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@lauren.trainor

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How do you measure 10 years?

A blink? A lifetime?

Grief, unkindly, has a way of making it feel like both.

To know my mom was to love my mom.

One of the hardest parts of reaching 10 years is realizing that I have reached a point in my life where so many of the people I know & love never got the chance to meet her. But I find peace in knowing that, in some way, they still know her through me.

So much of who I am came from her. Her kindness, her compassion, her creativity, and the way she loved people so deeply. I talk about her often. I tell stories about her. I point out the things that remind me of her. I want the people who love me to know the person who made me who I am.

Every day, I mourn all the ways I never got to know her. I was only 12 when she died, and there are so many questions I was too young to know I would someday want to ask. I wish I could know her now. Not only as my mom, but as a person. As a woman. As someone I could call for advice, laugh with, argue with, and grow alongside.

We had plans.

So many plans.

There were places we were supposed to go, things we were supposed to do, and milestones she was supposed to be here for. There was so much life we simply assumed we would get to have together. Cancer robbed us of those plans, and I think part of grief is mourning not only the person you lost, but the entire future you thought you were going to have with them.

There are still moments when something happens and my first thought is that I wish I could call her. I wish she could see who I have become. I wish she could meet the people I love. I wish she could be here for all of the big things still ahead of me.

But I also see how much of her has followed me into the life I have now.

(swipe to the next photo for more ->)

She gave me my love of horses through BR, a place that was hers long before it was mine. She went there as a kid, then brought me there for the first time when I was five. Somehow, all these years later, I get to be a director at the same camp she grew up loving. She also gave me my love of photography. I wish we had more pictures together, but she was almost always the one behind the camera. So many of my memorie by @lauren.trainor

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2 months ago

back @ the brfr 💫 by @lauren.trainor

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4 months ago

I ♥︎ LA by @lauren.trainor

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7 months ago

you already know what year it is by @lauren.trainor

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8 months ago

2025 by @lauren.trainor

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9 months ago

fall semester ★ by @lauren.trainor

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10 months ago

busy cowgirl-ing by @lauren.trainor

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10 months ago

summer’s end🌛 by @lauren.trainor

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a year ago

horse girls are cool girls by @lauren.trainor

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a year ago

sweet ev ☼ by @lauren.trainor

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a year ago

if you take a girl to girl scout camp… taken in McWatty Lake by @lauren.trainor

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a year ago

aca-formal !! 📸 by @lauren.trainor

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a year ago