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Kate Palmer Bowers

@makemyburdenlight

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Intimate Partner Violence Victim Advocate
Certified in Response Based Practice

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The sex addiction industry is a massive money-making industry that's scamming vulnerable people out of thousands of dollars, despite the fact that most sex addiction treatment doesn't work! There's no study that's been able to prove it is an effective treatment. Also, according to polls I've done, only 4% of sex addicts were in long-term sober recovery for 3-5+ years. Only 4%!!

The thing is, lying and cheating on one's partner is actually a form of abuse, not to mention all the gaslighting, manipulation, defensiveness, etc., that often accompanies it. Yet most sex addiction treatment fails to treat this as an abuse and entitlement issue and, in turn, ends up using treatment methods that coddle addict abusers, fuel their entitlements, and blame victims, putting them in more danger.

In fact, GET THIS! Many of the treatment methods the sex addiction/addiction industry uses are actually PROHIBITED by many state government DV/IPV programs due to being ineffective, making things more dangerous for the victim, and fueling the abuser's entitlement.

Aka. It doesn't work.

Yet here is the good ol' sex addiction industry using all of the same methods that gov't DV/IPV programs say are harmful and ineffective! 🤯 It's asinine and needs to stop!

Here's a detailed list of popular sex addiction treatment methods vs. state program standards for abusers. I also included many studies that prove childhood trauma does NOT cause someone to grow up and lie, cheat, and abuse:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zuZTkMzEeFiAYbpURaH2W0JGLDW9eh6v3d0avZ4zjsI/edit?usp=drivesdk

#sexaddiction #sexaddictiontreatment #sexaddictionindustry #betrayaltrauma #CSAT #certifiedsexaddictiontherapist #iitap #StopVictimBlaming #domesticviolenceawareness #intimatepartnerviolence #itISAbuse #heating #infidelity #infidelityrecovery #InfidelityInvestigation #childhoodtrauma #narcissist by @makemyburdenlight

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9 months ago

To all victims of abuse who've felt depressed, less than, not good enough, who've been blamed or blamed themselves, etc:

Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you allowed, accepted, tolerated, or contributed to his abuse. You didn't. There's nothing wrong with you.

You are normal. Your responses are normal. Your feelings are valid and healthy. Your anger and pain is valid and healthy. All of your actions show that YOU are responding normally to an abnormal situation that no one should ever be thrown into in the first place. This verifies you are a loving normal human being. YOU loved him because you're a good loving person, you did what healthy adults are literally supposed to do.

It's not your fault he's a good liar and pretended to be a great guy in order to trap and exploit you (he can get therapists, police, judges, friends, family, etc to believe him). He did this because he knew you wouldn't have dated him had he told you the truth about himself from day one. You would have walked away and never looked back. Which proves he KNEW you had boundaries and self respect when he first met you. And he still knows you have boundaries and self respect now (especially if he's still lying, making you doubt yourself, refuses to respect you, etc).

This is also evidence that he knows right from wrong, and has known right from wrong all along. Again, he knows you never would have accepted or been OK with his lying, cheating, and abusing, so he made the calculated decision to lie to you, con you, tear you down, deny your basic human needs, confuse you, make you exhausted beyond measure, gaslight you, and even get you to self reflect and wonder if any of it is your fault.

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS...

#intimatepartnerviolence #domesticviolenceawareness #domesticviolenceprevention #strengthsbased #uplifting #VictimServices #adviceforvictims #betrayaltrauma #betrayalabuse #courage #bravewomen #healthy #healthyadvice #youarenotalone #YouAreAmazing #cheating #cheatinghusband #StopVictimBlaming #improudofyou by @makemyburdenlight

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2 years ago

WARNING: LUNDY BANCROFT HAS ABUSED WOMEN!

