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steve brown

@juststeve__

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healing is for you
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prolly needed a hug but i moved across the country instead

sometimes i don’t feel like i have much. but today i was reminded what i do have… i still got my hallelujah. turning 31 (yesterday) made me realize that there’s plenty of things that tried to steal that. the shame. the guilt. the pain. the hurt. the anxiety. friendships ending. the “church hurt”. but ive learned how to suffer well. how to suffer w the Lord. lean on him instead of run from him. i’ve learned grace puts you back on the list ppl tried to take you out of, bc God can use anybody broken and flawed.. bc that’s all he’s got. i’ve learned you’re deepest pain is a launching pad for the biggest calling.. & with that being said I MOVED TO DALLAS!!! i’m surrounded by great ppl, amazing friends and back in church!! i’m learning to keep showing up in midst of the unknown bc that’s where the sauce is. frnds i promise you’re already enough.

(imma try to come back and give a lil more this year but no promises) taken in Dallas, Texas by @juststeve__

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8 months ago

big 30 not the lil one.

this year i decided to stay low and let my hard work speak for itself. i stayed low in a lot of different ways. low in friendships. i prayed that prayer “Lord remove ppl who aren’t for me…” i’ve stayed low on social media. it’s always been kinda overwhelming but this year it became overstimulating. my mind, my thoughts, my ways felt like they were being consumed by too many distractions. and i’ve stayed low in prayer. have you ever heard “when u don’t know what else to do, kneel and pray?” or “in every season, stay low…” i’ve been PRAYING! i’ve been healing. i’ve been dealing. i’ve been hurting. i’ve been in hiding. but all things i’ve been abiding. i’ve prayed prayers that have been answered. i’ve also prayed prayers that still haven’t. but prayer isn’t just an ask and receive exchange. it’s quite the opposite. God knows what we need before we ask but he makes us ask so He can remind us that we’re not Him. #Goddid. i’ve learned “don’t forget your song steve, the Fathers listening.” He sees, the doubt. the pain. the confusion. the i give up. the good things. the frustrations. when a friend asked my what i wanted to leave in 29 and bring into my 30s it got me thinking hard. i couldn’t think of anything in the moment that i wanted to leave. this journey has been so hard. but it’s been so beautiful. every turn has been one i never saw coming but that’s what makes it special. learning that a human no, can sometimes be the best yes God could give me. when i finally thought of something i wanted to bring into 30, i wanted bring the love i’ve felt from my ppl. i’m so overwhelmed w emotions. i’m grateful. i’m so full of gratitude. for God bc he kept me. for my parents bc they stayed w me. for my family bc of their prayers covered me. for friends bc they supported me. and even for those who left me bc when you ask for peace, sometimes they come w hard goodbyes. but frnds, whatever God has for you is coming… so start thanking Him neowww.

also this whole weeknd was captured by @jaiepe - that’s a different story of redemption for another day but im grateful taken in Los Angeles, California by @juststeve__

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2 years ago

i’m living proof that the blood still works & enemy doesn’t win.

finna get a lil churchy. on this day last year (feb14) i entered the deepest valley i’ve ever had to walk through. the key word being through… ps 23 says though i walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death… meaning the valleys are real and they will come but that’s not the destination, bc i will fear no evil… why bc he is close beside me. i’ll never forget one of the moments i was goin in for biopsy scared of what the results could be. sitting in the hallway alone w nothing but a whisper left in me. i remembered what my grandma said to me… “ur in Gods waiting room. the best one to be in.” if you’ve ever felt the love of God near u, u know exactly what i’m talking about when i say i felt his gentle arms hold me and comfort me in that moment. y’all i came out a lil bruised but UNTOUCHED. so frnds, idk what valley ur walking through but i hope u know the mountain top isn’t far. keep looking to the hills bc that’s where ur help comes from. i’m not quite at the top of the mountain but the journey has been a continuous scared yes. wut seems like a death sentence can often be the beginning of something special. so, hold on. don’t stop. but also stick around to see what my next scared yes is, got something cookin. taken in Garden of the Gods by @juststeve__

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3 years ago

life happened but i’m okay.

