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Karolina Hood

@karolinahood

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Rebuilding my life after losing my daughter🤍
Country soul. Finding joy in little things.
🤍N🪽🌸

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I’m sharing this because there might be another mum or dad out there searching for support, just like we were. 💛

On 8 September, just 11 days before the first anniversary of Natalia’s death, I found myself desperately searching for stories from parents who had lost a child, especially their only child.

Martin and I had been looking for support groups, but somehow we couldn’t find what we needed.

I asked ChatGPT to help me look, and that’s how I discovered @thecompassionatefriendsuk and a few podcasts where bereaved parents were sharing their experiences.

I remember feeling relief almost immediately. Nothing had changed. Natalia was still gone, and I was still facing the same days without her. But hearing other parents speak about things I recognised made me feel less alone.

There were others feeling the same as me! And what I was feeling was normal.

I’ve now booked a retreat 7-8 November, specifically for parents who have lost their only child or all of their children.

But something happened this morning.

I was looking through old emails and discovered that Lifelink had actually sent us a list of bereavement charities in those early days. The Compassionate Friends was on that list 😳

We had the information all along.

At first I felt really sad. I could have found them earlier.

But then I thought about those first months after losing Natalia. We were so overwhelmed, trying to comprehend what had happened. There is more to this.

Perhaps we simply weren’t able to take it all in.

And that’s another thing I’ve learned about grief. Sometimes information is given to us when we’re not in a position to do anything with it.

So if you’ve lost someone and were given information about support in those early days, perhaps it’s worth looking at it again.

And if you’re a bereaved parent searching for someone who understands, have a look at @thecompassionatefriendsuk

I’m glad I found them, even if it took me a year. 💛

#bereavedmother #bereavedparents #supportgroups #childloss #childlossawareness onlychild grief support peer support taken in South Lanarkshire by @karolinahood

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8 days ago

Today is a World Smile Day.
I took the dogs out this morning, jumped back into the ranger and suddenly a random memory of me and Natalia listening to classical music in the car popped into my head.
We used to turn the volume right up, put classical music on and pretend we were playing the instruments. One of us would be conducting and the other playing the violin. We used to find it very funny and we used to annoy @martinhood248 with it.

So when that memory came back this morning, I put Classic FM on. It brought a lot of tears. But also a tiny smile. Sad tears and a smile together. Such a strange combination.
Natalia could actually do that when she was little. She could cry and smile at the same time, especially when she wanted something 🥹 I can still see her little face doing it.
And then, while I was listening and going back to these moments, they said on the radio that today is World Smile Day.

Ok, i thought, I would like to share that little memory of mine on this day.

If you are also going through a difficult time, the tiniest of smiles also counts.
Even if it comes with tears. 💛

..just keep going another day..

#worldsmileday #bereavedmother #loss #keepgoinganotherday #daughter memory taken in South Lanarkshire by @karolinahood

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17 days ago

This was supposed to help us decide whether we actually want alpacas at Glebe…😂

Today ma and Martin went to East Yetts Alpacas nearby because we thought it would be sensible to actually spend some time with alpacas before deciding whether we want them at Glebe.

Very responsible of us.

It was pouring.

We were standing in a field, soaked through, surrounded by these beautiful black faces and feeding them carrots.

Apparently sharing a carrot mouth to mouth was a perfectly normal thing to do. 😂
And then I even got a kiss afterwards. Without the carrot. 😍

That was the moment our sensible research trip stopped being research.

Sold. 😀 They were lovely.

We’ve been thinking, it would be lovely to add a few new personalities to Glebe.
A few new personalities.
A few new routines.
A few new relationships.
And probably a lot more of those ridiculous little moments that somehow become part of everyday life.

And somewhere between the rain, the carrots and the alpaca kisses, a plan started forming for how we could make a little home at Glebe for these curious, slightly cheeky, VERY interested in whoever is holding the carrots fluffy creatures. 😂

Basically creating considerably more work for ourselves and calling it country life.

Natalia would’ve loved it so I have a feeling this particular Glebe idea was probably inevitable. 💛🦙

Operation “Field Prep” starts now.

#countrylife #lifeatglebe #griefandlife #scottishcountryside #smallholdinglife taken in South Lanarkshire by @karolinahood

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2 months ago

Yesterday wasn’t a happy anniversary. But it was a meaningful one.
Yesterday marked ten years since we got married.

If someone had told us what life would ask of us, I don’t think either of us would have believed it.

This past year has tested us in many ways I never knew were possible.

There were days when I wasn’t sure how I would get through another hour, never mind another day. Martin was always by my side.
He’s been my rock when I’ve fallen apart, my safe place when the world stopped making sense.
He held me up when I couldn’t stand on my own. He sat with me in the silence, let me cry, carried more than anyone should ever have to carry, and loved me even when I felt completely lost.
I hope I say it often enough, that I love him with all my heart.

