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Lucky

@lady.luck

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tyrannical barbie|fantasy snob|chronic oversharer

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“babe, quick take a picture of me and this curb” by @lady.luck

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3 days ago

I struggle with the practical application of the concept of loss. I know, objectively, what it means for you to be dead. I know all of the neatly encapsulated meanings behind the steps of the process- denial anger bargaining acceptance etc etc etc.

It’s what leaks out beyond the letters that is irreconcilable. I never did well with intangible things- it’s why any math above basic trig and elementary level calculus was always beyond me. It’s why I still struggle to grasp the concepts of bond yields and yield curves and why the Fed won’t cut rates on Tuesdays or when the moon is full.

I know what to do with the knowledge that I will never speak to you again. I do not know what to do with the current of twitching muscle that spasms through my belly when my brain tries to comprehend the screaming silence your absence voices. What to do when my subconscious pops the pretty illusion my conscious crafted- that you’re only 128 miles away and we just haven’t gotten a chance to speak in 1,057, 1,058, 1,059, 1,060 days…

I’ll stare at the sketch of us, looking without seeing, and that prickly knowledge will creep its way across my shoulders again. A fission of energy snaking through my lower organs, rippling and shivering all it touches.

Occasionally it evokes tears that burn trails down my cheeks and sting when they hit my soul. More often than not, it’s a muted scream that tornadoes within my chest, claws its way up my throat, and ekes its way out as a keening squeak between clenched teeth.

it’s been three turns around the sun, yet i still twitch and my lower lip still quivers as it did that first day. by @lady.luck

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17 days ago

swipe to see: some of my best mems with my favorite people, the easiest spades nil hand I’ve ever gotten, and unending chaos. by @lady.luck

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20 days ago

NYC: Friend Files by @lady.luck

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a month ago

found my soul in the heartbeat of these streets by @lady.luck

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a month ago

don’t think I could’ve asked for better people to spend this time with… as always thank you @chelseanagy for making me actually celebrate my bday, and an extra special thanks to @datboicapp for loving me loud and seeing me for who I am and what I need. @josiesaysrelax and @connorxashley I adore you both for the deco and somehow finding me a FUCKING DRAGON for my 22nd bday!! Swipe to see: me strutting around with said dragon, impromptu piggy back rides, @koaosoh damn near making me cry with his present, and almost all my favorite people squeezed in for a halfway blurry group pic. Yall made 32 feel like 22, but my body reminded me the next day I am in fact every second of 32. 😂😭. by @lady.luck

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a month ago

a pirate maiden sailing strange seas by @lady.luck

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2 months ago

just me, my braid, and that damn Tito’s fanny pack. (and my favorite people) by @lady.luck

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3 months ago

how lucky are we to have such strong bonds that evoke such powerful emotions. swipe for bts shots per usual. by @lady.luck

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3 months ago

every year since mom passed, I have made it a point to go to Charleston. She always had an affinity for the beach, the folly beach/charleston area in particular. this year I went with my sister in all but blood, and I swear I felt moms presence hovering in every step. I even joked she sent a few fun looking rain clouds our way to express how scandalized she was by my choice in attire on girls night and our various outings 😂. I find a little more peace in healing within each trip. the crippling weight and howling echoes of loss seemingly ease a touch each time- the tears sting the same, though. I hope they never stop. by @lady.luck

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3 months ago

summertime mischief. taken in Charleston, South Carolina by @lady.luck

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3 months ago

celebrated two birthdays this weekend- my country’s and my universes’. @datboicapp and I are eternally grateful for this life we’ve built and I’m so lucky to get to celebrate you every year baby. Happiest of birthdays, looking forward to celebrating you for decades to come ❤️ by @lady.luck

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3 months ago