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keepingitssurreal

@keepingitssurreal

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angelic report / case study of a living girl

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full of wonder full of interests distracted by shiny things distracted by whims. i don’t know what im doing

but isn’t it strange? isn’t it beautiful? the way way it moves you, some minor thing? isn’t that everything worth anything? by @keepingitssurreal

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10 days ago

Amo mi puta vida holy shit being busy in meaningful ways Will fix you by @keepingitssurreal

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11 days ago

i am back in my little rooooom
for only the next two weeks before i leave it
and i keep thinking about how i am so canonically in my 20s
making the future happen without even realizing it
even though it’s all i think about.

it’s funny, really
how arbitrarily important it is:
the panic
the flailing of the hands.

missing a flight for the first time with a piece of your life lugged over your shoulder. sighing: defeat & relief lying in the same breath
you remember again again, something about wisdom , something you wrote to yourself in that letter you’ll get in the mail next summer taken in poblenou, Pueblonuevo... BARCELONA by @keepingitssurreal

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16 days ago

nothing quite like a wave of serendipity to wash over a week of grieffffff

little joys are my relief: peach iced tea, mouthing lyrics out loud on the street. or just singing nonsense to myself. shakshoukah and sex for breakfast. sunshine and stretching
speculating with joe on the staircase seat at the bar, befriending the waiter.
having a peach burrata sandwich and a donut and a long walk and some hot fun!
finding this bible pushing positivity pamphlet that actually spoke to me, deeply, in a way i didnt except. ending up with a new pair of sunnies because of an intuition that i’d find them

thank you London thank you Weekend

the tears stream when they need to but so does the lucky streak ! taken in London, United Kingdom by @keepingitssurreal

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21 days ago

haunted by all the same old things & contrary to my own self image i must remember that i am not a monolith of gratitude and healing and wellbeing. not every thought needs to be optimized or every reaction perfectly emotionally measured

actually, i am just this very sensitive person. who is often scared. who can be self critical. who was a child once, and innocent. and despite having since become better at regulating by the brute force of the worlds indifference, is still managing all these lived truths in their multiplicity: solitude and its sole responsibility, love and loss and the existential relief and retroactive grief of it

and as an adult now i am still often sad. i accept that, and i can, without turning it into crisis. i can narrativize, as i like to, while feeling both damnation and agency in it.

last night, i walked the whole way home crying and repeating the same phrase to myself over and over again until i felt sick of the sound of my own voice. tears streaming, catching in the street light and in a strangers eyeline.

i was almost outside of myself in that moment, knowing that this was a sentiment that if i did not let surface, i am sure would be fatal. my momentary melodrama is, always has been, a small gesture toward relieving myself of my grand scale stuckness on the subject. on the thing i was addressing when i said that: how could you do this to me how could you do this to me how could you

and just hours before, i was clicking my heels down the street, chatting boisterously on the phone with a friend, feeling sexy in the stride of my legs and my outfit. almost as if i was at the pinnacle of carelessness, grace unstrained and liberated. forgetful in the best way. an indulgence i can afford relative to my tendency for rumination

& that is how i wander through every day. oscillating. praying to see you again one day and say it to your face by @keepingitssurreal

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23 days ago

languid perfect presence

a week of sleeping in & carb loading, getting into arguments and feeling sharp and articulate. big t shirt and princess dress chilling

i am doing so well…and i like my life so much… i don’t want it to change…and it will, soon. in a way that is still pretty much unwritten.

weirdly, i am not wary of it— the uncertainty of my material circumstances. which is a very evident change from my disposition from even a year ago when this was happening, or the year before that when i didn’t know what country i would end up living in, either. lol

what i know is i love this window in my room. i love keeping it wide open on a summer night and letting the warm air in. i love my neighborhood. i love going to yoga at Mandiram every tuesday. i love the person this city has turned me into

and that is all i ever wanted:
a life that i love.

…which means to be someone who creates the conditions for it exist—amid my ever-changing particularities. doing the necessary maintenance and interrogation.

it entails a lot; this sort evaluation is what i dedicate most of my days to.

at its best, it is my means of appreciation.

of course, dissatisfaction weaves itself in, among other things, but i want to live more than i fear the discomfort i know comes with considering the weight of it.

and every time i recede with hopelessness i always swell again with more faith than ever. every time that i am better than ever, it is the best i have ever been up until that given moment

this is truly my notion of success, my secret simple pleasure:

living & dying one day without needing much to show for, because the present ephemeral is just so great

you see, there is residual impact in living well.

it is inspiration and empowerment to others,
instilling a sense of belief in someone else by embodying it yourself

i know that because others do it for me all the time, and if i am to forgo the feigning of humility (which is unfitting of me, anyway) i will admit that i see in peoples faces when they meet me, too

i think being a person is all about who you are *to* yourself but *for* other people.

silly to think they are mutually exclusive
limiting, really by @keepingitssurreal

