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Melissa

@mala_43

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❤️… -.- -.— .-.. .-Munchkin👱🏻‍♀️❤️
💛… .- — .- .-.. .-💜🤟🏽♾️
✈️ NY 🌃 —-> FL🌴 ………
The Samaritan Way - Villager

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The Unfinished Room Theory explains how childhood and adulthood trauma—especially abandonment, addiction, and emotional neglect—can leave parts of us unfinished. When caregivers, family, friends and partners are inconsistent, absent, or unsafe, the “rooms” meant for belonging, protection, and unconditional love never fully form.

As individuals, we often wander through life trying to complete those rooms elsewhere. We may gravitate toward other families, overextend ourselves to care for others, try to become the parent we never had, or tolerate pain just to feel connected. Not because we’re broken—but because we’re wired to seek attachment.

For many people, the ache isn’t just for what was lost—it’s for what never existed. A stable family. A soft place to land. Someone who stayed.

Healing doesn’t always mean finishing every room. Sometimes it means recognizing which doors were never ours to fix, setting boundaries, and choosing to build new spaces rooted in self-worth rather than survival. The grief may remain—but so does the capacity to create love differently, intentionally, and with depth.

Unfinished rooms don’t define the house. They tell the story of resilience—and the possibility of building something new.

Right now, my relationship with my Daughter is an unfinished room. A room I don’t want to leave unfinished.

I want to make it the brightest room in the house. I want to decorate it how she wants. I want to walk in it every single day, see her face and smile while she smiles back at me. Laugh when she laughs. Cry when she cries and comfort her. Tell her she can be whatever she wants in life so long as she’s doing what fulfills her and doesn’t hurt others.

I want to remind her how valuable she is and shouldn’t allow people to walk in her “house” to build rooms that they intend to leave unfinished. And if they do, it’s okay. Maybe not at the moment—but eventually it will be. Because she can close that door or build something new, if necessary.

I know, because I am finally doing it myself and the foundation is pretty solid. And while her room is left unfinished in my new place—the blueprint is there waiting for her—so we can finish it together! by @mala_43

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10 months ago

Every year for the last 17 years, I have done my best to honor your memory. And while you were not there to raise me, nurture me and protect me day to day from some of the most traumatic sh*t I’ve been through growing up — I learned not to hold that against you. You were one of the realist people I’ve ever known. You never sugarcoated the situation or made excuses for your absence. You told me like it was and always turned your truth into a lesson for me to learn from. And while I didn’t take all those lessons and utilize them in my life’s choices — I’ve held onto them with some bit of resentment and used them as a defense mechanism, fear of stepping outside my comfort zone and holding myself back by accepting the bare minimum just to get by. But this time around, I’m letting go. Letting go of all the things I’ve been through that’s made me the over thinker that I am. The things that made me afraid of abandonment, afraid of losing, afraid of rejection, afraid of getting close to anyone or reaching anything I really want because I think it’s too good to be true for someone like me. I pushed people away. I’m going to let go of what I knew in order to survive, and start living. If your death taught me anything, is that there’s never really is enough time. So we just need to go and live life. But not just any life. Live a life with purpose, with intent.. Good intentions. And as a Mommy/Daddy (🙄 hate that Skylar calls me that lol) to an amazingly smart, sassy, tough, strong, resilient 6 year old — I have to be the parent I needed growing up, for her. I need to break that generational curse. I don’t want her to continue to watch me make the same mistakes I should’ve learned from and not do them myself.

The moments we spent together were always fun but heartbreaking at the same time. Watching you go through your worst, knowing you went through what you went through and thought you weren’t good enough to do/be better. You settled in a lifestyle that was normal to you because that’s all you knew. That’s how you survived since you were a teenager on your own. And that’s all I’ve been doing. Not anymore!

I love you! Thank you for the lessons. RIP Mom.
#NFMama by @mala_43

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3 years ago

Moonrise pic courtesy of Sam… 😍😍… I’m so in love with this picture!!
#TalkingToTheMoon 🌕 by @mala_43

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3 years ago

Time goes by so fast. Two years ago today was the last time I was allowed to see it speak to you. And today you turned 9. I know I’ve missed so much. I’m sorry Skylar! I hope that will change soon. I’m not giving up!

