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@keemleaf

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@moonworkarchive
@moocheado
Based in Vancouver 🇨🇦

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I realized that subtle anxieties had built up, pressing down on me until I could barely breathe. There is always something uncomfortable about living in a foreign country as a foreigner. Like a puzzle with its pieces forced into place, everything feels subtly misaligned. This place is free of the things I disliked about home, but it is also missing the things I loved. The ground beneath my feet is shifting. As though I’ve been dropped somewhere and left to drift and drift. It feels like I’m being pushed out. It’s time to redraw my life. But I don’t have the energy. I can’t take a full breath. Everything grates on me. Everything feels rough. The beginning of burnout.

On Monday, I couldn’t bring myself to go to work, so I took the day off and lay in the sun. My arms slowly took on the colour of wood. I liked the feeling of becoming a plant.

After answering fifty questions from ChatGPT about Seoul and Vancouver, I came to this conclusion: Seoul makes me bigger but burns me out; Vancouver makes me feel smaller but lets me keep making. And Vancouver gives me room to recover.

But my visa expires early next July, and immigration has become harder. What I want is a home to return to and the freedom to leave when I choose. A life where having somewhere to return to allows me to venture into the unknown. If possible, I want Vancouver to be that base, but maybe the right place is neither Seoul nor Vancouver. This time next year, where will my feet be planted?

미세한 불안들이 쌓여, 숨 막히게 나를 짓누르고 있다는 것을 자각했다. 외국에서 외국인으로 사는 일은 꼭 어딘가 불편한 데가 있다. 억지로 끼워 맞춘 퍼즐처럼 미묘하게 어긋난다. 이곳에는 내가 살던 나라의 단점이 없지만, 내가 살던 나라의 장점도 없다. 내 발을 딛고 선 땅이 흔들리는 기분. 어딘가로 툭 떨어져 둥둥 둥둥 떠다니는 기분. 이 나라가 나를 밀어내는 것 같아. 내 삶을 다시 그려야 할 시점이다. 그런데 그럴 에너지가 없다. 숨이 잘 쉬어지지 않는다. 모든 것이 거슬리고 거칠거칠하다. 번아웃 초입이다.

월요일에는 도저히 출근할 수 없어서 휴가를 내고 태양 아래 누워 있었다. 팔이 조금씩 나무의 색을 닮아갔다. 식물이 되어가는 기분이 좋았다. 오후엔 지피티가 만든 50개의 질문에 답하며 서울과 밴쿠버를 비교했다. 결론은 이랬다. 서울은 나를 크게 만들지만 소진시키고, 밴쿠버는 나를 작게 느끼게 하지만 오래 만들 수 있게 한다. 그리고 밴쿠버에는 회복할 여건이 있다.

하지만 비자는 내년 7월 초에 만료되고, 이민은 더 어려워졌다. 내가 원하는 것은 돌아올 수 있는 집과 원할 때 떠날 수 있는 자유. 돌아갈 곳이 있기에 미지로 나아갈 수 있는 삶. 가능하다면 그 베이스가 밴쿠버였으면 좋겠는데, 어쩌면 내게 가장 잘 맞는 곳은 서울도 밴쿠버도 아닌 곳일 수도 있다. 내년 이맘때의 나는 어디에 발을 딛고 있을까. by @keemleaf

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3 days ago

@arg0naut by @keemleaf

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25 days ago

@arg0naut by @keemleaf

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a month ago

내 최애 음식인 회와 청하 한 병, 이상하고 사랑스러운 친구들과 주고받는 이상하고 사랑스러운 헛소리, 내가 어떤 인간인지 아는 사람들 앞에서 한층 농익은 건조한 변태력을 뽐내고, 내가 좋아하는 작가의 소설 속 한국어 문장들을 새겨 읽고, 언어와 비언어에 대해 생각하고, 많이 걷고 많이 웃는 날들.

My favorite food, sashimi, and a bottle of Cheongha. Exchanging strange and lovely nonsense with strange and lovely friends. Showing off a more matured version of my dry weirdness in front of people who know what kind of person I am. Slowly savoring Korean sentences from novels by writers I love. Thinking about language and non-language. Days spent walking a lot and laughing a lot. by @keemleaf

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a month ago

볼살이 조금 빠졌다. 웃을 때 눈가의 주름은 더 많아졌고, 선크림을 잘 안 발랐더니 눈 밑에 옅은 주근깨가 생겼다. 팔자주름은 깊어졌고, 새로운 점들이 생겼다. 오래된 점이 가장 크고, 가장 나중에 생긴 점이 가장 작다. 턱에 있는 점이 막내다. 많이 웃고, 많이 울었다. 얼굴을 구기고, 활짝 폈다. 이야기가 있는 얼굴이 되어간다.

I've lost a little fullness in my cheeks. The lines around my eyes have deepened from years of smiling, and a few faint freckles have appeared beneath them from not being diligent enough with sunscreen. My smile lines have grown more noticeable, too. New moles keep appearing. The oldest one is the biggest, and the newest is the smallest. The one on my chin is the youngest.
I've laughed a lot. I've cried a lot. I've scrunched up my face and stretched it wide with joy. My face is becoming a face with stories. by @keemleaf

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2 months ago

이번에 한국에서 머무는 동안, 기회가 된다면 오랜만에 모델로서 재밌는 작업에 참여하고 싶습니다. 사진, 영상, 개인 작업, 상업 촬영 뭐든 좋아요. 그래도 한국에 가는 가장 큰 이유는 친구들, 가족들과 시간을 보내는 것이라 모든 작업에 참여할 수는 없겠지만, 결이 맞고 흥미로운 제안이 있다면 즐겁게 참여하고 싶습니다. 저는 6월 8일부터 29일까지, 3주 동안 한국에 있습니다. 편하게 연락 주세요! by @keemleaf

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2 months ago

Photos for Soomin and Jason,

나의 밴쿠버 가족 수민과 세직을 위한 웨딩 사진. 언젠가 누군가의 웨딩 사진을 찍고 싶다고 생각 했었는데, 그게 두 사람이라 더 의미있는 시간이었다. taken in Vancouver, BC by @keemleaf

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2 months ago

Photos for Soomin and Jason,

나의 밴쿠버 가족 수민과 세직을 위한 웨딩 사진. 언젠가 누군가의 웨딩 사진을 찍고 싶다고 생각 했었는데, 그게 두 사람이라 더 의미있는 시간이었다. taken in Vancouver, BC by @keemleaf

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2 months ago

Costume Design for “Please Let Go”

✷ PLAYWRIGHTS & DIRECTOR
Breece Park (@breecepark)
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✷ CAST
Wooah Wi / Person 1 (@wiwooah)
Rhonda Dent / Person 2 (@rhondapaigedent)
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✷ CREATIVE TEAM
Producer Dani Kim (@offtomemphis)
Choreographer Arisa Nagayama (@arisa.na.0314)
Acting & Performance Advisor Ryo Mishima (@ryomishima1991)
Lighting Design Arisa Nagayama (@arisa.na.0314)
Sound Design / Composer Jiwon Ko (@zi_0neee_)
Costume Design Moonsoo Kim (@keemleaf)
Videographer Junho Ahn (@junhoahn_)
Sound Mixer Odin Chang (@ordinaryodin)
Translation Support (KOR to ENG) Chelsea Mo (@muaeggynails)
Makeup Artist Chelle Lussi (@ch00si)
Technical Supervisor Brianna Bernard (briie.b) by @keemleaf

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2 months ago

by @keemleaf

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3 months ago

Patrick Watson by @keemleaf

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3 months ago

by @keemleaf

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3 months ago