I no longer support or endorse Lundy Bancroft, so called expert on abusive men and author of “Why Does He Do That: Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men”, upon learning Lundy himself has abused and exploited multiple victims of abuse (total of 8 so far) who attended his retreats seeking help and/or “worked” with him.

I've personally spoken with 5 victims. So far 2 victims have written public statements, one of which, @April.worthington , posted a YouTube video detailing her experience of Lundy's abuse (message me for links, or see my Jan 25th post on my Facebook page). There's huge similarities among all of their stories, it's a clear pattern.

Lundy advertises himself as a counselor, and so understandably many women sought help from him as such, but beware Lundy Bancroft is NOT actually a counselor! Lundy used his power as an authority figure to prey on vulnerable women, particularly women who've been abused, who've experienced the worst pain of their lives, and often PAID Lundy for help, and then exploited them into doing free work for him, or worse, tried to engage in a romantic “relationship” (**which cannot truly be a relationship since there's a huge power differential. See my FB post).

(Continued in Comments)

**NOTE: A safer and far more accurate resource is the book How He Gets Into Her Head by Don Hennessy , and YouTube videos by Dr Linda Coates & Dr Allan Wade over at Centre for Response Based Practice (which are my favorite 😍)

#wolfinsheepsclothing #lundybancroft #lundybancroftisanabuser #whydoeshedothat #warningtovictims #victimsupport #intimatepartnerviolence #abuser #exposingabusers #exposingthetruth #betrayalabuse #betrayaltrauma #sexaddiction #domesticviolenceawareness #betrayalhealingconference by @makemyburdenlight

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2 years ago

Happy holidays everyone from the Bowers family 🤗💗 It's become a tradition for Clinton G. Bowers to draw all of our cards 🤣

#funnychristmascards by @makemyburdenlight

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9 months ago

Truth! Also, storing information in Google Docs helps as well, because then at least there's a search function. 🤣 #funnyadhd #adhdlife #squirrel #superpowers by @makemyburdenlight

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a year ago

🤣 I feel so called out about the potting containers and the wood stick....

#ButWhatIfINeedIt #ithaspotential #ihaveaproblem #thisiswhatbeingpoordoestoyou #throwitaway #clutterfreeliving by @makemyburdenlight

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a year ago

Please help give support to Betrayal Trauma Recovery by liking and commenting on their posts 🙏. I've noticed lately that Facebook keeps flagging their website links as spam 😤. But maybe if more of us like and comment it'll help the algorithms put BTR back in the "ok" list?

BTR is one of the only safe organizations that I've found in the last 12 years for betrayed victims (victims of abuse, wives of sex addicts, etc.) that does NOT blame victims OR coddle addicts, and is always willing to grow and learn. It's important to me that they remain active 💗

Direct link:
https://www.facebook.com/share/1HX5wthSzQ/

#batsignal #betrayaltraumarecovery #betrayaltrauma #betrayalabuse #abuseawareness #abusesurvivor #sexaddiction by @makemyburdenlight

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2 years ago

@jimmy_on_relationships did you actually say this??? I really really hope not😳. I recently saw this meme from Facebooks "Jimmy on Relationships Fan Page", circulating among victims of abuse. This meme is victim blaming and should NEVER be applied to victims of abuse.

This crap often originates from the attachment style theories (which not surprisingly, most of the sex addiction industry and overall therapy industry are huge fans of). It's pure nonsense when applied to victims of abuse.

We can disprove this meme (and the ridiculous attachment style theory when applied to victims) with simple facts:

Fact 1. All victims resist abuse and mistreatment. They are ALWAYS continually trying to stay safe and better their lives in some way.

Fact 2. No victim WANTS to be abused. The only reason they were abused is because one person chose to lie about who they really are and chose to cheat and abuse.

Fact 3. All victims already possessed some type of boundaries and had a sense of self worth long before they met the abuser. Want proof? Answer this question: If a man tells a woman on the first date "Hey, I'm going to lie to you, cheat on you, abuse you, gaslight you, and overall make you feel crazy and feel the worst pain of your life, wanna go on a second date?", do you think she'd go out with him again?