I pray that you had the best birthday yet. And this time next year, I’ll get to spend it with you 🙏🏽🙏🏽

I wrote you a song, and wanted to edit a video to its entirety. Going through my phone and ask the photos and videos we have together got me in my feels and I couldn’t finish it in time. But I will.

I hope one day you’ll get to see it.

Happy 9th Birthday my Munchkin! I love and miss you so much! ❤️ by @mala_43

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15 days ago

Last time I sketched something I actually finished, it took me about 5 hours to finish it. Prior to that, I really hadn’t sketched since I was a Freshman in High School. I stopped doing a lot of things since then. Stopped writing poetry, stopped journaling, stopped… in some ways — breathing. I was always busy focusing on things I couldn’t control/resolve in the moment or working on something that I felt would help me find my purpose. As time went by the World got noisier and very distracting. It was like that moment Bruce Almighty heard everyone praying. You know, when he thought being God was easy?!?!

I’ve been doing everything in my power to shut out the noise, while still trying to be present. I get up, I go to work, come home tired and still try to do something outside of my 9-6. But life just be lifeing. And the things I said I wanted to do, I ended up not doing. Was gifted a guitar almost two years ago and still haven’t learned an entire song. Tried over and over and over again to work on my dream to have a business to help people, particularly children in Foster care. Tried to be the parent I never really had. Tried to be a role model to my younger siblings and take care of the people I love. FAILED!
Recently, I went back to writing, sketching and practicing the guitar again. It’s been helpful. But I haven’t completed the assignment.

I have been trying to finish this sketch all day. I started it on my lunch break, been working on it on and off during the remainder of my shift and practically non-stop since I got home. I keep erasing and trying and erasing and trying…….. I think that’s just who I am. I never see things through. I always find something wrong and want to fix it. And then when it gets too difficult, I stop, but if I can erase, I’ll erase what I think is flawed and keep trying. I’m a trier! I don’t give up, but I never really get to the end! Maybe my end game is the fact that everything I touch, with the exception of that one thing I sketched and completed — is meant to be left unfinished! This sketch may be one of those unfinished things. Who knows? I sure as hell don’t. Tomorrow’s another day, maybe I� by @mala_43

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2 months ago

Yesterday made a year since you’ve been gone. My words from last year remain the same:

“I know a lot of good Father’s who love their children. You were one of the best I know. The love you had for your Boys, Belle and your bonus kids Day and Knyte, is not lost nor will it be forgotten.

Thank you Phil, for always being kind to me, respectful, and always showing me love. Thank you for asking how I’m doing and really wanting to hear my response and listen. Thank you and MiMi for being there for me when I needed and always welcoming when I came to visit.

We were all one big blended family and while one piece of that is no longer here in the physical form, that piece of you will remain. We will make sure it does. Belle will always know how great you were to her and how much you love(d) her. Your memory will live on through all the stories we’ll tell her about her Dad and through her heart”.

You will always be her Daddy Star and she will always be your Lady Bug. And we will always hold her down. You are truly missed. Continue to RIP bro! 🫶🏽🙏🏽🫶🏽 by @mala_43

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2 months ago

“The Sofa”

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I always end up on a sofa. Not because I don’t have a bed. Not because it’s more comfortable. But because somewhere along the way, a sofa became the only place that ever felt safe.

I’ve spent most of my life feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere. Every time life fell apart or I was told to or felt like I had to leave, I somehow found myself sleeping on someone else’s sofa. For a little while, I wasn’t outside. I wasn’t running. I wasn’t wondering where I’d go next.

And when there wasn’t a sofa…There was a park bench, a staircase or a rooftop in The Bronx.Those places became temporary substitutes for peace.

Today, I have a bed. Yet, I find myself curled up on the sofa. It took me a while to realize I’m not choosing the sofa because it’s comfortable. I’m choosing it because somewhere deep inside me, my heart still believes that’s where I’m safest.

Life has a way of teaching us that survival looks different than comfort. Sometimes the places that remind us of uncertainty become the very places where we just learn to survive.