i was reminded today that no matter what it looks like he still makes a way. but what was more profound was him giving me the revelation that i saught first the kingdom of God before the worry. i had to remind my flesh who was in control. who was above all things and that He fights for me and is on my side. before i even spoke a prayer he knew. so instead of asking i just thanked him. but i also wanna thnk you. for every text. comment. call. facetime. dm. hug. & prayer. it has meant more than u know. just show up for ur ppl. frnds——i’m okay bc God is good. by @juststeve__

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3 years ago

hi hello it me. TW.

wow. it’s been a minute i know and so much has happened. i’ve basically been sicker than a dawg for the last year but a lot worse the last month. all i know is that i shouldn’t be here. time and time again God spared me. He’s faithful. if u didn’t know i was in the hospital fighting for my life for the last month. my life verse really became something i clinged to. pls don’t ask me why or what caused it bc the list is long. i’ve lost 20 pounds. my arms are scarred for all the blood they took. i lost my mobility. i felt what it was like not to breathe on ur own or be able to feed urself without a tube doin it for u. i got super lonely. i felt so far from the Lord but also the nearest of His glory. in every CT biopsy MRI or surgery i knew he was there but sometimes so quiet. i believe he was testing my trust. i just would pray heaven down and offer my life to him. i would sing pray and worship over myself while i was bein transferred. i just remember when i scared i would barrow the faith of my grandma. she taught me to pray like a mighty man of valor. but my parents carried me through it all. held my hand while i cried, encouraged me, bought my fav foods, stayed the night w me and never let me quit. so fast forward to now. i moved back home to st. louis. a very bittersweet feeling. i had to leave a city i’ve grown to love and know for the last almost 5 years. the friends the family the churches the food. for now i have the memories and that’ll have to do. frnds. i’m thnkful to still be here. “your pain is powerful, don’t waste it - honor it.” so don’t take ur life for granted & don’t waste it. u have a story to tell. thnks for listening to mine. last pic for an lol 🥴😂 by @juststeve__

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4 years ago

to my frnds

to my friends who i’m close with & on the interwebs- i’m sorry. i’m sorry i haven’t been able to be there for you. i’m sorry i haven’t had the mental compsity to talk. i’m sorry i haven’t had the mental space to let you in (believe me i want to) but i’m not sorry for taking time to step back & being there for me. ive felt a lot. i lost my creative drive. i cried a lot. i felt like i lost myself a lot of days & nights. i processed while walking alot (shoutout to all my ft frnds who listen to be verbally process this hurt y’all are day 1’s) i was in my head a lot. i failed more times than i would like to admit. i actually didn’t to listen to music at all really. worship was hard to do some days. but i’ve found so much beauty in this process tho. i found healing in saying i’m struggling. it was healing to tell other ppl what was actually happening in my heart. let ppl in on ur pain. i got to sit across the table from ppl and hear their hearts. hear their pain. if ur hurting sit across the table from someone and ask them questions u wish ppl asked you. there’s healing in knowing ur not in it alone. im learning how to show up for myself on the easy & not so easy days. i’ve learned vulnerability breeds breakthrough. i’ve got so much work to do & a lot of walls to kick down but i’m also learning to give myself some grace. frnds don’t forget ur human too. taken in Joshua Tree, California by @juststeve__

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5 years ago

navigating grief and joy

is it possible to have one and still be weighed down by the other? i believe so. feelings are fleeting. happiness is fleeting. but joy comes every morning & it’s a choice. grief is tricky. sometimes it hits u outta nowhere. it’s different for everyone but something i believe is the same, is that it tells lies that God never intended us to believe. the lie that it’ll never get better. believe me in the middle, in the thick of it, in the chaos of it it doesn’t look like it gets better. getting outta bed is a chore some days. in those moments i remember wut my grandma tells me, that the devil can’t steal what wasn’t his to begin with. my joy. so, take ur thoughts captive. tell ur feelings where to go. i’m not saying never be a sad boy/girl bc i’ve been told i’m a constant sad boy but that’s bc when i say my story is not my own, i mean it. i live my life knowing the things i go through are ultimately a gift. God chose me to take that pain & trust him to make something beautiful w it. to rebuild beautiful. it’s beautiful to sit in ur pain & not have a clue how ur gonna make it out but somehow know He’s gonna turn all things around for his glory and ur good. but it’s also a beautiful thing to laugh, to go enjoy ur friends, to do something for urself. it’s mental health awareness month so i hopped back on to say ur not alone. i’m learning to let ppl carry me, u should too. frnds, be a safe space for ppl. taken in Atlanta, Georgia by @juststeve__