Yesterday we celebrated quietly. No big plans, just gratitude.
Grief showed up too, uninvited, as it often does. But we still went out for a quiet meal together and took a moment to celebrate us.

I’m so grateful I don’t have to walk this road alone.
Love you 💛

#anniversarry #lifeafterloss #grief #gratitude #love by @karolinahood

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3 months ago

Every evening ends the same way.

Close the run.
Count every chicken.
Wait until they’re all safely tucked in for the night.
I never thought this little routine would become so important.
It’s funny how sometimes the smallest responsibilities can keep you moving, even when you think you can’t.

Some days, counting chickens is just counting chickens.
And Some days, it’s much more than that.

#keepgoing #lifeafterloss #grief #countrylife #littlemoments taken in Scotland, UK by @karolinahood

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3 months ago

Nothing Ends ….

(💛🌸) by @karolinahood

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3 months ago

The last few days felt heavier again.

I noticed that when I cannot think my way through a feeling, sometimes I need to stop thinking altogether.
So I go outside.

I sit somewhere quite, I close my eyes, I feel the sun on my face, the wind brushing against my skin, and listen to whatever is happening around me.

It doesn’t take the grief away.
It does not suddenly make everything okay.

But for a few minutes, I am not trying to understand it, solve it or force myself to feel better.
For a moment it quiets the mind a little.

I am simply here. Present.
Not in the past and not in the future.

I am still learning what helps on the heavier days. This is one of the small things that sometimes does. 💛

What helps you when your mind feels too heavy?

#survivingloss #life #journey #refelctions #breath grief taken in South Lanarkshire by @karolinahood

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3 months ago

Some days grief makes even simple decisions feel difficult.

Running a business does not stop because my mind feels foggy, my eyes are tearing or my heart feels heavy, so I am trying to create something I can lean on when I cannot rely on energy, motivation or clear thinking.

A simple, step by step plan, (I’ll share it with you even if you don’t want to know 😂) because I don’t think my reality is going to change any time soon.

For CBI, that currently includes:

• the final customer journey and design fee process
• the exact order of implementation
• website corrections and a new page structure
• a complete project enquiry form
• automatic emails, telephone scripts and appointment messages
• two upgraded welcome packs
• a minimum studio improvement plan
• clear responsibilities for me, Martin, Laurie and outside specialists
• a 14 day action plan, including five minute tasks for difficult grief days
• a ready to send website developer brief
• a weekly control sheet

I am not creating all of this because I have everything together.
I am creating it because most of days I don’t.
I am learning that structure can be a form of great support and I hope by following the plan I can accomplish this, one by one while honouring my bad days.

It doesn’t remove the grief, but it gives me something steady to hold onto when everything inside me feels uncertain.

#grief #stillcaring #life #honest #healing doingmybest taken in South Lanarkshire by @karolinahood

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3 months ago

I went for a solo bike ride through the Pentland Hills yesterday.
First ride in a year…

It was bright, open and beautiful, yet somehow I took a few black and white pictures and these were the pictures I felt drawn to.
Maybe because they matched something in me on that day.
The ride felt uncomfortable in places, but also a bit freeing. Almost exciting.
I am beginning to realise that discovering who you really are does not always feel peaceful. Sometimes it feels unfamiliar. Sometimes a little unsettling.
I am thinking now, that finding yourself is not about becoming someone new.
Maybe it is about slowly returning to who you were before the world told you who to be.

#pentlandhills #solobikeride #cyclinginscotland #scottishoutdoors womenwhocycle findingmyself selfdiscovery healingjourney griefandgrowth quietmoments naturetherapy comingbacktomyself taken in South Lanarkshire by @karolinahood

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3 months ago

This is one piece of what I do.

A few of my recent creations 🍒🌸

@cherry_blossom_interiors

You can let me know what you think 🙂

#this #is #one #part #ofme taken in Cherry Blossom Interiors Ltd by @karolinahood

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4 months ago

Beautiful moss pictures I took this morning

…and some lessons I am learning along the way…
they “should” feel easy , but they constantly prove much harder to follow
does anyone else feels that way?

Beautiful moss photos I took this morning… 🌿

#life #afterloss #healing #nature #moss by @karolinahood

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4 months ago

I spotted this tiny nest completely by accident. A few beautiful eggs, hidden so perfectly.

I filmed for just a moment, then quietly walked away.

Omg so special 😍☺️🐦🪺

#nature #healinginnature #grief #littlemoments #lifeafterloss by @karolinahood

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4 months ago