So when I feel like I don’t belong, when I want to disappear, or when life becomes too heavy… I find the nearest sofa.

Maybe one day, I’ll teach my heart, mind body and soul that it’s okay to feel safe in “my” own bed.

Until then, the sofa holds more than my body. It holds every version of me that was just trying to make it through one more night. by @mala_43

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3 months ago

Today you would have been 63.

Some people think love and pain can’t live in the same heart, but I’ve learned they can.
I carry both. For a number of reasons!
I carry the little girl who longed for her mom, and the woman who still misses her today.

If Heaven allows those we love to watch over us, then I hope you’re close — watching over me, guiding me when I can’t see the path ahead, and reminding me to keep going when I feel like giving up. I need you now more than ever. Help me find the strength to get through this chapter the way only a mother could.

I hope you’ve found the peace that life couldn’t always give you. I’ll keep carrying your memory with me, and I’ll keep trying to become someone who would make you proud.

Happy Birthday, Mom. I miss you. I love you. Until we meet again. 🤍🕊️ by @mala_43

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3 months ago

Orlando peeps who are interested in learning how to make shirts or engrave stuff, or already know how but looking for equipment. I’m selling my equipment. The sublimation printer comes with ink and sublimation paper. The vinyl cutter comes with vinyl and I also will include shirts for sublimation and some shirts for vinyl. The laser engraver comes with a rotary attachment so you can engrave cups. Hit new up if interested. You can get the things separate but if you want it all I’ll give you a good bundle price. I’m also getting rid of the heat press. Message me if interested. taken in Lake Nona, Orlando, Florida by @mala_43

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3 months ago

Even though the sun is out of sight, it still leaves behind a light for a while longer and reflects against the horizon — leaving you filled with conflicting emotions of dread that it’ll eventually disappear while simultaneously leaving you with hope. A view you hope you get to see rise again the very next day.

While it makes its way to wherever it’s going, you wonder how long will the night last. A bit of sadness kicks in. Until you realize, what lies in the darkness can be just as beautiful — once you see the moon and stars. Providing some glimmer of light, a reflection of what was once there just hours before. Enough light to hold you down until the sun makes its way back around

With love,

Melissa

☀️🤟🏽♾️🌙🌻☀️🌻🌙♾️🤟🏽☀️

#DifferentPlacesTimesViews #TomorrowsAnotherDay #JustGottaGetThroughTheNight #WhenItsDark #LookAtTheMoonAndStarsAndHowTheyShineForYou by @mala_43

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4 months ago

A decent amount of people may not consider me a Mother, and that’s fair! I’ve never had the opportunity to bear a child. But I’ve had the opportunity to help raise them. Yari, Elias and Dayvien taught me how to be some form of a parent. I was never the best but I did what I could to be the person they needed when they needed me. I’m still available if they need me. As long as I’m alive, I always will be there for them.

With that said, they shaped me to go through the process of having a child. Again while I didn’t bear any of my kids, I knew that when my ex and I thought about having a child together, I was capable!

I went through the process of picking a donor, inseminated my ex, was there during birth in NICU, I was there when she had to be hospitalized shortly after because of her liver. I dedicated almost 7 years to my Daughter Skylar.

I celebrated Mother’s Day today more than ever! Even though during court, I simply introduce myself as Skylar’s parent to the Judge. And rightfully so. I’m no one’s “Mother”. But I’m a parent!!!!

It might not make sense to people when I Say I’m not a Mom but celebrated today like I was. While at the same time saying I’m her other Mom.

Happy Mother’s Day to Sol and Michelle. And even with all the BS I’m going through with Barbara, Happy Mother’s Day to her too!

And Happy Mother’s Day to ask the amazing Moms out there. Essentially those who Mothered me when you really didn’t have to. 🫶🏽 by @mala_43

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5 months ago

Happiest of Birthdays to my love!! Thank you for teaching me more about love, patience and communication. I’m a better person today because of you! I wish you nothing but the best and all you deserve. You are by far one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met in my life. I’m blessed to have you in my corner. I love you Beautiful! by @mala_43

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5 months ago