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5 years ago

26.

i want to love better. i want to serve more. i want Jesus to be at the center of it all. i want to walk confidently in the story he’s writing me. 25 taught me a lot. i looked at my journal from over the year and the word tired showed up 23 different times. that tells me a couple of things. 25 taught me that if i just showed up to the battle field he would win the war. it also taught me how to fight but not just to feel better but to live another day. it taught me that i am a fighter. we’re all scarred, i’m learning how to not let the scars define me but instead create a safe space for others to say me too. 26 is weird but if i learned anything last year, i learned that life is a gift. everyday i get out of bed i have to thnk God bc some ppl who look like me didn’t make it out of theirs. i learned moving to atlanta was the best thing i could’ve done for myself. it’s given joy i didn’t know was possible w ppl that i could’ve never imagined. im learning how to trust again. i’m learning to not always carry but allow others to carry me. it’s uncomfortable for me to let others take care of me even on days like today but i’m thnkful to have ppl around that want to. to the ones who’ve stuck around when i gave plenty of reasons not to, it’s a forever thing. friends, be proud of how hard ur trying.
📸: @ulisesgonzal.ez bruh u snapped 😤 taken in Atlanta, Georgia by @juststeve__

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6 years ago

𝔯𝔢𝔦𝔤𝔫𝔦𝔱𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔣𝔦𝔯𝔢

those lyrics were on repeat over my heart before i went to bed one night. i felt the lord asking me to reignite the fire that i once burned for. this summer left me hurt for a lot of reasons. it left me confused & wondering where he was in the midst of all the chaos. i didn’t understand it. but he reminded of the verse to lean not on my own understanding and to trust him. truthfully that lasted a week, then i was upset and hurt again. i found resting uncomfortable. i became mentally exhausted, sleep deprived, and sad. but those lyrics didn’t stop repeating. i desperately wanted to dwell w the father. he created moments for me & him in the secret place. he led me to ppl who needed help getting out of their own hurt. i found myself on my knees as @karijobe sang “ur love is wild for me” over & over then to go on and say “im gonna sing it again bc someone feels they are too far gone so i’m gonna sing it til u believe it.” while i was bawling i realized i wasn’t alone, opening my eyes and seeing a parking lot full of ppl asking the Lord to reignite their fire. friends, ur not too far gone, ur mess isn’t too messy. let it hurt. then let it go. even the darkest days dont last. i haven’t arrived yet but i’m so thnkful that he’s faithful.
📸: @emmahearnn

#restore #worship #freedom #newseason #breakthrough #abide #increase #dicipline #glorygang #misfit #influencer #byefelicia #vsco #vscocam #vscoedit #vscofilter #menstreetstyle #mensfashion #menstyle #malemodel #malefashion #fashion #ootdfashion #ubranoutfitters #hm #menswear #mensweardaily #menstyleguide #menstagram taken in Atlanta, Georgia by @juststeve__

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6 years ago

𝔥𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔶 𝔞𝔣𝔣𝔢𝔠𝔱𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔢𝔫𝔱 - @lecrae
these faces went from this to that (swipe) real quick when we walked into target and immediately got profiled. y’all remember that? these are the ppl i did a lot of life w before i moved to atl. we were all that we had. we served on leadership at church together. we had to learn to stick together. we weren’t perfect, our friendship drifted at times but we all knew each other’s pain. we were all the token black leaders in our communities. it came w it’s weight. i sometimes felt like i had to measure up. but that didn’t start in my twenties. it goes back when i decided to break the mold & become a black cowboy at 5. still to this day i get the stares or “i would never have thought you could do that?” why bc i’m black? i was the first black trick rider at a company i worked for. & even after earning what i thought was respect from a company i got told i wasn’t good enough. my hair was too kinky. i was told to cut it bc excuse my language “that shit is nappy” i watched white customers go pet my coworkers horses and autographs and skip me and go to the literal next horse. i questioned if i did something wrong or if i wasn’t a good enough performer but later realized it was my skin color. i got told that my bus was ready to be boarded in high school one day when we let out early bc she thought i lived in the inner city when i actually lived down the street. so i happily told her this “county brownie” (what white ppl called the black kids who lived in the county) has a car and lives in ballwin. i was followed out of grocery store in a small country town bc i had my hands in my pockets. little did he know i was an ambassador for the college in that town. but that didn’t matter bc all he saw was my skin. for some reason my skin offends. but i’m learning my skin is powerful. it threatens ppl bc it has so much to offer. let this awakening be ur hearts mission, not mission trip. don’t leave the march’s, rallies, & protest w ur pictures signs and bullhorns & come back to reality and not use ur voice irl. call out sin when it marginalizes ppl. friends, happy #blm. if u don’t know wut it is, wifi & google is free. 🖤 taken in Springfield, Missouri by @juststeve__

