Outcome This Sunday at 11am CST, we’ll deconstruct the 3 most counterproductive (and incredibly common) communication blocks that make hard conversations harder and turn small misunderstandings into huge problems. Comment “TALK” below to grab your seat! 🔥 by @johnromaniello
46
2 years ago
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On this IG Live, I talk with @jacqueline_yvette about marketing messaging, in particular the Neuro Marketing Method. . To check out Jackie’s free 3-day training: johnromaniello.com/jackie by @johnromaniello
10
4 years ago
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Storytime - as per your request, here’s the “wave speech” Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, by Hunter S. Thompson taken in Austin, Texas by @johnromaniello
23
5 years ago
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Two more books on the shelf! I love adding new books to my bookshelf. Particularly when they’re written by people I know and love. If you’ll forgive this bit of egotism, I tend to like it more when I have a hand in the creation of the book. Last week, TWO of my clients published their first books. Toni Marinucci released Once Upon a Diet, a nutrition book that talks about the similarities between dieting and dating, and the relationships we have with both. It’s a fun read filled with great information, helpful practices, and a lot of wonderful stories. If you’ve ever gone on a diet or been on a date, you’ll recognize yourself in its pages. George Kalantzis released Nowhere to Go: Navigating Tough Transitions. Part guidebook, part memoir, NtG details his experience recovering from the emotional repression that came with his service in the Marines. Filled with essays, poems, and questions, the book gives you an inside look at the process of transmuting pain into growth and all of the lessons that come with loss. —— I’m so fucking proud of them both. Writing a book is no easy feat; it requires discipline, planning, strategy, time management, and far more hours at the keyboard than you think. This is why so many authors, especially first-time authors, seek support in the process. George hired me to help him hone in on the idea of the book, and help him with tone + voice. Then he went and did it on his own. For Toni’s book, I was a full-time coach: we wrote 80% of the book together. I’d give her assignments for each chapter, then we’d review her writing to edit + improve. And in both cases, though I take little credit, the finished products are incredible. I don’t talk a lot about my book writing coaching; it’s not on my website and I don’t reference it here much. It’s a high-ticket item and takes a ton of time. But it's one of the most rewarding things I do. Anyway, mostly just brag and celebrate these two. That said, if you're looking to finally get started (or finish) writing that book, it seems I have 2 spots open. Shoot me a DM if you wanna chat about your book. (And leave some love for Toni + George in the comments!) taken in Austin, Texas by @johnromaniello
33
5 years ago
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Greece is beautiful. This is my third time here, and I love it more every day. The food is an experience, each bite something beyond a constituent part of a meal. In any country, cuisine is a representation of culture, the foremost consumable product exported to the world, a combination of ingredients and spices telling a story centuries-long, every dish a chapter in a tale of WHO as much as WHERE. Here, it’s a gift and more: an invitation to partake in the pride of a people as they lovingly stack lamb in front of you. The weather is perfect. It’s calm. There's heat, but not too much; wind, but not too much. I'm comfortable here, in a way I’ve only felt in a few other places: Italy, Turkey, Cyprus. Spiritual people talk about feeling energetically connected to your ancestral homeland. The rationalist in me balks at that. But there’s something about this part of the world that feels…easy. I feel connected to New York, of course. But it’s different. That’s home. I know New York like an erstwhile lover. She’s got plenty of surprises, to be sure, whole worlds left to discover. But even in her mystery, I feel prepared—each turn a well-traveled curve, my hands knowing where to touch and where it’ll lead. When I come to the Mediterranean, though, there’s a glimmer of something like that, even when visiting a place for the first time. There’s a German word I like, 𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘸𝘦𝘩, which translates to “farsickness.” It’s used to describe the feeling of longing or nostalgia for a place you’ve never been. That what it’s like being here. It’s new and alien and strange, of course: I don't speak the language, I have no idea where I'm going, and I’ve gotta do math to pay for anything. Still, it calls to me in a way most places don’t. My entire cultural identity is New Yorker first, anything (and everything) else second. I’ve got Black, Irish, Native American, and Ashkenazi Jewish roots, so being “mostly Italian” is a label that’s never felt accurate. So it seems somewhat odd to feel such a connection to this place. But, I suppose, as they say, “blood will out.” It calls me to the sea. It calls me—perhaps—home. I think I'll stay a while. taken in Vouliagméni, Greece by @johnromaniello
