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Jonathan šŸŒø Cruz

@mahuwu808

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Kānaka maoli living in diaspora
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I was so excited to turn 30 last year. I think it was easy and exciting to celebrate the present and to know that I had reached a life milestone. I feel the exact opposite turning 31 this year. I donā€™t dread getting older. I think Iā€™m afraid of knowing how much more life I have ahead of me and not knowing where itā€™s going. What do I want to be doing; who am I going to be in 10, 20 years? How will I struggle? What will bring me joy? In a strange way, Iā€™m also scared of the past. Not of things Iā€™ve done, nor do I have any regrets, but knowing that it could have been different in many ways invites new ways of understanding myself. And every time I dive back into my memories, I see things differently. How might my understanding of kalo be different if I had never stepped into a loŹ»i? What if I had never left Hawaiā€™i? What did it really take for me to get to where I am today? Thereā€™s a ā€˜oĢ„lelo noā€™eau that I remember from when I was an ā€˜oĢ„pio: Ma ka hana ka ā€˜ike - in working, one learns. When I was younger, I thought that this was a saying to justify working and chores. Now that Iā€™m older, I see how applying myself, my interests and knowledge, toward building my skills and abilities, I am able to gain perspective and wisdom. But does knowing help me move through the path ahead? What I mean is this year has been one of exponential personal development: joining KALOā€™s board, working on many PI-equity projects, developing a regional wildfire communications toolkit, presenting at conferences, road tripping across the west coast with Ethan, connecting to my piko in Hawaii, and other moments that swirl around in the early mornings. But what does it all meanā€¦? Iā€™ve been asleep for the last 10 years and Iā€™m being awakened after laying slightly beneath the earth. As Iā€™m rising, Iā€™m seeing the light shine everywhere, on everything. And where Iā€™m from is everywhereā€¦ or nowhere. I am my memories in making and the ones that I canā€™t remember. Thereā€™s something happening that is coming from the indent of my rest. I canā€™t name it, I canā€™t stop it. The sound of it rising breaks the water in my body and rips me open. taken in Under the Same Sun, Under the Same Moonlight by @mahuwu808
18
3 years ago
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Flowers for the Marshallese Ambassadors for Marshallese Constitution Day, sponsored by Living Islands in Salem taken in Salem, Oregon by @mahuwu808
10
5 years ago
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Desert flowers taken in Sparks, Nevada by @mahuwu808
10
6 years ago
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I miss my job as a florist... on grey, cold days like this I still got to see some beauty and felt good being able to make something beautiful for someone else. #portlandoregon #portlandflorist taken in Portland, Oregon by @mahuwu808
5
7 years ago
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A tribute to all the things Iā€™ve let go of this year, all of my changing colors, and all of the late flowers that bloom in the cold of winter taken in Portland, Oregon by @mahuwu808
4
7 years ago
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Iā€™ve been working through my personal development since August of last year. Every thing I had built up for myself at that time was built on fragile foundations and this past winter, it all collapsed in on its own weight. Most of the doors for me to develop as a florist have closed for me and so, at this time, professional floral design doesnā€™t seem like the path for me. Iā€™ll still be stealing flowers and branches from my neighbors to play with, but I think Iā€™ve found other ways to relate to the Earth through community organizing and other forms of art. I might be documenting these connections in the future, but I know that the relationships Iā€™ll be building as a result of this paradigm shift canā€™t really be captured with photos. What this means for my engagement with this medium and platform is unclear; there will be less of everything that has come before and hopeful more of something else. Change is happening with me and all around me. I can smell it. taken in Portland, Oregon by @mahuwu808
10
8 years ago
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ā€œIn some delicious ramble, he had found/A little space(...)/The blue sky, here and there serenely peeping/Through tendril wreaths fantastically creeping/Deaf to light Zephyrus, it would not move;/But still would seem to droop, to pine, to love.ā€ -John Keats taken in Portland, Oregon by @mahuwu808
3
8 years ago
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Something warm and sweet for our house during this polar freeze. I love the smell of the mimosa drifting in our kitchen when weā€™re making tea or playing cards. taken in Portland, Oregon by @mahuwu808
3
8 years ago
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More from the photo recovery process of weddings last summer. Theyā€™re so blurry from the recovery šŸ˜­but damn im so proud of my growth up to here. If you squint and lower your brightness, they look like Monet paintings šŸ˜µšŸ˜‰Looking forward to growing in my work this coming summer #portland #portlandflorist #weddingseason2018 taken in New Seasons Market by @mahuwu808
6
8 years ago
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More from Hilma af Klint, where she mapped the energies of this viola. Iā€™m still in awe of the way she thought and her participatory connections between her and the world around her. by @mahuwu808
3
8 years ago
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ā€œEcstasy, from ā€˜ekstasis,ā€™ is to be outside oneā€™s self. To flee from domestication is also to flee from the selves to which weā€™ve been constrained. To be outside these selves is the initial break. These breaks are often couched in the language of their times: as animism, or renewal of long vanquished deities, the apocalypse as in immanent lived reality. What is consistent is the emphasis on direct and immediate joy. These eruptions of revolt...are universal throughout His-story. These happen in cities, in the countryside, amidst the peasantry, and in labor camps.ā€ -BƦlan, a queer journal of heresy āš«ļø Ever since I came back to Portland, I canā€™t stop thinking about Hilma af Klintā€™s sigil making in her pieces. Her symbols could represent many things, but I am most interested in their representations of karmic cycles, burdens, and sensual perception. Lately, Iā€™ve been feeling as if Iā€™m stuck between two worlds, on a plane where the air is stagnant and my body moves forward through time without my consent. Iā€™ve personally accomplished so much last year, and yet I feel like I wish I could, somehow, go back in time and live in the comfort I once had; not just to feel it again through ethereal nostalgia, but to truly relive the joy, finding pleasure in the fractal light it once cast in my life. Iā€™m not ungrateful for the help and support of people who have guided me to where I find myself, but being here has been like waiting for something, like a tempest to swirl around me and transport me or a massive quake to reveal a passageway beneath myself. I wonder then, was af Klint simply meditating on karma? Or was she creating these sigils as a form of logic? I see her work as a tool to release herself and her audience of the burdens of karma and the dualisms that separate us from our sensual bodies, so that we might experience ecstasy in our lives. šŸ˜Žphotos of me from the esthete @sexylittlerubikscube šŸ„°#baelan #queer #hilmaafklint #portal taken in Open Portal by @mahuwu808
7
8 years ago
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Iā€™m trying to go stargazing on Monday!!! Itā€™s gonna be clear out for once! Anyone wanna get out of town for a night? by @mahuwu808
1
8 years ago
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