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6 years ago

𝔮𝔲𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔢𝔡 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔭𝔢𝔞𝔠𝔢 // here’s the thing. i’ve found myself saying i’m actually doing pretty well on ig lives & ft w friends and while on the outside i convinced myself that that was my truth. i think somewhere in my heart i was dealing w fear of the future. i’ve just kept my mind busy just enough not to have to deal w it. but the questions ; how long? when would i get to see my friends closer than 6 ft apart? when will i get to worship w my church family again? when will ppl stop looking at me bc too close to my roommates on walks? when would i get to celebrate all my friends in their next season of life? wut would my new house routines look like if i didn’t have to be home rn. i wonder how all my friends at work are doin. even thoughts of comparison would flood my heart & i would begin to question my calling every once in a while. i’m sure you’ve heard a lot of talks, sermons, and messages titled “faith over fear...” but i wanna challenge ur thinking. change ur perspective. maybe see this time as a time in ur prison. not knowing when u will get out but knowing when u get out u could be a totally new person. everyday is a choice to walk towards growth. walk towards freedom. having to be 6 or more ft apart from the ppl & things that matter the most is so hard. but friends this isn’t a death sentence. come out knowing u did everything u could to find peace. it’s not a thing. it’s a person. JESUS. 📸: @cadzn taken in Atlanta, Georgia by @juststeve__

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7 years ago

𝔣𝔩𝔞𝔴𝔢𝔡 𝔶𝔢𝔱 𝔤𝔦𝔣𝔱𝔢𝔡 // 𝔩𝔢𝔱𝔰 𝔯𝔢𝔪𝔢𝔪𝔟𝔢𝔯 !!! i saw @maithudson do this & it got me thinking about how i could encourage some friends in my circle to see themselves in a different light. so i told them the goal for our shoot that weekend was to come up w three words that they felt God has gifted them to be. it was hard. but i think it’s so necessary!

honestly i wasn’t always these things. but i wanted us to remember that we are flawed yet gifted. i’ll tell u why.
loyalty was never something i had to really learn bc i didn’t have anyone to be loyal to growing up. hello only child syndrome. i know i don’t have siblings but i knew the Lord called me to stick closer than a brother to the ones he’s given me throughout life.
intentionality was something i learned a ton about last year when i decided to be super intentional w every relationship the Lord put before me. i turned on my read receipts, started using ft more, & started askin friends how i could pray for them. we all long for ppl. for community. for intentional moments w friends. it led to some hurt but it showed me how to love well. if ur looking for community i dare u to be more intentional w the ones around u rn.
joy was/is something i don’t see in myself. it wasn’t until friends had to call it out of me. yes i am laughing a lot. but i laugh to keep from crying. but laughter is a gift from the Lord so i choose to do it in the midst of my pain. joy isn’t a feeling so to live in that constantly is nothing but God working in me. i am joyful bc i know he’s done it before & he’ll do it again. we are called to be a light on a hill. joy is a choice and as my bishop brother @noahherrin & sis @maddyherrinthings tells us “choose joy”
friends, let’s remember the gifting the Lord has given us. let’s challenge ourselves to honor and steward them well. i challenge u to ask ur friends wut three things they feel like the Lord has gifted them w & go write them down! start the conversation, be apart of it. 📸: @jaiepe #letsremember taken in Nashville, Tennessee by @juststeve__

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7 years ago