75
5 years ago
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Some years ago, a friend of mine had a terrible falling out with his business partner. I knew the partner fairly well, and though we had no issue, he was never really someone to whom I felt a connection. My friend, on the other hand, was like a brother. He was also incredibly high-minded and level-headed; he insisted issues were between the two of them; that he didn’t expect me to shift or end my relationship with his former partner. At this point in my life I was new to my self-work, and actively detaching from a number of old habits, patterns, and beliefs. One of those was blind loyalty. I wanted to replace it with pure objectivity. This dovetailed nicely with my friend’s assertion that maintaining contact with his former business partner was okay. So, I did. I wanted to be high minded. Evolved. A Bigger Person. I didn’t deepen the relationship, but kept it going. We chatted on social media, got lunch when he was in NYC. And I was always solicitous never to bring the situation up. Overall, the guy was fine. But something about the entire situation sat ill with me. About a year later, my friend and I got coffee. We chatted. But while we normally had an easy time getting deep, things sputtered a bit. That night, I unfriended the former business partner. Made the commitment to simply stop being in contact. I didn’t tell my friend, but it made me feel better to sever a low stakes, low ROI association in [unnecessary, unasked-for] deference to a friendship that meant a lot to me. This was the right call, and I feel silly about not making it earlier. Half a decade later, this came up in conversation, and I thanked my friend for allowing me the space to learn something about myself: for all my devotion, consciousness, communication, and diplomacy, there’s a lot to be said for loyalty. Sure, sure: it’s circumstantial and there’s nuance and all the other shit. But it’s also simpler. I don’t have the wherewithal to navigate the vagaries of maintaining tangential relationships just to be evolved. Turns out that, given the need, I just like picking a side. I’m old fashioned, and it makes me feel good. This is good advice, and I suggest you take it. taken in Austin, Texas by @johnromaniello
68
5 years ago
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At the Heart of Anything (and Everything) is a STORY 🚨WORKSHOPS ARE BACK🚨 Great stories do more than entertain or educate: they help us truly understand. The SAME structure governing story forms the framework of the human psyche. Stories are how we’ve evolved to break down, synthesize, and integrate our experience; shaping the lives we live and the world in which we live them. Storytelling is vital to stand out and be successful in a crowded field. It’s not just recounting a series of events. Great storytelling is a process. It’s an art and a science. Done correctly, it’s a kind of magic. When you learn how, you can enthrall, entertain, with stories that move, inspire, create an immediate emotional impact… …connecting you to YOUR people by putting your interests and experiences out into the world in an intelligent and well thought out way. The lesson is this: The alignment between you and your audience must extend beyond offering a solution to their problem. You've got a unique perspective on the world. And that's how you stand out. This has profound application to both coaching and sales. Story structure helps you guide your clients through ANY transformational process. It also allows you to lead prospects through a sales process mirroring their psychological experience. They’re not just buying from you; they’re making the decision to buy into their own potential. Your ability to tell stories doesn’t just determine how effectively you get your message across and build a brand worthy of loyalty; it’s also how you bring in the EXACT right clients—often, without needing to “sell” them. Most importantly, it’s how you empower them. When you tell stories with skill, intentionality, and a well-structured narrative, your audience feels connection and congruence. And they crave more—from you and themselves. Starting in August, I’ll be hosting my deep-diving storytelling workshops in different cities to teach ALL of this. Swipe through to see everything the 1-day workshop covers. And DM for more info on how to attend 📲 taken in Austin, Texas by @johnromaniello
25
5 years ago
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