No. She wouldn't. Why? Because she doesn't want to be lied to, cheated on, and abused. Abusers know full well that women don't want to be lied to, cheated on, and abused, which is why they choose to lie about themselves.

... For some reason it's only professionals who seem to believe there's women out there who want to (or subconsciously want to) be lied to, cheated on, or abused. 🙄
*For more info, go to YouTube and watch the 3 min video by Dr Allan Wade called "Understanding Abusive Behavior".

Fact 4. Continually thinking about how someone lied to you, cheated on you, and abused you (aka "obsessing") is a normal HEALTHY human response. It's the brains way of figuring out what happened and how it can be prevented.

Fact 5. No victims "settle", and the proof of this is Facts 1-3 listed above.

#StopVictimBlaming #attachmentstyles
#attachmentstylesiscrap by @makemyburdenlight

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2 years ago

"If he cheats, fill his pockets with glitter. Betrayal is forever and so is glitter" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

#bringontheglitter #genius #hilarious #cheater by @makemyburdenlight

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2 years ago

I think this is fitting considering everything that is happening with Doug Weiss. I'd also add that a professional is unsafe if they blame victims, coddle addict abusers, scam people out of money, or divorce their wife in order to marry Joni Lamb 👍

🤣

@btr.org_

#StopVictimBlaming #DougWeiss #Daystar #jonilamb #DrDougWeiss #drweiss #hearttoheart #sexaddictionrecovery #betrayaltrauma #unsafetherapist #toxictherapist #lauralynntylerthompson #julieroys #daystar #BTR #betrayaltraumarecovery by @makemyburdenlight

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2 years ago

I 💗 @btr.org_ They are one of the ONLY betrayal trauma/betrayal abuse organizations for victims that I know of that do NOT blame victims or coddle addict abusers!

I can't stand the "don't be a victim", "victim mode", or using the word "victim" as if it's a mood, feeling, unhealthy behavior inherently within a person, and state of mind one has to get out of. 🙄

Did you know there's actually no negative connotation in any dictionary definition of "victim". "Victim" is NOT a bad dirty word. It simply means that something bad happened to someone that wasn't their fault. Ex. Victim of a car crash, victim of fraud, victim of abuse, etc.

So for anyone to imply to victims that they need to "stop being a victim", it's incredibly victim blaming and also quite shaming. It sends the message "You're not really a victim so you need to stop pretending to be one". THIS MUST STOP.

Some more common victim blaming rhetoric:

Codependency

Trauma Bonding

Stockholm Syndrome

Learned Helplessness

Prodependency

Telling victims they "played a part".

Saying victims they aren't smart for believing an abuser

Telling victims they "let", "allowed", "accepted", or "tolerated" abuse and mistreatment. Ie. "Stop allowing him to treat you that way."

Telling victims they are being abused because they don't have boundaries and lack self esteem, ie. "You need to love yourself more and gain boundaries so you aren't abused anymore. If you knew your worth, you wouldn't be tolerating this behavior"

"Be a victor, not a victim"

Etc.

🙄
#btr #betrayaltraumarecovery #betrayaltrauma #sexaddictionrecovery #StopVictimBlaming #victimblaminglanguage #victimblamingphrases #victimblaminglabels by @makemyburdenlight

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2 years ago

🔥 Whenever there are human rights violations, we must ALWAYS choose a side!

Do you agree?

Jene Nelson
Laura-Lynn Tyler Thompson
Julie Roys

#Daystarisacult #Daystar #JoniLamb #DrDougWeiss #DougWeiss #hearttoheart #ChristianNews #betrayaltrauma #lauralynntylerthompson #julieroys #jenenelson #jenesisproductions #truthislight #TruthExposed #PickASide by @makemyburdenlight

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2 years ago