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Mama.rises

@mama.rises

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👩‍🍼 First time mama
❤️‍🩹 Trying to heal from domestic abuse
🗣️ Sharing the messy journey to help others
📍🇬🇧
⚖️ If you can support my legal costs 🙏⬇️

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Happy first anniversary to my little instagram account 💜

This time last year I was in a very different headspace mentally.

It was around 1.5 months since I had fled my abusive ex for the last time with our child following his unexpected arrest at our house. In that time:

1️⃣ his mother had been persistently messaging me on his behalf with contact arrangements that were not child focused;

2️⃣ he had instructed family law solicitors to court action; and

3️⃣ he issued family court proceedings just days after he unilaterally emptied our joint account.

I had the idea to document my journey primarily as a healing tool for myself. Over time, that has turned into me sharing my experiences and learnings from my family court case and the police investigation against my ex for coercive control.

Through this account I have also exchanged stories and tips with other survivors of domestic abuse and protective parents. It has been comforting to know I really am not alone in walking this path but equally heartbreaking that so many have and will walk the same 🫂

I don’t know how much longer I’ll run this account for but I will keep sharing until I don’t think I’ve got anything useful to share 🫶

#DomesticAbuse #DomesticAbuseRecovery #PostSeparationAbuse #MotherhoodAfterManipulativeAbuse #MAMArises by @mama.rises

This quote is from Patrick Stewart and I think it’s applicable to so many situations where people can and tend to stay silent.

I was never a Star Trek fan but after his death, I learned that he was a child of an abusive man and later became an advocate for raising awareness of domestic abuse 💜

#DomesticAbuseAwarenessMonth #DomesticViolenceAwarenssMonth #DVAM2026 #MotherhoodAfterManipulativeAbuse #MAMArises by @mama.rises

I’ve been asked why I didn’t leave my ex either directly or a roundabout way by my family members, strangers that I felt comfortable enough to open up to and legal professionals. I always wince internally because it’s such a victim blaming question.

Now I’ve had time to reflect, here are some of the reasons why I didn’t leave my abusive ex*. Maybe they’ll resonate if you’re in a similar situation. And if they do, please put yourself first and leave when you can as you deserve so much better 💜

*In short, a relationship with a perpetrator of abuse is SO confusing and the trauma bond is very real and very strong.

#DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth #DVAM2026 #MotherhoodAfterManipulativeAbuse #MAMArises by @mama.rises

When I was thrown into the delights of family court last year, I expected the lawyers to be professional and civil 🧑‍💼

But I severely underestimated the psychological torment they would participate in too.

Emails were 100% sent at certain times / days of the week to take advantage of my position as a solo mum and a litigant in person as proceedings progressed.

They used aggressive language, threw accusations and demanded responses in accordance with deadlines they made up.

Oh, and of course there were threats of being responsible for his legal costs and failure to adhere to court orders for filing / serving documents 🫠

It’s been over 18 months now since I received the first 🐂💩 letter from my ex’s solicitors and opening up an email from them does still get to me. However, I have learned to identify the tactics and see through the games. Because sadly, family court is a game to a perpetrator of an ex and their lawyers are an extension of them!

#DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth #DVAM2026 #DomesticAbuse #MotherhoodAfterManipulativeAbuse #MAMArises by @mama.rises

In DASH assessments, one of the questions asked is whether the abusive person has harmed an animal. I never made the connection that this is also a form of domestic abuse 😐

It makes sense as a pet could be used as leverage to further control what someone does because they fear what might happen if they do not comply with the perpetrator’s demands.

So, if you have a pet and they have been harmed or harm has been threatened towards them, you can legitimately report this to the police.

🐶🐱

#DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth #DVAM #DVAM2026 #MotherhoodAfterManipulativeAbuse #MAMArises by @mama.rises

Listen. Don’t judge. Be empathetic.