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a month ago

eating well is living well. be decadent, my friends 🫦

1. crushed ice in my cup. fresh squeezed lemon. patatas gruesas & a new book
2. strawberry tiramisu that my roommate made. ate it while we watched Marty Supreme
3. dinner on the terrace with @lauramattsons : everything salad. vermut with olives and orange. smashed potatoes over a yogurt and feta dip…. literally my go to summer dish
4. chocolate chip and cherry pancakes with almond butter. no protein or anything weird like that. just pure indulgence
5. spinach and marinated chicken quesadilla with tzatziki. i invented this… just trust me… you can throw a handful of spinach into anything
6. the best raspberries i ever had… imported from portugal? and black truffle chips
7-8. i NEVER play around about my ramen. sautéed pak choi on deck, chicken kaarage from Dayday
9. an array of beverages. and an accompanying digestive cigarette

not included but also loving:
- the iced Freddo cappuccino Hannah and I got from the Greek Bakery on my street 3 days in a row after Primavera
- breakfast burritos
- honey and salted almond milk chocolate
- been craving a Costco hot dog so fucking bad…

living is so delicious

#tehacebien #Taurusthings by @keepingitssurreal

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a month ago

just a complete jungle gym adult playground where you feel half free and half like a herd of sheep. laughing and dancing in the rain. skipping through crowds, always within earshot of a dozen+ stages.

people breaking rules, arguing with staff standing at gates telling them they can’t pass. stunted by arbitrary impositions of order, disputing their way through it, meanwhile others just sneak through

i’m waiting in line to get into the warehouse, aching all the way from my calves to the bottom of my feet. there is an empty golf cart that i am not “allowed” to take a seat on under suspicion i might steal it. hahaha

but how quickly the curtain falls when you initiate ! i gave the woman checking by bag at security a cherry cigarette. saw a group of dudes buy shots for all the bar staff so they could take them together. made sure to always greet the guy guarding the Press Lounge

i was kind of disheartened, at points, by all of the haste and rudeness and honestly, misery, that i witnessed. but i was also so illuminated by the collective joy, the knowing gaze of strangers who watched me wander around all alone with huge pupils, the serendipity of running into friends amongst crowds of thousands

music festivals are their own funny little society…

next week i’ll be off grid volunteering at Waking Life. essentially going from one of the most commercial festivals there is to one of the least. i’m interested to live the difference ! taken in Primavera Sound by @keepingitssurreal

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2 months ago

just another wonderful summer day!!!!

i clicked around the city in kitten heels and then forgot myself so hard in yoga. got silly and ate a cannoli. sniffed a mimosa tree. went shopping for festival outfits and then slept over at vivian’s house. made her middle aged boyfriend play Professor Purse as we traded weed stories and laughed until our stomach hurt…

i had purchased a lemonade early from a super kind lady who called me Cariño and now i am going to bed with warm skin having just made a list of things for which i am grateful

#yeetsummer #yeetthathoe by @keepingitssurreal

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2 months ago

Barcelonamaxxing
# beachmaxxing
highheelmaxxing
# fruitmaxxing
friendshipmaxxing
healthymealmaxxing
#meditationmaxxing
# dancemaxxing
tanmaxxing
younghoemaxxing
# poetrymaxxing
hangmanmaxxing
metrocardmaxxing
chewinggumaxxing
sunshinemaxxing

SUMMER IS HERE !!!!! 🌺✨ by @keepingitssurreal

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2 months ago

morocco has been many things:
varied terrains, being mildly accosted by men every day, kitties, good eats, long car rides, colors that are so striking it seems i’ve never seen them before, teas that vary in sweetness, turning 23 and trying not to make a big deal of it

lazing around riad balconies, painting naked under my towel while hovering over beautiful sinks, reading to accumulate a notion of my interests and their intersections, vetting for good resteraunts, and varying in my capacity to be friendly with the local vendors, which usually ropes me in to some sort of flirtatious exchange. i am also trying (not that hard, honestly. and subsequently failing) not to become the petulant and irritable child i can be when i spend a lot of time with my mother. but no one knows my shadow better, and she knows i know hers, so we forgive each other.

still, i am really not one to travel for tourism’s sake… and i don’t think i will again for a while. in the practical dimension, speed running the length of a country is honestly quite exhausting. and in the ethical dimension there are a lot of Weirds to name. i am writing about it in other ways so i wont say much more

but every landing pad i’ve found has been my saving grace, and it is there that i remember there is always a place for me.

that said, there is an immense amount of inspiration in these cities, their shades and shapes, and i am grateful i got to see them by @keepingitssurreal

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2 months ago

never thought i’d be given access to the flow state i’ve witnessed in so many musicians before, submitting to the rhythm they create & are simaltaneouely subjugated to.

alas, i have
and in the sahara desert, nonetheless!

#neymar #djembe #yay taken in Merzouga - مرزوكة by @keepingitssurreal

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2 months ago