And go educate yourself 📚

I think that’s applicable not just to domestic abuse survivors but anyone that shares any traumatic experience 💜

#DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth #DomesticAbuseAwarenessMonth #DVAM #MotherhoodAfterManipulativeAbuse #MAMArises by @mama.rises

It is scary until you do it 💜

I was scared to leave my abusive ex and then I did it.

I was scared to follow through with a Police report but I did it.

I was scared to represent myself in court where I’d be in same room as my ex but I did it.

💜

It is also Domestic Abuse Awareness Month this month but I much prefer @peacefutures’ change to it being ACCOUNTABILITY rather than AWARENESS because we need action.

#DomesticAbuseAwarenessMonth #DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth #DomesticViolenceAccountabilityMonth #MotherhoodAfterManipulativeAbuse #MAMArises by @mama.rises

I was supposed to make and post this reel during @kaleidoscopic_uk’s Post Separation Awareness Week but guess what? I was too busy dealing with the post separation abuse from my ex 🤡🤡🤡

If you make it through to the end, that is what I’ve been dealing with for the past three weeks since the claim form landed on my doormat yay ✉️

#PostSeparationAbuseAwarenessWeek #PostSeparationAbuseAwareness #PostSeparationAbuse #MotherhoodAfterManipulativeAbuse #MAMArises by @mama.rises

If you’ve left an abusive ex, there is a high chance that they will be engaging in post separation lawfare.

Lawfare is not only starting court proceedings after a separation, it’s manipulating the justice system and any official process.

This post lists examples of lawfare and what I’ve learned are potential responses to take*.

*DISCLAIMER: none of this is legal advice. It’s based on my experiences with my lovely (!) ex who initiated proceedings in family court and civil court. He’s also exercised his right to appeal the Child Maintenance Service’s decision to reject his repeated attempts to reduce his maintenance obligations so that heading to Tribunal unless he plays the system and withdraws last minute 🫠

#PostSeparationAbuseAwareness #PostSeparationAbuseAwarenessWeek #PSAAW #MotherhoodAfterManipulativeAbuse #MAMArises by @mama.rises

Post separation abuse is a crime under Section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015 and can carry up to five years’ imprisonment.

If the police are investigating allegations of coercive control, then remember that continued conduct such as harassing messages, threats and manipulations of Child Maintenance and court processes can be relevant supporting evidence.

#PostSeparationAbuseAwarenessWeek #PostSeparationAbuseAwareness #PostSeparationAbuse #MotherhoodAfterManipulativeAbuse #MAMArises by @mama.rises

It’s Post Separation Abuse Awareness week and I’m starting it with focusing on the most common form of abuse after a survivor leaves their abuser: financial abuse (also known as economic abuse) 💷

@survivingeconomicabuse has a survivors’ forum, information on economic abuse, banking support director and a helpline offering confidential advice.

You may also qualify for grants for domestic abuse survivors from various organisations so it’s worth researching the eligibility requirements. For example, @tsbbank offers customers a £500 Emergency Flee Fund and @womens_aid offers a Flexible Fund which provides financial support at different stages of a survivor’s journey.

#PostSeparationAbuse #PostSeparationAbuseAwarenessWeek #PSAAW #MotherhoodAfterManipulativeAbuse #MAMArises by @mama.rises

I finally signed up to the Freedom Programme and attended my first session last week 💜

I didn’t think I’d be moved to tears within the first ten minutes when the facilitator introduced all the different types of perpetrators that exist 😳

Maybe it was because I could identify my ex in almost every version of an abuser.

Maybe it was being in a session with a group of women who are victim-survivors.

Maybe it was because I finally took the step to attend this programme and was accepting that I was a victim.

It’s probably all of the above but I needed that cry. It also reminded me that my healing journey is far from over even if it has been 18 months since I separated from my ex.

#healing #HealingJourney #MotivationalQuote #MotherhoodAfterManipulativeAbuse #MAMArises by @mama.rises